Somehow, at the bottom of a particularly strange rabbit hole this morning, I found this in my browser:
WIP-FM IS SEEKING A PART-TIME ANNOUNCER
Go on…
Candidates must have at least 3 years radio experience and success in a medium to large market, or equivalent experience in a related sports profession.
I’ve sold beer at sporting events for 23 years. I think that makes me overqualified. But – please continue.
Must exude personality and not be afraid to have strong opinions as well as possess the ability to entertain in person.
Exude…like an odour? Of cheesesteak? Of disappointment? Clearly, not of success. What else?
This unique individual should possess a strong radio background and have an interest in sports, and be prepared to handle the most passionate sports fans in the world.
“The most passionate sports fans in the world” But not The Best Fans In Baseball?
What type of peasant must I converse with? Surely they’re not hooligans?! Way to put that dress on the pig.
There’s so much that could be said about the masochist that would apply for such an opening. The burnout rate for these new hires must be about Week 2 of the Eagles season, due to all the ‘interaction’. No wonder they advertise at the start of baseball season – it’s so they can sucker people in with the relative passivity of Phillies fans and the absence of Sixers playoffs. Those batteries are only going to get larger and more plentiful through the summer. Best to get that Faustian contract signed now.
The NFL has decided to keep its May owners meeting in North Carolina. It makes sense, given their aggressive stance on concussions and cheerleader hygiene. If you don’t care about your own employees, then why bother worrying about random strangers? It doesn’t take much for Jerry Richardson to go from giving 3/5ths of a shit to none whatsoever. Someone better make sure Mark Davis knows where to go because my guess is that, without direction, he’ll piss in the plant pots.
Going from out of his mind to simply out of options:
“I commend Marvin’s achievements,” Bengals owner Mike Brown said last month. “He’s done remarkably well with our football team here, in recent years especially. I respect him. I like him personally. He’s going to be our coach this year. That’s in the bank. Where it goes, we’ll see how it plays out.” (si.com)
Just who in the hell does Mike Brown think he could get to come in and coach that mess? The guys who keep Pacman out of the strip club buffets have a better chance of controlling that team. Anyway, I guess we’ll find out in January 2017, when the 10:35 from San Francisco arrives.
Well, that’s enough of that – it looks like the midnight train has arrived. UNLOAD THE GAMES!
NHL: (13 games total)
- Red Wings @ Bruins – 7:00
- Islanders @ Rangers – 7:00
- Penguins @ Capitals – 7:00
- Blues @ Blackhawks – 8:30
- Ducks @ Kings – 10:30
NCAA Hockey: the Frozen Four! Semi-final action from Tampa Bay!
- Boston College vs Quinnipiac – 5:30
- Denver vs North Dakota – 8:30
NBA: (5 games total)
- Raptors @ Hawks – 8:00
- Spurs @ Warriors – 10:30
RIP Merle Haggard. Only Willie Nelson is left – THE ONE WHO SMOKED THE MOST WEED WON!
(time for zzzzzz’s so this is it)
Green Day – Scattered
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kaDMmA2sTQU&nohtml5
Night
Hi everybody!
…Did I miss anything?
Yeah Right’s knee hates him. That’s about it so far.
Orioles are 3-0 and in sole possession of 1st place.
You are now all caught up. Nothing else matters.
Green Day – Jackass
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XDK0BrqTQAw&nohtml5
Ugh. Too tire to handle the mixed emotions of a Warriors wind and a Sharks loss.
Good night, my lovely little chickadees!
1) Kings beat Ducks WOOHOO GO KINGS GO
2) Angels walk off in 9th thanks to Poo-Holes WOOHOO WIN #1
3) My wife’s boss said the word “agreeance” in a meeting and she had to seethe silently
4) Ernie Els golfs just like me! (Like for one hole only)
Solid day, everyone. Go swat yourselves on the ass, hard, and get a fuckin sandwich.
Ahem–no mention of the Sharks blowing a huge lead in the first period only to lose, per usual, to Winnipeg, I see. Good call. I would hate for people to nervously check in on me and my access to razor blades and my wrists.
Sharks never had a chance against the Jets. Too few Puerto Ricans.
http://basementrejects.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/west-side-story-1961-jets-vs-sharks-basketball-court-best-picture-review-academy-awards.jpg
Inefficient power play characterized by rhythmic snapping.
One day our dance skills will be seen as the Cup-winning choreography that it deserves to be!
http://i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/907/778/d39.jpg
We need music.
