/Inside DFO Headquarters Monday Morning
Me: Guys, I’m at a loss here. The Bears and Eagles played just last night and now they’re playing again tonight! How do I spin this? How comes no one is talking about this?
Hippo: [shakes his goddamn head] What are you talking about?
Me: The game. Tonight. It’s the exact same tilt as last night.
OSZ: You screwed up.
Me:[rolls eyes] Thanks for the input, Oldie-but I’ve been doing this for over a year now. I think I’ve got a handle on it. Seriously, any ideas? The NFL has sunk to a new low.
Horatio: Scotch, the Bears and Eagles didn’t play last night. Are you okay?
Me: What is with you guys? Just check last night’s preview post. It’s right there! They played!
Low Commander: Did you watch the game?
Me: Of course not! I’m wayyyyy too hammered by that time. Just like all you guys. Am I right? [raises hand looking for a high five] Nobody? What is wrong with you guys?
Everybody– YOU FUCKED UP!
Me: Ohhhh, I get it-this is some sort of, “Let’s pick on the Canadian guy” thing. They never give us a break, right Beer Guy?
BeerGuyRob: [looks the other way, whistles]
Me: Fine. Whatever. Not funny, guys. Not. Funny. I bet Magary never had to put up with this sort of lack of respect. I’m out of here. I’ll be back when I’m not taken for granted! [slams door of conference room/broom closet]
DTZM: Guh. Let’s take a vote-everyone that wants Scotchnaut barred, raise your hand.
Dok Zymm: Can I vote with both hands? It’s twice as many as one!
FIN
Enjoy the game [spits on ground] “Friends”.
So why, when they’re showing the linemen and their positions, do they put the left side of the line to the right (and vice versa)? E.g., Kyle Long, RG, has his picture to the Center’s left.
Yeah, Dallas might have the 70 yard screen, but Soldier Field has 30″ 10 year old flatscreens. What do you have to say about that rest of the league?
Oh, when you said “70 yard screen” I thought you were talking about Atlanta’s shortest play from scrimmage against the Raiders last week.
Jay Leno’s kid sure is YUUUUUUGGGGGEEE
/and black ,, no ofence
So, NFL golf visors. They drive me batshit. A golf visor is like the mullet of hats. And why the fuck would you wear one at night?
this is the sort of thing one really shouldn’t wear past age 7, or at all unless one is a little girl.
Fuck you!
-S. Spurrier
Because the sun never sets when you’re cool.
As an idiot former college golfer that foolishly used to wear those in tournaments back in the day and fried my scalp a few too many times, I can’t figure out why you’d wear them during the day either.
The forced “coolness” of ESPN broadcasters is older than the decayed red meat in Berman’s bowels.
Is the Bears defense as bad as the Browns, or did the Eagles management sell their souls for a good QB?
I have a suspicion that offensive coaches fuck themselves because they try to be too smart. What I mean is that for rookie QB’s, the tend to simplify the playbook significantly. The QB, if he has any talent, has a good rookie season (assuming the team has talent around him). For example Flacco, Matt Ryan, Big Ben, Dalton…
Then the second year, the coach is like “sweet…let’s really open the playbook” and the QB has a sophomore slump.
Now part of this is also the fact that teams get tape on the young QB…but I still maintain that NFL playbooks are far to complicated than necessary.
Bears did a …..mediocre?
BEARS DID A MEDIOCRE!
Phil Collins should totally do these new Genesis car commercials.
Its weird seeing players I remember as Head Coach. It like playing in Franchise Mode into Year 7 and 8 in Madden, your Head Coach retires and you see Peyton Manning on the list of possible new coaches.
It’s way worse in baseball.
Well, he couldn’t fix that play, John.
Is Fuller still hurt or did he get hurt again week 1? I thought he was back
Still out with his knee scope healing
Also, Jacoby Glenn doesn’t suck, and is actually improving dramatically, so they’re not going to rush Fuller back.
I’ve read a lot that they’re consider moving Fuller to FS, too, so they might want to see which of the young CBs can play well enough.
Does Philly still have that racist WR? Forgot his name.
Yep.
He’s a free agent, a freeman one could say.
I thought he was still on the roster.
I thought he was playing for Tennessee until I googled it.
he probably is stuck in a local bar agreeing in awe with everything Ditka says
I think the nose tackle just stopped Darren Sproles by putting a hand on his helmet.
Shortlisted!
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v74/Nickasinsaltlick/image_zpsowvccml8.gif
BRB…gonna finish my complimentary hotel beer then take my complimentary hotel shower. Discuss…
“We’ve replaced the Chicago Bears defense with three hundred years old cheesecloth….. let’s see if anyone notices.”
Gentlemen.
Trying a brand new brewery tonight, Brazos Valley Brewing. Their coffee brown ale is pretty damned nice.
Brazzers Vulva Brewing? Sounds tasty.
wood aged?
Wombat.
I had some coffee earlier.
Coffee’s good. I don’t drink it that often on its own but I’m a fan nevertheless.
you know, if the Donks offered Foxy a 6th, or just Siemian straight up FOAR Catler back, Foxy would jump at it, Chicago would be joyful, and Denver would win two more Superb Owls.
None of the parties have the humility to make this happen.
Oh yes make this happen.
