Kevin James Returns to CBS Tonight!

*SPONSORED POST*

Tonight on CBS, home to all of our favorite shows here at Door Flies Open, is the premiere of a new contender for “Funniest Half-Hour of All Time!”  Kevin Can Wait follows in the grand tradition of CBS sitcoms like The Big Bang Theory, 2 and a Half Men, Still Standing, Everybody Loves Raymond, 2 Broke Girls, Mike and Molly, The Millers, and All In the Family as a show that’s ON TV.  It’s on following The Big Bang Theory, so you’ll watch it anyway.

Kevin Can Wait is the brainchild of Mr. Kevin James, the creator of the groundbreaking CBS sitcom The King of Queens.  Kevin helped CBS usher in their “Fat guys with hot wives” phase.

Kevin Can Wait stars Kevin James (The King of Queens, Paul Blart 2: Food Court Nazi, The Zookeeper 3: This Time It’s Flatulent, Grown Ups 4: Dear God Why) as retired police office Fats Childman.  Fats has decided to put off his retirement to help support his kids.  He lets his daughter’s boyfriend or some shit move into their home, and decides to support them.  Maybe he gets a job as a security guard?

Erinn Hayes, late of Children’s Hospital and, I dunno, 1100 failed pilots, plays his wife, Jugs Funruiner.  As the token “hot wife”, Erinn really fights under her weight here, regardless of the fact that James is roughly twice her size.  Her main role on the show is to make us believe that she married a lazy cop who doesn’t care about her happiness.

So watch Kevin Can Wait on your local CBS affiliate tonight, and come back here and tell us all about it here on Door Flies Open.  Also, watch all of the commercials.  They pay good money for those. #UpForKevining

CBS has in no way paid us for this story.

*SPONSORED POST*

A few of our local DFO’ers agree!

“Why are you bothering me?  Just write what they tell you.” — Darkest Timeline Zach Morris

“Helen Keller would have loved it!  Approved for use by the CIA!” – Old School Zero

“The number one sitcom on ISIS-TV for both 2014 AND 2015!!” – The Maestro

“As a member of that coveted 18-35 male demographic, am I supposed to think that a majority of the shows on network TV suck?” – Senor Weaselo

“Frankly there hasn’t been enough Kevin James vehicles, I was hoping for Paul Blart 3 but will settle for this.” –Duchess

“Kevin James, Honorary Rams Captain, 2016” – Stan Kroenke

“It was great. It was much better than “Cats.” I’m going to see it again and again.” — King Hippo

“I dropped my dialing wand and this came on. I’m not sure if it was the show or the oxy, but my self-loathing diminished by at least 20%!” — Monkey Business

“Even I’m jelly of Kevin James in this TV show.” -New England Clam Chowder

“Finally, what everyone has been clamoring for! More Kevin James! Maybe!”– Peter King

“I can’t remember the last time I saw a TV show [this good]!” –Trent Green

Needs more Black guys.” “DERP DERP DERP!” – Nat Turner

“I still wouldn’t fuck him.” -Leah Remini

“Trust me, it is the perfect transition from Big Bang Theory to The Case of JonBenét Ramsey.” – Blaxabbath

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Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

Red Skins

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

Red

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

Skins

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

[*Redacted] s

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Guess what I just saw a billboard for off the expressway…

Kevin James on a roof in a folding chair is a total cocktease.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

There is not a slow enough slow-clap in the Universe for this.

Old School Zero

Oh, good, you used my quotes. Now where’s my #sponsorship #dollars?

Lothar of the Hill People

I saw the ads for this show, and learned that he’s supposed to be retired cop.

He’s what, in his late 40s? So yeah, if he started copping in his early 20s, he could put 22 years in and be eligible for retirement. But he wouldn’t be maxxed out on the pay scale for any good union job. The only cops that retire as soon as they’re eligible are ones with lucrative side jobs–a cop I know retired at 44 and turned his woodworking hobby into a part-time cabinetry business. He works when he wants, makes money on his hobby (and gets to claim all his ‘hobby’ expenses as business costs), and draws almost his full salary as his pension, because in the last 4 years of working, he pulled all the OT he could, and so his 40% pension was based on an average salary twice his base.

In other words, I can’t believe a shlub like Kevin James’s character would bust his ass to be able to afford to retire as soon as he was eligible.

Sorry, no funny. Just can’t suspend disbelief.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

“Pfft, okay. Next thing you’re going to tell me is a bunch of extremely socially awkward nerds can’t constantly bed attractive women every week!”

— CBS President of Programming

blaxabbath

You did that much research? I saw a fat guy and immediately knew that he couldn’t have been one of our boys in blue. I mean, a fat cop?! Now you’ve done everything, CBS!

Then again, dudes marrying WAAAAYYYYYYY the fuck up seem like a Trump demographic.

http://www.npr.org/2016/09/18/494451660/the-nations-largest-police-union-endorses-donald-trump

Sill Bimmons
trollsoharduniversity

All the CBS promos called Kevin James “the King of Comedy” and now I kind of understand why the Iranians were so mad about the Shah.

Enrico Pallazzo

Kevin James also starred in “Here Comes The Boom” which, I believe, is about Chris Berman chasing down his deux deuxs across the border told from the viewpoint of a Canadian drug peddler.

Enrico Pallazzo

I would actually watch this movie by the way.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Detective: Where did the drugs come from, Perp?!

Berman: BACK. BACK, BACK IN NOVA SCOTIA!

ballsofsteelandfury

Who manned the typewriter for Trent? If it’s the same person that wipes his ass, we’re going to have to pay overtime!

entropy

I honestly had no idea that the world demanded more Kevin James on TV.

blaxabbath

Online petitions wouldn’t exist if they weren’t highly effective!

...

Grrr… that Jugs Funruiner is always ruining his fun! He just wants to watch the National Football League at least three days a week with his NFL Shop-appareled family because Football* is Family. I’ll bet Jugs Funruiner is fine buying knockoff NFL apparel. THAT’S NOT FUN OR LEGAL, FUNRUINER!

*Only applies to officially-licensed NFL football-like products.

...

Related: I don’t think Erinn Hayes’ jugs would ruin anything.

makeitsnowondem

Maybe Kevin can wait, but I can’t wait for Kevin Can Wait!

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

Where were you an hour ago?

makeitsnowondem

Definitely not searching feverishly for leaked torrents of the pilot, no, why do you ask?

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

You put way more effort in than that Sugarman asshat did, then.

Beerguyrob
Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

/Dies

SonOfSpam

Plus, as a one-time Scientologist, SHE’LL BELIEVE ANYTHING!

/puts on Federal Bikini Inspector badge

Sill Bimmons

I just never counted her as a Scientologist because of the HAWTNESS