“All Dreams Start or End Tonight” Tuesday Open Thread

Possibly the most unproductive work week in North America kicks off tonight. HUZZAH! But first, what brings us here:

Free Agency: the thrill is gone after the first week. Not much left to cover until the draft in 43 days. Still,

  • CJ Anderson – staying in Denver! Now he’ll just have to figure out Nacho’s “GONORRHEA!” signals.
  • the Patriots traded Chandler Jones to Arizona for Jonathan Cooper and a second-round pick, which they will turn into a receiver the size of which will make Edelman look like Gronk.
  • Mike Wallace to the Ravens. This will turn out both underwhelming and over-analyzed.
  • Filling J.R. Sweezy’s hole on the right side for the Seahawks will be J’Marcus Webb. Somebody check on commentist Beastmode Ate My Baby.

Bleacher Report had an “article” about whether the Browns would be all-time bad in 2016. If anyone knows about bad, it’s Bleacher Report.

Politics:

Today’s the day when we find out if Kasich and/or Rubio are done. Since they are “winner take all” primaries, if either one can win their home state, then it makes Cleveland in July so much more fun than simply spending 3 hours at the Thirsty Parrot before an Indians game. If Trump takes one or both, then it’s going to be interesting watching the mainstream of the party try to put the genie back in the bottle before the convention.

What are the “open carry” laws in Ohio? Because I’m sure that will come up a time or two before the delegates arrive.

Why do the Democrats have twice as many delegates available as the Republicans? It makes them seem desperate to make the convention look full. History note: it’s been 28 years since the 1988 Rob Lowe convention scandal. He and Robert Downey Jr. are bulletproof.

Question from a Canadian: How much do people actually believe all the stories on Fox News and MSNBC? I went through their sites today while reading up on tonight’s primaries, and I can’t believe anyone would trust these echo chambers. They both read like mutual circle jerks for the left & right. If you told me they were the American equivalent of Pravda and Der Sturmer I wouldn’t think twice.

CNN, meanwhile, has a story about how Jerry Springer thinks Trump was “inevitable”.

Enough talk; get to games! (All times eastern)

NCAA: play-in games (I refuse to call it the “first round”) from Dayton, OH

  • #16 Florida Gulf Coast vs #16 Fairleigh Dickinson – 6:40
  • #11 Vandy vs #11 Wichita State – 9:10 (or 30 minutes after the first game if late)

Let’s meet the cannon fodder:

florida gulf coast university

 

Fairleigh Dickinson University

That’s enough. If both they and I cared enough, I’d be learning about them on Thursday in the actual first round.

I do like how FGCU has its Chik Fil-A noted on the googlemap, but not a library. According to Tripadvisor, “Fleamaster’s Fleamarket” is the #14 attraction in Fort Myers, below two Spring Training facilities. Fairleigh Dickinson has a campus up here in Vancouver, which kept interfering with my lazy search. It offers programs in Hospitality Management and Business Administration, and is totally not the University of Phoenix.

NHL: (8 games total)

  • Islanders @ Penguins – 7:00
  • Red Wings @ Flyers – 7:00
  • Kings @ Stars – 8:30
  • Bruins @ Sharks – 10:00

NBA: (6 games total)

  • Celtics @ Pacers – 7:00
  • Raptors @ Bucks – 8:00
  • Clippers @ Spurs – 8:30

Say goodbye to your loved ones, IT’S TOURNAMENT TIME!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Sill Bimmons
Gratliff

YO THE FLYERS

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Gratliff

Hm. I missed.

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

For a hot second, I thought we had started showing ads. I wondered where my $12 was. Then I remembered that I was in charge of that, and I felt better.

Horatio Cornblower

Philly-Detroit is a surprisingly entertaining.

It surprising because I don’t follow hockey all that closely until the play-offs and really don’t know who’s any good anymore.

GO WHALERS!

WCS

That first-round match-up of Whalers/Nordiques should be terrific.

Horatio Cornblower

Never forget 1986!

Horatio Cornblower

If that Shockers T-shirt isn’t affirmative consent I don’t know what is.

