Operation Stop the Asshole Cheaters (Final Four Preview/Game Thread)

Well folks, here we are. Down to four, only one #1 seed, but it’s the most evil one of all. Blatant bunch of academic fraudsters, complete with asshole coach who not even veiled subtly threatens minor reporters who dare call out his program and “university” on their bullshit. We need Karma to wake the fuck up, post-haste.

#2S Villanova vs. #2W Oklahoma (6:09, TBS)

Last season, when my alma mater made a surprising run to the Sweet Sixteen, Boomer Sooner was in our bracket. I was also in the habit of speaking solely in Soviet propaganda, as it had been good juju (along with our official talisman, Lenin Cat). As such, we found solidarity with Oklahoma as fellow Reds, and I also learned there are few phrases more fun to type than “Oklahoma Oblast:”

LINK

As Buddy Hield and the incredibly well-coached Sooners are the best bet to derail smug-mageddon Monday night, I am strongly urging Red Solidary again. Forward! For Glorious Workers’ Revolution!!

#10MW Syracuse vs. #1E U*NC (8:49, TBS)

Some have noted that Syracuse is also a “cheater” but that would be like equating jaywalking with triple homicide. Tonight, we are all scotchnauts. But I will probably be one from slumber, as I would rather get up early for the Leicester match than get pissed off watching the Holes win.

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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laserguru

One of the primary lessons that I try to impart with my Sunday Gravy posts is the beauty of the 2 day prep. I just got everything ready and marinating, dishes are washed and tomorrow’s work just involves turning on the oven and paying attention.

I have not yet begun to defile myself!

And I’ve got a brand new bottle of Bulleit to boot.

Unsurprised

HAHAHA

Remember when $5 for a milkshake seemed obscene?

Unsurprised

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scotchnaut

FAIR WARNING-

/during Cuse games I usually wander over to TroyNunesisanbsolutemagician to spray the Cuse-centric things that I spray. NOT TODAY.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Be cool, man. Just relax. We’re all friends here.
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view7/20131212/4921672/o-o.gif

WhyEaglesWhy

Did Roy just dab?

Unsurprised

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WCS

This game needs to be arrested and tried in the international criminal court.

WCS

Yes, please.

Don T

May we never lose the ancient tradition of finessing the departure of a drunken neighbor with indifferent humoring and “Let me take you home” back pats.

theeWeeBabySeamus

OK ‘Cuse, dammit. Limber up and BE TOUGH!!!!!
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scotchnaut

Boeheim isn’t going to out-coach a lot of guys but Roy Williams is one of those dudes.

Unsurprised

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scotchnaut

I’d like to like this but that would be wrong.

WhyEaglesWhy

I dunno, I think he’s underrated as a coach because people don’t like him. They played notably worse during his suspension, and their talent has been far from blue chip since the Carmelo/Warrick days.

scotchnaut

A sane Cuse fan…

/all I can say is “WOW!” Pleased to meet you!

WhyEaglesWhy

Same! Are you an alum, or just a fan?

scotchnaut

Just a fan.

Senor Weaselo

Okay, I apparently can’t watch the Ice Giants without the other team scoring. 4-1 Ice Bills.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Lon Kruger: OK guys, this is the big stage now. Let’s look alive…everybody know their assignments?
http://p.fod4.com/upload/aff3567c9abaad4b798a350dc1e1b1a3/Pp5JwBypTVCOyStqGuhr_Dog%20Frisbee%20Fail.gif

scotchnaut

[laughs]

Unsurprised

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scotchnaut

I’ll have you know that my “Syracuse Victory Chili” has been happily bubbling away for five hours now.

SYRACUSE. VICTORY. CHILI.

WCS

As opposed to Cincinnati Liquid Ass “Chili.”

CINCINNATI LIQUID ASS “CHILI”

scotchnaut

YOU DON’T KNOW ME OR MY CHILI!

WhyEaglesWhy

My Syracuse Victory red wine beef has been in the slow cooker for 2 hours. 8 to go!

laserguru

I like the cut of your gib.

Senor Weaselo

3-0, smoothie bar already closed.

theeWeeBabySeamus

COMEBACK INITIATED….LEAD CUT TO 37!!!!!!!

Senor Weaselo
theeWeeBabySeamus

(never mind)

Senor Weaselo

I feel like the itshappening.gif not working actually works better here.

scotchnaut

“When does the game start?”

