Your “Headshots for Everyone!” Tuesday Open Thread

A relatively slow day, given that the draft hangover should have cleared everyone’s head about now. (Irsay family excepted.) So, there’s very little by way of FOOTBAW news & notes:

  • Clearly delusional Broncos QB Mark Sanchez says it’s a “vote of confidence” that the Broncos drafted a QB rather than signing a veteran to compete with him.
    • The same article notes that Sanchez is the only QB on the roster to have thrown a “professional” pass, so I guess it’s good Von Miller got cut from Dancing With the Stars, because he’s going to need the study time if he wants the Broncos to finish above .500.
  • Hoo boy, Dana Stubblefield.
  • Nothing new on the Raiders to Las Vegas front, aside from a whole bunch of terrible puns masquerading as headlines.
    • One side effect of the debate, however, seems to be increasing the pressure on San Diego to approve the downtown stadium proposal.
  • Peyton Manning has decided NOT to seek a broadcasting job for the 2016 season, choosing instead to continue focusing on providing mid-grade pizza and #UpForWhatever to the legal marijuana community in Colorado. &#9835″Nationwide says pack-that-bowl.”&#9835

Today’s Open Thread contains a lot of hockey, and some politics, because there’s more of that on than football news today. Feel free to scroll down to the bottle of scotch if this fails to interest you.

If you are not watching the Pens-Caps series, you are missing what is essentially both a Stanley Cup final and the Bulldogs-Chiefs game from “Slap Shot”. There’s been some trash talking,

rough stuff in front of the net,

cheap shots in open ice

some goalie interference,

and general intimidation of each bench.

What the movie lacked was outright head shots, so the modern day players had to step up their game.

This is from Game 2:

This was a three-game suspension.

This is from Game 3:

A one-game suspension.

Both players didn’t have the puck when they got hit, and stopped being part of the active play. Orpik’s hit looks far-more dangerous, but at least he was following through on his man. Letang had to go find Marcus Johansson. If Letang isn’t suspended, expect Washington – if they get up a couple or down by a bunch – to go looking for payback. This is the kind of series the NHL wants, but is also afraid might get out of control and become a spectacle. The Blues & Stars are almost at this level, so if they can keep it clean, the NHL might fail their way into some ratings. I trust Gary Bettman to make the wrong decisions.

Have we reached this point yet?

Politics: Did you know there’s a primary today in Indiana? Ted Cruz sure does, because he’s doing everything he can to ensure he loses. From calling the hoop a “basketball ring” to announcing failed CEO Carly Fiorina as his running mate, he’s sure trying to hand victory to Trump while plaintively arguing he’s the best candidate available. This afternoon, in response to Trump’s insinuations that Cruz’s father was associated with Lee Harvey Oswald (WAKE UP SHEEPLE!), he called Trump a “pathological liar,” “utterly amoral,” “a narcissist at a level I don’t think this country’s ever seen” and “a serial philanderer.” Trump’s eventual response will be, “So?”

Meanwhile, the Democrats are still fighting their internecine battle, oblivious to the fact that their mutual political suicide is the only way Trump could actually win.

I wanted to make fun of Indiana in this post, so I googled “gravy museum”. Sadly, no such thing exists, but I did discover that the “National Mustard Museum” is located in Middleton, WI. Because it was near lunch time, I then tried to find a hot dog museum. The “hot dog” museum is apparently at “O’Bettys Red Hot” in Athens, OH, while Tony Packo‘s in Toldeo has a “hot dog bun” museum, which is more of an autographed wall of hot dog buns than a museum dedicated to cooked meat holders.

I totally forgot to visit there when I stopped in for a Mud Hens game. To be fair, at the time I was more concerned about going drinking with my acquaintance, Hens manager Leon Durham. I’ll take “drinks with athletes” over “famous hot dog” any time, if only for the quality of lady that visits you in such establishments and looks at your weiner.

Concerts: so you know what your parents & grandparents are talking about.

Malt of the Month:

Your Whisky Exchange “Malt of the Month” is the Lagavulin 1998 Distillers Edition. It’s an Islay, so if you like the taste of peat, this is the beverage for you – every sentence in the tasting guide references the peaty aroma. It sounds like an alcohol that tastes like the forest floor.

