LA Football: A Local’s View

Not surprisingly, USC fell to the Stanford Cardinal in Palo Alto by a score of 27-10.  Somewhat surprisingly, UCLA beat the BYU Cougars in Utah by a score of 17-14.

WHAT?

Ok, FINE!  The …LA Rams (still sounds weird) played their home opener at the Coliseum against the Seattle Seahawks. And somehow, thanks to Pete Carroll’s karma coming back to bite him in the ass (plus the ridiculous way Beastmode was let go this offseason after not being appreciated and supported), Seattle sucked just enough dick to allow the Rams to win a ridiculously horrible game without scoring a touchdown by a score of 9-3.

The Rams have still not scored in LA since the 90’s.  Insert shitty sex life joke here. That’ll be the only thing getting inserted…

Anyhoo, in my preview, I let y’all know that I discovered that I have a dumb friend from work that got season tickets.  Lo and behold, I have TWO dumb friends that got season tickets to the Rams!  I pledge to you, dear uninterested in LA reader, to follow their experiences at Rams home games so YOU can feel you were there!

Buddy #1 – Purchased two tickets with three other friends, so the group has 8 tickets total at their disposal.  Two of his friends wanted to attend with their Significant Others.  One friend wanted to sell his tickets, but got no takers and ended up going with his Significant Other.  My buddy sold his tickets on Stub Hub for twice the face value.  When I asked him if he went or sold his tickets, he replied, “Fuck no!  It was 100 degrees out!  I sold that shit!  I’m pissed I couldn’t get more money for them.”

Buddy#2 – Purchased two tickets with two other friends, so the group has 6 tickets total at their disposal.  From the beginning, he had told me he was going to this game.  He did not show up to work today.  He might have gotten stabbed or arrested.  He’s black, so for his sake I’m hoping it was the former.  If he’s still alive tomorrow, I’ll follow up.

Here are your vital game statistics:

Attendance: 91,000

Fans treated for heat-related reasons:  Over 160.

Fans hospitalized for heat-related reasons: 14.

Arrests:  1 in stadium, 1 outside the stadium.  (so far that’s all that’s been announced. More to come, I believe)

Fan Fights that went viral:  1 (for now)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CioTZXqaH6U

Now, you may ask how did I, your intrepid reporter, spend my first NFL Sunday with a local team?

I went to work out during the pre-game shows.  Absolutely no one had the pre-game shows on the TVs while they were doing cardio.  Since my Steelers were the national CBS game, I was able to catch some of the game on my work phone through the NFL Mobile app (only on Verizon!) while my car was getting washed.   Then, I watched the end of the game at home.  I turned on the Seahawks-Rams game and, I swear I am not exaggerating here for comic effect, promptly fell asleep.  Unlike the dipshits that attended this game, I had A/C and I had a nice fluffy pillow in my bed.

I miss Andrew Siciliano, but not enough to pony up the dough for NFL Sunday Ticket.  Looks like I’m not alone. This may merit a separate post, but for now all I can say is

Until next time, kids.  Always remember, Roger Goodell is a National Disgrace!

UPDATE!  My buddy is alive!  He also reported that the NFL Exchange sucks ass.  Future tickets will be sold on Stub Hub.