Hard to believe it’s been exactly 365 days since the mothership went down for good. Like so many of you on that fateful day one year ago, I felt confused, angry, and pretty lost; I was very grateful for the crew here at [Door Flies Open] to welcome so many people with open arms. After five years of reading Kissing Suzy Kolber, and many more than that for many others, it was hard, initially, to see it go. After reading and re-reading Christmas Ape’s “Smell You Later Forever, KSK”, though, I think many people have come to peace with its departure, at long last.
Today is a commemorative day in our internet history, and I was very grateful to have our dear former Commander in Chief answer a few questions we had for him. Mike Tunison was unquestionably the heart and soul of KSK for almost five years as editor-in-chief, and the work he put in daily to make the old site such an incredible spot to read, comment and hang out is not lost on just about all of us who loved KSK so dearly.
Thanks, Ape, for taking the time to answer a few questions. These were pulled from some group email threads and I can’t recall who asked what, exactly, but we appreciate your answers very much all the same.
Do you stay in touch with Drew or Ufford or Kogod or the others?
It’s pretty limited. We have a group email that gets updated once every few months. That’s about it.
What was your favorite post on KSK?
They’re all my precious little snowflakes, except the many I’m ashamed of.
Do you have a favorite recurring character?
I enjoyed doing the J.T. O’Sullivan posts because they were so ridiculous and were a rare chance for me to be super flowery with language without pissing people off.
Have you heard from Otto? We miss his presence around these parts.
I have not.
Do you want to vent about UPXXXX at all?
I’ve moved on from my time there. I will say I still follow Uproxx on Twitter just to make sure I’m not missing anything important and I’m pleased to report the overwhelming majority of what they crank out is boring summations of whatever was popping on social media a few hours earlier.
Do you visit DFO at all?
I check in from time to time. I salute you for keeping Falco’s CFL beat alive, among other things. [ed. note: FUCK YEAH I HAVE PERSONAL RECOGNITION FROM AN INTERNET CELEBRITY]
Is the reporting you learned at school dead or mostly dead?
In general or as far as my career is concerned? In both cases, it’s… fine, I guess. I’m still doing reported freelance stuff.
Did you get enthused with interviewing Curt Menefee?
Uh… sure? He was kind and reasonably forthcoming for an outlet he’d probably never heard of.
Do you have another book in the works?
Not at the moment.
Will Le’Veon Bell have an AP type of return season after his ACL surgery? Put another way: #1 FF draft pick, right? RIGHT!?
As long as he steers clear of Vontaze Burfict, he’s a perfectly reasonable choice at no. 1. Though I reserve the right to pretend I never said this if you angrily confront me about it in November.
How has Pro Wrestling influenced political discourse in the last 10 years?
It’s clearly influenced the Trump campaign and it’s not like he isn’t familiar with that world. He cuts what might as well be wrestler promos constantly. Pro wrestling as a storytelling form generally cares little about continuity and neither does Trump. It does whatever works in the moment and keeps its fans happy. I mean, obviously Trump has some overlying themes that he sticks to but on minor points he’s all over the place. He contradicts himself constantly and it doesn’t really matter if you like Trump because you enjoy seeing him say Trump shit with bravado.
Do you see yourself branching out to non-Internet media?
I’m open to just about any medium so long as the job looks fun/rewarding/not-deadening. The Internet is mostly a shithole, but it’s the shithole I know. So that’s where I am for now.
Your pieces often emphasize NFL perfidy on the head trauma issue. Should fans feel guilty for watching the NFL? Do you feel the current NFL players are making an informed decision to play, given what is now known on CTE and head trauma?
To some extent, fans should feel guilt. Even if you can somehow get past the fact that the players are ruining their bodies and minds in the long run, the owners are horrible people who take public money for what is essentially a money-printing enterprise and spent years lying to those athletes. Players now are certainly better informed than they were even 10 years ago, though many were already in the league or on the pipeline at that point. For the most part players have accepted the risk to a sufficient degree that I still watch without experiencing a huge moral crisis. I think knowing players got guaranteed deals would make it easier to live with. That players can be cast aside for no reason really makes it hit home as a cynical enterprise.
What advice might you give to someone who wants to make a career (or even just a lifelong hobby) out of writing and wants to keep things fun and engaging as much as possible?
Often the idea of advancing your career and having fun can seem like opposed concepts, so I would focus more on the enjoyment of it. The more you’re chasing jobs or status the more you’re writing things you don’t believe or feel strongly about. That leads to burnout. And readers can sense when you’re not enjoying yourself. Your stuff isn’t as creative and the logic seems strained. Hopefully what you love doing will resonate will people, but that isn’t always the case. At least you won’t hate yourself.
Best of luck with everything, Ape – on behalf of everyone here at [Door Flies Open], thanks for being such a role model for the rest of us. We only hope we can make this place even a quarter as good as the old site. Enjoy a beer or bourble today with all of us around the world.
Mr. Ape published my first Bronco season preview; for that I will always be grateful and will also apologize to those that read it.
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Poor Hillary.
We need to go after Bosnia next.
Hey Mike, that book we discussed is still on the table. Those guys are getting old.
If the licensing deal I’m working on comes through you’ll be able to name your price.
Also Jacqueline Bisset too.
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Gives a whole new meaning to “I’ve got wood in my face”.
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Mike Evans submitted this gif as his “What I Did Over My Summer Vacation” report.
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Is that a Korean ship yard? Just asking because I once had diarrhea like that in Seoul. Shittiest vacation ever.
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I never get tired of that one.
