Your “Headshots for Everyone!” Tuesday Open Thread

A relatively slow day, given that the draft hangover should have cleared everyone’s head about now. (Irsay family excepted.) So, there’s very little by way of FOOTBAW news & notes:

  • Clearly delusional Broncos QB Mark Sanchez says it’s a “vote of confidence” that the Broncos drafted a QB rather than signing a veteran to compete with him.
    • The same article notes that Sanchez is the only QB on the roster to have thrown a “professional” pass, so I guess it’s good Von Miller got cut from Dancing With the Stars, because he’s going to need the study time if he wants the Broncos to finish above .500.
  • Hoo boy, Dana Stubblefield.
  • Nothing new on the Raiders to Las Vegas front, aside from a whole bunch of terrible puns masquerading as headlines.
    • One side effect of the debate, however, seems to be increasing the pressure on San Diego to approve the downtown stadium proposal.
  • Peyton Manning has decided NOT to seek a broadcasting job for the 2016 season, choosing instead to continue focusing on providing mid-grade pizza and #UpForWhatever to the legal marijuana community in Colorado. &#9835″Nationwide says pack-that-bowl.”&#9835

Today’s Open Thread contains a lot of hockey, and some politics, because there’s more of that on than football news today. Feel free to scroll down to the bottle of scotch if this fails to interest you.

If you are not watching the Pens-Caps series, you are missing what is essentially both a Stanley Cup final and the Bulldogs-Chiefs game from “Slap Shot”. There’s been some trash talking,

rough stuff in front of the net,

cheap shots in open ice

some goalie interference,

and general intimidation of each bench.

What the movie lacked was outright head shots, so the modern day players had to step up their game.

This is from Game 2:

This was a three-game suspension.

This is from Game 3:

A one-game suspension.

Both players didn’t have the puck when they got hit, and stopped being part of the active play. Orpik’s hit looks far-more dangerous, but at least he was following through on his man. Letang had to go find Marcus Johansson. If Letang isn’t suspended, expect Washington – if they get up a couple or down by a bunch – to go looking for payback. This is the kind of series the NHL wants, but is also afraid might get out of control and become a spectacle. The Blues & Stars are almost at this level, so if they can keep it clean, the NHL might fail their way into some ratings. I trust Gary Bettman to make the wrong decisions.

Have we reached this point yet?

Politics: Did you know there’s a primary today in Indiana? Ted Cruz sure does, because he’s doing everything he can to ensure he loses. From calling the hoop a “basketball ring” to announcing failed CEO Carly Fiorina as his running mate, he’s sure trying to hand victory to Trump while plaintively arguing he’s the best candidate available. This afternoon, in response to Trump’s insinuations that Cruz’s father was associated with Lee Harvey Oswald (WAKE UP SHEEPLE!), he called Trump a “pathological liar,” “utterly amoral,” “a narcissist at a level I don’t think this country’s ever seen” and “a serial philanderer.” Trump’s eventual response will be, “So?”

Meanwhile, the Democrats are still fighting their internecine battle, oblivious to the fact that their mutual political suicide is the only way Trump could actually win.

I wanted to make fun of Indiana in this post, so I googled “gravy museum”. Sadly, no such thing exists, but I did discover that the “National Mustard Museum” is located in Middleton, WI. Because it was near lunch time, I then tried to find a hot dog museum. The “hot dog” museum is apparently at “O’Bettys Red Hot” in Athens, OH, while Tony Packo‘s in Toldeo has a “hot dog bun” museum, which is more of an autographed wall of hot dog buns than a museum dedicated to cooked meat holders.

I totally forgot to visit there when I stopped in for a Mud Hens game. To be fair, at the time I was more concerned about going drinking with my acquaintance, Hens manager Leon Durham. I’ll take “drinks with athletes” over “famous hot dog” any time, if only for the quality of lady that visits you in such establishments and looks at your weiner.

Concerts: so you know what your parents & grandparents are talking about.

Malt of the Month:

Your Whisky Exchange “Malt of the Month” is the Lagavulin 1998 Distillers Edition. It’s an Islay, so if you like the taste of peat, this is the beverage for you – every sentence in the tasting guide references the peaty aroma. It sounds like an alcohol that tastes like the forest floor.

The games!