The games!

NHL:

  • Lightning @ Islanders – 7:00 (Series tied 1-1)
  • Sharks @ Predators – 9:00 (Ducks lead 2-0)
  • Stars @ Blues – 9:30 (Series tied 1-1)

NBA:

  • Miami @ Toronto – 8:00 – Game 1
  • Portland @ Golden State – 10:30 – Game 2

Kate Upton is engaged to Justin Verlander. SHE’S GOT SOMETHING OF HIS ON HER HAND!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
WCS

Covalent Blonde

That’s more like the GSW score I like to fuckin’ see!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Covalent Blonde

“Oo. Rocket luanchers…Y’all, y’all. My vehicle seems to be slowing down for some reason. I think I’ve run out of carburetor”

Unsurprised

I’m watching FD on Youtube.

Covalent Blonde

HOT TAEK: I love Frisky Dingo waaaaaay more than Archer

theeWeeBabySeamus

YOU TAKE THAT BACK!!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
theeWeeBabySeamus

Agreed.

Unsurprised

In that it uses the exact same jokes? Indeed.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Maybe it’s not for you then.

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Unsurprised

I’m not complaining.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Unsurprised

I’ve never seen Frisky Dingo before.

Covalent Blonde

Get. The. Fuck. Out!

We can never go back to Arizona! Must see all around.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m with CB on this one.
Find it and watch it. Preferably really really high (but that’s just good sense).
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view5/4497768/master-cylinder-o.gif

Covalent Blonde

“Well… not a whole tall boy”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
theeWeeBabySeamus

OLD TIME HOCKEY!!!!!

Covalent Blonde

Maybe Niemi sucks less this time? Maybe he remembers his days as a Shark and recalls that he can never be a clutch player?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yay for Polka Dotted Shirley
Garbage – I Think I’m Paranoid
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0f7hlW1sXm8

Senor Weaselo

I’m gonna get some shut-eye, I’m still wanted for a 9 AM run-through.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mp0ZISBYidI

Covalent Blonde

Night-night!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Covalent Blonde

Steve Kerr may start murdering the Warriors in the locker room.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Until he gets to Antonio Banderas.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
theeWeeBabySeamus

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

When Gilda is brought back to Argentina by Tom, she slaps Johnny hard across both sides of his face. In reality, Rita Hayworth’s smacks broke two of Glenn Ford’s teeth. He held his place until the take was finished. (Gilda, 1946)

http://67.media.tumblr.com/0a4459e2676ff44db94d867dcc250f3e/tumblr_nn70jwHdpt1s2gm3jo1_500.gif

Covalent Blonde

what is this one from?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Fight Club

Covalent Blonde

I fucking knew it. I just don’t know why I doubted myself.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The first rule of doubting yourself is not talking about doubting yourself.

Covalent Blonde

I really, really wish I could participate in the La Batt “Undomesticated” Games

montythisseemsstrangetome

Do I stay up to make sure the Blues don’t give up 4 goals in 18 minutes, or do I just go to bed?

Senor Weaselo

Still at it, I swear.
Charles Mingus – Haitian Fight Song
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r5j4dou8osU

WCS

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Brocky
theeWeeBabySeamus
Covalent Blonde

So….. that’s why it’s best of 7, eh?

WCS

Eh… more like, best of six.

Just accept it, and move on. It’s an even-numbered year, your San Fran Giants will win another World Series.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m almost sad that the Pens can’t close out the Caps tomorrow night and just get that shit over with too.

Covalent Blonde

I still have a tiny hope for the Caps.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Define “tiny”.
No, wait…that’s probably not a good idea.

Covalent Blonde

Shut it! One year we may not choke before the final! One fucking year!

theeWeeBabySeamus

So I googled “Mila Kunis gif” and this came up.
Now I am NOT saying I know who she is (I know nothing), but she is not Mila Kunis.
http://cdn28.us1.fansshare.com/photograph/dillionharper/dillion-harper-shared-photo-uk-2019282005.jpg

Covalent Blonde

Hydrocephaly?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Maybe from repeated blows to the head….so to speak.

