Hello there fellow DFO’er. Hope you’re well today. And thanks for coming back to see last weeks tl;dr of last week as decided by my brain. There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.
This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:
Just because everything’s different doesn’t mean anything has changed [in bed].
Irene Peter
This is just about getting back with your ex “one last time” isn’t it.
No golf updates this week for me. The weather sucked or i was too busy to get to the range. I am supposed to go Thursday for a twilight round, but the forecast is rain, and it’s way too early in the year for my annual shower, so not sure it’s going to happen.
[narrator voice] – it will happen
[late addtion]Also, it’s come to my attention that we’ve passed 10,000 posts here at DFO. WOW, that’s fucking crazy that we’ve got that many. Kudos to all the writers and admins here to keep this thing going. For those that are interested, in fitting DFO fashion, the 10,000 post was Sexy Friday, so congrats Mr Ayo, your virtual care package is in the mail.
As a reminder, Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post.
Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.
Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.
Phil Sims and Boomer Esiadon out at CBS.
ArmedandHammered
Yet Colinsworth still gainfully employed…
WCS
Fire the lot. Bring in an all DFO booth
BrettFavresColonoscopy
All game commentary done in Hippospeak.
ArmedandHammered
There are regular fans, dedicated fans, diehard fans, and then there’s Mike.
Redshirt
I love y’all, and I’ve only had 2 pints of Real Ale at this pretty amazing pub with 3 chalkboards of whiskey menu so you know I mean it
Doktor Zymm
Be careful! Happy drunk was always how I made my worst life decisions.
King Hippo
C’mon, it’s Dok! What’s the worst that could hap…
Oh. Oh, no.
LemonJello
Ah, too good for my money. Cool.
Mr. Ayo
Update, they got all my money 20 minutes later.
Mr. Ayo
Hey, thanks for asking about my day!
1) Work is hell due to a lot of people out this week and a lot of projects happening all at once; doing my damnedest to stay afloat, but today was tough because
2) I had to leave at noon to get a root canal done, because I apparently did not make proper offerings to Dentus, God of Teef. Appointment started late because the previous patient had “complications” which is TOTALLY what you wanna hear while sweating it out in the waiting room. Luckily, it went…okay? Still, took two hours, so when I finally got back in the car, I was in a hurry (to get back to work, stupidly), which means I
3) Backed up into another parked car. My excuse was that I was stupid. That part of the parking lot was pretty empty )NOT SO EMPTY THAT I COULDN’T YEET INTO THE ONLY CAR IN THE FUCKING TIME ZONE), so I pulled back in and waited (cursing) a few minutes. When it was apparent no one was rushing out, I checked the (minor) bumper damage to the car and left a note. Then I rushed home in time to get back to work and
4) Find out Mike Trout is out for a few months because of course he is.
Postscript: The girl who owned the car called me and said her bumper was already kinda messed up (I couldn’t tell how much damage was mine), so gosh, she hated to ask me for anything. I Zelle’d a few bills and hopefully that’s that.
So. Hows bout yall?
SonOfSpam
I took the next three days off, hoping to combine my birthday with a 5-day weekend and maybe a trip up north. Then a case didn’t settle and now I start trial tomorrow in Torrington, CT, which is like Waterbury, CT, without the frills, and Waterbury is rapidly becoming you’d see in Kurt Russell’s ‘Escape From’ series, so I’ve got all that going for me.
Which is nice.
Horatio Cornblower
Found a funny:
me: did you finish inside me
surgeon: please stop saying it that way
rockingdog
Kings trying to avoid a quick exit. 1-1 after the first is not bad for being on the road.
ballsofsteelandfury
THIS KINGS PLAYOFF GAME I CALL IT THE TACO BELL I ATE IN MY CAR WHILE DRIVING TO BUELLTON BECAUSE IT WAS ON THE ROAD AND ONE HOPES THAT A QUICK EXIT CAN BE AVOIDED.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Things I’d like to hear coaches and/or commentators say one day:
“Not really that important to get off to a good start here. The game’s sixty minutes long.”
“The next goal isn’t particularly important here.”
Dunstan
RTD: Lazily hits on some girl in passing.
Girl: Just moves on her day.
RTD: Actually, that chick looks like some singer named Annie. And someone’s got to pay….
blaxabbath
I guess being a sleazy Hollywood producer just doesn’t draw the same perks as before?
LemonJello
/Door is casually opened
/Senor Weaselo walks in, and goes to the closet to put away his suit
/After a minute…
/Closet door flies open, revealing Timbs and a Knicks bandana around his wing-wang
Wooooooo! Suck it Kelly Oubre, you wanted the smoke? You can’t handle the smoke!
Senor Weaselo
Broke up with my girlfriend tonight, so you fuckers are going to be stuck with more of me.
(That was actually the reason, I said “baby, I need to spend more time with my make believe internet friends.” She understood.)
