“All Dreams Start or End Tonight” Tuesday Open Thread

Possibly the most unproductive work week in North America kicks off tonight. HUZZAH! But first, what brings us here:

Free Agency: the thrill is gone after the first week. Not much left to cover until the draft in 43 days. Still,

  • CJ Anderson – staying in Denver! Now he’ll just have to figure out Nacho’s “GONORRHEA!” signals.
  • the Patriots traded Chandler Jones to Arizona for Jonathan Cooper and a second-round pick, which they will turn into a receiver the size of which will make Edelman look like Gronk.
  • Mike Wallace to the Ravens. This will turn out both underwhelming and over-analyzed.
  • Filling J.R. Sweezy’s hole on the right side for the Seahawks will be J’Marcus Webb. Somebody check on commentist Beastmode Ate My Baby.

Bleacher Report had an “article” about whether the Browns would be all-time bad in 2016. If anyone knows about bad, it’s Bleacher Report.

Politics:

Today’s the day when we find out if Kasich and/or Rubio are done. Since they are “winner take all” primaries, if either one can win their home state, then it makes Cleveland in July so much more fun than simply spending 3 hours at the Thirsty Parrot before an Indians game. If Trump takes one or both, then it’s going to be interesting watching the mainstream of the party try to put the genie back in the bottle before the convention.

What are the “open carry” laws in Ohio? Because I’m sure that will come up a time or two before the delegates arrive.

Why do the Democrats have twice as many delegates available as the Republicans? It makes them seem desperate to make the convention look full. History note: it’s been 28 years since the 1988 Rob Lowe convention scandal. He and Robert Downey Jr. are bulletproof.

Question from a Canadian: How much do people actually believe all the stories on Fox News and MSNBC? I went through their sites today while reading up on tonight’s primaries, and I can’t believe anyone would trust these echo chambers. They both read like mutual circle jerks for the left & right. If you told me they were the American equivalent of Pravda and Der Sturmer I wouldn’t think twice.

CNN, meanwhile, has a story about how Jerry Springer thinks Trump was “inevitable”.

Enough talk; get to games! (All times eastern)

NCAA: play-in games (I refuse to call it the “first round”) from Dayton, OH

  • #16 Florida Gulf Coast vs #16 Fairleigh Dickinson – 6:40
  • #11 Vandy vs #11 Wichita State – 9:10 (or 30 minutes after the first game if late)

Let’s meet the cannon fodder:

florida gulf coast university

 

Fairleigh Dickinson University

That’s enough. If both they and I cared enough, I’d be learning about them on Thursday in the actual first round.

I do like how FGCU has its Chik Fil-A noted on the googlemap, but not a library. According to Tripadvisor, “Fleamaster’s Fleamarket” is the #14 attraction in Fort Myers, below two Spring Training facilities. Fairleigh Dickinson has a campus up here in Vancouver, which kept interfering with my lazy search. It offers programs in Hospitality Management and Business Administration, and is totally not the University of Phoenix.

NHL: (8 games total)

  • Islanders @ Penguins – 7:00
  • Red Wings @ Flyers – 7:00
  • Kings @ Stars – 8:30
  • Bruins @ Sharks – 10:00

NBA: (6 games total)

  • Celtics @ Pacers – 7:00
  • Raptors @ Bucks – 8:00
  • Clippers @ Spurs – 8:30

Say goodbye to your loved ones, IT’S TOURNAMENT TIME!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Kungjitsu

I don’t understand what made Marco Rubio think he was ready to run for POTUS. It’s like Republicans refuse to believe math. Rubio “won” his senate seat because every Republican in the state voted against Charlie Crist, and Crist split the Democratic vote with Kendrick Meek. No one voted FOR Rubio. They had to see that.

Dipshit has also ruined his political career. He’s abandoned his Senate seat. No one is going to vote for him for governor in two years. He has no real talent, so he can’t run anything real for the RNC. Is he going to be a figurehead partner in a Miami law firm? He’s 45 and never really practiced law. Maybe he’ll wind up on FOX NEWS LATINO.

