JV NFL and Hurricane Matthew Say HAI to October Proper

We have yet another dumb-assed international break (right after Spurs beat City to finally create some intrigue at the top of the table), so it’s JV and JV alone this Saturday. Plus, of course, lots of ridiculous, faux-solemn requests for prayers and donations by your favourite ESPN/Fox/CBS teevee foofs. Try doing a shot each time, and see if’n you die.

drunk

Notre Dame at NC State (Noon, ABC)

This one could be fun, because of wind and rain. Plus, the Irish are shhiiiiiittttt right now (as the wolven sort are pretty much always), so this could be ridiculous in the elements. Plus, I have to watch, so fuck you, so should you. MAYBE.

Auburn at Mississippi State (Noon, ESPN)

Since LSU/Florida done got postponed, this is your bestest noon alternate viewing. Survival death match for continued relevancy in the still-brutal SEC West.

Tennessee at Texas A&M (3:30, CBS)

OK, so you escaped the clutches of UGA and the Dawg Pound, Butch Jones. Get out of College Station alive and I will believe your balls have really dropped. Clear fixture of the day, for the neutral fan.

Alabama at Arkansas (7:00, ESPN)

Pig Sooey is a tough draw for Roll Damn Tide, as they love a mudder game, and Bama usually can’t just pass them out of one. I think this Nick Saban squad is too good to get trapped here, but I wouldn’t bet my life on it.

Washington at Oregon (7:30, Fox)

Oregon is pretty terrible, but the Huskies will no doubt come out flat, thinking they have already accomplished their mission (did Shrub teach you nothing??!!). Could be interesting, could be a shitshow. Either way, 100 points will be scored, that’s always fun with Gus Johnson in the house.

Florida State at Miami (8:00, ABC)

The game itself has little luster, it’s all about the carnage! Anyway, I’m far from convinced it will actually end up happening.

Washington State at Stanford (10:30, ESPN)

Do any of you late night tweaker game aficianados huff compuster dusters? That seems like a Mike Leach/Eastern Washington kind of thing to me. Anyway, GO COUGS!!

wazzu

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I am taking care of both my mom and dad and neither of them care without an addendum, can someone give me some love. I am mostly ok, right?

Gratliff

Disown them on some trumped up charges.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

We like you. But we’re all fucked up here.

WCS

You’re doing right by both of them. Hang in there.

Sill Bimmons

ITS SO MUCH EARLIER HERE

Sill Bimmons

But the clock only says 10:00!

IM FREAKIN OUT MAN

WCS

WCS

Wide Rights I-III, Wide Left I, and now Blocked PAT I?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Yeah, SNL isn’t gonna be better. I am listening to Hamilton now instead

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I missed the start of SNL and the one skit they actually wrote. I like the drunk Baldwin, he is funny

Croooow

Alec Baldwin’s impersonation of Trump is almost too good.

Sill Bimmons

Creepy.

Shogun Marcus

There is no line. Everything he said is plausible. There isn’t any “there’s no way he’d say that or think that.”

Sill Bimmons

Plausible? Try probable.

Senor Weaselo

I’m actually excited for SNL.

Fronkenshteen

I FEAR NOTHING!!!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Good thing Zymm went to the bar, because her neighborhood is about to get fucking loud

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Please she’ll cause 50% of it herself.

Senor Weaselo

Never fuck with the good Doktor, lest she make experiments of the lot of ye.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Goddammit. Pat McCrory on my TV does not make me happy.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

That’s how I feel about Bob Costas on mine

Unsurprised

— EVERYONE

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Every time they show Bill Murray it is a good luck sign

Unsurprised

It’s a shame the title gives away the punchline, but this is great.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rVddt4AJUUI

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Can we make it a crime to throw a ball at a guy at 100 MPH? Or at least let the batter go beat him with his bat after to his discretion.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Case by case basis.
Josh Donaldson needs chin music.
/probably joking

Senor Weaselo

No you’re not, and I still got beat in my fantasy semis no thanks to him. GREG BIRDPERSON WILL BE AVENGED!