Dunstan
Sorry to hear. Hope you’re doing alright
ballsofsteelandfury
Oh, I’m good, thanks. There were things I’d been ignoring until they were staring me in the face and I realized this wasn’t right. And she didn’t exactly try to talk me out of it. So while it wasn’t exactly pleasant, it wasn’t too acrimonious.
Dunstan
as ive said before
boston losing is the best possible outcome
leafs losing is the funniest possible outcome
fleshwound_NPG
This happens to certain NBA and NHL teams this time of the year.
2Pack
canadian army: we have a dope logo with swords and a crown, but you know what would rule as a logo? a train from an atari 2600 game from 1981
fleshwound_NPG
Found a funny:
(remembering the therapist told me it’s ok to ask for stuff during sex) Can you give me a ride to the airport tomorrow
rockingdog
“Ostentatious hat display by very drunk and pale trust-funded women followed by four-legged creatures trying not to die at full speed.”
-TV Guide description of the Derby
scotchnaut
/giggle, snort
BeefReeferLives
Small men mounted on large animals, running around in circles and breathing heavily with tons of money on the line? Sounds like a typical Friday night at the Horatio household.
scotchnaut
Riga says hi to everyone.
Beerguyrob
And so does Lambeau.
Beerguyrob
Hope they were both polite enough to say good-bye to the Leafs.
Horatio Cornblower
Upon learning that Riga and Lambeau like to spend the spring licking their own butts, Brad Treliving signed each of them to a five-year contract.
Dunstan
I might be happy drunk right now.
Beerguyrob
Yes, that’s my girl.
jjfozz
Julian Edelman with the quip of the night at the Brady roast.
Beerguyrob
Al Powell: “I lost my courage. I shot a kid.”
John Die Hard: [breathing heavily] “I’m sure..if the conditions are right..you can kill again…”
Al Powell: “God, I hope so.”
Al Powell: [sees madman headed towards John Die Hard, blasts him into oblivion]
:
John Die Hard: “You had death and murder in you all along!”
Al Powell: “This Wizard of Oz remake is very confusing.”
scotchnaut
This is one of those Sunday Gravys you can SMELL through the goddamn computer screen. I’m going to the international grocery for those peppers as soon as my wife wakes up.
Your pictures are always very effective and helpful. No fancy-shmancy bullshit. A real family kitchen, where everything doesn’t always look like a million bucks. Like the pic of the beef fat. The kind of thing you look at and think, “Can you believe I’m gonna make that delicious?!” But it’s important to see what it looks like and why we use it, and so you add an informative photo where most wouldn’t. That’s COOL.
I’m with you on the meat prices, but I keep getting all these instagram reels…
Type one contains children in an ALWAYS unnamed third world country standing at the edge of a field in which a thresher is chopping very high grass. They stand at the point where the thresher finishes its row and pivots, at which point every animal the thresher has been chasing the length of the row suddenly pops out of the last of the tall grass and into the mob of waiting children, who frantically grab WHATEVER comes at them and stuff it in their sacks. Lot of rats. Lot of snakes. Most of it happens so fast I can’t identify it.
Type two usually have a camera fixed on a slimy, dripping pipe of some sort with a hook hovering in front of it. Eventually some sort of mass emerges, something between a mollusk and phlegm, and takes enough of the hook for the “fisherman” to pull what looks like a four inch slug out, presumably to eat.
These reels come to mind every time I get grumpy looking at beef prices, you know? Like I should be paying a LOT more, or “Hey, maybe don’t eat a 16 oz. steak yourself you fat bastard! What are you, a wolf?!” It’s feeling increasingly shitty that we have so much in this country that we cannot even drive our interstates because tractor-trailers have effectively clogged them like railway lines, and huge swaths of planet earth are picking bugs out of the weeds to live.
Anyway, great recipe, man! Thanks for the blood, sweat, and beers!
Fronkenshteen
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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.
Stay busy and safe out there.
NOTE banner image from here
They… forgot to give us lines to plug our mics in and are doing that now. This is fantastic, as we get paid by the hour (so will either be done after 3 hours, or get overtime).
I was the right amount of drunk to sing karaoke and they couldn’t find cole porter “let’s do it”. Pfft
“The SCMP report further reads that all the ingredients and the body parts are disinfected before starting the process of making the onigiri (Japanese rice balls). Then the girls are made to exercise to produce sweat and then use their armpits, instead of palms, to knead and give shape to the rice balls.”
https://www.ndtv.com/food/human-sweat-infused-rice-balls-become-a-culinary-hit-in-japan-sold-at-high-price-5573137
As the President snd sole member of the Mats Hummels Is Hella Overrated Club, I hereby declsre a temporsry cease fire, retroactive from 2’ on.
lookit BVB, standing on its hind legs like its people!
Not to demean anyone and their chosen profession but when a porn star is ashamed to have had sex with you, that’s so bad it’s almost impressive
I wish Daniels had looked up Trump’s lawyer Susan Necheles’ rate and said something like “well, as an adult actress, I do have some limits. There are some things I find terribly disgusting and degrading and I won’t do them, I don’t care if they offer me $[that rate] per hour. I mean I have some self-respect.”
