Your Lazy-Ass Sunday Afternoon Football Open Thread

Chargers/Vikes-I just get the irrational feeling that San Diego should do better than the 4-12 mark (victories over the likes of the Lions, Browns, Jags and Dolphins) they posted last year. I guess they just stopped believing, which was one of the few things they did stop last year.

As far as Minny is concerned, they will not be dressing Matt Kalil who will never, ever be confused with Khalil Mack. Ever.

Well, that’s it. It doesn’t get much lazier than this. Enjoy the game (or games, not sure if I’ll be posting another open thread or attending yet another family function later on today. That’s three in four days for those of you not counting.

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Brocky

RIchard Dent on MIke Ditka bringing in Doug Flutie: “I’m guessing Mike figured he had the fat man (fridge), and the crazy clown (mcmahon), he wanted the whole circus so he brought in a midget

John Difool

AP: DALLAS, TEXAS- BREAKING:: A set of vertebrates in Dallas has just been diagnosed as having “A broken Tony Romo”

theeWeeBabySeamus

I am Jack’s complete lack of surprise.

Evening gents. Fight Club might be the most therapeutic thing in evar. About to watch it for the 2nd time today but just had to say hello first.

So…Hello.

Brocky

Okay, I don’t know if there’s a word for phantom placebo pain, but I’m watching the 30 for 30 on the 85 bears, they’re talking about mcmahon’s cte, and all of a sudden i get a headache.

Brick Meathook

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I cant get this site to work for me. Thanks for making me laugh

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I promise I will ignore my sadness right now and post pics if you don’t shut up about it.. I am the worst at ultimatums

http://67.media.tumblr.com/bd9b31cfff44e9910981bd8958d4d6a7/tumblr_ntwsbz9Jo81sg5qngo1_1280.jpg

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Someone add Kaep above the boobs.. Fuck it I’m not gonna do it

John Difool

“Black Wives Matter” – Kaep

ballsofsteelandfury

No one wants to jack it to Kaep with tits. Not even Kaep.

John Difool

I really don’t get the uproar over Kaepernick sitting down on the bench for the National Anthem…. he’s usually sitting in the same spot for three entire hours after that too.

herodotus450

Didn’t you hear? They ratified a constitutional amendment banning flag burning and and sitting during the national anthem.

Brick Meathook

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ballsofsteelandfury

PV is awesome. I’m jealous you live there.

Gratliff

Yay, context for Otto & George.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0lIazNHJ26c

Gratliff

“When you play bad, you don’t score points.”

Shh, Blake. Just stick to being mediocre.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Ehh fuck it. You know what is worse than getting your ass beaten down with hockey sticks by your coach/dad, is 20 years later he can say 3 words and you are in tears

Gratliff

I believe Dr. Cox said it best when he said, “We’ve been over this before, you win on account your fathers not dead yet.”

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Even if this was a telling me to fuck off message, solid work on sending me to that ep

Gratliff

Oh, I used to play “Whose dad is worse?” when I was younger. That fucking Perry’s sister episode had me ugly crying. My ex-wife made me stop watching it after my sister came to visit.

Brick Meathook

Here ismy neighborhood about ten minutes ago, on one of the most beautiful days in Los Angeles weather history. (the car is not mine, but I know that dude)
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Brick Meathook

“The Jungle” (made famous by Guns & Roses) is just by the palm trees picture center. The Pacific Ocean is just behind that. ALL HAIL MARX AND LENNON!

ballsofsteelandfury

Fucker! You live there?!? Now you have no excuse for not joining us in the next SoCal DFO Get-Together!

Brick Meathook

I never get invited

laserguru

I am offering a standing invitation from here on.

Seriously you’re going to have to stand though.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

When I surf (rarely, these days) I go right near there – by the busted out pier near the end of Napoleon Street.

laserguru

Goddammit I’m on the other side of the airport from you. I walk past your neighborhood.

I’m the sweaty guy with the Freemantle Dockers or the Cubs T-shirt with the backwards Vikings cap, if you drive south you’ve had to have seen me.

Motherfucker, there is no excuse for the next get together.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’ve been there a few times.

Also that car:

http://media.giphy.com/media/jbLSPeT0amWCQ/giphy.gif

Brick Meathook

I’d like all these replies if I knew how.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I am just gonna be generic in my hate. I hate everyone who isn’t on this site.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Yeah, this

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

My dog is alive and well-ish in case someone was thinking otherwise.

Sill Bimmons

Back in Denver, on the sativa this time.

Indica is just too mellow.

...

I could use drugs that make me more mellow.

King Hippo

I could use MOAR drugs. Any mood alteration would do atm.

