Your “Wait! What? June?!” Wednesday Open Thread

NFL News:

  • Bills wideout Sammy Watkins is scheduled to get his walking boot off Thursday. In response, God has scheduled the lightning strike for Saturday afternoon.
  • Cowboys 2016 3rd-rounder Maliek Collins broke his foot in OTAs. He’s expected to miss all of training camp. The impact on Tony Romo is uncertain, much like his accuracy.

    DURR…LYNN SWANN STILL SOFT! DURR…
  • Florio’s Felches is reporting that there were three fights at Raiders OTAs on Tuesday. IS THAT TOUGH ENOUGH FOR YOU, GEORGE ATKINSON?
  • SB Nation has a projection story on QBs who didn’t get the glorious sendoff robots like Elway & Manning received.
  • In a legal battle that should be fun to watch, the Broncos are intervening in the bankruptcy proceedings for The Sports Authority chain. Due to missed payments, the Broncos are challenging attempts to make the stadium naming rights an asset for potential liquidation, which could force them to have to accept whatever name the purchaser chooses to hang on the walls. If they win, it’ll revert to simply “Mile High Stadium” until the Broncos find a new sponsor.
    • If one of us wins the Powerball, may I suggest “DFO Commentist Field at Mile High Stadium”? In fact, tonight’s mock draft topic:
      • “Which real company would you like to see sponsor Mile High, and what name should they choose?”

Finally, there is an excellent, will-cost-the-author-his-media-pass story on the “corruption rotting the NFL from within” over at si.com. Something this accusatory couldn’t have come from PK’s hand-picked drones over at the MMQB. Some of the choice quotes:

Put simply, the NFL has forfeited its credibility on just about any issue within an area code of morals and ethics. Its sense of civic responsibility has atrophied to almost nothing, and its public conscience is largely vestigial.

Its commissioner, Roger Goodell, has been worse than incapable of handling the crisis. He’s actively constructed a Potemkin village of concern around it, an edifice of denial and deceit that is now crumbling inevitably to dust.

The difference between what the East German officials did to their athletes, and the NFL’s stonewalling on what it knew to be the truth about what repeated concussions were doing to its players, is a difference of moral degree, but not of moral kind.

It’s a bit of a slog, but take a look before Peter King tries to get his Allagash-stained fingers on it and kill it on behalf of his master.

Gotta keep that privileged access!

This is for fellow educator Wakezilla, after reading his comment about report cards and parent-teacher interviews:

I feel for you. I switched to an adult division to get away from the – “But my precious snowflake has been raised to believe failure is not an option, but your problem. Fix it; I’ve got Pilates at 8:00. Don’t make me call your principal.” – issues. God forbid they should ever say “no” to their child, or take an interest beyond writing cheques. Or, my personal favourite:

  • We’re assigning your child a learning assistance aide.
    • Why?
  • Because there are some topics they need more time to understand.
    • Isn’t that your job?
  • Yes, but I have 28 kids in this class.
    • What does that mean?
  • I can’t afford to slow down the others until your’s can catch up. Not every kid gets every idea at the same time.
    • MY KID’S NOT RETARDED!11!!1

I don’t miss that shit at all.

June 1 means a lot of things to a lot of people. But for teachers, it means only one thing: SUMMER VAY-KAY IS NEAR! In some American states, it’s already summer vacation; problem is, they have to return in mid-August. That just seems mean, especially in places like Texas where it’s still a million degrees. Canadian schools don’t have AC, so I hope they do in warmer climes. Most Canadian schools let out around the second week of June; BC schools “officially” finish on June 29, the day after Provincial Exams conclude, but most will finish on June 24.

For myself, summer officially starts at 3:01 on June 16. It then ends at 8:15 on July 4, when summer school begins. But it resumes 6 weeks later and goes until Labour Day. It still adds up to 5 total weeks of vacation. AND THEN IT’S FOOTBALL SEASON!


In fact, final payment on those Hawks season tickets goes through tomorrow, so let’s check on that exchange rate:

http://www.bankofcanada.ca/

http://www.bankofcanada.ca/rates/exchange/

Latest USD/CAD Rates:

2016-05-31 2016-06-01
1 USD noon 1.3100 CAD 1.3091 CAD
1 USD closing 1.3110 CAD 1.3067 CAD
1 CAD noon 0.7634 USD 0.7639 USD
1 CAD closing 0.7628 USD 0.7653 USD

DAMMIT! That means probably $1.34 once Mastercard gets its hands on the rate. But that’s what summer school pays for, so it’s all worth it. Plus, who knows who’ll be the Rams QB on September 16th? Probably not Jeff Fisher.

I ONLY KEEP YOU AROUND TO FEED OFF YOUR SADNESS!!!