/does not know what affirmative consent is

theeWeeBabySeamus

Trying to mess with Hippo’s head and I’ve soiled meself.
I’ve made a huge mistake.
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Horatio Cornblower

I wonder if they conceived their child during this photo shoot. Because I’m pretty sure I just got pregnant looking at it.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Gratliff

That’s a solid open-field tackle by Brayden Schenn on Mrazek.

Sill Bimmons

I’ve fucking despised Vanderbilt ever since they knocked the Charles Smith/Jerome Lane Panthers out of the NCAAs in the second round.

Vandy went on to get absolutely buttfucked by Kansas, a team Pitt matched up well against and might have beaten. Jerome Lane would have taken Danny Manning’s lunch money. Think about that, Larry Brown haters.

Fuck Vanderbilt.

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King Hippo

They came back from a 14-point deficit with 3 minutes left against State in a second round game. Then lost by 30+ in the Sweet Sixteen round. Yeah, they can eat shit and die, to use a phrase from childhood.

Sill Bimmons

What’s that they say?

Something about “misery” and “company” and it rhymes?

King Hippo

Eh, he seems like a good dude. Non-Scientologist actor, pays his dues, finally gets a role where he gets a chance to show his chops, and BAM, strikes fucking gold.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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King Hippo

I imagine the sounds that come out of their trailer on set..

Horatio Cornblower

If it were me it would be screams of pain as I herniated a disc trying to hold her up in that position.

herodotus450

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Spur

The military is fine, aside from recovering from 15 years of perpetual war.

King Hippo

Man, Wichita State has some GOOFY looking muthafuckas on the court. They make Kansas State’s shaved cavemen look downright yuppified.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Neither side is looking particularly not goofy. Even the black guys are white as hell.

King Hippo

Vandy always has America’s whitest black dudes. It was probably in the Commodore’s will.

Redshirt

Donald Trump is the type of guy who calls out his own name while he has sex.

Horatio Cornblower

Meanwhile his wife has memorized every crack in the ceiling and continues to wonder when that Eastern European diet she’s got him on will do its work and make her a rich widow.

Spur

Trump is allowed to claim Rubio’s wife now, right?

Sill Bimmons

Why not?

He’s already got his nuts on his desk.

King Hippo

It’s not like Rubio’s ever touched her ,, amirite?

King Hippo

I know perfection is technically a subjective thing, but…

Spur

Will Donald be cordial towards Rubio or fuck with him some more?

Senor Weaselo

I am expecting a verse of “Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye”

WCS

He gives Rubes the D-X “Suck It” salute.

Senor Weaselo

No, we already said that was Kasich to Rubes.

Sill Bimmons
WCS

Vandy’s Luke Kornet is no Jim Cornette.
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Gratliff

Long Island and Puerto Rico should have to change places now. No more voting for you, useless Islanders.

Don T

Actually, Puerto Rico voted AGAINST U.S. citizenship in 1916 and it was foisted upon us anyway to conscript WWI cannon fodder. And Congress unilaterally changed our Constitution after it said we could adopt it after votinh on it. Which makes your wit even more biting crying laughter emoji times three.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Does this mean no smoothies?

Sill Bimmons

Rangers were off tonight.

Ice Jets is the Islanders.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yeah I knew they weren’t playing Rangers tonight…just facking around.

Sill Bimmons
Senor Weaselo

Much obliged.

WCS

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Gratliff

Jesus Christ. Zetterberg with the can opener on Ghost Bear’s face.

herodotus450

Sure his face is all messed up but he probably got a good look at Keri’s legs…

herodotus450

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theeWeeBabySeamus

It’s actually a woman…that’s how bad Keri fucked her shit up!!!!!
(granted, not the most attractive woman even pre-Keriasswhoop)
http://images.starpulse.com/Photos/Previews/Margo-Martindale-f02.jpg

King Hippo

She was a tad upset with character actress Margot Martindale ,, smh

/I am too very excite

//sooooooooo jelly of Matthew Rhys

King Hippo

Hey, fucking her in pretend is a small price to pay to fuck Keri in for reelz

theeWeeBabySeamus

That Sir, is an excellent fucking point.