Mr. Ayo

That’s Dillion Harper

theeWeeBabySeamus

This is TOTALLY NEW INFORMATION TO ME!!!!
And who is this Dillion Harper of whom you speak? Is she a singer?
/yeah, I’m probably overdoing it, huh?

Spanky Datass

Yep, Dillion Harper. Former nudie model turned hard core “actress”.

Covalent Blonde

I really need to watch more porn. I originally thought she was a handi-capable girl someone tried to make look sexy for a charity photoshoot.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Great, now I am focused on the forehead, welp that’ll clear up some space on the drive.

http://moejackson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/dillion-harper-062214-2.jpg

Covalent Blonde

Dammit fuck dammit! Well, okay. 4 minutes left. San Jose can make up the three-point deficit.

WCS

Well, you say that…

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yeah, that’s kinda how I felt last night.
I suspect you’ll have the same empty “want to break things” feeling I did in about…
/looks at watch
….four minutes.

Covalent Blonde

Aww… no. I’m drinking, kitten! Aside from the heartburn, I will be sleeping this shit off.

Covalent Blonde

Get your shit together second half GSW! Please give me something to hang my drinky hat on tonight!

Redshirt

Well if anyone needs me I’ll be lying in bed staring at the ceiling listening to “The Smile Song” on repeat.

montythisseemsstrangetome

if anyone needs me I’ll be lying in bed

I tried that line in college but it never worked.

SonOfSpam

APPROVE

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SonOfSpam

“Headshots for Everyone!”

Especially Heidi Cruz:

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Unsurprised

Where’s Lee Harvey Oswald when you need him?

montythisseemsstrangetome

“He’s about to be transferred…”

– Dallas Police

montythisseemsstrangetome

Rams are gone, Cards are under .500.
IT’S ALL ON YOU, BLUES

Redshirt

Cardinals are under .500? Is that even possible?!

WCS

Parenting 305, also Cat Ownership 101

Unsurprised
ballsofsteelandfury

My favorite part about that picture may be the vintage Canucks t-shirt. I may have problems.

Unsurprised

I hope Wakezilla approves.

Brocky

What’s this?

An Alison Brie gif I haven’t seen posted on no less than 4 occasions?

Unsurprised

Built out of six Alison Brie gifs of mediocre quality.

Unsurprised

I just made it last night.

Brocky

I’m not complaining. Good Hustle.

*slaps unsurprised on the ass. HARD

WCS

Senor Weaselo

Rowsdower vs. Dave Ryder. WHO YA GOT?

ballsofsteelandfury

My life experience with the ladies:

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ballsofsteelandfury

Doing well!

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Unsurprised

Fuck you, Jesus.

Unsurprised

I’m not quite certain that accurately reflects physics.

Unsurprised

I generally avoid u***x like the rest of you, but Vince published his long-form article on Bourbon, and it’s pretty interesting.

I also just attended a networking event and I feel really good having had a chance to talk to people in the legal community and just people in general.

ballsofsteelandfury

Regarding the news of Kate Upton’s upcoming (PHRASING!) nuptials:

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Unsurprised

Cute or not, unless you can afford that 84 carat diamond from Snatch, I don’t think you’re going to change her mind.

JustStopDude

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montythisseemsstrangetome

Damn I miss MST3K

Redshirt

Just Like You – Three Days Grace

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxbPhDdxEp0

ballsofsteelandfury

Evening all!

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montythisseemsstrangetome

Sadder old guy: Jon Bon Jovi on the DirecTV commercial, or Anthony Michael Hall on the AT&T commercial?

Brocky

So Sanders won Indiana

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JustStopDude

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montythisseemsstrangetome

Grace, Too

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Redshirt

This Fire Burns – Killswitch Engage

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KpzfdkTuiC4

theeWeeBabySeamus

Nice

Gratliff

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Redshirt

And Ryback completed the CM Punk homage by going home due to dispute with management.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Offspring – Want You Bad
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_g19fCJotPc

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

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JustStopDude