/Inside DFO Headquarters Monday Morning
Me: Guys, I’m at a loss here. The Bears and Eagles played just last night and now they’re playing again tonight! How do I spin this? How comes no one is talking about this?
Hippo: [shakes his goddamn head] What are you talking about?
Me: The game. Tonight. It’s the exact same tilt as last night.
OSZ: You screwed up.
Me:[rolls eyes] Thanks for the input, Oldie-but I’ve been doing this for over a year now. I think I’ve got a handle on it. Seriously, any ideas? The NFL has sunk to a new low.
Horatio: Scotch, the Bears and Eagles didn’t play last night. Are you okay?
Me: What is with you guys? Just check last night’s preview post. It’s right there! They played!
Low Commander: Did you watch the game?
Me: Of course not! I’m wayyyyy too hammered by that time. Just like all you guys. Am I right? [raises hand looking for a high five] Nobody? What is wrong with you guys?
Everybody– YOU FUCKED UP!
Me: Ohhhh, I get it-this is some sort of, “Let’s pick on the Canadian guy” thing. They never give us a break, right Beer Guy?
BeerGuyRob: [looks the other way, whistles]
Me: Fine. Whatever. Not funny, guys. Not. Funny. I bet Magary never had to put up with this sort of lack of respect. I’m out of here. I’ll be back when I’m not taken for granted! [slams door of conference room/broom closet]
DTZM: Guh. Let’s take a vote-everyone that wants Scotchnaut barred, raise your hand.
Dok Zymm: Can I vote with both hands? It’s twice as many as one!
FIN
Enjoy the game [spits on ground] “Friends”.
Evening!
Fuck da Eagles
http://i12.tinypic.com/6affmea.jpg
http://68.media.tumblr.com/a27226b227cb20671c3d76402503379a/tumblr_obtg4t2Kbt1s01qkyo1_500.gif
I suspect that’s a different sort of fucking the Eagles
I seriously doubt that’s the first time ol’ Heather has been up against the wall in an outhouse.
Why are so many QBs named Carson?
Because only GLOORREEE DADS who want their sons to be GLOORREEE BOYS would name their child Carson.
They’re all named after the city they were conceived in. Carson City is apparently a hotbed of QB breeding.
Carson Palmer
Carson Romo
Carson Brees
Carson Phillips
and of course Carson McBride
Bcuz you touch yourself at night when you think God isn’t watching?
Sorry, right answer but wrong question. I got confused again.
https://vine.co/v/egPBxYQJnEH
http://66.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lb4sr4WvWn1qb9nsso1_r1_500.gif
I think the Eagles line is getting tired of Gruden felating Wentz like he was the love child of Tom Brady and Peyton Manning.
http://a.disquscdn.com/uploads/mediaembed/images/905/6302/original.jpg
I have two of those three.
I regret not asking the Swedes if they had any malort/besk around for me to drink.
THIS GUY CARSON WENTZ, I CALL HIM D-CELL BECAUSE HE’S GETTING THROWN ALL OVER THE FIELD AND IT’S PURE BATTERY
Sorry about the repeats tonight, I am using my backup mouse that seems to double click for no reason and the site isn’t kicking them out as repeat comments
I want my $12 back.
Unacceptable. Moar pictures are required for penance.
At least Todd Pinkston had the excuse of being terrified of getting hit. He could at least catch an easy ball for fuck’s sake. At least the cruiserweights are on RAW finally.
Hey! Wentz is trying to RG3 himself!
Yeah, Kyle is suffering with just signed an extension-itis
that’s the way the rookie fumbles.
fucking white hair.
reply fail
YOU GUYS CATS CAN TWEET
https://twitter.com/jaycutler
Glenn is playing great tonight
Was Agholor going for the set there?
New Eagles Receivers–Same As The Old Eagles Receivers
Gruden continuing his active rooting against the Bears. I am ok with it. It makes me like the Bears more that THIS GUY Gruden doesn’t like them
Gruden is like a priest….. altar boys are brand new? He really enjoys their energy and youthfulness.
A few years? Couldn’t care less for those misguided youths.
Gruden continuing his active rooting against the Bears. I am ok with it. It makes me like the Bears more that THIS GUY Gruden doesn’t like them
Oh my fucking god these receivers
Jebus Fricking Crispies, Cutler. Try NOT fumbling the ball some game, willya?
That’s the way the rookie fumbles, as my grandpa used to say.
He said lots of things. Among them:
“I really hate how much I identify with the grandpa on the simpsons.” Never knew he watched that with any regularity
‘The Good Place’ seems OK. Based on 15 minutes.
I imagine that Gruden’s producer subsists entirely on an unholy speedball made from meth, quaaludes, mescaline, and ketamine.
Amazing that Gruden is having such an existential crisis that a PI flag wasn’t thrown, once.
TOUCHDOWN SEAHAWKS
The Cummins logo is the greatest crime ever committed against the noble art of graphic design.
A new foreman at the Factory today guys. Pray for Charlie Whitehurst.
Gruden just adding accelerant to the WIP Conspiracy Theory Persecution Complex dumpster fire.
http://cdn1.bloguin.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/94/2015/02/Dumpster.jpg
It is possible for a dumpster fire to be beautiful because that is a beautiful picture of a dumpster fire.
30 flags on the Eagles later, “REFS LETTING THEM PLAY TONIGHT!”
http://66.media.tumblr.com/4e0310251ebaa5b7140acc56f46238d4/tumblr_odhcjaYu4u1qjnhqgo1_1280.jpg
Do you think Gruden forces his wife to pretend to be an NFL QB during sex?