/Yes, that was all MLB’s filter would let me get away with due to character limits
//ESPN’s is still somehow worse

Sill Bimmons

If you’re crazy enough to stand in against someone throwing 100 mph you deserve any consequences that may follow.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

If you are stupid enough to marry a crazy person your kids deserve to get beaten for years because divorce is bad.

Sill Bimmons

That’s the falsest false equivalency in the history of time.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I know, I went full swing because I thought your argument was shit. I don’t want to fight though. So you win.

Sill Bimmons

You’re a strange dude.

I thought I was making a joke about how crazy baseball players are, but in reality I was making a deep and sincere comment about mental health and domestic abuse in America.

Senor Weaselo

I’m all for laughing at Rutgers, but that’s just sad. Like, 1930s sad.

herodotus450

Does the head count as down?

Sill Bimmons

Just the tip?

Sill Bimmons

Just saw the score.

Good. Fuck the Giants. Go Small Bears.

herodotus450

Miami’s strategy to late hit their way to a win is coming up short tonight.

Croooow

Looking at the box score: Rutgers was 2/18 passing for FIVE yards and 34 yards rushing.
They also punted 16 times for 603 yards.
Wow.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Duh….it’s Rutgers.
Even in Jersey they are an afterthought.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Union County’s finest here… I can attest to that and then some.

Unsurprised

Wow. Washington is kicking the shit out of Oregon at home. Meanwhile, Beavers are masturbating furiously.

Unsurprised

They’re a swell bunch. Corvallis is a lovely little town, but I’d die if I stayed in a city smaller than Portland any longer than I already did (3 years).

Croooow

One of my friends is an Oregon State alum. Hates the Ducks big time. I would really love to see the Beavs finally beat them.

Unsurprised

Has anyone else mentioned that Arnold Schwarzenegger condemning Trump is pretty goddamn hilarious as the pot calling the kettle a sexual predator?

JustStopDude

Its similar to hearing from President Clinton that Trump is a misogynist.

Dude is a fucking sexual predator. I would never allow a female member of my family to be alone for any amount of time with Bill Clinton. I think a lot of the conspiracy stories about the Clintons are utter crap, but its pretty much establish fact the dude is right on par with Trump.

Fronkenshteen

Francois a tuff muthafucka

theeWeeBabySeamus

Then again, it is pretty funny to think FSU is about to be tied with BC for hind tit in the Atlantic. Imma have to reach out to a fellow wolven’s wife, who happens to be and FSU alum tomorrow if the ‘Canes hold on.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Poulan Weedwhacker Bowl eligibility totes within our grasp.

Croooow

Just wanted to say: I’m glad NC State beat Notre Dame.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Watching baseball is like when I am forced to watch NCIS with my dad. I don’t know why I am doing it other than when I was a kid and forced to like baseball when I was a Cubs fan. Sure, something is on my screen, I have 1000 other things to watch… God fucking damnit I will watch til the end, won’t I?

herodotus450

Delay of game on the kickoff? Never seen that before.

JustStopDude

“One way to impress your team mates is to continually get concussed and let the coaches put you back in”

Seriously…Francois has no fucking clue which team he is playing for right now…

theeWeeBabySeamus

I like RTD’s quip about answering a brick, personally. That was some funny shit.

Croooow

I’m honestly shocked Harbaugh didn’t try to score on that drive.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Definite meteor rooting interest.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Fuck teh Coastal. VT got the job done today. Don’t care ’bout nuthin’ more on that side at the moment.

theeWeeBabySeamus

And FSU was soooooo offsides on that kickoff.

JustStopDude

Seriously…if I was a head coach…I have no fucking clue how I would handle losing 78-0 at this level. You are going to have to be escorted to mid-field to shake Harbaugh’s diet coke and dip spit sticky hand. Then you have to stand through a press conference where you will be peppered by shithead reporters asking insulting questions:

“Coach…is there anything you want to take away from this game?”

You got a locker room full of young kids that just had their heads kicked in on a national cable broadcast.

I think I would have just taken off my pants midway through the third quarter and then pretend like I didn’t notice I did that.

Croooow

Wow. Oregon is getting thumped.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

That’s 12 years of pent-up Husky rage.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

That’s why my fat nephew never stops masturbating.

Doktor Zymm

Reading, but was briefly distracted by how amazingly racist the girls near me is.

Unsurprised

Northside racists? Why I never!

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

If Rutgers is the birthplace of college football, tonight it was finally taken off life support.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

MLB needs to get rid of the behind the plate umpires, I can’t stand 10 pitches an inning getting called wrong when they can do it automatically on a computer. I still won’t watch 162 games a year, but it would make the playoffs more watchable.

Unsurprised

Baseball would be great if not for all the humans

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Says people that are over 80

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Ehh, I fucked that one up. The game came back on and I was 20% trying

litre_cola

Is this Costas’ only game? Please let it be so.

Unsurprised

Someone at NBC asked that question thirty years ago, and sadly OJ didn’t take mercy on us all and ensure it would be so

JustStopDude

So Harbaugh is just trying to become more hated than Saban at this point right?

LemonJello

“That guy needs to lighten up, maybe not take footbaw so seriously!”

Croooow

I wish the Big Ten would boot out Rutgers.

JustStopDude

My brother’s father in law is a Rutgers grad. He would not shut the fuck up about how Rutgers was doing to get better, that UMD better not stink the conference up, and that I was going to regret that UMD joined the big ten.

Keep in mind…I never went to UMD. I went to a different school in MD but this guy can’t seem to remember this.

He used to talk about how wonderful the campus of Rutgers is and the surrounding area. On a fluke, I had to go do repairs on a really old drive on the campus. Basically the broiler feed pumps for their steam plant.

That campus is a SHITHOLE! It has all the charm and grace of a medium security federal prison built in the 80’s.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

It’s gigantic and somewhat nice in places, but my uncle went there in the 80s when New Brunswick was a total shithole.

JustStopDude

Yeah and to be fair, Rutgers is massive and now that I think about it…I am not even sure which campus I was working on.

I really just can’t stand my brother’s father in law. He is one of those hyper competitive, type A personalities, who is also an investment banker or some shit.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Well they’re on a much better track than before, when a lesbian donor hijacked the AD process and had them hire a piece of shit because she, too, was a lesbian.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Congrats to makeitsnow for (according to his Twitter) consuming his 2500th beer

BrettFavresColonoscopy

FUCK BOB COSTAS

theeWeeBabySeamus

No thank you.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Been there, done that!

Ask Bob about his ‘experimental’ phase circa ’95. He put the “Dome” in SkyDome!

Doktor Zymm

This was a mistake. All these people are idiots.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

“There’s some chick on her phone here, and she’s talking to some guy with the Archer baby character. Fuckin’ weirdo.”

theeWeeBabySeamus

I resent that.
Just saying.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Oh no malice intended hon!

It was more how I think people view Zymm at a bar.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I know. Just flirting with ya.
You’ll always be my queen of hearts.

Shogun Marcus

That’s resemble!

litre_cola

Bama fans? Surely you jest.

theeWeeBabySeamus

New Green Day.
Fuck you if you don’t like it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6EYmSkM7a0E

Doktor Zymm

The people next to me are talking college footballs, and alabama has been mentioned. I would yell ‘ roll tide’ and run away, but it’s too crowded to run. I should do it anyway and just buy a round of shots instead?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Do what I do and fuck with them by screaming “WAR EAGLE!”

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Do it and say, “Marc Trestman’s Windowless Van made me!” Then cry uncontrollably.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

ROLL DAMN TIDE

GET DAMN MAXIPAD

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

My hair is long enough to do a Nathan Fillion look or I could also just go to the lazy shave it all off thing. I like the idea of the former, probably will do the latter.

Senor Weaselo

ALL the pitchers hitting! Although that’s an error.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I hope that Giants batter doesn’t want to go clubbing after the game, because then there’d be…

/puts on sunglasses

Panik at the disco

YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAH

litre_cola

Please let MadBum go yard.

Doktor Zymm

Or lazy and corner bar. I get air miles here, I can use those to go somewhere better. Way fucking better.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Zymm come fly to Buddy’s bar!