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Sorry, wrong gif.
http://img.pandawhale.com/28763-Boat-Crash-Deal-with-it-gif-6wbB.gif
I liked when Ape got really drunk one year ago and answered every question way too honestly; my highlight was a takedown of Monday Morning Punter.
PFTCommenter is now hidden on a site that doesn’t even have an RSS feed, and since I refuse to support said site, he has been lost into the sands of the for me in the last year.
I tried reading B******* a couple times and just couldn’t do it. It’s a bummer – sucks that the discourse all around him has dropped off so much. Easily one of the best personalities online anywhere in 2014 and 2015, no question about it.
I can hold my nose and add an RSS for him if need be, but that site’s interface is so horrible they don’t even have individual author archives.
There always is his YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCR012eSDTIXGBI08s0ni9lQ
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You can listen to Pardon My Take, PFTC’s podcast. Though it does, presumably, support barstool.
Bomani Jones has PFTCommenter on his radio show pretty often. The best(worst?) part is afterwards on Twitter when the freaks who hate listen to The Right Time start ranting. There are soooo many people who don’t know that it’s a joke.
I think we all deserve this.
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I actually got three of these, printed each one, and posted them in my cube at work. I didn’t even care that people didn’t get what they were.
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I’ve got my only one hanging on my fridge!
BrettFavresColonoscopy:
I’d probably be a bit nervous if my username included the word “Colonoscopy” and Kobe Bryant viewed me as a “10”.
I give this joke a
10
I still hate read Dustin on Uproxx. But I don’t have the energy to comment on his nonsensical theories.
I really miss the Game of Thrones posts. So much fun reading and posting comments.
Oh my God. I didn’t read them often but just seeing the headlines is a treat at how insane fans are, especially once it surpassed the books. Now that it’ll conclude before the last book the theories are probably just the most batshit nonsense.
hate clicks STILL PAY TEH BILLS ,, ppl SHOULD REMEMBER that!!
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DFO Open House
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It’s unfair to the author to sequester it in the scrolling text thing:
As the day grew nigh
he said with a sigh
to remember the 31st of July
That fateful day
When they took away
Our dearly beloved KSK
But your heart need not be broken
Those saged words spoken
Because for you a door always flies open
Who wrote that?
BrettFavresColonoscopy did!
Thanks, guys
I’m watching Last Chance U on Netflix. Seems interesting so far.
I just recently took down Stranger Things on Netflix. I recommend it. Also I recommend you watch it late at night with all the lights off.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/5245b45fb792814ce04f1d7d5c4b42c5/tumblr_inline_ni9efvlozd1s75an9.gif
Another thing to watch is Hunt for the Wilderpeople. Extremely pleasant movie.
I have not been to [redacted] since several weeks before the 31st of said year, so this is late FOAR ME, but tis ok because I am not very sentimental, a fact that has irritated more than a few members of my family.
But HUZZAH FOAR APE! Moving on is a healthy thing, yo.
Redacted? But the name is used to HONOR the candy!
I left the day Ape wrote “Smell you Later KSK.”
I dropped my final komment and have not returned to any of their sites.
I got your page views right here!
Me too. Have not returned.
Only to look up old posts and be disappointed at how they’ve been butchered.
I went to see if the anal fisting gifs were still there, but once they closed that thread I have NOT RETURNED.
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I still go to Uproxx to read Vince on Filmdrunk… I am sorry.
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I do too.
I used to also read Dan Seitz at Gamma Squad, but it’s just not the same anymore. And sometimes Danger Guerrero still has some crazy shit to write.
What’s Filmdrunk? Do you mean Uproxxxxxx!!!!!xxxxx Moviez!!1?
#Branding
No doubt. FilmDrunk is how I found KSK after all, so I still check in on Vince. I tried to read a post by someone else (don’t remember who) but it was awful.
When does Reverend Lovejoy get his equal time?
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This is what we in journalism call a good get
/is not in journalism
In Ape we trust. Thanks for all the great articles and the sense of community you brought many of us.
“Thank you for having me here to [DFO]. You know, I built this community.”
-Donald Trump
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That’s so much funnier. And I love the first one.
JT O’Sullivan was legit but the most underrated KSKharacter was and always will be Derek From Muncie.
Here is a prolapsed baked good for you.
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Well, I would.
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This calls for Ann Margret
http://images4.fanpop.com/image/photos/22300000/ann-margret-ann-margret-22324836-1988-2560.jpg
Great call.
Did anyone ask if we had permission for Moosemas Gorilla or is DTZM getting sued for that?
/Although I guess ask Matt Groening?
I own the future rights to the holiday.
Permissible derivative work
But have you tried my egg rolls, Ape?!?
Great stuff folks. It does feel like a certain amount of “full circle” has been attained.
If you’re checking the comments Mike, I’m the one who asked about anal!
Also thanks for everything. All the love and respect in the world.
Which reminds me. That question never got answered, did it?
It remains unanswerable to this day.
/Quickly brushes all the “Hanukah Homo Habilis” jokes under the couch next to the Allied Biscuit box
Awesome stuff! Sounds like everything is going well, so we can go ahead and call this a happy anniversary, sorta.
Also, just cause I’m nitpicky, wasn’t this a leap year, so it would be 366 days ago?
SON OF A
/you’re totally right once again. Stupid science and shit. This is why I teach music clearly.
Baker’s year.
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Clearly the good Doktor is a stickler Meeseeks.
A year is 365.24 days. The leap year is a human contrivance for the sake of calendar printers.
DOWN WITH BIG CALENDAR!
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– Danny Woodhead, preparing to paint his living room
THAT is fucking funny.
Computers laugh at the printers, but they are puppets just the same.
Some day the strings will be cut and we shall become the puppets.
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