Your “Legends Now Get To Become Myths” Tuesday Open Thread

NFL News:

  • The Rams have named Mike Singletary as a defensive assistant. Smart move pulling his name out of the Baylor hat.
  • The last player in the Odin Lloyd case has finally been convicted. Aaron Hernandez pal Carlos Ortiz pled guilty to being an accessory after the fact, and will serve between 4.5 to 7 years.
  • ESPN talks about how Russell Wilson has been using a “mental conditioning” coach since the Super Bowl 49 interception. It’s been credited with helping him rebound and have a good-not-great year last year, and is probably helping him work through his blue balls.

Finally, doesn’t Axl look thrilled to be meeting Dan Snyder?

It was nice of everyone to line up by height. That sure looks like the face of someone who regrets putting the band back together.


Two fine coaches shuffled off their mortal coil today.

Laundering his drug money, no doubt.

The reason most casual observers knew anything about NCAA Women’s basketball was Pat Summitt. She won over a thousand games, made the Women’s tournament 31 consecutive times, and was only brought down by her own body’s weakness. Even up here in Canada, her name had a reverence; at one high school I taught at, the girls all knew who she was, and the coach talked about her and her dominance. That’s how you know you’ve left a mark, when people who will never meet you can use you as a positive reference.

Peyton Manning got asked for a quote, because Tennessee. While he tried to not make it about him, the pros just can’t help themselves sometimes.

Because ESPN’s videos won’t embed, here’s a tribute from the Final Four:

https://youtu.be/3-nwUz8oq7g?t=39s

And her Arthur Ashe presentation video from the ESPYs.

Of course, more important to the DFO mindset, there’s Buddy Ryan. In one way, he birthed the whole [Door Flies Open] meme we ascribe to. The gifts of Rex and The Wolfman would be enough for most fans to remember his place in the pantheon of coaches, despite a 55-55-1 lifetime record. But anyone who grew up in the 80s is going to remember the dominance that was the 46 defence. From ESPN,

James David Ryan was a Korean War veteran who went to Oklahoma State, then got a master’s degree from Middle Tennessee State even while coaching. He got his first major job in the pros in New York, then of the American Football League, in 1968. Ryan was the linebackers coach for the Joe Namath-led Jets, a boastful, confident team that fit his personality. Those Jets led the AFL in defense in his first season on staff, then shocked the Colts in the Super Bowl 16-7.

People forget Buddy had two of these.

Aside from gifting the NFL with a defensive strategy that’s still talked with hushed reverence about 30 years later, there’s also his legacy as both a head coach and quote machine. I’m going to use ESPN’s collection of his 10 best quotes to highlight both facts.

1. “Kevin Gilbride will be selling insurance in two years.”

Instead of offering an apology, this is what Ryan told reporters after punching offensive coordinator Kevin Gilbride on the sideline when they coached together with the Houston Oilers.

2. “Some say the 46 is just an eight-man front. That’s like saying Marilyn Monroe is just a girl.”

Ryan’s defense with the Chicago Bears in 1985 allowed a total of 10 points in three playoff games en route to a Super Bowl victory.

3. “QBs are overpaid, overrated, pompous bastards and must be punished.”

That was an actual quote from Ryan’s playbook.

4. “He looks like a reject guard from the USFL, he’s so damn fat.”

That’s how Ryan described running back Michael Haddix. Haddix is the only running back since the merger (minimum 500 attempts) to average worse than 3.1 yards per carry.

5. “Trade him for a six-pack. It doesn’t even have to be cold.”

Ryan summed up his thoughts on running back Earnest Jackson.

 

6. “Football kickers are like taxi cabs. You can always go out and hire another one.”

The 2016 version: “Football kickers are like Uber drivers. Just download the app.” Or something like that.

7. “Offense my butt. Our offense is for Randall [Cunningham] to make five big plays and we’ll win.”