I hope Russell has a functioning O-line by then, or he’s gonna get killed.


Tonight’s Playoff Action:

San Jose @ Pittsburgh – 8:00 (NBCSN). Game 2; Penguins up 1-0

This is for Dok & Covalent.

Alternative broadcasting:

  • NBC: American Ninja Warrior – 8:00
    • I guess we know what NBC thinks will track higher in the overnights
  • A&E: Roots – Part III – 9:00
  • IFC: Revenge of the Nerds – 9:30
    • Ted McGinley’s finest role
  • FX: The Americans – 10:00

The Americans has been renewed for 2 more seasons, and will wrap up after that. And for those of you who’ve forgotten about Keri Russell,

SHE’S GIVING AUNT BECKY A RUN FOR HER MONEY!

 

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Subscribe
Notify of
375 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
theeWeeBabySeamus

The Opportunistic Pigs would be a great name for a punk band.
Just sayin’.

Senor Weaselo

I don’t have to pick my sister up from work. I can have the last of the beer. I need it.

Sill Bimmons
WCS

I saw that earlier, but, didn’t get a chance to read about it. Danke.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Geez dude, yer slippin’. I been waiting for like 10 minutes.
http://31.media.tumblr.com/24cc3b5405bc381508bfdf3eda57fba8/tumblr_mt4u0n0Xuf1s1kqv9o1_500.gif

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Welp, I’m back on eastern time for a few nights. ‘Sup?

theeWeeBabySeamus

comment image

Senor Weaselo

For the record: We talked, and the good news is she doesn’t hate me, she forgives me for doing the douchey thing and ignoring her for a week, and I don’t think I’m going to lose one of my best friends. Even if it might take a little time to get back to as good as we were (minus the makeouts), in the car driving her back we were the same goofballs together as we always are, a reminder of how I fell for this girl in the first place (stop it, Senor). On the other, it’s not gonna happen, at least not anytime soon. She doesn’t like how hot I run, how intense my emotions are, how hard I had fallen even though we hadn’t been on a real date but due to the friendly time we spent over the year (lunch after rehearsal once a week mostly), how I occasionally literally beat myself up over stupid things (normally just a rap on the chin after doing something dumb in orchestra, but even on our walk as I told her about what I liked about her face I had to go “Stop it, Senor”).

We’ve both got some growing up to do. I still think she needs to do better at figuring out what she wants and that that passion isn’t a bad thing, I mean we’re musicians after all, and I need to mature self-esteem-wise (I still don’t forgive myself for the mistakes of my past, and this might get added to the list) and in lady-ing (although that’s like needing experience for a job that will give you experience).

Covalent Blonde

That sounds like a really mature dialogue. That’s not easy, but very impressive that you both can have an honest conversation. Good on you.

Senor Weaselo

I told her near the beginning that when we talked a little last week when I learned I fucked up I was still trying to play it a little cool, figure out myself, figure out what I wanted, and maybe didn’t say everything, plus it started cascading out of me afterwards, and tonight I wasn’t going to leave anything out, even if I didn’t know how to say it.

WCS

comment image

Brocky

My stream lagged, then I saw gif pop up, then i hit the mute…

theeWeeBabySeamus

Don’t worry, I can cook. You just keep doing what you’re doing there. You’re doing it quite well, btw.

Sill Bimmons

Anyone else vomit their guts out watching Chris Evans murder Top Gear Monday night?

Senor Weaselo

I fortunately don’t get BBC America anymore.

Brocky

well, it would appear that after a badly managed period, sharks smell blood in the water:

http://adsoftheworld.com/sites/default/files/images/fond-new-requin.jpg

Sill Bimmons

comment image

King Hippo

I think this is the part where I put it on the bedroom tv and nod off. In all honestly, likely before OT begins. But perhaps I shall have to pee in the middle of OT third #4!!

Covalent Blonde

Yay for alarm clock bladder!

King Hippo

fighting the Amrix muscle relaxer coma sleep, which is quite the battle to behold.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Don’t forget to wrap up the leftover bunny meat and put it in the fridge.
Kruger would do it himself if not for that whole opposable thumbs thing.

Covalent Blonde

Aww! Did Kruger bring you dinner?

Unsurprised

Greetings from Portland. WP is being an asshole and not keeping me logged in.

http://www.imagebam.com/image/637835487201923

It loses something since iPhone uploads a .jpeg file and not .jpg and so it doesn’t embed.

Covalent Blonde

Evening, kiddo. Or should I say Mr. BarBri! How’s the studying going?