...

Yup, he’s pretty much cooked.

Gratliff

The 97 Flyers look solid right now.

King Hippo

HillyBob wins North Cakalaky! WOO, Hippo high fives teh black people!!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

You in Durham, huh?

WCS

He’s obviously not on Duke’s campus.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Duke’s campus like the cream in the Oreo.
No shit.
And my family basically is all from Durham, so I don’t say this without forethought (but very little malice thereof).

Redshirt

According to the Constitution, shouldn’t that be a high-three?

King Hippo

/with a “no ofence”

Redshirt

Marco Rubio is setting himself up for the middle-right faction of the eventual Republican Party breakup.

JustStopDude

There is a near riot at the Rubio speech at his HQ, trying to explain why he lost…

http://www.sptimes.com/2006/10/21/images/tb_tyronsec.jpg

ThePirateSloth

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Sill Bimmons

“If we each put in $12 we can get also get some Taco Bell.” #$8@TB

Gratliff

Shots are 22-2 with 5 to go in the first. Mrazek should just walk past the locker room and it the door at intermission.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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WCS

Puts sunglasses on top of head rather than just take them off.

2/10 would not eat out with

herodotus450

Whoops looks like you put an extra word at the end there

theeWeeBabySeamus

I bet she’d make sammiches for only once daily mating.
That’s a plan I could get behind.

Sill Bimmons

Al least she doesn’t put them on backward.

Kungjitsu

She’s supposedly addicted to penis. I read it on the internet so you know it’s true.

Redshirt

Rubio is going to announce his slogan for his 2020 campaign:

Rubio in ’20: Bitch, I Warned You!

Sill Bimmons

Rubio ’40: Everyone Else Is Finally Dead!

Sill Bimmons

There’s a lot of sourdough crabs out there.

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herodotus450

Philly announcers, “That shot had a chance!”
Shot was blocked 20 feet from the net, not technically a shot at all, had no chance.

Gratliff

The despair is obvious in the voices of the wings’ crew. It’s enjoyable

Sill Bimmons

Jim Jackson is worse than HantaAIDS.

Redshirt

So will we get “Quiet, Reflective Rubio”, “Defiant Rubio”, “Drunk, Pissed-off Rubio”?

Duchess

Im hoping for a pissed off but full endorsement of Kasich

Sill Bimmons

“Bath Salts, Face-Eating Rubio.”

Gratliff

Pavel Datsyuk on the verge of making a terrible mistake.
http://sonsofpenn.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/simmondstoughguy.gif

WCS

CNN just called Florida for Orange-Glo.

...

And now Rubio disappears into the foam…

Redshirt

Florida: Screwing Up Elections Since 2000

...

Awww shit, Illinois and Missouri are too close to call.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Has Zymm voted yet?

Gratliff

Detroit better get in playoff mode fast because Philly is throwing bombs

King Hippo

For once, someone doesn’t mean that literally.

Gratliff

Holy shit, Flyera!

Gratliff

Holy shit, Michael Raffl

King Hippo

On Demmycrats voting in the GOP primary. One, stop. It’s bad Karma. Let them make and/or cleans up they own mess.

Two, like Will Rogers said, “I don’t belong to any organized political party, I’m a Democrat.” OF COURSE it is all completely scattershot and ineffective pissing in the wind, and just depriving yourself of a voice in your own primaries.

...

Anyone else loving Breitbart eating its own over Trump?

Sill Bimmons

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Sill Bimmons

Never in my life did I foresee a moment when I would use the words “Ben Shapiro” and “integrity” in the same thought without “total lack of” in there somewhere, but here we are.

King Hippo

Stuck in the car. Goddamned kids. NEEDS MOAR TUSSIN.