Perhaps no coach in history has summed up his offensive philosophy more accurately and more succinctly.

8. “If you listen to the fans, you’ll be sitting up there with them.”

When Bill Belichick was coaching the Cleveland Browns, he attributed this quote to Ryan.

9. “It was so easy my wife could have made them, and she didn’t even know these guys.”

Ryan explained that he didn’t find making roster cuts to be all that difficult.

10. “We might have the worst bunch of guys together we’ve ever seen as a football team. I don’t know what anybody else has, but I’d trade mine with anybody, sight unseen.”

Ryan left no room for interpretation about how he felt about his roster of replacement players with the Eagles.

RIP to both of them.


Tonight’s sports:

  • ESPN: College World Series: Finals Game 2: Coastal Carolina vs. Arizona – 8:00
  • NBC: U.S. Olympic Trials: Swimming finals – 8:00
    • men’s 200m free and 100m back, and the women’s 100m breast and 100m back.

In closing, I leave you with the Eagles version of the Super Bowl Shuffle, “Buddy’s Watchin’ You”.

IT’S SO BEAUTIFULLY 80s!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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King Hippo

FOAR Moose:

Includes DA LYRIC: “Flame yer crew quicker than Trump fucks his youngest”

...

Have we ever had someone run for major office that’s this fucking gross?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I do not remember anyone quite this bad.

King Hippo

It saddens me that I even had to think about it.

blaxabbath

I assume the boy next to Snyder is his son (or other close junior relative) and is outfit in a Lies tee shirt to celebrate Axl’s penning One In A Million.

Dan Snyder: “Maybe on this tour you might like to play it with some updated lyrics? Maybe, instead of ‘Immigrants and faggots, they make no sense to me’ you could try, “[*Redacted] s and 49ers, these names are special and have respectability’?”

King Hippo

Now THAT is a mighty TAEK

blaxabbath

Few things give me as much comedy bang for my buck as ‘TAEK’.

Spanky Datass

“LET’S!
GO!
POSTAL!
*CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP*”
Not cool Chanticleers fans. Not cool.
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JustStopDude

Greetings from Charlotte NC.

So the GPS and my phone did not agree on where my hotel was…neither were correct. I’ve been driving around for two hours trying to find the damn place.

While in the air, the pump skids manufactuerer told me I had nothing to worry about because they fired the mechanical engineer in charge of building the skids I am inspecting first thing in the morning.

I have no clue why they told me this nor why they think I would want to know this. Oh and fucking TSA stole like $800 worth of testing equipment from my luggage.

Its days and nights like this that I wish I never got off heroin.

King Hippo

well, there are things one can do about that…

– Metro Charlotte heroin dealers’ union

blaxabbath

I think I’m too much of a pussy to try heroine. My buddy is always offering me acid and I’ve been declining.

But that might all change when we go to a Raiders home game….

Fronkenshteen

Do not, repeat, DO NOT take a hit of acid at a Raiders home game. Just trust me.

Covalent Blonde

I just drove past a group of homeless men playing horseshoes. When you find yourself wistfully envious of what homeless people are doing in 114-degree heat it’s pretty much time to off yourself, right?

...

Or you can just join them I guess.

Covalent Blonde

I think they would let me play only because they took pity on me. I think my day may be bad enough to not be punctuated with “hobo pity”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Hobo Pity is a great band.

King Hippo

Let’s ask Headliner for his thoughts, shall we?

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Good fucking glavin! Melvin Upton just robbed the O’s of a sure Dinger, and gunned it into first for a double play!

……aaaannndddd he’s traded.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

So I stopped by my buddy’s office in SF for a few free office beers. So far I’ve had a Ballast Point Sculpin, Cuvee des Jacobins, and a Duchesse. This is why America hates the valley, and I’m ok with that.

...

The tradeoff with companies that offer free beer, meals, etc. is that they expect you to be there all the time to work,

...

