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23 Days Until The Draft!

laserguru

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It’s coming. It’s creeping a little bit closer. The NFL draft is only 23 days away. Hell, new coaches were allowed to meet with their teams starting this week. Offseason strength and conditioning programs are being installed and OTAs are approaching soon. But we all know the big shiny shitshow that is the main event of the offseason: The motherfucking draft!

So with just 23 short days to while away I’ve come up with 23 suggestions to keep you occupied while you wait for the draft to begin.

  1. Re watch every episode of Get Smart
  2.  Masturbate. A lot.
  3. Replay the entire game of Grand Theft Auto San Andreas (you’ll need 15 days just for flight school)
  4. Around the world in 23 bourbons!
  5. Baseball! /ducks flying objects.
  6. Do volunteer work around your community! Just kidding, read the masturbation suggestion again.
  7. Read Guns, Germs and Steel The Fates of Human Societies. Note, this will take more than 23 days
  8. Achieve your life long dream of collecting Hummel figurines
  9. Start a chia pet farm.
  10. Investigate the wonderful world of medicinal marijuana and repeat suggestions 1-4.
  11. Learn to cook, you slovenly heathen.
  12. Start an ant farm.
  13. Make your own artisanal cheeses.
  14. Visit the local farmers market and laugh at people who make their own artisanal cheeses.
  15. Coach a little league baseball team, this is actually a really good suggestion.
  16. Visit Las Vegas, get arrested and do 22 days in Vegas jail
  17. Hang around the post office and annoy the shit out of the clerks. I think this is required after you retire.
  18. Visit the grocery store every day and just buy one item each day.
  19. Take up spelunking.
  20. DO NOT visit the local elementary school playground during recess.
  21. Realize your true ambitions of being an Internet minister.
  22. Beer, beer, beer.
  23. Convince yourself that Carson Wentz or Jared Goff is the QB savior your team has been looking for.

Feel free to throw your own suggestions in the comments.

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JerBear50

Activity #1 can definitely help with activity #2.
http://celebrarty.com/PHOTOS/TV-G/Get_Smart_photos/images/GetSmart-08.jpg

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litre_cola

I just hope our GM trades for the number 1 pick and mortgages the future.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Especially if it was the 4th, 3rd, or second picks.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

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laserguru

Coach Ditka approves.

http://media.philly.com/images/072913_Williams_60.jpg

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Doktor Zymm

One day for each pair of human chromosomes….hmmmm

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Beerguyrob

Maybe in your family…

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sunrisesunrise

Sadly I know what Hummel collecting looks like and I want no part of it. My wife’s grandmother had a shit ton of those things before she passed on and they have become a point of contention betwen my mother in law and her sister in law. It has been going on for over 3 years now. My mother in law only has a small truckload worth of her own.

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Covalent Blonde

This is really why the remodel, isn’t it? Room for wifey’s inheritance grandeur? Good planning, man. Good planning.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Holy shit. That is something to stay out of unless you can provoke controntations without getting caught.

comment image

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Sill Bimmons

Identify the 23 flavors in Dr. Pepper:

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Funny story: One of the first times I ever smoked weed, I bought a Dr Pepper. On each sip, I thought that I was very distinctly tasting one of each of the different flavors.

I recall chocolate, maple and cupcake, but it’s all pretty hazy…

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Sill Bimmons

Like, you know, what if each of the flavors was like, you know, its own universe and we’re just like, you know, sitting on one of their fingernails, you know?

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Whoa man. That’s like, totally blowing my mind, ya know?

Did you know, like, your finger nails are like, your bones, man?

http://youtu.be/e3C9rMIRuF8

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Sill Bimmons

WHOA

They call ’em fingers, but I never see ’em fing.

Oh, wait. There they go.

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montythisseemsstrangetome

NUTMEG

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Sill Bimmons

THAT’S PRIMARILY A LASAGNA INGREDIENT

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Don T

Still tastes like Pepsi plus Robitussin.

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Doktor Zymm

Are there 23 different varieties of prunes?

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Spanky Datass

Gonna go out on a limb and say there are no liquefied Doctors or spicy pepper flavors. Just sayin’.

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WCS

Who ended up winning the DFO Bracket?

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litre_cola

someone called mother of red dragons.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Is being alive after total destruction really winning?

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Spanky Datass

I think mother of red dragons is from the Upstate Underdog clan.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

:re-reads opening line:

No. You all took it for granted.

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WCS

In true WIP fashion, rather than celebrating Villanova’s national championship, every caller is either yelling at the host for not being from Philadelphia, and therefore, not allowed to root for a Big 5 team, OR, callers yelling at other callers for being “homers” or “bandwagon fans.”

Never change, Philly.

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montythisseemsstrangetome

I read this already.

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blaxabbath

I still think it’s weird that coaches have to wait until April to communicate with their new teams. I get that the players need some time away and all that (you know, per the NFLPA who negotiated for an extra week of spring vacation in lieu of long term medical care or whatever) but, man, I’d love to have been sitting in when Chip and Ka7p could finally talk.

On that note, what the fuck is with Chip Kelly NOT getting a dual threat QB to run his offense? Like, is he trying to prove something by pushing for the wrong personnel to execute his playbook? You don’t see Bruce Arians looking for some noodle-armed QB or the Cowboys NOT grabbing four turnover machines to man their QB corps. I get that it’s about running a lot of plays, not running The Wildcat, but seriously Chip — da fuq?

(no offense)

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Doktor Zymm

If all your plays are really short, you can fit SO MANY more into the game. Extending plays is for suckers!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“23.Convince yourself that Carson Wentz or Jared Goff is the QB savior your team has been looking for.”

Done. Maybe they can get one of them on their second contract.

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blaxabbath

“You don’t get it! We traded all those picks we could have used on an O Line to get Christian Hackenberg because Christian Hackenberg doesn’t need a line! See? See how smart we are?”

– [This could actually be about half of the league’s front office personnel]

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Debate chicken about why she wants to cross the road. Remind her that her electronic communications are property of the government and her citizenship status is suspect. This will all bring into questions her motivations and whether they will damage national security.

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jjfozz

Last night at the dinner table, my wife says: “So, what do you guys think about the draft?”

And my oldest holds up his hand and says, “Don’t say that word. It gets dad all pissed off. I’ll talk to you later about it.”

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blaxabbath

A dinner table in Baltimore. Everywhere else, we call that a three legged card table with an oil stain covered in cat hair.

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jjfozz

In Baltimore, that table is covered in crab shells and urine stained pictures of the Irsay family

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“I don’t think that’s urine.”

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blaxabbath

y u hate irsay?

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jjfozz

I can never answer this question correctly online without coming across as a slavering, idiotic hypocrite.

He fucked up a lot of great memories for a great deal of people. Leave it at that. Fuck him and his offspring.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“I don’t think that’s offspring.”

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blaxabbath

I’d like to see your Irs-HATE in post form, Fozz.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“I don’t think that’s cat hair.”

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