NHL:

  • Lightning @ Islanders – 7:00 (Series tied 1-1)
  • Sharks @ Predators – 9:00 (Ducks lead 2-0)
  • Stars @ Blues – 9:30 (Series tied 1-1)

NBA:

  • Miami @ Toronto – 8:00 – Game 1
  • Portland @ Golden State – 10:30 – Game 2

Kate Upton is engaged to Justin Verlander. SHE’S GOT SOMETHING OF HIS ON HER HAND!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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montythisseemsstrangetome

After a glimpse over the top
The rest of the world becomes a gift shop

Redshirt

In honor of how Fox News and I are feeling, here is a clip of the latest episode of My Little Pony where a recurring character attempts suicide before an audience. That’s not a joke, she a magician but the trick she’s performing needs her to be teleported away. She doesn’t know how teleport but her new friend does. Due to reasons, she lost a new friend so we decides to shot herself into a lion’s/manticore’s mouth anyway:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IkzcEXTTCeU&t=26m18s

This is a kids show, by the way.

Senor Weaselo

2/10 mythological accuracy, manticore has a man’s head, would not watch again.

Unsurprised

Everyone commenting needs to be sterilized.

Redshirt

Seems like a waste. What are the chances of them reproducing?

JustStopDude

I help run a message board for kids asking about going into the navy and the military in general. I do it for shits and giggles and to try and prepare these kids and help them make good decisions prior to signing a contract.

I always kind of wish there was something like that when I enlisted because i basically went in completely blind.

I got a kid asking about going into a specific rate and then into college afterward to get an engineering degree. Pretty much the path I did. One of the items I talked about was the danger of getting too many college credits accepted by a university, meaning that you have to take a math course for a degree…only you are stuck taking a 300 level math course and its been over a decade since you were in a classroom. It was an issue I ran into a lot as a volunteer tutor for my campus vet group.

Naturally this leads to a fucking person nitpicking what I shared, going nuts about how a guy trying to get his geography degree struggled with “Linear Algebra for Engineers” which was the lowest level course he could take.

As an engineer…I fucking detest engineers in all shapes and forms. We should not be allowed in public. A simple little thing I do…that gives me a small sliver of joy and stress release…to just help some young kids…has been turned into a pointless pissing match.

Senor Weaselo

Pissing matches are what makes America America!

JustStopDude

The funny thing…the dude has shared enough information prior to this that makes me certain he never actually got to the fleet.

The whole situation makes me wonder why I bother…and then I realize its either this or competitive drinking…

Unsurprised

In Japan, they get points for accuracy.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Senor Weaselo

Yay Ice Bucs, the least evil option in the East!

Unsurprised

He actually hates his father and is constantly at war with the old man.

theeWeeBabySeamus

The Hives – Hate to Say I Told You So
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uz1Jwyxd4tE

Don T

I always enjoy saying so.
-Every mother ever

Don T

Three sexy astronauts crash land on a planet where apes rule. They attract the attention of human-friendly scientist Dr Kweera and the wild woman Uvala and soon unbridled female lust threatens ape society.
The Puritan Bestialists Porn Circle approves.

Redshirt

I can already see it now. Everyone says Trump is the nominee so his supporters doesn’t go out to vote. Kasich wins next primary in a walkover.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You might enjoy this:

https://vine.co/v/ixH2e1bqz5D

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
theeWeeBabySeamus

Yikes. Serious flashback material right there.

Redshirt

I’m not watching. What’s MSNBC’s reaction to Trumps win?

Redshirt

My Past is Not Today – My Little Pony: Equestria Girls (Rebecca Shoichet)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XqnbYUG6Bn8

…in honor of all Republicans who will be shopping for a new candidate.

Yeah, I know its a little girls song, but I’m depressed. Let me have this one!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Tenacious D – Kickapoo
(NSFW)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hJMUewVpB5Y

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
theeWeeBabySeamus

Has/is anyone watching Night Manager on AMC? I’ve got it recording on the DVR. I guess tonight’s will be #3. Just wondering if it’s worth the watch or not.

WCS

I’ve heard/read good things, but, I keep forgetting about it.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Ditto.

Brocky

I’ve really like the first two episodes. I really like the attention to detail

montythisseemsstrangetome

They lay their heads on their futon beds
So many miles from home
You teach your children some fashion sense
And they fashion some of their own.

WCS

Hannity really does look like he’s been crying.

King Hippo

I’d be totes ok if he decided to be all like “hey man, nice shot”

WCS

That’ll be in early November when Hillary wins 275 electoral votes.

Redshirt

I’m listening to Fox News new theme:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ZDqVdGGrjE

Senor Weaselo

Where’s that fifth of vodka you were talking about?

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Senor Weaselo

Queen – Gimme the Prize (Kurgan’s Theme)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vf4UhPuwoGE

herodotus450

Right in the Kucherov!

theeWeeBabySeamus
King Hippo

one of my faves

theeWeeBabySeamus

See…I KNEW you liked my crappy playlist.
You coy bastard.

King Hippo

90s music just runs very hot and cold. I either loves it or hates it, with little rhyme or reason as to why.

WCS

FOX isn’t bothering to conceal their dejection and defeatism.

SonOfSpam

Fox News on Election Night in November will be glorious.

Redshirt

On-air drinking and crying.

WCS

Rich Lowery might actually kill himself tonight. He’s got the thousand-yard stare going.

King Hippo

It is not a good cycle to be a conservative with any sort of intellectual bent, fo sho.

JustStopDude
WCS

Or, as Ted Cruz would call it, the “karate space.”

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Redshirt

CNN: “How different would a Donald Trump candidacy make Clinton or Sanders?”
Me: “More giggling and stifling laughter. A definite increase in thanking a deity figure or figures for this supposed blessing.”

herodotus450

It appears that Koekkoek is pronounced more like “Cuckoo” with another k at the end?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Why the hell do I have a headache?

Stupid brain! I’ll give you something to cry about.

[pours self an old-fashioned with extra simple syrup]

King Hippo

I been throwing Imitrex and Vicuprofen at mine, to little effect, goddamned barometric pressure

herodotus450

“Ben Bishop needs to move horizontally, not diagonally, across the crease to make that save.”
-Hockey analyst of my dreams.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Doktor Zymm

That is the best 3-D livestock anatomical diagram I’ve ever seen.

SonOfSpam

“Yes Lisa, a wonderful magical animal.”

Redshirt

You can talk about “unity” all you want but you’ll never get my vote, you narcissistic small-dicked son of a bitch.

Redshirt

So what did I miss with Trump?

Redshirt

Hello. My name is Redshirt D. and I’m a recovering Republican.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Redshirt D is what many ladies in Gainesville, Florida received in the fall of 1999.

nomonkeyfun

I feel very dirty typing this, but I sort of miss Reagan right now.
Hell, I miss George W.
Fuck, I might miss George Wallace next to these shit stains.

...

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...

Cubs are once again pouring on the runs without mercy.

Each day that passes where the Cubs don’t play like shit makes me a tiny bit more afraid.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Enjoy the journey, don’t worry about the destination.
(wow….that’s deep man)
http://laslow.net/reactiongifs/Batch01/cant%20be%20worried.gif

Doktor Zymm

DOOOOOOOM!

Doktor Zymm

Morbo’s species will conquer your puny baseball playing humans!

herodotus450

Idea No. 511 to increase scoring in hockey: Sticks are now illegal.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Homemade Sazerac #2: mixed in some cherry bitters to go with the Peychaud’s. Worked better than expected.

Doktor Zymm

I’ve got rhubarb bitters around here somewhere, they have a nice sour kick.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Too early for Muzak? Tough.
Nirvana – In Bloom
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PbgKEjNBHqM

Doktor Zymm

I think I’ll try popping popcorn in coconut oil next….

Shogun Marcus

Highly recommended.

herodotus450

If this commercial predicts Trumps running mate, then we’ll know the real reason for his candidacy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W4QNXnNftWk

theeWeeBabySeamus

Gary Thorne and Jim Palmer are BOTH idiots tonight….usually it’s just Thorne.
That is all.
/realizes no one else will get this reference
//doesn’t care

Senor Weaselo

Also idiots: Luis Severino, Brian McCann… let’s just say everyone wearing gray uniforms that say “New York” on the front.

/Doesn’t have anything to drink

theeWeeBabySeamus

I gotta 5th of vodka and a bag o’ weed. I’m a good sharer.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NpS4ebEtLUE

JustStopDude

YOU TAKE THAT BACK! “Thee Sheets” Gary is a fucking national treasure you spoiled Baltimore Bastard!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey, I might be (translation most definitely am) a Baltimore bastard….but I am not spoiled.

Thorne shoulda stuck with hockey exclusively. Chuck Thompson and Bill O’Donnell be rolling over and shit.
http://www.baseballchronology.com/Common/Images/Sports/Baseball/Ipx/announcers_ChuckThompsonBook(180).jpg

JustStopDude

One of the things I have learned having a job that makes me travel so much is that Baltimore has some of the best Baseball TV commentary. Its not even debatable.

Just try and sit through a Chicago White Sox broadcast and not just turn to autoerotic asphyxia to pass the time instead.

...

Hawk needed to be put out to pasture years ago and Steve Stone is nigh insufferable.

theeWeeBabySeamus

It’s true.
I even miss the days of Jon Miller and Brooks Robinson.
/maybe I am spoiled….dammit

herodotus450
theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey, I’d watch her do play by play nekkid.
To be clear, I mean I’d be nekkid. If she was too, that’d just be a bonus.

SonOfSpam

He’s about to name an Attorney General.

King Hippo

America may fuck a lot of shit up, but at least we still made Ted Cruz cry (or at least make teh crying face) on teevee.

...

Shit, I need to see this.

SonOfSpam

Now Cruz can get back to making like-minded political cohorts despise him.

Senor Weaselo

I think this is fitting for tonight. AC/DC – Highway to Hell
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gEPmA3USJdI

Redshirt

At least we know have an answer. Adolf Hitler could’ve been elected president in the USA with the right conditions and with the right number of idiots.

Unsurprised

Get out

Doktor Zymm

Okay, now I’m reading the Wikipedia entry on ghee, cause I’m a big nerd.

“Ghee, although a type of clarified butter, differs slightly in its production. The process of creating traditional clarified butter is complete once the water is evaporated and the fat (clarified butter) is separated from the milk solids. However, the production of ghee includes simmering the butter along with the milk solids so that they caramelize, which makes it nutty-tasting and aromatic.”

Doktor Zymm

There’s also a LOT of stuff about Ayurvedic medicine in here, so really, this is a SUPER healthy snack/dinner.

Doktor Zymm

http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/alton-brown/ghee-recipe.html

Check out the comments, there are ghee snobs!

herodotus450

Always love (i.e. hate) the comments for recipes online.
“I used different ingredients and didn’t follow the recipe, and it came out all wrong. 1 star.”

Doktor Zymm

On the plus side, it’s a much funnier sort of stupidity than you get it in political articles and such!

SonOfSpam

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

GRAPHIC OF THE WEEK, RIGHT HERE, RIGHT HERE, BITCHES!!

...

This is much better than the food-related searches I did today after unwittingly eating mold-encrusted bread.

Turns out I’ll probably be fine.

Doktor Zymm

Free Penicillin!

...

Which sounded great until I remembered I’m allergic to penicillin.

blaxabbath

Considering you seem to have some sort of advanced education and above average brain function, I don’t cringe as much when you say “I’m a big nerd.” Still, I wish you’d stop because it gives dumb people the idea that, if they open wikipedia, they are a nerd too.

http://new3.fjcdn.com/pictures/But+do+you+fucking+love+science+http+explosmnet+comics+3557_d444f7_5154671.png

Doktor Zymm

I was referring more to my compulsive tendency to research all sorts of random things that pique my curiosity, but yeah, point taken. I don’t really run into too many of the cutesy “teehee I’m a nerd” types so it’s not something I’ve integrated into my phrase checking.

...

I’m struggling to imagine you ever uttering a cutesy “teehee.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

To be fair; I wait a second, then look at science’s butt. Science knows I’m watching.

Duchess

OK Cruz dont be a huge douche and fuck up your campaign suspension like you did with a VP nominee.

If you suspend you can keep your delegates. If you say you are out you lose them.

Redshirt

He suspended. That way he can still take donations if he has debt.

SonOfSpam

Goodbye Rafael/Ted, Or as your people say, “Nanu nanu.”

We’ll always have this:

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Senor Weaselo

Even I’m not that awkward holding hands!

SonOfSpam

Your rimjob skills need work though.

Senor Weaselo

There is still a running gentleman’s bet between Redshirt and I about who gets some first.

SonOfSpam

Ok, as long as you’re being gentlemen.