Balls of Steel’s AFL Beat – Round Two

After a thrilling Opening Round that saw both the defending regular season champion and the Grand Final champion go down in defeat, the big question this week was how would the losers react.  Would they bounce back to keep everyone in the competition fairly close or would we start to see some separation?  For the answers to these questions, a new Australian footballer to meet, and much more, READ ON!

Welcome to Balls of Steel’s AFL Beat!

The Round started with an epic Friday Night Footy (Thursday late night/Friday early morning in North America) clash between Richmond and Collingwood.  Yes, I woke up early (3:30 AM Pacific!) to watch the second half of the game prior to going to work and it was worth it.  The game was back and forth the whole time with no team getting too far in front.  Then, just as it seemed that Richmond had pulled the game out, this happened:

Holy shit, right? The result leaves both teams at 1-1 for the year.  Perhaps the thing I love best is that a guy named Brodie won the game.

On proper Friday night (Saturday in Australia), the Adelaide Crows hosted the Port Adelaide Power in the latest version of the Showdown.  Apparently, no one told Port Adelaide as the Crows started well and then hit cruise control for a resounding 144-86 victory. I’m actually surprised Port got to 86.  For the entire first quarter, it seemed they would be lucky to make it past 50 for the whole game.  Of course, my favorite player, Eddie Betts, had a big game

scoring five goals while turning the Showdown into the Beatdown.

I’m glad that this was not the game that WhyEaglesWhy picked to take his parents to.

We were lucky that there was another game on at roughly the same time as the Adelaide blowout.  The unfortunate part is that it was Essendon-Melbourne, the worst team in the league vs the team I hate the most.  On the bright side, it turned out to be a great game!  The teams traded the lead ten times before the Bombers finally emerged winners by 13.  Here is Darcy Parish (I dare you to find me a more Commonwealthy-name other than Hamish than Darcy!) scoring the goal that in essence put the game away:

With the win, Essendon assures themselves of not suffering a Detroit Lions/Tampa Bay Buccaneers-esque winless season.  That also knocks Melbourne down a notch, just like any right-thinking Demon hater would like.  That’s what I call a great

It’s the subtle humor that gets me.

I fell asleep before the late games which was probably a good call as they ended up being blowouts.  In the earliest game, the Brisbane Lions hosted the North Melbourne Kangaroos.  The home field advantage helped for about a half as the Lions played well and led a couple of times during the second quarter.  About midway through the second, however, the Kangaroos found their stride and took over the game.  It ended with a 83-117 North victory.

One of the high points was Jarrad Waite’s 300th

Later that evening, the St. Kilda Saints and the Western Bulldogs met at the Etihad. I wish Miss Fisher

could figure out a way to get the Saints to play better.  They did better than Fremantle did last week against the Doggies, but not by much.  The Doggies won this one by 57 and are firmly entrenched at the top of the ladder.  Here is an example of how Western can convert a turnover in its defensive 50 into a goal lightning quick:

Speaking of Fremantle,

they are getting their asses smacked more than those on the video.  This time, it was the Gold Coast Suns doing the smacking as they beat the reeling Dockers 126-100.  BTW, keep watching the video until the song is over to get a funny surprise.

* * *

This

is the current AFL Brownlow Medal winner (AFL MVP) and star midfielder of the Fremantle Dockers, Nat Fyfe.  While he looks like he could be running a “farm” in Oregon, he is actually the best thing going on at Fremantle right now.  He debuted with the Dockers in 2010 and signed an extension in 2014 keeping him at the club until the end of 2017.  Here are a few selected Q&As from the Fremantle Dockers website:

If you weren’t a footballer, what would you like to be: I’ve always thought of being a water bombing helicopter pilot. Incorporates a few different things that I’m interested in and can be helpful to the community

If you could ask someone to be your mentor, who would it be: Probably the Dalai Lama

How many text messages do you send a day: I’m a very antisocial person. Maybe a handful

Most embarrassing song in your iTunes: A like a bit of John Mayer every now and again when I’m feeling a bit gloomy

What sport would you like to compete in, at the 2016 Olympics: Archery

Can you change a spare tyre: Yes

Do you iron your own shirts: No

Do you believe in UFO’s: Yes

What three items would you take on a desert island: A knife to cut down trees, rope and flint

Nat comes across a very practical, gloomy, anti-social, and sensitive John Mayer fan, which makes a lot of sense, if you think about it.

***

On North American Saturday night, Geelong traveled to Canberra to take on the GWS Giants in one of the four “home” games for the Giants in Australia’s capital.  GWS were surely disappointed at dropping what seemed to be an easy win against Melbourne last week and played like it.  They were more aggressive towards the ball and demolished the Cats on clearances as they ran out to a 37 point lead in the third.  The Cats came storming back to get within a goal, but inaccuracy in front of goal doomed them, as it had all game, and they could never get over the hump.  The final score was a well-deserved 89-76 victory for the Giants.