King Hippo

Say HAI to Sanchize and tell him Hippo thinks it’s bullshit he didn’t get to play last night.

Sill Bimmons
JustStopDude

I give up. This site is locking up on me constantly….Plus I have work very early in the morning.

Ciao folks.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Someone explain to me the ripped-knee jeans women seem to have adopted? Is it meant to signal that they give fellatio often on rough surfaces?

John Difool

Or maybe just working real hard scrubbing the kitchen floor….

Brick Meathook

IS THIShow it works?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Not enough porn, gifs or music.

laserguru

So I’m doing this on the mobile platform but does anyone else have a grey bunch of moving bars on the screen like “someone else is commenting” kind of Facebook style?
Or are the 80’s acid flashbacks finally catching up to me?

John Difool

I’m sure the format will get ironed out before the regular season (hopefully) but gottdam, Angelfire was never this wonky.

Porky Prime

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

My dog can’t move right now because he has really bad arthritis pain. I am really worried he is gonna die soon. He got mad at me for trying to make him go outside. He doesn’t bite just got (no one else would notice) angry and annoyed at me and went back to laying down. I have pain pills left from his surgeries but he has never hated me as much as he did just then for trying to get him up

Porky Prime

Sorry.

Brick Meathook

I’ve had dogs my whole life and I miss my latest, the great Frankie, every day and he died three years ago. I know what you’re going through.

Porky Prime

http://foundersbrewing.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/photo1-920×920.jpg

Rare drinkin day for porky, this is what I got. Not awful, just a little thin and not much flavor past the hops. It’ll do for a pinch, but as an “all day” session ale, give me an actual Session.

...

A fair review. I probably like this beer a bit more than you did.

JustStopDude

DAMN….Al Michael’s got a nice looking wife…

Porky Prime

Are they YUUUUUGE?

Brick Meathook

CAN ONE OF YOU USELESS MILLENIALS EXPLAIN THIS NEW FORMAT TO ME? I’M NOT AGAINST CHANGE. IF I CAN ACCEPT DAVID GILMOUR OVER SYD BARRETT, I CAN ACCEPT ANYTHING. JUST DO PLEASE EXPLAIN IT. I LIVE ON THE WEST COAST SO SORRY IF I’M LATE TO THE EXPLANATION PARTY, BUT YOUR GRANDMOTHER WAS STILL BLOWING ME, JUST LIKE SHE WAS THE NIGHT YOU WERE CONCEIVED.

John Difool

Don’t ever think about walking on this guy’s lawn….

Brick Meathook

my last comment has some logic flaws

Kungjitsu

Nah, you’re fine. Junior was in the backseat getting his girl pregnant while you were TCB’n with grandma in the front seat.

Moonbatting Average

Am I the only Rip Van Winkle here? RL’s been a bitch this offseason, so glad you perverts are still here

Beastmode Ate My Baby

You’ve missed giant apes, insane girl scouts, elder gods, space ninjas and Moosemas.

It’s been a busy year.

Porky Prime

Oh lord, Moosemas. BLEERGH BLESS US EVERY ONE.

Moonbatting Average

This is what I get for going dark ?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Also, I was sober the whole time. Craziest revelation ever

Doktor Zymm

Prosecco is done. Do I open the Sauterne, knowing I won’t finish it before I go to Japan, or do I finish the cheap gin, despite not having much to mix it with?

Ach. The gin. I won’t open the Sauterne yet. And I think I have some chilled soda water that is still acceptably carbonated. Once I complete my earthquake machine and hold the world hostage for a good sum of money I’ll have a butler to take care of this shit for me.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

I’m giving you a head-start, what with the geothermal-powered island base and all.

Doktor Zymm

You can’t beat geothermal, though it’s hard to keep the tourists out of the hot springs, even if they are CLEARLY signposted.
http://www.steinsholt.is/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/Nor%C3%B0ur-og-su%C3%B0ur-2013-116.jpg

Beastmode Ate My Baby

You call them “tourists,” I call them “test subjects.”

laserguru

I call them stew meat.

Brick Meathook

WOW. EVERYTHING IS DIFFERENT.

Redshirt

For the love of God, Dalton, its only preseason! Take the damn Field Goal!!!!

John Difool

He’s never gone give a touchdown up, never get let it down, turn around and desert it….

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Shit, it is only 7:30. I might have drank today in the afternoon and got accidentally drunk. Apologies in advance.

Redshirt

EAS Radio Interruption for a Flash Flood Warning? That’s a first.

Moonbatting Average

*taps mic* Is this thing on?

Redshirt

Freebird! Do Freebird!

Moonbatting Average

If I leeeeeev heeeeere tomoooooorow…

laserguru

Welcome home!