-Oklahoma

scotchnaut

Is it possible for refs to fast-forward a game so that it ends that much sooner?

Senor Weaselo

Running clock?

scotchnaut

It IS a rec league game at this point…

laserguru

I’ve got to slap together a pre-prep for next week’s Sunday Gravy post but I’ll be back fully crunked shortly.
C’mon everybody, let’s get high!

Senor Weaselo

…This isn’t the UConn women’s team vs. Insert Other Women’s Team Here, is it?

theeWeeBabySeamus

I really thought THIS would be the better game of the two.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ytCEuuW2_A

Senor Weaselo
WCS

Gratliff

I forgot how many people are drunk at the WWE Hall of Fame shows

theeWeeBabySeamus

All of ’em….would be my guess.

Gratliff

And a fine guess it is

Senor Weaselo

That seems a bit conservative.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hehehehehe…and they said the hate was strong with me. 😀

theeWeeBabySeamus

Buddy Mama….Jim Valvano called. He said it’s time to give up.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I have to say, ‘Nova seems the most consistently mentally tough team this year. Something I never saw coming (giggity).
This one’s for the Picolo Girl!!!!!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Wow. OU apparently brought the GOOD weed to Houston.

Senor Weaselo

…Hiiiiiiiiiiiigh.

Senor Weaselo

I’m gonna have to not-watch Nova-Cuse for the championship, aren’t I. And we’re already in full Rangers derping against a team they’re better than, as it’s now 2-0 Ice Bills.

theeWeeBabySeamus

God I hope so.

scotchnaut

My fave Cuse memory? Given his recent health struggles, I’ll shout to Pearl Washington and his destruction of lock-down defensive dude Gene Smith of [spits on ground] Georgetown. Can’t be bothered to look up the game but he turned that guy inside-out.

Other Cuse memory is John Wallace asserting himself during the run to the ’96 championship game. Against Georgia in the Sweet Sixteen he was an incredible beast.

scotchnaut

Not a good time for Buddy to run dry…

scotchnaut

My best North Carolina memory? Remember when the #9 ranked Boston College Eagles featuring Bill Curley, (that kid just would not quit), Howard Eisely and Malcolm Huckaby upset #1 NC back in 1994? That was unexpected and oh-so sweet.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Poor BC. Now they just aspire to be #9 in the conference.
As does NCSU.

laserguru

Who decided that Reggie Miller adds a single fucking thing to the proceedings?

His head looks like a Volkswagen Beetle with both doors open.

scotchnaut

My fave Oklahoma memory? The backcourt of Mookie Blaylock and Ricky Grace was probably the best defensive pairing I’ve ever seen. They locked down everybody.

scotchnaut

Billy Tubbs. If I’m not mistaken, Wayman Tisdale did whatever the hell he wanted on the low block that year.

laserguru

I’m channeling my inner Dok by sitting at the bar and commenting.
Let’s get Crunk!

laserguru

Protecting the cornhole is always job 1.

Followed shortly after by job 2. Find the butthole.

theeWeeBabySeamus

It’s official.
In spite of wasting countless hours watching it this past winter, I don’t know fuckall about college basketball this year.
I don’t even care if ‘Nova goes ahead and wins, as long as WHO THE FUCK EVER WINS THIS GAME BEATS SOME GODDAMNED TAR HEEL ASS ON MONDAY!!!!!!!

laserguru

The hate Is strong with this one.

WhyEaglesWhy

With any luck, you won’t even have to worry about UNC on Monday. ?

scotchnaut

My favourite Villanova memory? Of course it’s the “I Can’t Believe This Is Happening!” upset of Georgetown back in ’85.

WhyEaglesWhy

I will take any result other than Villanova winning. Those laxbros are insufferable.

laserguru

Holy crap my little neighborhood brewery got all grown up. This place is packed.

One thing that deserves mention with the craft beer scene, there are some smoking hot young ladies drinking beer.

There is not a single damn thing wrong with that.

laserguru

Holy Jesus I love LA.
It’s barely April and the ladies are out in force.