The main subplot to this game, of course, was that this was the first game for Stevie Johnson as a Giant after starring for the Cats for many years.  He did well

but it wasn’t all him.  His teammates played really well too

There were not too many highlights for the Cats, but this goal by Tom Hawkins was pretty unusual and cool as he, on the run, “soccered” in a goal from 55 meters out:

Later on Saturday night, Hawthorn took on West Coast in a rematch of last year’s Grand Final.  The final margin was exactly the same as last year as the Hawks won easily by 46. This highlight is a perfect example of what makes the Hawks so good.  They pressure the ball up high and convert turnovers into easy scores:

The last match of the weekend featured the Sydney Swans taking on King Hippo’s Carlton Blues.  You know I did say that Carlton would be much better this year.  That may still be true, but going against Sydney was too much.  The Swans dominated the Blues as Sill claims bragging rights over Hippo after a 60 point drubbing.   Here are a couple of Sydney’s youngsters contributing to the team’s win:

 

Remember that I said that the key to Sydney’s season would be how the new blood would fit in? Yeah, Sydney look like a really dangerous team right now.  Let’s take a look at the ladder, shall we?

PLACE TEAM G W D L % Points
1 Western Bulldogs 2 2 0 0 264.90 8
2 Sydney Swans 2 2 0 0 212.90 8
3 Gold Coast Suns 2 2 0 0 154.40 8
4 North Melbourne 2 2 0 0 124.40 8
5 Adelaide Crows 2 1 0 1 124.90 4
6 Geelong Cats 2 1 0 1 109.70 4
7 Hawthorn Hawks 2 1 0 1 109.50 4
8 West Coast Eagles 2 1 0 1 109.00 4
9 GWS Giants 2 1 0 1 107.10 4
10 Richmond Tigers 2 1 0 1 104.70 4
11 Melbourne Demons 2 1 0 1 93.00 4
12 Port Adelaide Power 2 1 0 1 89.80 4
13 Essendon Bombers 2 1 0 1 74.50 4
14 Collingwood Magpies 2 1 0 1 63.90 4
15 Carlton Blues 2 0 0 2 69.10 0
16 Brisbane Lions 2 0 0 2 65.40 0
17 Fremantle Dockers 2 0 0 2 60.30 0
18 St Kilda Saints 2 0 0 2 60.20 0

The Western Bulldogs are far and away the #1 team in the competition right now, but they face their first real test against Hawthorn next week. Then we will see exactly how good they really are. Here is the schedule for Round 3 (All times Pacific):

Friday April 8

Port Adelaide v Essendon at Adelaide Oval (2.50 AM)

St Kilda v Collingwood at MCG (8.45pm)

Richmond v Adelaide at Etihad Stadium (9.10pm)

Sydney Swans v GWS Giants at SCG (11.35pm)

Saturday April 9

Gold Coast Suns v Carlton at Metricon Stadium (2.25 AM)

West Coast Eagles v Fremantle at Subiaco Oval (2.40 AM)

North Melbourne v Melbourne at Blundstone Arena (8.10pm)

Western Bulldogs v Hawthorn at Etihad Stadium (10.20pm)

Geelong v Brisbane Lions at Simonds Stadium (11.40pm)

There are going to be some great games next week including the Perth Derby, the Sydney Derby, and Bulldogs-Hawks!

Before I leave you, I want to share an article that I saw on the AFL website where the chief of the AFL (Roger Goodell’s equivalent) speaks on gambling and the Essendon scandal.  The money quotes are as follows:

“I’m also real about wagering – we are better off having relationships with wagering companies than not because we get access to information. We can protect the integrity of our competition.”

Speaking of the Essendon scandal and the role of the players in it, he says, “I’ve seen all the documentation and emails and things and I know, in my view, fundamentally, they were let down. So I don’t blame them, I never have.”

Do you think in a million years those words would come out of Goodell’s mouth?!?  Reason#…. you know the deal, but never forget:  Roger Goodell is a National Disgrace.

See you next week.

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ballsofsteelandfury
Balls somehow lost his bio and didn't realize it. He's now scrambling to write something clever and failing. He likes butts, boobs, most things that start with the letter B, and writing in the Second Person. Geelong, Toluca, Barcelona, and Steelers, in that order.
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JustStopDude

Holy shit…the more I read about the Panama Papers…

So Putin has an inner circle holding roughly $2 billion off shore for him.

That has to be fucking terrifying…I mean can you imagine being Putin’s bag man???

theeWeeBabySeamus

Sooooooo….who’s hoping for a metric fuckton of carnage tonight on TWD?
And balls, I won’t go into detail here and thus potentially ruin others’ good time, but after pondering it all week I’ve come around to your line of thinking on the whole “who will it be” issue. Last week’s ending was a diversion from that to make us wonder.
Those crafty bastards.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Sorry…that was Rob’s theory. Wow, I need to be drunker.