Green Day – Castaway
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UQ5I5WrHkpk
A positive.
http://www.foxsports.com/content/dam/fsdigital/fscom/global/dev/static_resources/mlb/teams/retina/16.png
I went to watch the Tuesday night game. They looked damn good. Sound was off so I never quite figured out why the Angel’s pitcher started spraying blood out of his nose though.
As in, like, HIV positive?
http://25.media.tumblr.com/3310f86023d9ee3c89422c20f86d4663/tumblr_mfxlevz1rT1qedb29o1_500.gif
Korean head cuffs.
http://41.media.tumblr.com/b7ee2a310b2e4000306e9f250b2e106f/tumblr_nua880iQ3n1rojphdo1_540.jpg
So guess I’m looking at getting my “good” knee repaired.
I’m 14 months into an 18-ish month rehab on my right knee and I may have blown up lefty.
Motherfucker.
DR. appointment at 10 in the morning.
I need to lash out.
If I was doing a request line I would be asking for thrash metal.
And getting another beer.
Sunuvabitch.
Dedicated to your knee….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7RLDZaWN8b4
That fucking sucks man. In honor of whichever -CL it is.
https://youtu.be/VV1XWJN3nJo
Hahahahahaha……I want to say that’s horrible. But too funny.
Thanks. At least I didn’t completely swing and miss.
Not at all. Plus, she’s really hot and I like that song.
http://cdn.moviestillsdb.com/sm/feee36533e88decae493b7c66fba566c/johnny-english.jpg
Son of a……. hope it goes well.
http://40.media.tumblr.com/27113cbb432ec192cde05cd2f374484b/tumblr_nub5wprPqM1rojphdo1_540.jpg
Shit, If I have to do it myself…
Warriors just picked up Win #70. Record still in play. Good to see them rebound.
Things look promising for the what I can assume will be the next several meetings between the spurs and Warriors. At least that is what I tell myself to sleep at night.
I will be very disappointed if the WCF isn’t Spurs vs. Warriors.
If it isn’t I am very curious to see what catastrophic fuck ups occurred along the way to disrupt that plan, that’s for sure!
Aww yuss! Let’s go Warriors!
http://40.media.tumblr.com/2a7476d37eece1bb235a5ba1e6adbaab/tumblr_nuij0kFGNK1rojphdo1_500.jpg
Commies. But admittedly….kinda cute Commies.
47 North Koreans starved to death to bring The Great One these flowers.
On Masters Thursday, with a dog in the vet hospital, the above-average work BS, wifey having to get some kind of nursing re-certification, a thriller of an Ice Stillers game, and Archer, I still managed to fall down on a well of a Resident Evil wikihole (giggity), and found an RPD cop named George Scott.
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view2/3207513/george-c-scott-football-o.gif
The circle is now complete.
http://41.media.tumblr.com/decf926f9cf35748009bed9d6056b424/tumblr_o5ais0OqSJ1ur4cbuo1_500.jpg
What’s up w/ doggy mcDogface? email me.
Yikes, sorry to hear it. Sounds like all you are missing are Yeah Right’s knees. I hope all is on the mend with the pup.
http://41.media.tumblr.com/0e6bb0d053fd3314b52fea1b9963800d/tumblr_nun4hgXh4E1rojphdo1_1280.jpg
Guns n Roses reunion not looking so good now, is it?
Watching Legends of Tomorrow right now. Holy shit, this episode is dragging.
LOVE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!
http://0.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/90/13/2a0a3b6e194ee707cb7125565ec0b741.gif
Let go of me head you marsupial asshole!!!!! I’m a dog!!!!!
http://img.pandawhale.com/98536-dog-humping-ground-gif-Imgur-EBkr.gif
I think I know that girl.
Murder She Sploosh
Angela Lansbury back in the day.
http://45.media.tumblr.com/9f1778b5db11f7e1b84b9298dfe56893/tumblr_nszt4w1JZI1qe4ru4o1_540.gif
Wow. Like….seriously, wow.
http://d22zlbw5ff7yk5.cloudfront.net/images/uncaptioned-ft9SW-50c4fc9bc31f1.gif
What a darling!
I saw Gaslight for the first time a few years ago and was rather surprised.
And of course, obligatory.
http://i.huffpost.com/gen/1812526/thumbs/o-PAUL-MCCARTNEY-facebook.jpg
I don’t know. Angela Lansbury is looking pretty good i that picture
Yeah, but she plays bass left handed. No respect.
Agreed, but Paul was a good looking guy at one time too.
Holy shit, Craig Ferguson?