Sill Bimmons

hell’s bells

Covalent Blonde

It’s reassuring that the grace of this sport gets boiled down the offensive tactic of employing the Hack-a-Shaq to Murray

Sill Bimmons

sneef

WCS

comment image

King Hippo

JEEBUS, that was shitty

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Sill Bimmons

glomp

Sill Bimmons

blorp

herodotus450

I get up for three seconds for the first time all period and I miss the goal? What is this, soccer?

Senor Weaselo

Goddammit… wait, goal Sharks? Holy shit!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
King Hippo

Fuck me, I ain’t got the energy for OT. I old and shit.

theeWeeBabySeamus

comment image

King Hippo

halitosis, 2/10 WOULD NOT BANG

Sill Bimmons

dang

WCS

..and that’s precisely why I loathe these kind of games. One team dominates, and one shot ties it.

Covalent Blonde

OI don’t know that I would say “dominate”…
http://replygif.net/thumbnail/1250.gif

Sill Bimmons

Shots are 28-17…

herodotus450

Shots, shmots… shmots shmots shmots shmots shmots shmots

Covalent Blonde

I’m looking for more “intangible” metrics. I reject your clearly recognized and accepted metrics!

King Hippo

It can’t be “grit” I done seen youse black fella

Covalent Blonde

Oh my! Oh my!

Fronkenshteen

BINGO-BANGO!

King Hippo

Really nuts this has been a 1-nil game. About as wide-ass open one of them as yinz’ll ever see.

King Hippo

OR NAWT

Covalent Blonde

comment image
I might be developing a crush…

WCS

he gude

Covalent Blonde

Good. And now my boys are the assholes. Can I use the excuse that age has turned Thornton into a curmudgeon?

Senor Weaselo
Covalent Blonde

Evening, Senor!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Sill Bimmons

What fresh hell of over-acted doom and gloom awaits us in this latest installment of Star Trek: Collateral Damage?

Fronkenshteen

Good thing the Rangers got rid of Hagelin, huh?

Sill Bimmons

I’m OK with it.

Fronkenshteen

I know it was a money thing, but Jesus, how could they not see the value there? He’s got terrifying fucking speed!

Senor Weaselo

“That trade for Emerson Etem was totally worth it!” -Nobody

herodotus450

And good thing the Blue Jackets got rid of Bonino, eh?

Covalent Blonde

Methinks we may need to take a cue from the Pens defense.

WCS

Martin Jones is the the only reason this isn’t 7-0.

Covalent Blonde

Agreed. Who knew a human tarsier could make for such an impressive net minder?

Sill Bimmons

Where do they get these chill cats?

My cat would be up on a chair hissing at the Roomba, to say nothing of the impossibility of getting her into a shark costume.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yep…same here.

Covalent Blonde

Yeah but she’s a cutie. Your kitty wouldn’t wear a costume because she would know it would detract from her grace

WCS

herodotus450

Not to brag but I genuinely cannot tell what makes a good looking dood. I can only rely on the internet to inform me that Timothy Olyphant is dreamy.

WCS

theeWeeBabySeamus

If I was a woman or gay, I’d do him.
Hell, probably even if I was a gay woman.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It’s not bragging, but it is good to admit when you don’t understand something.

King Hippo

Sharks looking MUCH better this third.

WCS

comment image
Shut up…

Covalent Blonde

Fuck you and your right coast time for games to start! Why do I have to walk in from an absolutely shit day at work to find my team down?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Because you touch yourself when you’re alone……??????

King Hippo

if it helps, 0-1 is pretty fortunate given the run of play??

theeWeeBabySeamus

Big time.

Sill Bimmons

Just remember: Fitbaw at 10:00 every Sunday morning this fall.

King Hippo

CIRCLE OF LIFE ,, ppl forget that

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Has the voice of Jack in the Jack-in-the-box commercials changed? It sounds different these days.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

E. Coli does that.

Horatio Cornblower

Wait, if the Broncos aren’t successful anyone can buy the naming rights out of the bankruptcy assets?

We’re all in agreement that we’re cashing in our DFO stock and naming that sum bitch “Field of Moose at The Hippodrome” right?

WCS

I’ve got $12 in liquid assets I can contribute.

theeWeeBabySeamus

There’s a baby poop joke there, but I’m too lazy to craft it.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Field of Moos? What the hell does Kate Upton have to do with any of this?

Fronkenshteen

No penalty there?

Fronkenshteen

Or there?!

Sill Bimmons

That should have been fucking embellishment.

Sill Bimmons

It hasn’t flipped yet…

comment image

ballsofsteelandfury

HOW DO YOU ALWAYS WIN THIS GAME WITH BOUNCING BOOBS???

Sill Bimmons

comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus

Damn sure is for her.
Those things gon’ ruin her back.

King Hippo

she best at least get hitched to a chiropractor