GTD Reflections: always a “Brick-free zone”
If he included you, no one else would ever get a comment in. The man is just being fair.
FACT CHECK: False
You were included each of the three previous weeks
I don’t care about facts.
Unlike the Lakers.
Can you imagine having a fraction of what Trump claims to have. Fuck it — just say you’ve got $8mil in the bank. Your cheap ass is fucking around on $130K? Holy fuck — I’d have that shit in a duffel bag for that skank waiting. Have her sign whatever doc and send her with the cash I never saw and never will see.
It’s pennies, especially considering the value, and you’re gonna go accounting felony with it? You deserve to hang for being cheap, Fatso.
Penny wise, pound foolish.
Hiya, Donnie.
Pennywise?
heh “pound”
How hard is it to put her on payroll as a consultant? If the press asks, all you’re doing is giving someone in the adult industry a chance to get out of that way of life.
I’m working on updating an industry manual for a committee on which I volunteer. Thing is old. However, one of the case studies begins as, “The Roundup Centre in Calgary, Alberta, Canada, shown in .Figs. 8 and 9, features 150,000 sq. ft. of exhibit space…”
That’s some quality exhibit space.
Jury is excused due to objection from defense attorneys about Trump finishing before technically being in contact with Daniels not being considered sex. If sustained, it will be the first time a development Trump was involved in was completed early and to Trump’s satisfaction.
Car services are coming up. I’m fortunate my garage keeps it all above board.
Technically I am supposed to be working, but listening to Hits from the Bong by Cypress hill is causing my will power to wait till after work time is eroding quickly.
My brain is so leaky and unreliable now. I need to finish some deliverables but brain will not cooperate. How the fuck is one supposed to make it to 55, let alone 65?
Which is one of the reasons I hope to retire at 60. My job requires a lot of memorization and familiarity with our products that are constantly evolving. I starting to have some real trouble in keeping up with all the changes to the products as our company has 20. And my role means I have to be proficient in all of the software products as well as be able to troubleshoot any software issues the client has. Things change so quickly we have bi-weekly product awareness meetings so we can know what is coming for each one. I am so tired.
Honestly, that sounds crap for people of any age. They ought to bundle things and allocate people to specific bundles instead of just allowing for out of control proliferation
They do, but as I am the primary troubleshooting person for this client, I need to be an expert in the software that they use, which is currently about 10 of the products, but I am supposed to be conversant in the unused products as I am supposed to try and get them to buy the other products (I would get some commision, but sales would still get the lions share). Each product has an SME team that is supposed to be able to help you with issues, but most of them are buried under their own work. Plus, the client I have uses the most products. But I the lead on one SME team, and a member of 3 others. Mainly because I have done this job for almost 20 years. I was employee number 374 when hired, there are now almost 3 thousand employes world wide.
Less than 2 and 1/2 years to go.
Less than two years for me. I cannot believe I made it to 58.
You two are the pack I am chasing.
I retire by 44 or I live long enough to see me kill myself at 44.
I understand as I am not sure how much past 60 I can stand this work gig. I recently found that according to Social Security I have had a paying job since I was 14, which is true. And during that time, there is no period in which I was unemployed. Really beginning to understand why I and other people my age are so damn tired.
Getting lots of compliments on my formal pyjamas while getting a cocktail (a tasty thing with strawberries, st germain, champagne and something else) before the gala dinner.
Oooh, formal pj’s! I had something along those lines years ago, that I wore to a Navy Ball. Very fancy, yet comfy. That’s the sweet spot!
They’re the best!
Take notes, everyone! Miss Daniels is on the stand breaking open Donny T’s Playbook.
Is it just one page that reads “be incredibly sleazy”?
Eh, we all knew what it was gonna be
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9RRhhewFqyw&pp=ygUjZmFtaWx5IGd1eSBqYW1lcyBib25kIG5vIG1lYW5zIHllcyA%3D
no way he can spell “incredibly”
Of course he does, how else can he be incredibly great, with incredibly huge hands, and incredibly sexy?
Let us pray she describes his mushroom dick in court!
Stenographer: “Does anyone in the courtroom know how to spell ‘concave’?
not sure we want a vivid description of what his junk looks like.
Wanna see it?
A public service announcement.
May is national masturbation awareness month so let’s all get out there and do our part.
Self-Masturbation month! The judge was very specific about that and I’m still banned from the zoo.
Today, May 7th, is National Masturbation Day. Get busy. Umma gonna wear mine out!
This was funny:
That Julian Edelman joke is beautiful.
I misspelled “Boomer Esiadon” but it makes sense as he is such a dinosaur.
THESE GUYS THE ISRAELI DEFENSE FORCES TAKING CONTROL OF THE RAHFI CROSSING IN PALESTINE I CALL THEM THE TOP ROUND FROM LIEUTENANT MICHAEL BYRD’S SERVICE FIREARM BECAUSE THEY JUST SCORTCHED THROUGH ONE OF THEIR ENEMY’S CRUCIAL ARTERIAL PATHWAYS!