This dovetails nicely with my “perk” rant earlier. Also my thinking that these “fun” work environments are a scam meant to screw you over.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Sometimes I’m sure they are. Other times a better place/ atmosphere to work is beneficial to moral and well being. Shit, you spend 40 to 60 hours/ week there.

...

It depends. I’ve seen companies sell themselves on the “culture” before which always sets off alarms for me because it means they plan to lowball me or work me to death and hope that’ll offset it.

That being said, culture does matter and having been both with and without amenities, I definitely think they matter.

Basically, the company I want to work for keeps your work at about 40-45 hours a week, pays at least market, and isn’t full of back-stabbing sociopaths. You’d think that’s not much to ask for, but I’ve found it at the minority of places I’ve worked.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Brick Meathook

In Hollywood post-production we say: “When they bring in lunch you know you’re fucked.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

http://66.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_loz94wufWS1qjlxlwo1_500.jpg

Jimi Hendrix early.

Note hand size is approximately 4.6 times that of Donald Trump’s.

...

BUNNIES!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
King Hippo

That is just delightful.

King Hippo

I would dearly love to perform cunnilingus on Kaylee Hartung until she screamed….”give it up already, it’s not gonna happen.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
...

I read an article a few days ago about companies offering a new perk for it’s 20-something employees: student loan payoff benefits. The article mentioned the payments were about $50 to $200 per month.

All I’m thinking about this whole time is how for, at best, $2,400 these employers will probably lowball these schmucks $5,000 in base salary without them realizing they’re being had with this “perk.”

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Pat Summit is the only woman Peyton Manning respected enough not to try and put his balls on her forehead.

King Hippo

He also knew she might have ripped them off…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Your phrasing is much better than my joke.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ah, I didn’t see yours, sorry.

/that’s what she said

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

No, yours was a good pun; I just linked the article and said the obvious.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I really spent the entire day on the edge of a panic attack or just breaking down into tears. I thank you for being around to cheer me up. I really feel a lot better now, you are all great

WCS

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That’s what we’re here for.

Actually, we’re here to make dick jokes. But dick jokes are good medicine.

blaxabbath

Did you read my piece?? You might be entitled to $3.42 for being overcharged on NFL Equipment by $75!

Wait — can you have panic attacks of joy?

scotchnaut

Brit announcer says “Iceland is on the edge of a win SO VAST that it must weigh upon them psychologically.”

/must you have your head “that” far up your ass, Mr. Brit announcer?

King Hippo

Yes, good sir it is in my contract

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Unsurprised

Missed it by THAT much

scotchnaut

I’ve never associated long jumping with multiple cracked ribs before.

Sill Bimmons

Punctured lung(s), ruptured spleen, massive internal bleeding…

blaxabbath

Fat fuck.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I hate all spiders but have entered into a peace treaty with one. He was just hanging in my smoking door in the garage but he did his thing of not bothering me so he is safe for now.

Unsurprised

This is why I wish dick cancer on all pranksters.

Sill Bimmons

I don’t do it.

I just like to watch.

scotchnaut

Got the distinct feeling Iceland has got this. I’ll re-recheck the score tomorrow morning to be sure.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
scotchnaut

The ice “did” win that one, to be fair.

Sill Bimmons
Brick Meathook

Is Buddy Ryan wearing a green Luftwaffe ball cap in that banner pic?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Brick Meathook

I never noticed it before:

comment image

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

comment image

scotchnaut

Iceland pulls ahead 2-1!

/and people think global warming is real-smgdh

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I like spiders; they kill and eat more annoying insects.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I will do a vault like the one in Sills above picture if I see one even though I am back at 250ish. Except I will land it and run the fuck away from that evil spider (Weird sidenote. I have a giant spiderbite on my face right now)

scotchnaut

This is the very same reason why I don’t mind bats one bit.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Bats, IMO are very cool amazingly adapted animals. However not being a biologist specializing in either I am not THE Batman or Spiderman.

scotchnaut

Soooo….you’re “some” sort of Batman but not THE Batman? Interesting…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Batmiddleman.

scotchnaut

So you get a percentage of the cut? Smart.

scotchnaut

Re:Iceland

Have you ever packed the box and NOT regretted it?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well, sometimes I get nostalgic after the medication regimen is over.