Caw cah
If we make the secret word “poise” and we all have to drink whenever it’s said, how long will we last before we die?
/not even drinking
//dies anyway
Excuse the shouting but:
I’M A COWBOY FAN STUCK IN FLORIDA (yes, that Florida) FOR TWO MOAR WEEKS!!
Why wasn’t I born wealthy and didn’t have to do this “work” shit!?!?
You can shut almost any anthem-Humperdinck up with a single question:
During what war was the anthem written?
Over 90% will say either the Revolution or the Civil War.
/was originally “anthem-humper” but sometime autocorrect knows best
And then ask how many verses there are.
I like the third verse when Key advocated the execution of slaves because they had the temerity to fight for the British.
1931!
What do I get to hump as a prize?
I’m more of a “Hail, Columbia!” guy myself.
Everbody nows it was the war of jesus aginst the sinners ppl dont forget that,, smh
If my last name was “Peters” I’d change it.
After hearing Wentz’s name repeated about 100x tonight, I have this song in my head:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N5E8CXQwtrg
Good kid Carson Wentz got lost, on his way to Sweden
Can’t believe they got Catler out of bed on a Monday. Must have coaxed him out with a pan of lasagna.
poor Catler. Even the Iggles are a bridge too far FOAR that shitsniffing OL??
Eagles have a monster defensive line. I hear they may have some linebackers signed to the roster as well this year. I do not expect to know who they are.
Shit, they’ve already punted?
Well this shit certainly isn’t gonna shut up any of the Eagles fans around here.
JAY NOOOOOOOOOO…
http://img.chan4chan.com/img/2010-12-12/IMG_3210.jpg
Shit. Left side of the line can’t run-block, right side can’t pass-block.
A very Bears start.
Didn’t stand for the anthem lol.
That’s because mine wasn’t played. Eat that, racist bible belters.
LORDY THAT D
About .500 career winning percentage seems rather appropriate for Catler.
Thank Bleergh we don’t have to sit through some blonde little country darlin’ singin’ some crappy cover of a crappy cover of a Joan Jett song.
Best thing about this sitting down for the anthem is that I can continually tell my kids that you don’t have to agree with a person’s views, but they have the right to say and do what they want.
I have been hammering this into them because I want them to be able to think for themselves.
Also, fuck donald trump. He is a swollen tick on the ass of this nation.
Shit. I should have planned ahead and got wasted early. Mildly buzzed is no way to watch the Bears lose on national TV like they always do.
You got time. We believe in you!
I’m already at liquor!
I know a lot of people love Jim Cornielson, but when he sings it always sounds to me like a Family Guy parody of the national anthem.
That one wasn’t his best. His 2010 NFC Championship performance was fucking great though.
Ovechkin just fell the fuck over on a potential breakaway.
Who the fuck is he shouting at? He does know Kaepernick isn’t there, right?
Fuck Chicago’s anthem singers, if I’m being honest. Almost as bad as Pittsburgh’s.
#InstrumentalAnthemsOnly
Let’s just change the national anthem to Stairway to Heaven
Anything would be preferable to the current one.
I am seated.
Me too. I did raise a fist though.
That sucked so much I only raised a single finger.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxBXke6KvPA
I stood for the anthem, and I was on the toilet when it played. That’s how good of an American I am.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I gotta mess to clean up. Proudly!
Jim Corneilison is the best.
So the Ravens win, come back from 20 down and people who call in to the radio to . . . bitch about a Ravens win.
Fuck everybody in this city.
Everyone I know who’s criticizing Kaepernick has supported trump for over a year, denounces the NBA, and while they didn’t watch the emmy’s, they do have an opinion on Aziz Ansari and Alan Yang.
None of this actually means anything. I just wanted you to realize this.
Evening All
If every athlete doesn’t stand up for the National Anthem, my entire experience in the military is invalidated and the terrorist win.
Exactly. Soldier, I have a mission for you, we need you travel to the land of San Fran, and find a final solution for the Public enemy knows as Mohamed Farah Muhammad Kaepernick.
Dismissed!
So, show of hands…how many of YOU had a 90 yr old hottie try to get you drunk on homemade wine today? Wait, that sounds wrong. Let me rephrase that.
The rent ain’t gonna pay itself.
http://pics.bbzzdd.com/users/NFS4/yikes.gif
http://s2.quickmeme.com/img/67/67cb54695a1e618128edc5c4336ef2c2d7bd16e7576e9b4d1415f2cc302e5038.jpg
NA and YURP are making this World Cup matter.
I would enjoy if that was the final. SCrew Bettman!
No, did he really use the word “amigo” in reference to heritage night?
Is this Sean McDonough guy a carnival barker, only here because he’s looking for Tomsula?
Berman’s head looks moar like a potato every week.
Evening folks, how’re they hanging?
Missed you yesterday watching the Factory collapse
Yeah, I’m on the roadtrip from hell. Or at least it was until today. Just got back from dinner with two old gals who got hammered and had the times of their lives. Again, that sounds way wrong.
Low.
Tell me about it. I need to put risers on the toilet seat to ummmm….prevent….ummmm…..
Never mind.
http://cdn.someecards.com/someecards/usercards/MjAxMi03NjIyNmVjMGM0ZWVkZjg4.png