Of course. I miss the shit out of that show.
http://45.media.tumblr.com/f313af89759cc5bf570e564e7a9a35ac/tumblr_nomq7wpALC1tn0fi8o1_400.gif
That response gif response went horribly wrong.
http://41.media.tumblr.com/61f2feeaee164b1745d0d72672bb3ca3/tumblr_nutjt54EpX1rojphdo1_540.jpg
http://mrwgifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/Tess-Taylor-Being-Inappropriate.gif
http://big.assets.huffingtonpost.com/woofwasher.gif
I want one of those for myself!
Here is the first part of the infomercial.
http://ak-hdl.buzzfed.com/static/2015-06/30/19/enhanced/webdr08/anigif_enhanced-27446-1435707864-7.gif
http://cdn.styleforum.net/1/18/500x1000px-LL-189369cf_tumblr_m6didmljcK1qa3q45o1_500.gif
Great googily moogily. What’s her name?
I hate to admit this, but the Samsung “In the dark…” commercial is kind of charming.
http://lovelace-media.imgix.net/uploads/135/f8f8ce70-f5f7-0132-44f1-0a2ca390b447.gif
Silllllll….where are youuuuu??????
http://pics.eccpoll.com/pow/boner.gif
Hahahaha….I’m a sick fuck to think that’s so funny. Meh…it is what it is.
Meh, I guess a backhand to Curry’s groin is a foul. Who knew?
Chris Paul?
Just playing the odds.
My bet is on Pops. He’s an AF Vietnam vet. He’s never given a fuck.
http://cdn.themetapicture.com/pic/images/2014/10/01/cool-gif-beach-hula-hoop.gif
http://weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/4-guys-jumping-through-a-hula-hoop.gif
Pantera: The Early Years
Hello LADIES……
http://40.media.tumblr.com/b98821eb3d97011d355647ac05b8daad/tumblr_nv8h8d8uKX1rojphdo1_1280.jpg
Whoa, where’d you get photos of my cousin Jim from?
I wish I looked that good in jorts.
Fuck you, Dogs. Cats can TOTALLY hula hoop!!!!!
http://meowgifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/CatHulaHoop.gif
http://41.media.tumblr.com/9b609e19c287ba498a7239d86b17d929/tumblr_nv7knpk0S91rojphdo1_1280.jpg
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-rxljL8hcuf4/UlsK7-A0g8I/AAAAAAAAY8I/fYQAl4NSqxM/s1600/bear+with+hula+hoop+dr+heckle+funny+wtf+animal+gifs.gif
1) Does Shaq have marbles in his mouth?
2) Did Shaq just ask if GSW were missing shots due to voodoo?
http://i.imgur.com/eahCqNL.gif
http://cdn.meme.am/instances/54151754.jpg
1) At least that was be acceptable. He’s hust a dumb fuck.
2) Probably
Fuck you, iPhone.
Damn dirty hippie…..get off my lawn.
http://40.media.tumblr.com/fa072c9f68885ba6854303394eff5671/tumblr_nhq0pcv1VA1u6tw2po1_1280.jpg
http://i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/202/566/boner.png
http://114.imagebam.com/download/-Nt5RFGVNNqfuxctitkXBw/47653/476524349/image.jpeg
Thanks Apple. Here’s another link if that doesn’t work. http://www.imagebam.com/image/79addf476524349
http://www.quick-break.net/c/2014/04/01/How_to_pee_with_morning_wood.jpeg
I’m sad that Sill isn’t here right now.
Dawwwwwww….dogs can’t hula hoop. Silly dog.
http://45.media.tumblr.com/809b313a924e5affc5320e4bea04e8f3/tumblr_nwu5tjGlx21rlpicfo1_400.gif
You’re doing it wrong. But that is sooooo not a problem, keep doing it that way.
http://www.pic-sexy.com/media/uploads/hot-girls-hula-hooping-28-gifs/hula_hoop_girl_14.gif
Is sitting now brought to me by Corona?
Has been for a while.
For RTD as a reward for his totally not homoerotic workout earlier today (wink wink).
http://cdn.rsvlts.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/sexy_gifs_of_girls_getting_healthy_30.gif
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-uUSb6HdohfQ/T81HdQKElwI/AAAAAAAABtw/OPM7J-Hj8DQ/s1600/Erect.jpg
http://49.media.tumblr.com/69f22fecacc0d3ed30576ec8566ba028/tumblr_nvejdu4hV71rhpn4yo1_400.gif
http://www.joeydevilla.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2008/09/mccain-palin_king_of_the_hill.jpg
http://40.media.tumblr.com/2b5940806d931ce87a9c8447b035440c/tumblr_nvjls3GH9w1rojphdo1_1280.jpg
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
http://40.media.tumblr.com/2b3dbe245f581f40876233bfe97b64e7/tumblr_nvgbc3t61u1rojphdo1_1280.jpg
http://vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/transformers/images/2/2d/G1_Ironhide_toy.jpg
How dare you impugn the good name of Cotton Hill by comparing him to walking penis John McCain.
