Your “What? This Clown?!” Monday Open Thread

Evenin’, y’all. Mom’s on her plane, so it’s back atcha with the north-of-the-border open thread topics.

NFL News:

  • Arian Foster landed in Miami. It’s reportedly a one-year deal worth $1.5 million with $2 million in incentives.
  • Justin Durant landed in Dallas, thanks to Rolando McLain’s suspension. Even though it’s most likely a minimum deal with incentives, it’s still one more year towards pension eligibility.
  • The Bills are reportedly talking to Reggie Bush. Given Karlos Williams’ suspension, it makes sense to have a solid veteran on staff, and is a much more plausibe excuse that simply signing him so Rex could ask about Kim’s feet.
  • A fairly long piece on Matt Forte talks about a lot of things. What I find fascinating is that, even now, he stands by Jay Cutler.
  • Eddie Lacy has had to go back on the P90X just before training camp opens. My question is, Is he taking weight off to make the team, or making room for his Green Bay diet?
  • Charles Tillman retired today after 13 seasons. He will probably get some votes for a gold jacket.

It happened during my time off, but I’d like to think that John Elway tricked Pat Bowlen into saying, “This one’s for Von!”

Finally, not football related, but definitely geared towards the Patriots, St. Louis Cardinals former scouting director Chris Correa was sentenced to 46 months federal time in Houston for accessing the Astros computer network while working for the Cardinals. It would only be a better story if it happened to the Yankees or Red Sox. Florio chooses this instance to remind his loyal “readers” that the NFL has warned teams and employees to never, never do this, because it might result in more federal scrutiny of League practices. And we all know how Rog treats people who bring The Shield into disrepute.

There’s no sports of note tonight. Mets vs Cubs is the national game on ESPN. There’s only the Republican Convention, and all the earnest ridiculousness that goes along with it. There has already been one attempt to free delegates to vote freely, but that was suppressed. Procedural arguing – the hallmark of the Republican Party!

And such presences. Live broadcasts! Colbert + Jon Stewart! The Daily Show all four days! If you want the mud, Gawker has you covered. Their story on “Bikers for Trump” has a decidely ‘Altamont meets The Factory’ flavour to it.

I enjoy the fact that the police are so spooked, they actually asked the Governor (who, remember, was once a candidate for this fiasco) to suspend the state’s “open carry” laws. But tennis balls have been banned, so the WTA won’t be able to attend.

A sideshow I’m watching – what will Fox promote? They haven’t been totally pro-Trump, but with Roger Ailes reportedly on his way out, how will that tint the coverage? So much drama.

Yessir – it promises to be a fun five days.

 

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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JustStopDude

Bob Dole would get chased out of the party as a liberal if he tried to run today.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
...

Reagan too.

The G.O.P. is pretty much the snake consuming its own tail at this point.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
JustStopDude

So I started the class I am giving on this new drive we are selling now.

My Spanish is still garbage, but to the credit of the participants, they are doing their best while I slaughter their language.

JustStopDude

In a related note, if Trump does half of what he claims he will do as president, I will be out of a job.

Kind of hard to work for a Japanese company in the US, selling and commissioning equipment globally, when he is launching trade wars against even our long term allies.

rockingdog
King Hippo

Don’t blame me, I’m watching Cardinals/Padres!!

/but glad they’uns is letting they FREAK FLAG FLY

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
...

I think one my favorite hole-in-the-brain lines of logic are people who say they’ll never vote for Clinton because she’s dishonest and probably a criminal and don’t care if it means Trump is president. Yet, Trump’s faux “university” was basically just a scheme to suck money right out of the pockets of schmucks who think they’ll learn about making “deals.”

When I finally get to the, “Buddy, I don’t think it’s Hillary’s honesty that you’re really against.” they generally lose their shit.

Gratliff

I am fairly certain that both candidates would be in jail if they weren’t who they are.

...

Eh. I don’t think so. I know people froth over the email thing, but the fact no charges were filed wasn’t surprising to anyone who understood the laws in question.

Trump is a professional con man, but seems to walk the line between bullshit and outright fraud just well enough to not technically be a criminal.

King Hippo

plus, like, she wouldn’t be GETTING classified e-mails if she wasn’t who she was. OR killing Vincent Foster. (ppl forget that)

...

Vince Foster had it coming. You know how the saying goes: Snitches get staged suicides.

Gratliff

There’s a special amount of leniency afforded to secretaries of state. It’s a job that usually involves all sorts of technically illegal shit. As much as I think Kissinger is a war criminal, he didn’t deviate as far from normal SOS behavior as I’d like to think

...

I consider all effective politicians to be proverbial sausage makers and I accept that. Of course, I’m super fucking cynical and think any politician propped up as the next great hope is either going to be a failure or traitor to their principles as soon as they realize how government works.

King Hippo

People get maddest when u rite like that. Nobody (with an IQ over room temperature) wants to admit to voting Trump for direct reasons.

Sill Bimmons

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
JustStopDude

That NRA commercial is INTENSE.

Gratliff

inappropriate metaphor theater

JustStopDude

How much per hour did Trump have to spend on the team of people that worked with his wife for this speech?