WCS

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JUST HOOK IT TO MY VEINS

WCS

Someone mailed Rubes’ DC office blow, and he still can’t finish higher than third in Florida.
http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/marco-rubios-dc-campaign-office-evacuated-due-suspicious/story?id=37670418

...

Should have sent foam.

theeWeeBabySeamus

OK….let’s at least give this a shot.
/swipes cupcake and runs like hell

Sill Bimmons

“Which one is the crab dip again?”

http://catering.berkeley.edu/sites/default/files/crab.jpg

Sill Bimmons

Name five better breads than sourdough. You can’t.

http://droolius.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/Droolius_Boudin_Chowder_L.jpg

...

Trump is thumping Rubio in Florida which is funny because HAHAHAHA Rubio.

...

It’s so funny how weak he and Bush looked on stage during debates. Florida forwarded the saddest candidates of the election.

Sill Bimmons

You go on campaign with the candidates you have, not the candidates you wish you had.

scotchnaut

“Sanchez or whoever is playing quarterback is going to do a good job.”

-C.J Anderson on NFL NETWORK, just now

King Hippo

Hey, he may be shit, but we just won a Super Bowl with a fucking corpse!

scotchnaut

Don’t want to tell you how to do your business but dipping fresh sourdough bread into warmed-up day-old chili is a one-way trip to heaven.

Sill Bimmons
Defensive Back Mike Wallace
JustStopDude

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Sill Bimmons

Last night there wasn’t shit on and tonight there’s 78 things.

http://cdn.meme.am/instances/250×250/64502492.jpg

Wasn’t Wesley Snipes legally converted into an IRS tax lien a few years back?

herodotus450

I thought he got around the IRS troubles by going back home to Britain.

JustStopDude

Looks like Cruz has his game face for tonight…

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JustStopDude
Sill Bimmons

Fairly Ridiculous ain’t Hahvahd, but it ain’t U. of Phoenix either.

King Hippo

You know, if the Credit Union make it past U*NC on Thursday, they could face their former coach in the 2nd round.

Pretty unrealistic, though. I’m sure most of us have SC losing to Providence.

Redshirt

When I voted today, I gave Donald Trump’s name on my ballet the finger. I didn’t do anything to Ted Cruz’s name, but that’s only because the State of Ohio won’t accept a ballet with fecal matter on it.

Sill Bimmons

Were you performing Swan Lake or The Nutcracker?

King Hippo

The Credit Union ain’t usin’ a bit of lube on poor Fairleigh Dickinson.

WCS

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¡VIVA LA DUNK CITY!

Croooow

I like the new score graphics.

WCS

The clock is protesting Donald Trump’s inevitable win in Ohio.

Croooow

Fairleigh Dickinson all the way.

scotchnaut

“Feel sorry for you folks that don’t drink. When you wake up in the morning that’s as good as you’ll feel all day.”

-Dean Martin?

WCS

You forgot to mention how this is the one time of year you remember TruTV is a thing that actually exists.

WCS

We MURICKANS don’t know what it is, either.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Sadly, many Americans do accept echo chambers as trusted news, largely predicated on their mistrust of the boogeyman their preferred network has built for them.

By way of example, I read somewhere that a majority of Fox News viewers believe that the U.S. unemployment rate a) is over 10% and b) is higher now than when President Obama took office. Neither of those are factually accurate.

Sill Bimmons

Hullabaloo:

“Day and day out they’ve been fed this malignant bigotry by very wealthy celebrities who’ve been counting their profits and laughing all the way to the bank. Why wouldn’t they listen to a malignant celebrity who promises to do something about it?”

...

People want to brand the Trump campaign as the rise of fascism but that’s wrong. It’s the rise of complete anti-intellectualism and the complete rejection of fact, reality, and reason in favor of ARRRGGHHHHHHHH I’M ANGRY.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Do you want to borrow one of my copies of Idiocracy?

scotchnaut

So you’re saying my dream of building a life-size replica of the original Madison Square Garden using road-killed raccoons has come to an end?

DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU TO HELL!

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