Peggy Hill on her worst day is far, far more coherent.
The dark side of motorboating.
http://40.media.tumblr.com/9e9525662ed0f7e9d2bfe41c2ed89259/tumblr_nvp77wTNdH1rojphdo1_1280.jpg
Sorry Dok…me and my testosterone gotta side with the guys. This is way betterer. Begone gay thoughts….
http://www.animateit.net/data/media/june2010/ja-5c.jpg
http://www.vitamin-ha.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/4007g6675.gif
LMFAO…it’s got a hook on the end. I want that!!!!!!!
Gives a whole new meaning to “lift at the waist.”
It’s all good, Internet has something for everyone!
Everyone.
Rule 34
FINALLY! Getting over the cold I’ve had this week. Fortunately, vodka seems to help.
Whiskey is better.
Whiskey and BAMB’s stomach don’t get along, so no.
Noooooo….no dark liquors when sick.
Oddly enough I remember some people’s drinking preferences more easily than team alliances.
Oh. That sucks.
Whiskey contains congeners.
Better to stick with the voddy if you’ve been under the weather.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Congener_%28alcohol%29
Whiskey’s aged…I have to stick with distilled, unfortunately.
Just completed my latest batch of limoncello which would probably go well with some hot tea. Still needs another couple weeks to come together fully though.
One time I dissolved some salt in Everclear, heated it up, and tried to drink it with the theory that it would just scorch all the bacteria in my throat to death. Don’t do that.
Wow.
That was a spectacularly bad idea.
But did the burning distract you from the scratching and phlegm?
I didn’t actually manage to drink any of it. When it got within a few inches of my face, the fumes made my eyes and nose start to water copiously and I immediately realized the flaw in my illness-induced attempt at logic.
By far the worst hangovers I’ve ever had involved everclear. Looking back on it, that probably shouldn’t have been surprising.
Hmm. I bet it would’ve worked, but in the same way drinking bleach would work.
Some woman just walked in who looks like a local news reporter and she has legs that go all the way up. Good day.
That’s good. It would be awkward if they stopped half way.
Not to mention very unstable for overall support of the torso.
Nice … Nice … OHMYGODWHATTHEFUCK
Then she’d be Cotton Hill.
She could kill fitty men with her looks.
I’m used to it.
“Well honey, I’m really glad we finally met the neighbors. They certainly have nothing to hide.”
http://36.media.tumblr.com/477e7e4ebed460bd76bf175194960bb7/tumblr_nvkjqx7gAV1rojphdo1_1280.jpg
The nudist episode of Family Guy was during the last good season and was so funny.
Mario Lemieux scored as many shorthanded goals (13) in 1988-9 as the top 31 players have scored this season.
http://25stanley.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/3rd-rd-of-the-playoffs-May-23-Imgur.gif
he good
Well, I love my dog, but I have to admit; SHE IS NO DAMN GOOD AT TEH SUMO!
http://49.media.tumblr.com/97a4f86ecc8742a2e615010c35509382/tumblr_ngda652npc1tinozao1_400.gif
Yeah…she kinda sucks at it. At least bite that fucker.
I just saw someone walking his Shiba and seriously considered punching him and taking the dog. But my building doesn’t allow pets.
Bar exam results come out tomorrow. Pray for Unsurprised.
http://memecrunch.com/meme/wkft/u-can-do-it/image.png
Want to support a fellow Commentist, but conflicted by hoping for another lawyer.
Go for the D!
Boom! Phrasing!
Seriously, best of luck.
Dear Hermes:
Please allow this servant as your conduit for your deceiving arts. In half-truths and syllogisms, now plus the three extra days for service plus intervening holidays, Amen.
Amen.
OK Dok, I guess this has to be the last one since everyone seems to want boobies (damn homophobes….it’s not gay to appreciate the beauty of a man’s body and…OK, I need to stop).
http://i111.photobucket.com/albums/n151/hagemangroup/maledancers13bv.gif
That is really weirdly entrancing. It almost generates its own music…
Speaking only for myself, a confirmed hetero male….it IS oddly mesmerizing.
It’s hypnotic. Like a lava lamp.