The Maestro

So I’ve been on an island cottage with no internet for three days, and upon getting home just now I see that Romo’s died again and Kaep is busy trolling racists. I picked a bad weekend to be away to enjoy the schadenfreude in real-time.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

It’s been exhausting. And now I kind of respect Kaep, even though he’s a (shudder) Niner.

Brick Meathook

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John Difool

Tony Romo has never looked better

Porky Prime

Great, now can’t unsee.

...

Documented and Undisputed P.E.D. User David Ortiz is batting. Let’s listen to everyone praise his unmatched late career success!

laserguru

Jesus! You’ve got the jaundice real hard!

Redshirt

Hey, if I can handle hearing how the Steelers would’ve won it all last year if the Coward Bengals didn’t hurt them (Gio Bernard’s KO notwithstanding) and how they’re going to win it this year, you can handle Ortiz.

...

It doesn’t bother me much as I’m pretty neutral about Ortiz. I don’t really care about P.E.D. use because the line between banned and allowed substances is arbitrary anyway.

Just the fact that it’s never addressed when people gush about how amazing it is that he’s doing this well over age 40 is funny to me. He’s just been deemed a good guy so the narrative will stay that way.

Doktor Zymm

Says the man who’s only one Cubs World Series away from being worse than any Red Sox fan, probably.

Porky Prime

It’s funny how people still praise Nolan Ryan with rose-colored hindsight goggles.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Pointless bitching: I miss the serifs.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

SERIFFFFF DON’T LIKE IT
ROCK THE CHAT BAR
LOCK THE TASKBAR

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

God damn it. I caused another problem for DTZM when he restarted the “This is great” button. I should find a site that does it without one per page caveats because the new system treats them all as one page

Edit: I guess not.

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

Yeah, I thought they meant either the post or the comments, not one fucking button overall per page. What a joke.

JustStopDude

Every time I see Adam Jones on the sideline, I am surprised that he is 1) still in the league, and 2)…still alive.

...

I need to leave myself a note so I check Dinesh D’Souza’s twitter every so often, search for tweets referring to Hillary Clinton as a criminal, and tweet “You’re a literal convicted felon” in reply to every single one of them.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Reality means nothing to D’Souza.

Doktor Zymm

You could make an ifft recipe to do that automatically I think. If not, it could at least send you the reminder

JustStopDude

My favorite is Alex Jones. If he believed a third of the shit he claims he does, he would be so paranoid he would have killed himself a decade ago.

Its utterly fascinating how he has made an empire out of shilling shit to crazy, paranoid fuckers…

...

Alex Jones looks like he turns red and sweats when he takes a shit. The chances of him dying while on a toilet have to be better than 50-50.

JustStopDude

Fat kid with t-shirt on in the pool!

JustStopDude
JustStopDude
Spanky Datass

The ‘Football is Family’ commercial with Kahn in the pool is creepy as hell.
http://67.media.tumblr.com/9b18a1505fffb1ad7dd48dc1209a6370/tumblr_nre2k9DWw01syvjuco1_500.jpg
Just sayin’.

Redshirt

This is the third Pop Monsoon I’ve had. I know God promised that there would be no more floods, but he might be making an exception with Hillary and Donald going to be President.

Kungjitsu

Aaaand the Jaguars have pissed me off. See y’all next year.

Redshirt

You’re lucky you get pissed off in Week -2. Getting pissed off in Week 18 sucks!

Gratliff

I look forward to writing off both of these teams halfway through the first.

Gratliff

/scratches off Jacksonville

Doktor Zymm

I’m really damn good at buying stuff for myself. Outdoor beanbag chair, good call, year ago me.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I want one of those. I would never quit cigs if that happened, but that sounds amazing

Doktor Zymm

It’s really a fine lounging device. And I considerately also got a wheeled cart that has a bottom shelf at beanbag height for my drink.

Kungjitsu

All Riiiight. There’s a penalty on a fucking touchback to start the game. Football is stupid.

Redshirt
Doktor Zymm

Already? Neat!

*is already drinking*

Bloody Lethal

Drinking it neat?

Doktor Zymm

It’s prosecco, so yes. Though I was considering doing Royal Pimms, but saving that for when I get back from Japan

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Someone needs to find DTZM, give him a drink and sit him down with us to talk for an hour. He has spent at least 6 hours (I am guessing more 10-ish) working on the site today and we need him to just hang out and enjoy it

Doktor Zymm

He’s a good internet dad. We should all club together and get him a mug and an ugly tie

...

I’ll throw into a drink fund.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I’ll blow him. Let me find my Goldie Hawn wig. Or is he more of a Julia Roberts man?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

The this is great button is back. Someone make DTZM post so I can “This is great” it