JustStopDude

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1662858658/barbarossa-anime-card-game-from-japan/description

White people have TOO much money and time on their hands….

comment image?w=680&fit=max&v=1395689046&auto=format&q=92&s=74d6108a4faa5870926e43082a4637fe

Not creepy at all….

Unsurprised

You could’ve just said “White people.”

JustStopDude

Wow…Shawn Michaels is still alive.

Call me jaded…but I thought he had been Von Erik’d a long time ago…

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh yeah, there’s male butts mixed in?
[Dok and Covalent rush to video, everybody else happy they missed it]

theeWeeBabySeamus

Judging by the still…I’d say 2 and 4 are boy butts. No hips.
I guess now I gotta click the damned thing.
DAMN YOU CURIOSITY!!!!!!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Ha!!!! I know my boy butts!!!!
Wait…what did I just say?
As an aside….how much fucking ecstasy got eaten in that room I have to wonder?

theeWeeBabySeamus

HA!!!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I thought it was obviously fantastic and did not need mentioning. The woman with the curly hair in particular.

http://49.media.tumblr.com/cb086a56db69a8b0e40952ed5c7ce4b5/tumblr_o1hvjkUD951rpduwho1_500.gif

laserguru

I started it with the sound down but didn’t finish.

Fairly common for my age.

JustStopDude

Designer sunglasses, inspired by Dictators. Our premium frames take the dictator’s power and give it to you. Force change, in style.

JustStopDude

How do these sunglasses give you power?

Every time you wear a pair of our shades you are supporting our core objective: to make a difference to the lives of those who have suffered under the rule of dictators. Once this Kickstarter campaign is completed and we are distributing on the open market we will be an active supporter of organizations dedicated to helping those most in need. We were deeply affected by the Syrian refugee crisis, stories of North Korean defectors and the state of poverty present in much of South and Central America. We will force change, change for the good.

JustStopDude

comment image?w=680&fit=max&v=1457280362&auto=format&q=92&s=2a9372f499192ea347306dcfe14ada1f

Unsurprised

Your name is quite apt in this case.

Sill Bimmons

Sunglasses do not confer power.

Sunglasses enable power.

laserguru

In a blatant giveaway to next week’s Sunday Gravy, tonight it’s:

comment image

Sill Bimmons

This place is around the corner from WhyEaglesWhy in Adelaide and I’m pretty sure he still hasn’t been there.

http://s3-media1.fl.yelpcdn.com/bphoto/DBZPneT3HJQCBYDIqNyrhg/o.jpg

Korean guys doing karaoke, unidentifiable stew, and this fucking soju pot:

http://s3-media4.fl.yelpcdn.com/bphoto/c94LLNmkvRNXJIE5P4ST2g/168s.jpg

GO THERE WEW

Sill Bimmons

Soju, lychee puree, and soda is something I’ll never get over having to give up.

Oh well.

laserguru

Don’t despair Sill.

We will always have:

http://www.reggae-vibes.com/concert/marley78/marley2.jpg

Sill Bimmons

Yep.

Still…it is missed on occasions such as these…

Sill Bimmons
litre_cola

Well he will be welcomed in Toronto with open arms!

Sill Bimmons

That last goal by the Pens wasn’t even fair.

Sill Bimmons

Patrick Kane is barely fucking coherent.

Sill Bimmons

wooooooooooo

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The terrorist have Juan.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

*terrorists

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Although it could be singular, as in Juan.

Sill Bimmons

Verily, a complex visual metaphor!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

No Juan like a Juan puan anymore.

JustStopDude

http://cdn.bleacherreport.net/images_root/images/photos/003/569/682/ca6ff1879ce8aef5f934b6e6f0f3a3a3_original.jpg?1454100697

Honest to god…I just realize that Brock doesn’t have a penis tattooed on his chest…

litre_cola

Nice to see my Saints playing up to their potential. For the last 13 years I have supported them it has been disappointment after disappointment. Just like my Iggles and Ice Bombers, so at least I keep it real.

Sill Bimmons

No one can ever accuse you of being a frontrunner!

http://45.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m0x32qvyM11qcfew0o1_1280.gif

JustStopDude

Wow…reading up on the “Panama Papers” detailing the massive global corruption of leaders from around the world….

Whole lot of mother fuckers gonna get killed over this.

Sill Bimmons

One of the things I’ve never understood about people is that they don’t understand that when the economy implodes that money doesn’t just vanish.

The generic headline “Market Loses $5 Billion” doesn’t mean that $5 billion just disappeared into the ether of Bad Investment Heaven. There are no bad investments for the guys pulling the levers.

