El Beisbol’s Triumphant Return (and I can tell you’re all thrilled)

theeWeeBabySeamus

theeWeeBabySeamus

An unapologetic, even if often manic-depressive (it’s a requirement given his choices of sports teams), fan of NC State University, the Baltimore Ravens and the Baltimore Orioles.When not parked in front of the computer and/or TV, can often be found on the golf course shouting obscenities to no one in particular.
theeWeeBabySeamus

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I’m theeWeeBabySeamus, and I love baseball.

HI SEAMUS!!!!

Wait, it gets worse. I’m a (gulp)….Baltimore Orioles fan.

So today, against my better judgement, not to mention my physician’s advice, I begin my six month period of falling off the wagon and binging on baseball.  The really sad part about this is that I watch all of it whenever I can.  Which means I get to see teams play it well, then I get to see Baltimore play it…not so well.  It is a recipe for bipolar mood swings and heavy drinking.  And violence sometimes.

Yes, I have a problem.

/gets violently kicked out of meeting

Ah yes….Opening Day, when hope springs eternal and everybody has a shot at the pennant. Except for Baltimore.

By the time you read this, a mini slate of three Sunday games will have already happened/will be happening, of course (Thanks ESPN). STL/PIT, TOR/TB and NYM/KC go today (wait…interleague on Opening Day? Thanks again, ESPN).

But Opening Day for NORMAL human types is tomorrow.  Some passing thoughts…

Cubs could finally break thru (but let’s hope not).
KC is still a thing.
Fuck the Mets (more on this later).
Atlanta will suck (yay).
Oakland fans should buy a boat and emigrate a few miles west.
The AL East teams will once again pound on one another and anyone could win it…aside from Baltimore (boo).

With those thoughts in mind, lets get to some half-assed predictions, shall we?
(Did I mention Baltimore will suck?)

National League West

1. SF – If they can stay healthy, it’s their race to lose. Granted, that’s a big if.
2. LA – Clayton Kershaw, and everybody else, might be enough.
3. AZ – Zack Grienke won’t be enough this year for the Snakes, Paul Goldschmidt seethes.
4. COL – No pitching is a poor plan for success. Balls are gonna be flying out of Coors like…(damn…I had something for this).
5. SD – Hey at least the weather’s great…let’s hit the beach.

National League Central

1. CHI – Most talent, best manager, we can only hope history continues biting them in the ass. Go History!!!!!
2. STL – Never, EVER, count out the Cards…even if no pennant, they’ll be in the playoffs. Then promptly kick YOUR team’s ass.
3. PIT – Young talent, if it matures, could make Yinzers very happy…Next year.
4. CIN – To win, you gotta score runs…Cincy no so very goodly at that. Marge Schott’s ghost is gonna be up to four packs a day by the All-Star Break.
5. MIL – When the crown jewel of your lineup is Ryan Braun, just lay down and die already.

National League East

1. NYM – Fuck you, Mets.
2. WAS – Our best hope to keep those Mets assholes out of the post-season lies in DC. Sadly, now I have to hope Bryce Harper does well. And Dusty Baker. FML.
3. MIA – Stanton and Fernandez will do some good things. They’ll also do some inexplicably stupid things. If Donnie Baseball can figure out the whole “manager dynamic”, they’ll have a shot (spoiler alert…he won’t).
4. PHI – Ryan Howard is looking around like, where the hell did everybody go? The only thing keeping these guys out of the cellar will be…
5. ATL – Oh how the mighty have fallen. And Oh how I love it. How ya like me now, Nick Markakis?

Wild Cards  – STL, WAS
NL Champ  – STL

MVP  – Bryce Harper (WAS)
CY  – Clayton Kershaw (LA)
MOY  – Joe Maddon (CHC)

American League West

1. HOU – Carlos Correa is a force to be reckoned with. And Houston is loaded. Even Brandon Weeden couldn’t fuck this up for them…I think.
2. TEX – If they stay healthy and get some breaks, they could push Houston.
3. LAA – Glory Days…aging high priced talent. They could compete, but probably won’t.
4. SEA – Mismatched pieces with no chemistry. They will never be more than the sum of those current mismatched pieces, and probably often even less.
5. OAK – See Seattle. But hey, at least there’s a good team just right across the bay.