JustStopDude
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Sorry, I can’t watch this, it’s too depressing that half my country is this stupid and another 20% is nearly so on the far left.

http://25.media.tumblr.com/88f24bd61b92c2453ee841149fbf7916/tumblr_mh3634PhIv1rpj04no1_500.gif

Sill Bimmons

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Gratliff

Republican congressmen have already come out and said there was nothing Hillary could have done differently. When does this stop?

JustStopDude

Trump “I am the least racist person there is”

Say what you will, but for a parody twitter account, he is quotable.

JustStopDude

I love that Trump is doing an impromptu phone call interview with O’Reilly during the fucking convention.

Its like he has fucking ADD…

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Republican mayors in San Diego? And Anaheim? Omaha? Witchita? Tulsa! Amazing!

Senor Weaselo

Is it WEIRD?

Gratliff

Sean Smith dedicated his entire life to diplomacy. He would hate that he’s become a chess piece for attacking Hillary.

Sill Bimmons

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JustStopDude

Oh my…Fox news went to commercial instead of showing the speed by Bengahazi Mom.

This should lead to some hot tweets…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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JustStopDude

So we need to bring the fight to the enemy…who is that?

Poverty? Drug abuse? Liberals? Who do we drone to end the homeless issue for vets…OH MY GOD ITS SO SIMPLE! We drone the homeless!

We got a 1 in 4 chance of hitting a vet! Should clean up the problem nicely!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

We need to take the global warming fight to the poles……

Bomb Poland.

...

I’m fairly surprised Iowa’s finest Congressman Steve King hasn’t cozied up more closely to Trump. He basically argued white supremacy is self-evident.

JustStopDude

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And the fuckers will just walk right over the homeless vet outside…

Gratliff

Republicans confided that he ended up on the street even after the country provided him with government issued bootstraps

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Walk over? The people at this convention will kindly scream “GET A FUCKING JOB YOU PIECE OF SHIT!!”

And that is the polite evangelicals.

Gratliff

Caring for veterans? There’s no need for that sort of language in front of US congressmen, Rick.

rockingdog

hey there all!

JustStopDude

I know creepy people that own sex dolls with more personality than Rick Perry.

His is the person that Will Ferrell based Ron Burgundy on.

...

Rick Perry is proof you can’t just make any idiot Texan into a president.

JustStopDude

You know who we need to hear more from about racism in America…more white old rich guys. THANKS FOX NEWS!

JustStopDude

Bill O’Reilly is THIS close to calling for the interment of all black people in America…

Gratliff

Hahaha. They didn’t even name him with his own show

herodotus450

Has PFTC won the nomination yet?

Sill Bimmons

comment image?lines=+I+AM+LOOKING+FORWARD+TO%0A+AN+ORDERLY+ELECTION%0A+TOMORROW+WHICH+WILL%0A+ELIMINATE+THE+NEED%0Afor+a+violent+bloodbath

JustStopDude

Per O’Reilly, BLM is a Marxist, violent group.

http://www.hark.com/clips/xrkxmzsnrf-shower-scene

Feel free to listen to an exert, as read by him, from his celebrated fiction novel…

Gratliff

Get those dog whistles ready, folks. It’s gonna be a doozy.

Gratliff

So this whole speaker list is like a Bill burr “best of”

Gratliff

and The crowd good mild..ly racist!

Gratliff

Goes. Fuck you phone!

Sill Bimmons

The Ultimate Twitter Challenge–Everything wrong with this picture:

http://www.mikethefanboy.com/wp/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/23e355b1365a65afb78ded1b08b18b49-2.jpg

Gratliff

Whoa, careful with the gestures near the jacket pockets, black singer guy.

JustStopDude

SOMEONE LET A BACK PERSON IN! DEFCON 5! I REPEAT WE ARE DEFCON 5 ALERT!

Also…is that the dude from SNL Band?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Never trust the backs.

Gratliff

Axe got could make America great again in just a few swings. I mean, Texas is right there.

JustStopDude

Catholic Hot Taek…

If you ain’t got a pope…you’re in a cult.

Sill Bimmons

Non-Catholic Hot Teak…

If you believe it’s really flesh and blood…you’re a cannibal.

Kungjitsu

… and a vampire.

Gratliff

GOP going for the 2004 Eagles karma play. As long as the 700 level doesn’t boo the disabled kid, they should be good

JustStopDude

Damn disrespectful kids these days not taking off their sunglasses while knocking the National Anthem out of the park…

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Don’t forget your RNC bingo card!

http://www.cbs.com/shows/the-late-show-with-stephen-colbert/convention-bingo/

Excuse for a drinking game? Excuse for a drinking game.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Peanut’s very homemade, but entertaining farewell video:

Brocky

Man, feels like forever since I was last here.

I gotta tell ya, its hilarous hearing people who don’t live in Indiana trying to stick up for mike pence.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

BLONDE WOMAN: …laid upon the table.

REX GROSSMAN: [sexy sense tingles]

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

ANNOUNCER; Cleveland, please welcome David Gil…

CROWD: Woo! Play “Run Like Hell!”

ANNOUNCER: …BERT.

King Hippo

I am disappoint in Bob Loblaw. I am taking his law blog off my favourites list.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Chachi Loves Drumpf…coming to CBS this fall!

indieguy

I’m not gonna go but I really want to. If only because I suspect some form of chaos to erupt and I’d like to be in the thick of it.

Gratliff

Holy shit. I think Bob dole died 3 years ago. Someone should tell him.

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