Unsurprised

Phrasing

scotchnaut

If the cat was my wife and the camera was a bag of Doritos I could relate to this gif more than do.

/my wife loves Doritos

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
scotchnaut

That raccoon proves that all in all, we’re just another brick in the wall.

scotchnaut

“I” do.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
scotchnaut

“This CRAZY Nordic dream lives on.”

-English announcers after The Ice ties it up

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
WCS

Darwinism in action.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I think that is from a movie; but here is one:

http://www.gifbin.com/bin/032012/1331747683_jumping_over_fence_fail.gif

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

See, this is why we need a HOA JJFozz

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

HA!

Unsurprised

We’re being taxed for these idiots’ SSDI

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
theeWeeBabySeamus

Axl Rose became Kathleen Turner so gradually that I never even noticed.

scotchnaut

I was going to go with Faye Dunaway but you got this.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
scotchnaut

Penalty kick for the Brits-don’t like the look of this.

/SOB! 1-0

scotchnaut

In retrospect the English national anthem seems to be, “I Am So Smart, S-M-R-T!”

scotchnaut

I’m going to re-rewatch Iceland/England. I do hope those English bastards get their comeuppance yet again.

/fingers crossed!

Unsurprised

MTWV: How’s it going, dude?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Not perfect, and this is gonna sound sappy no matter how I say it, but I swear I felt better as soon as I got on here, everyone on here is great.

Unsurprised

Huzzah!

It’s all good, bro.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah, that’s pretty much how my wife reacted too.

Sill Bimmons

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’ve seen this before, they sell it at Lucas Oil Stadium and it’s called a “Colts Canteen”.

Unsurprised

Where’s Wakezilla? I walked 3.65 miles this morning, sucka. Google underestimated my route by a mile and a half.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

“Fuck you for asking for 50% alimony. Good luck”

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Dan Snyder really looks like he’s trying to live up to (among other things) his team’s moniker in that picture.

Unsurprised

He must share the same dermatologist as Shanahan

scotchnaut

Tony Hawk adds to his legend at 48. I’m only able to share this with you because I’m about his age and lying on a couch with access to the internets.

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/videos/tony-hawk-lands-900-at-48-years-old/85065835/

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I am on hour 15 (I woke up at 3) of a panic/depression/anxiety attack that just won’t go away. My dad is my only other outlet here and he thinks he is gonna die from all the shit he has going on so I have no one to talk to since his shit is worse.

Unsurprised

Yo

WCS

Been there, man. It’s shitty. Rant away if need be.

Sill Bimmons

Go into a quiet room, close the door, put some ocean sounds or soothing music on, turn off the light, lay down on your back with your hands folded on top of your chest, close your eyes, and count backward from 1000. If you mess up counting for any reason restart your count at 1000.

Sill Bimmons

“Some say the 46 is just an eight-man front. That’s like saying Marilyn Monroe is just a girl.”

“Football kickers are like taxi cabs. You can always go out and hire another one.”

“Offense my butt. Our offense is for Randall to make five big plays and we’ll win.”

“If you listen to the fans, you’ll be sitting up there with them.”

“QBs are overpaid, overrated, pompous bastards and must be punished.”

“We might have the worst bunch of guys together we’ve ever seen as a football team. I don’t know what anybody else has, but I’d trade mine with anybody, sight unseen.”

“Kevin Gilbride will be selling insurance in two years.”

comment image

Sill Bimmons

That moment when you realize that you reposted about half of the post because you only read the title before commenting:

http://geekhardshow.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/2015-11-19_1447895727180.jpg