The Usual Suspensions (Part 3)

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Law-abiding Raiders fan, pet owner, Los Angeles resident.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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INT. SCOTT HANSON’S OFFICE – DAY

A man – let’s call him VERBAL KENT because the author of this piece couldn’t think of anything clever enough that wouldn’t be a dead giveaway – sits in an office at NFL Network Headquarters. The office is an untidy mess; the desk is covered with pens and paper, the wastebasket is full, post-it notes hang from every available surface. VERBAL gazes calmly around the office, taking in a few objects of note – a cigar box, a bulletin board with various papers tacked to it, some framed posters of famous broadcasting teams of the past, and a table piled high with opened shipping boxes packages with foam peanuts overflowing onto the floor. PETER KING enters the office, followed by SCOTT HANSON.

HANSON: Verbal, this is Peter King, from Sports Illustrated.

KING: And NBC.

VERBAL: We’ve met. At the combine.

HANSON: He’d like to ask you a few questions.

VERBAL: What about?

KING: About Jeff Fisher, mostly. But I’d like to start with the lineup back in New York.

VERBAL: Okay. Go ahead.

KING: First off, do you really think that Odell Beckham Jr. should be starting in front of Ben Edwards? I mean, I know Beckham has the gaudy stats and the highlight reel catches, but Edwards is just so gritty and…

VERBAL: Oh. I thought you wanted to talk about the police lineup.

KING: No, that’s your personal business.

VERBAL: And all the criminal activity that just took place in Inglewood that I’ve been implicated in.

KING: Um. That. Yeah. Scott, can we get some coffee here?

HANSON: [irritated] Sure, Peter. [steps out]

VERBAL: That guy looks tense. Tension is a killer. I used to work as a tour guide on the Amazon, the booking agent was this big fat drunk named John Summerall, I mean like Flounder fat and drunk, he was so stressed on Mondays…

KING: [interrupts] Verbal, you know we’re trying to help you.

VERBAL: Sure. And I appreciate that. And I want to help you, Peter. I like reporters. They’ve always been very nice to me.

KING: Well, that’s our job.

VERBAL: So if you want to ask me about Inglewood, I don’t mind talking about it. Go ahead and ask.

KING: In a minute. First I’d like to talk about your charitable foundation.

VERBAL: Yeah, that’s all a sham. It’s basically just a way to funnel charitable donations to my immediate family. It’s incredibly crooked.

KING: [holds up hands] I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to broach such a sensitive topic.

VERBAL: It’s all right, I…

KING: No, no, it’s not my place. Those kinds of unsavory subjects are for amateur bloggers without access, favor, or discretion.

SCOTT HANSON comes back with the coffee – a pair of cups from Starbucks – and hands one to each of the men. VERBAL takes a sip and grimaces.

KING: It’s good, right?

VERBAL: Peter…just because it’s in a Starbucks cup doesn’t mean that the coffee actually came from…

HANSON: [frantically waves hands at NARRATOR]

VERBAL: [rolls his eyes] Oh. Yeah. [pretends to take another sip] It’s really good.

KING: The juniper really makes it pop.

VERBAL: [sets down the coffee] So. You want to hear about the hijacking.  And the shootout.

KING: [reluctantly] Oh, I don’t know…

VERBAL: You know that Jeff Fisher is a major part of it?

KING: [tempted] Well…

VERBAL: There’s this one part where he really takes charge of a situation.

KING:

VERBAL: I mean, he starts yelling at everyone what to do, and then…

KING: Okay. I’m convinced. Tell me every last detail.

 

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Law-abiding Raiders fan, pet owner, Los Angeles resident.
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Don TMoose -The End Is Well Nighmonty this seems strange to meHoratio CornblowerLow Commander of the Super Soldiers Recent comment authors
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Don T

Fucking love this.

Horatio Cornblower

Verdun Kant.

You’re welcome.

monty this seems strange to me

I thought it said “Verbal Kunt”, which is actually the name Peyton Manning uses to refer to Dr. Jamie Naughright.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers
Horatio Cornblower

His name is Thompson.

monty this seems strange to me

comment image

laserguru

PK almost comes across as a dare I say, protagonist.
Weird.
Maybe.

blaxabbath

::7,200 words about how excited Bostonians were to win the 2004 World Series::

entropy

:: followed by three-part series on relative values of Hot Stove 2013 (written in 2016)

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“……….”

blaxabbath

“Why would the Giants be concerned about where to utilize OBJ when the Reds are making such a tremendous salary dump!”

entropy

It’s like you’re in PK’s head.

Beerguyrob

“…and the wind whispered, ‘Wichita’.”

monty this seems strange to me
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

A small and lonely place.