Lawd don’t strike me blind.

scotchnaut

“Buddy Hield’s Overbite!” should be an exclamation of exasperation in the UK.

scotchnaut

Think of it like this-Boeheim is your cranky uncle that picks his nose and wipes it on your furniture. Roy Williams is that dude that runs over your dog and blames it on you, screws your newly-divorced vulnerable mom, drinks your last beer, borrows money and doesn’t pay it back, takes a bad shot instead of passing to you for the easy layup, takes credit for work you’ve done, insists that he paid his fair share for the meal at the restaurant, tries to convince you that he drinks Natty Ice because “its the best beer out there”, thinks that your new girlfriend is ‘fair game’, makes passive-aggressive comments about any successes you have, spends far beyond his means for an expensive watch that is ‘trendy’ that year and is completely incapable of seeing his behavior as anything but the best choice that anyone would make in any circumstance.

/when you see both coaches through this perspective it’s easy to take a certain side

scotchnaut

Can’t believe I forgot about that…

WhyEaglesWhy

Well, Roy got his comeuppance from Boeheim in 2003, but he’s due for another, the dog-hitting bastard.

Horatio Cornblower

So on Sill’s recommendation I look up the movie ‘The Football Factory’ on Netflix and find I can watch it RIGHT NOW! Instead of doing that, however, I run some errands, go to the gym, walk the dog over to the neighbor’s yard so he can shit in it. Then come back, kick up my heels, search for ‘The Football Factory’ and now it’s DVD only.

Seriously? Fuck you Netflix.

Sill Bimmons

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Sill Bimmons

So this is the circle-jerk platter used by The Most Ancient and Most Puissant Order of the Beggar’s Benison and Merryland, Anstruther, a masturbation club in 18th century Scotland.

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This is a membership medallion:

http://media.salon.com/2002/04/may_prick_nor_purse_never_fail_you.jpg

And this, for some unknown and horrifying reason, is a Record of the proceedings of the Order:

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Sill Bimmons

DAMMIT.

Here’s the circle-jerk platter:

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Redshirt

What would be the record of a meeting?

7:00: Greetings:
7:02: Minutes from last meeting.
7:03: Main event.
7:04: Summary of day’s meeting

Sill Bimmons

Funny you should ask!

“1737. St. Andrew’s Day. 24 met, 3 tested and enrolled. All frigged. The Dr. expatiated. Two nymphs, 18 and 19, exhibited as heretofore. Rules were submitted by Mr. Lumsdaine for future adoption. Fanny Hill was read. Tempest. Broke up at 3 o’clock a.m.”

Horatio Cornblower

I need to know more about this ‘Tempest’. That seems to be important.

herodotus450

A penis club without an official ceremony of measuring to determine who, in fact, is the biggest just seems like a waste of a penis club.

Redshirt

Help! I was putting some stuff away in the back yard because there was severe wind gusts, then there was a sudden burst of wind, I was knocked out, when I came to there was a bunch of little people singing and dancing and celebrating because my shed somehow landed on some chick when it landed.

Any suggestions?

Sill Bimmons

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Horatio Cornblower

Keep a pail of water handy.

WhyEaglesWhy

This tournament run has been kind of like a satisfying revenge tour, as commentators harumph about how Syracuse doesn’t deserve to be here. As if a few losses before the tournament prove they’re shitty, but four wins in the tourney itself don’t mean maybe they’re not.

They were playing with house money about three games ago, but somehow it will still be crushing if they lose today. I had zero hope of beating Virginia, and wouldn’t have been disappointed if they lost. But this team has now done just enough to make it seem possible to beat UNC, especially since they took the Heels to the last 30 seconds just a few weeks ago.

The lesson is, I hate sports and Go Orange.

scotchnaut

Another guy that likes the Orange? Can we be buddies forever?

Sill Bimmons

Did you hear the one about illegal immigrants getting government-funded gift baskets as enticement to risk their lives trying to cross the border?

It might even be funny except that it’s not a joke. It’s true.

Sarah Palin told me so:

“Even inducing them and seducing them with gift baskets.‘Come on over the border and here’s a gift basket of teddy bears and soccer balls.’ What are you thinking? It’s just inviting more.”

MICHAEL SCOTT WAS RIGHT

http://ct-social.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/Gift-Baskets-Old-Fashioned-Business-vs-Technology-300×165.png

Kungjitsu

I can’t root for Syracuse, not even against a Dookie all-star team of Hurley, Redick, Grayson Allen, Danny Ferry, and Laetner. You can’t play a 3-2 zone as a default outside of dudes at the Y over the age of 60. Guard your man like you have some self-respect.

scotchnaut

I hate you.

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