No, but I bet he records their sex and “grinds the tape” for 12 hours afterward.
I’ve tried that and believe me; it can be REALLY painful on your balls.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/05fb4e272fe13e10f03e230e21eef97f/tumblr_inline_nhguz1QlYI1sz5k7g.gif
“That’s Hawt”
-Bill Belichick
I really hope Wentz stays healthy, because if he gets horribly injured I won’t be able to keep myself from making a “He Wentz to the hospital” joke and then I’ll feel like the bad person I truly am deep inside
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SHoNWwhzh3M
When the film and DCs catch up to him you can say “He Wentz in his pantz.”
Maybe he’ll play Doopy Pantz!
Oh gawd no. Not McMannis. He blows goats in the secondary.
http://67.media.tumblr.com/bc0fa108d791f7b32c9a0636ad8b5ab2/tumblr_oadilwTN6j1qlz1v3o1_500.gif
If you speak ill of Northwestern’s Champ Bailey again I’m deleting all of your comments.
I think Andy Reid would really have liked Josh Huff, and I know Garrett Reid would have.
http://68.media.tumblr.com/295e3cf7807e0ac04e30a753e4f09765/tumblr_o8kgn21EUV1vsmvb2o1_500.jpg
awwwwwwwwww
Observe as I wisely STFU.
I have a great joke here, really. But it would draw the ire of multiple people. Who in concert could wear me down, and eventually sneak up and kill me. So as I said….I’m not going near this one.
There is no carpet?
I’m. Saying. Nothing.
(shhh…I’ll tell ya later)
What’s the o/u on the number of wedgies Sean McDonough received between grades 6-12?
I’m gonna say 16.
A week?
I figure he got wise after the first half dozen or so, and was more difficult to pin down as far as routes/schedules.
Not so sure; I gave MYSELF that many during that time just ’cause it felt good on the constant boner.
DUDE!!!!!?????!!!!!
LMFAO
Not much for football snacks around the house. Lucky Charms it is.
http://www.marketplace-brighton.co.uk/images/Yoda%20Ceramic%20Bong.jpg
I’m pleased by the great image options a search of the word “jugs” gives me.
“Be Sports Rich with Fan Duel, because let’s face it computer programmers who will spend a $1,000,000 to get $1,015,000 will make sure you don’t get Rich Rich”
All this Berman hate is uncalled for. I love it when they resurrect him for the halftime segment…
http://s2.photobucket.com/user/Christopher4myspace/media/YFS/temp-320-62088323.gif.html
http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y45/Christopher4myspace/YFS/temp-320-28823770.gif
http://www.whiskytrain.com/whisky/jugs/jugs99.jpg
is she offering for that a gentleman caller can do a line off her boobs, and if so, does she have a newsletter I might subscribe to??
I was gonna do this anyways during halftime romonobyl.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/72bead670f95e7941a65956af6a39487/tumblr_nvw0nebs0z1udtwbro1_1280.jpg
I don’t always like tattoos on a lady, but those are OUTSTANDING.
Agreed and agreed.
Holy shit.
da Fuq is wrong with Berman’s face? The right profile potato look is looking good by comparison. Yikes.
Listening to Chris Berman say “circle of life” just reminds me of how much I want to end mine while listening to Chris Berman.
Fuck you, Jordan Matthews.
Back from tennis just in time for half time commercials….but it appears the Bears are getting less butt whooped than I expected. I assume this is because the Eagles aren’t actually any good, and not because the Bears are better than we thought?
Bears have learned how to play defense so its 3 field goals instead of 21 points.
didya WIN??
It was cardio tennis, so we did lots of running around drills and jump ropes. So, sure I sorta won!
So the guys watching the practice from the bushes were the real winners?
Tennis skirts are pretty damn cute. AND they have pockets!
Jump rope in a tennis skirt… you sure you weren’t just in a fetish video?
Nah, not unless they hid the camera really damn well
One word… Drones
I’m more interested in what one keeps in the pockets of one’s tennis skirt.
/asking foar a friend
BALLS!
I hate to tell you, but that doesn’t sound like tennis.
That sounds like….what’s the word I’m looking for? Basic training? No, but that’s close.
When do you ship out soldier?
“Chris Berman really needs to update his references”
– C. Montgomery Burns
I admit I’ve been away for awhile, but has DFO gone strictly PG? Don’t get me wrong, I’m here for the relatable snarkiness, but I’ve noticed a significant decrease in the mammary-related visual submissions. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Shut up, I am busy watching the game
http://www.gabriellashawceramics.com/images/aboutus/case_studies/gsc_cs_jordan_01.jpg
http://s686.photobucket.com/user/J_D33ZY_979_SLAB/media/SEXY%20HOEZ/free-hugs-from-jugs.jpg.html
http://i686.photobucket.com/albums/vv228/J_D33ZY_979_SLAB/SEXY%20HOEZ/free-hugs-from-jugs.jpg
the jugs machine broke down
God, how did Berman make his halftime bit even worse?
Big Papi in a TAWWWMY jersey. Humanity really does deserve to be wiped from the planet IMMEDIATELY.
Don’t get me started. 5-2 final bad guys, tonight in B’More.
This is why we can’t have nice things.
Ok this Defense looks worlds better than they did 3 yrs ago. That’s not saying much I know but they are no longer letting plastic bag rush all over them.
I see by falling asleep I missed nothing.
You woke up for Berman. I am sorry about that
Eugh. Fucking potato roll face.
“Icing a kicker” seems to equal “giving the kicker a practice kick”.
I’ll become a fan when it involves putting actual delicious icing on the kicker in fun, football related decorative patterns!
Sprinkles?
I don’t see why not!