American League Central

1. KC – I really wanted to find a reason not to put KC at the top. I couldn’t.
2. CWS – Outside shot to unseat KC if starting rotation comes together. And it might, but probably not this year. Chris Sale and a still way too young Rodon ain’t enough.
3. CLE – Great rotation, but say it again with me folks…if you can’t score runs you can’t win.
4. MIN – Surprised a lot of folks last year. Will not surprise a lot of folks this year.
5. DET – Lotsa old guys gonna have to produce, lotsa newcomers gonna have to fit in. Good luck with that.

American League East

1. TOR – In spite of losing Price, the division is still theirs to lose.
2. BOS – In spite of gaining Price, they need some guys to improve on their pathetic ’15 efforts.
3. NYY – Yanks avoided spending a shit ton of money this past offseason, for the first time in like forever. They’ll regret that.
4. TB – Lotsa youth, lotsa offensive question marks. And no Joe Maddon.
5. BAL – Potent but often streaky and unreliable offense, no reliably consistent starting pitching.

UBALDO!!!!!!!!

Wild Cards  – TEX, BOS
AL Champ  – HOU

MVP  – Carlos Correa (HOU)
CY  – David Price (BOS)
MOY  – AJ Hinch (HOU)

WS Champ  – The Dirt Texans in six (sorry Hippo).

Now if you’ll excuse me, I must go start drinking….heavily.

 

theeWeeBabySeamus
theeWeeBabySeamus
An unapologetic, even if often manic-depressive (it's a requirement given his choices of sports teams), fan of NC State University, the Baltimore Ravens and the Baltimore Orioles. When not parked in front of the computer and/or TV, can often be found on the golf course shouting obscenities to no one in particular.
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ballsofsteelandfuryWhyEaglesWhyJerBear50Moose -The End Is Well Nighlaserguru Recent comment authors
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WhyEaglesWhy

Unlike last year’s desultory season, I’m actually looking forward to watching the Phillies this season. They’re not going to be any good, mind you. But the kids are up and we’ll be watching the beginning of something instead of the sad end of something.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Don T

Fuck you, Mets. Long live Bobby Bonilla.

laserguru
His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

Bartolo Colon: professional athlete.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
laserguru

I’m going to finish my traumatizing childhood stories that I started on Sunday Gravy.

My dad had the chickens, ducks, rabbits in our backyard when I was growing up.

The rabbits were Easter bunny gifts. I have three older brothers and all four of us were given fluffy, bunnies for Easter one year. I think I was 9.

After about a year my dad decided, yeah fuck those bunnies and he took them out to a trailer in the middle of the desert…

He had a friend, her name was Mona (you remember this shit when you were traumatized) and she hung them up by their feet before taking a baseball bat….

I don’t have to continue here do I?

He made us watch.

Then he brought the recently dressed dead bunnies home and tried to make a mole sauce to serve us our recently butchered Easter bunnies.
For dinner.

/drinks beers and shots.

Thanks Pops!

JerBear50
JerBear50
JerBear50
JerBear50

Damn. Just realized that first one didn’t load.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
laserguru

Reason #162 why I like our new site:

Yay baseball fandom!

Cubs fans unite!

JerBear50
JerBear50
ballsofsteelandfury

God bless Harry Caray.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

Cubs have a lot of hype around them, so how does this season end heartbreakily for them?

Senor Weaselo

Yes.

laserguru

Probably.

We’re used to disappointment.

We have over a century of it to learn from.

JerBear50
JerBear50

Just as long as their inevitable demise doesn’t happen at the hands of Dusty Baker.

His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

New season and as always Fuck Boston.

laserguru

After finishing in 3rd place for the last 15 fucking years! I have a good feeling about my fantasy baseball team The Ring Tailed Tooters.

This is the year we get over the hump.

My favorite former fantasy baseball team name was Anal Hersheiser.