Somebody has that $5 billion

And they stole it from you.

Unsurprised

How do I make this Great like a million times?

Unsurprised

“Whole lot of mother fuckers gonna get killed over this.”

Not a single one being those that deserve it most.

Sill Bimmons

Wow, we saved yeah right from being a Demons supporter.

comment image

Sill Bimmons

Thank the power of positive persuasive speech.

laserguru

I was just trying to jump in.
It’s best to head ’em off at the pass before they get really started.

That’s why people circumcise their boys early.

120 bucks later.

BOOOO Demons!@!1

Sill Bimmons

comment image

JustStopDude

Hey…its Summer Slam tonight…totally did not realize it.

I used to follow wrestling a lot as a kid. ECW was fucking awesome. I have no clue what is going on in wrestling now…but I assume its a lot of talking over stupid shit and missed spots.

JustStopDude

Or I guess Wrestlemania…

laserguru

Alright I’ve decided. I’m going to tentatively align myself with the Melbourne Demons.

It’s not a big stretch coming from a New Jersey Devils fan.

laserguru

Give me the NFL equivalent.

May be too late since I have merchandise on the way.

Sill Bimmons

Send it back.

Sill Bimmons

Since the Natural Equivalent apparently ate the Fremantle Dockers I’d recommend the Swannies.

laserguru

/grabs the fucking credit card again.

Sill Bimmons

I have to agree with my good friend Balls here.

This will not endear you any Aussies you meet, that ‘s for sure.

laserguru

I’m just trying to get involved here.

Is it that bad?

Sill Bimmons

P*ts/B*ys level Bruce.

laserguru

Oh goddammit.

How about the West Coast Eagles?

But I hate the fucking Eagles man!

Sill Bimmons

What about Western Bulldogs?

Perth is the LA of Oz…

laserguru

It’s official I’m a Fremantle Dockers fan.
OY OY OY!

laserguru

This will be a fun experiment to see which club ships faster. Goddamn international shipping is 30 bucks!

laserguru

Do I have to buy a scarf now?

WhyEaglesWhy

Good choice. The experience of being a Fremantle fan over the last few years can be summed up in the *TRIGGER WARNING* 1998 NFC Championship Game.

laserguru

Alright, I’ll wear the T-shirt ironically when I walk in the morning.

laserguru

Fuckin’ Todd man.

Sill Bimmons

Is it wrong for me to point out that “canceled” only has one “L?”

WCS

Shutt up

herodotus450

Now who’s gonna man the jib sheet!

Sill Bimmons

These new Budweiser ads make me want to line up a bunch of Bud Bros and see how many I can penetrate with a .50 cal. at 100 yards.

http://share.gifyoutube.com/KjpADb.gif

Even more so than usual.

JustStopDude
theeWeeBabySeamus

Technology!!!! And what a time saver, eh?

laserguru

Opening day of baseball season and it was 29 degrees for first pitch in Pittsburgh.
Boys of summer indeed.

As long as they beat the crap out of St. Louis I will be happy.

King Hippo

Glorious el beisbol Cardinals are kinda shit this season. Que lastima.

Dirt Stillers, you are humanity’s only hope!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

What are you talking about again?

[Googles]

Oh. At least the Rockies will be…… well the games are fun to go to on a hot day.

http://40.media.tumblr.com/db95bc1fbdc0eeb29339b5df237c92de/tumblr_o2e0xkzmQ91rojphdo1_1280.png

laserguru

Nah, there’s no way you can be worse than the Reds.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
theeWeeBabySeamus

Cards’ll be a’ight.

Sill Bimmons

THAT WAS HAIRY

King Hippo

Best 0-2 team in the League? Best 0-2 team in the goddamned League (somehow)!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Sill Bimmons

This is what Browns fans try to talk themselves into every year…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Sill Bimmons

woo

Doktor Zymm

Not AFL related, but this is bourbonest bourbon stout I’ve had. To the next beer! A red IPA I think? Where’s my program?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Sounds great; cheers.

We went on a little pub crawl last week that turned out well. …. or at least delicious, including the buffalo balls.

http://45.media.tumblr.com/eb502839a412473cf18f204b4506c189/tumblr_mskff5R5Ho1st4bmvo1_500.gif

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Doktor Zymm

So it seems the Saints promising performance last week was really just an indication that Port Adelaide is worse than expected. I’m in familiar territory here.
In an effort to channel Ms. Fisher, I will attempt to solve a murder while having sex with a random hot Australian over the next week. Onward Ho!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I will attempt to do the same.

*No I won’t.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Sill Bimmons

It posted, now it’s gone.

theeWeeBabySeamus

‘Twas a fun weekend aside from the Cats’ slow start.
Great comeback though, too bad it fell just short.