Sill Bimmons

gatDAMMIT they did everything but score!!!

Senor Weaselo

…Heart?

ThePirateSloth

Schwepps

Sill Bimmons

First one is supposed to be this:

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theeWeeBabySeamus

It’s kinda funnier this way.

...

One of the more irritating aspects about this primary coverage is talking about who wins each state. In most of the states, that doesn’t fucking matter since they aren’t winner-take-all at the state level.

Lothar of the Hill People

Yeah, but of course Ohio and Florida are, and they’re the ones that have made the biggest splash tonight.

Duchess

Only Illinois and NC are not at this time.

Illinois is funny because its winner take all at the state level and then each district get three delegates so it could be a wierd total coming out of it.

Redshirt
Spur

Trump wins Illinois

Senor Weaselo

He’s gonna compare himself to Lincoln, isn’t he.

Lothar of the Hill People

I swear, Trump is going to take a bite out of a newborn at his victory speech tonight.

Spur

Wow, I didn’t see the antisemitism with lizards. Sorry. Pull that shit please.

Gratliff

Custom Ghost Bear goal celebration trim!
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Sill Bimmons

OT at the Confluence…

Redshirt

On come on Illinois. Make Cruz finish third in a two-man race!

Redshirt

Anyone else got a Howard Dean “YEAAAAAAH” feeling with that confetti?

Spur

this is sad with the confetti.

Gratliff
Gratliff

Try the second:
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Gratliff

And now to leave in shame

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Spur
Gratliff

I wonder how facebook’s CDN works on here.comment image

Gratliff

Boooo

Sill Bimmons

fuck

Redshirt

Step 1: Win Ohio.
Step 2: ???
Step 3: Win nomination.

Time for Step 2, John.

Senor Weaselo

…Steal underpants?

Duchess

Step 2: is winning a few western and north eastern states and carry it into the convention.

Spur

Kawhi is a top 5 player in this league

Spur

So the Republicans got rid of the “establishment” but the Democrats are stuck with Clinton?

King Hippo

THANK GOD

Lothar of the Hill People

There were a lot of decent candidates who would’ve run. But early polling gave Clinton an 80% share of the primary vote (this was before Bernie and Benghazi), and so most of them just decided to wait until 2020/2024

theeWeeBabySeamus

Now….when you say “a lot”….?

King Hippo

Diamond Joe AND his fog machine…

Lothar of the Hill People

OK, a mix of prospects who are admittedly unseasoned (but wanting to walk in Obama’s shoes) and a bunch of others who were considering runs.

Castro
Biden
Gore
Feingold
Booker
Warren
Cuomo
Hassan
Murray
Tester

Not all of them top-flight candidates, but the general consensus is that no one wanted to run against Clinton. Which is why Webb & O’Malley never polled over 1%, and Sanders, an Independent, was the only real challenger to her.

herodotus450

Ghost-bear looks like the rookie of the year, but all your peter king types who don’t actually watch games and only read stats in newspapers with low quality ink will ensure that Panarin wins.

Duchess

As a Kasitch supporter I still think he has to answer the country about what the hell the Browns are doing.

Sill Bimmons
theeWeeBabySeamus

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Lothar of the Hill People

Kasich’s daughter(?) is pretty cutre. Looks like a circa 1986 Mia Sara.

Lothar of the Hill People

ABORT. She’s 16.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

At 16 she has to get his permission in that state….. he’d give it.

...

He has two. They’re twins.

That’s right, you can have two Kasichs at the same time.

Redshirt

Get in line behind me, Lothar. I’m patient and we can double date.

theeWeeBabySeamus

And share a cell apparently.
Unless you lure them to Arkansas.

Lothar of the Hill People

There is a slim possibility I might end up teaching one or both of them.

I had a student some years ago who shared a last name with a state rep. In passing, on the first day of class, I said, “any relation?” She replied, “He’s my dad.”

Luckily, she dropped the class the second week. Her dad is a first-rate asshole, and dyed-in-the-wool Republicans have problems in my class (because facts have a well-known liberal bias).