Senor Weaselo

For the first time in 4 years or so I’ve got a team, and hopefully Greg Birdperson wins a title this year.

laserguru

yeah right’s pre-season revisionism:
Division winners:
AL: KC, TOR, TEX
AL wildcards: CLE and HOU

NL: WAS, CUBS, Dodgers
NL wildcards Pitt, SF

AL champs TOR
NL Champs Cubs,

World Series champs?
http://www.logosapologia.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/ARMAGEDDON_by_MindStep.jpg

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

Bucs well on their way to 162-0 WOOOOOOOOOO

JerBear50
JerBear50

A lifetime of Cub fandom has taught me to temper my hopes, or just to not have any at all. Admittedly though, it’s nice to actually go into a season knowing that they might be good enough to let me down. Mostly I’d just like to offer a great big FUCK YOU to the Cards. Thanks for Heyward, cocksuckers.
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JerBear50
JerBear50

Oh, and the obligatory opening day post.

https://youtu.be/7xBxZGQ1dJk

laserguru

I knew I liked you for a good reason.

JerBear50
JerBear50

Stuck at work tonight but I’ll be at the bar Tuesday night to watch the Cubs/Angels and to end my two month beerxhile. Might even make a pit stop at Cigar City’s pub for lunch since I’ve gotta go to Tampa anyways.

laserguru

For some stupid reason I’m not going to any of the Cubs games in Anaheim.

What was the reason again? It’s only 25 miles away?

Oh yeah. Work.
Sunuvabitch.

JerBear50
JerBear50

I was hoping they’d play the Rays down here this year but no such luck. The Trop is kind of a pain in the ass to get to but you can go to games for cheap as shit. At least you can when they’re not playing the Yankees, Red Sox, or Cubs.

laserguru

Fun fact: Asdrubel Cabrera is the inventor of the ass tampon.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Do you mean the “trucker’s sponge” or the “horseman’s wick”?

laserguru

Yes I do.

laserguru
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Don T

It’s the running away like a hoverpool. Magic.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Senor Weaselo

I’ve got the Pirates over the Cards for 2nd in the Central, Pirates and Dodgers as the WCs in the NL. AL, I flipped the Yanks and Sox because I’m not willingly putting the Red Sox in the postseason over the Yankees, fuck that shit. And the Rangers won the West without Darvish last year, ppl forget that, so that could go either way. Giants over the Cubs in the NLCS (I think Cueto’s a bigger add than people realize), Jays over the Royals (please kill me picking another AL East team) in the ALCS, and Giants over the Jays in the Series.

And apparently Edinson Volquez is wearing the wrong cap. To the mound. In the top of the 1st. On special WS uni day because that’s a thing nowadays.

Senor Weaselo

Also, HAHAHAHA Cespedes clanks a fly ball, E-7.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

Phillies are gonna suck.

Write it down.

laserguru

I can same the same thing about the Angels.

Poor Mike Trout.

Senor Weaselo

Remember when Jered Weaver had velocity on his fastball?

laserguru

82 MPH bitches!

Redshirt

I’m a Reds fan. In 2012, all five Starting Pitchers made all 161 starts (one was a doubleheader).

Now the Reds are fielding a Triple-A roster and they will be starting the season with 5 starting pitchers on the DL. We have a whole freakin’ rotation that’s hurt!

WCS

Big Dead Machine?

I’ll show myself out.

Redshirt

Big Dread Machine.

litre_cola

He plays 1st for the Dirt Stillerss now.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
laserguru

Still a first class baseball game experience.
Fun town, great ballpark and great setting in the Gaslamp District.

Good times!

Just try to remain upright until you get back to your room.

The team is going to suck swamp ass though.

King Hippo

Carlos Correa for MVP is a shrewd pick, BTW. He good.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well done, nonetheless.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Just so you know; balls will be slappin’ too.

King Hippo

Man, if SL made the WS and lost, that would be AMAZEBALLS this year. I have a sneaking feels that the Dirt Stillers shock the world, win the division and run to the world title. Them or the Metropolitans.

I hope the ChiSox do a thing for my beloved black el Presidente.

ballsofsteelandfury

On a serious note, nice job! I do actually feel educated and entertained at the same time! Too bad baseball can’t do that for me.

ballsofsteelandfury

I too enjoy naps on weekends!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
laserguru

Monkey jacked my ride!

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

You forgot the “Lesser Sports” tag

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh