Sunday Gravy with yeah right: Zero Grill Thirty.

I’m back and reasonably convalesced! Knee is feeling good and I’m ready to get the Sunday Gravy party started. Thanks to DJ Taj for filling in the past couple of weeks. I really appreciate it and I hope everyone got a little something from his posts.

Before we begin today I want to address the fact that it’s Memorial Day weekend. I’m not going to make a federal case of this but we really don’t celebrate this holiday properly. Remember the brave men and women in uniform who died while in service to our country. Take at least a minute this Memorial Day and reflect on the ultimate sacrifice these brave warriors gave then you can get to the ball games and the grilling.

Thank you for your service and for your sacrifice.

Now let’s talk about the grilling aspect of the holiday.

Memorial Day is used by many as an occasion to break out the grill for the first time after being stashed away since last Labor Day. For those of you who don’t have the opportunity to grill all year and are hindered by that pesky weather shit, this is a reason to celebrate. Get that grill outside, brush off them spider webs, clean the grill itself and let’s get ready to fire that motherfucker up.

A few weeks ago I did a post called Grilling 101 where I got into my grilling history and gave out a few basic grilling tips and techniques to help you step up your grilling game. I mentioned in that post that I wasn’t “talking about grilling some dogs and flippin’ some burgers” but that’s exactly what we will be doing today. I really hope you don’t need a recipe to grill a goddamn hot dog or make a burger but I’ll give a suggestion or two just in case. I’ll outline how I prepare my burgers pre-cook and there will be an honest to God real recipe for German Potato Salad which is criminally under appreciated and is actually mayonnaise free! Not to mention that it is fucking delicious.

For the folks who are challenged by winter weather and use this weekend to get back to the grill this is an easy way to satisfy as many guests as you have invited over and not to mention it’s a whole fuckload cheaper than buying steaks or ribs for everybody. It’s also a quick and easy meal and it will remind you just how much fucking fun it is to light a charcoal fire and cook shit over it. Hopefully you will use this easy meal to springboard you back into more elaborate and challenging grill menus for the remainder of the summer. For the first session though? Let’s stick with the easy shit.

Ratio-wise I cooked for 7 (5 adults and the two granddaughters) for this meal and it broke down to roughly one hot dog and one burger per person. Sure there will be somebody who wants an extra dog or two or maybe an additional burger so make some extra. Especially if this is a big backyard get together beer drinking session. After 10-15 beers folks are going to get hungry again so keep a few extra around.

You know what? I won’t even give you crap if you use a gas grill for this meal but there is a lovely charcoal flavor imparted to the grill items that I just can’t get on a gas grill. If you feel like it then knock yourself the hell out and go with the gas.

Hot Dogs!

There aren’t a lot of hard and fast rules when it comes to hot dogs but I personally always buy Nathan’s dogs. Always. I only grill hot dogs like twice a year so you may as well get your favorite. Hebrew National makes a decent dog and so does Hoffy. Yes I am right dead center of Dodger Dog country and I always get a GRILLED Dodger Dog at Dodger Stadium when I go but I’m not a big fan of Farmer John otherwise.

Fun story time: A few jobs back, we were doing a big equipment install in the city of Vernon, CA. This is the exact corrupt city that the city of “Vinci” from True Detective Season 2 was based on. There are no residents of the town and it is just industry only. Heavy fucking industry. Nasty fucking industry. Meat packing plants, chemical recycling plants and even the HQ for Kal-Kan pet foods. Holy fuck does this place stink. It makes Newark smell like a goddamn gardenia. The install I was in charge of was at Kal-Kan and involved about 20 pieces of gear. They actually make the dog and cat food here and fucking shit does this place smell. Every Friday is “cat food day” instead of dog food day and Sweet Baby Jesus is that a stench. We installed equipment in the building they called “The Wet Plant” and that was not fun. Not fun at all! The first day as I was driving home I noticed that it smelled like blood and I was 15 miles away from Vernon. Then I realized that the smell was stuck to my clothes. I showered at least twice per day during that install.

Anyway the headquarters for Farmer John is also in Vernon. I just love the murals they have painted all around the factory.

Look at all the happy-go-lucky animals! So happy and festive! This must be like an animal Disneyland!

Fuck no it’s not! They are just slaughtering these happy animals inside left and right. Wholesale fucking massacre! This plant also smells like blood. Jesus! Fuck that town man. I met someone who used to work at Farmer John and he said there were a pair of brothers who worked the kill room floor. If any of the animals survived the first round of “bolt through the fucking head” kill attempt, the brothers would finish them off. They were said to be former gang members and they got their jobs because they were “good with knives.”

I ain’t exactly on board with Farmer John hot dogs after all of that.

Anyway, throw your hot dogs on the prepared grill and cook until they reach desired doneness. I like a little char on mine but not burnt to a crisp. I know many people that LOVE burnt to a crisp. I just like a little color and the dog should have a “snap” when you bite into it. ALWAYS grill your hot dog and hamburger buns. Most standard buns are flavorless, processed white flour crap and this is a chance to impart a little flavor to them.

If you take a look at the plate of food in the banner image, you will see that I like my dog with just a little mustard. Spicy brown or course stone ground mustard if you have it. Dress them any way you would like. These make a ridiculous chili cheese dog, especially if you make your own chili and use a quality extra sharp cheddar.

Burger time!

I use one pound of 80-20 ground beef and one pack of 85-15 and mix them together. You don’t want to go any leaner than 85-15 because you will loose all of the fatty flavor and juices. Here’s how I keep my burgers flavorful and juicy: combine the two pounds of hamburger in a mixing bowl. Add in 2 teaspoons of salt, 1 teaspoon of black pepper, 2 teaspoons of garlic powder and 2 teaspoons of onion powder. Get some tortilla chips. Just plain old tortilla chips don’t be going crazy with the Dorito’s and shit. Crush up a good handful of the chips and add them to the meat mixture. Now add in 1/4 cup of milk. Combine all together and shape into patties. The two pounds of hamburger makes about 7-8 good size burger patties. The trick with the tortilla chips and milk is my own. The chips absorb the milk and it keeps the burger patties nice and juicy throughout the grilling process.

The almonds and peanuts were just for snacking. Delicious beer food!

Cook your burgers on the prepared grill. We’re going to try for a medium rare-medium finish. A little pink but not too much and not all grey. That just wouldn’t do. Cook about 3-5 minutes, flip over and cook for about 3 more. Watch for flare-ups because the fat will excite the fuck out of the fire. I always keep a lid nearby to extinguish the flare-up. Cook your burgers to desired doneness.

If we’re doing cheeseburgers and for Christ’s sake I hope we are, add the cheese to the top of the burger on the grill. Don’t be an asshole and put a cold piece of cheese on the burger after you bring them inside. Melt that shit! It tastes better and makes for a much sexier burger to look at. Your choice of cheese. Plain old American processed cheese works great here. I’m more of a swiss or sharp cheddar guy but pepper jack kicks some serious ass too. Remember again to toast the buns on the grill.

I ain’t gonna tell you how to dress your burger, that’s a very personal choice. Go nuts! Give them the works. You know what a good application is here? Swiss cheeseburger with some slices of bacon and a scoop of sauteed mushrooms. Oh fuck yes. Or if you want just a splash of ketchup go right ahead. Dealers choice.

So right about now you’re probably asking yourself, “Jesus fuck yeah right! We’re not infants. We can grill some burgers and dogs!”

Glad to hear it. I remember promising you all that Sunday Gravy was what I actually prepared for dinner and I will stand by that. I think you may have got a few tips in there as well.

Hold on though. Here’s a real goddamn recipe and it’s one tasty bastard! It even has a couple of advanced techniques in it!

German Potato Salad.

2 lbs of small waxy potatoes. Yukon Gold, new potatoes or white potatoes all work. Peel if you like but I didn’t.

4 slices of bacon cooked crisp. Reserve the bacon grease.

1 small-medium onion diced

1/4 cup apple cider vinegar

1 tablespoon minced fresh chives – dill works here too. I got the fresh chives from my own herb garden.

1 tablespoon of course ground mustard. German mustard works well here, obviously.

1 teaspoon of toasted caraway seeds.

Salt and pepper to taste.

Cut the potatoes into chunks. If the potatoes are small you can get away with slicing them in half. Cover with enough cold water to cover the potatoes by about 2 inches. Salt the water. Hell a tablespoon of salt would do it. Bring the potatoes to a boil and cook until tender. About 15 minutes should work. Remove the potatoes from the water and put in a bowl.

While the potatoes are cooking get that bacon going. Cook until crispy and remove the bacon to a paper towel lined plate. Yes you can eat the bacon if you cooked extra. I cooked a bunch of bacon and used some for the salad and the rest to top the burgers. Keep the bacon grease. Toss the diced onion into the bacon grease and saute until tender, 5-7 minutes. Remove the onion with a slotted spoon and add to the potatoes along with the crumbled cooked bacon, salt, pepper, vinegar, chives and mustard. We need to toast those caraway seeds at some point too. You can toast them ahead of time and they will be fine.

Toast the seeds in a small skillet for about 4-5 minutes. You will be able to smell the seeds as they cook. I toast my own caraway and sesame seeds. They will also start to jump around in the pan as they cook. When I make za’atar I toast black sesame seeds and put them in a spice grinder along with some sumac and thyme and pulse the grinder until the spice blend is mixed. Toasting your own spices is a quick way to bring out an amazing aroma and intensity to the spices.

Toss those toasted seeds into the bowl with the rest of the potato salad ingredients and combine all together. Don’t forget the salt and pepper to taste. Pretty key when working with potatoes. Kind of smush up the cooked potatoes as you mix together. Leave some chunks too.

Serve warm.

Check that shit out! Warm delicious potato salad that has no mayo and won’t give you food poisoning if it gets too warm like egg and mayo based potato salads can. Don’t get me wrong, I love egg and mayo based potato salads but this shit is a whole ‘nother level of tasty. It’s got a tang from the vinegar, savoriness from the onion and bacon, also a good bacon crunch and that spoonful of mustard just brings the whole thing together beautifully. You really should try this one out. Quick and easy and delicious and you can bring it as a side if invited to someone else’s house for a grill session. And you can honestly say “I made it myself!” You fucking rule!

Let me just put up that banner picture again so you can see the whole plate:

There we go! Now that’s the start of summer on a (disposable) plate! My two granddaughters were happy because they each got a hot dog. The adults were happy with some delicious bacon burgers to go along with the dogs and the German potato salad sealed the goddamn deal. Serve with cases and cases of beer. A white wine would be a nice accompaniment as well. As the cook are you allowed to grab the tastiest looking dog off of the plate, put it on a bun with a squeeze of mustard and wolf it down in the kitchen before anyone notices? Fuckin’ A right you are. You earned that shit!

So that was fun wasn’t it? Sure it may seem fairly rudimentary to the advanced cooks but you did get an idea on how to cook a juicier burger, you got to learn about toasting your own spices and you got an insanely good mayo-free potato salad.

It’s Memorial Day weekend and the motherfucking grilling lamp is lit!

Woo summer!

Ladies and gentlemen…START YOUR GRILLS!

Have a good Memorial Day weekend and God bless America!

Thanks for reading.