Your “Heeeeeeee’s Baaaaaaaack!” Sunday Afternoon NFL Open Thread

Today has the makings of a memorable day, doesn’t it? So much going on! [sounds of enthusiastic slurping can be heard in background] NFL meal-ticket and Orange Wonder-supporter, Tahmmy Boy returns under center, baseball playoffs throughout the day and a debate of some sort later on this evening. [slurping sound grows louder] Do you hear that? God, that’s distracting! Where was I? Right, get all your little errands and chores out of the way early folks because there’s plenty… [slurping reaches 140 decibels] I can hardly think. Where is that sound coming from? OH MY GOD! IT’S COMING FROM INSIDE THE TV! Help…me… To…The…Games… [collapses]

NE/Cle-TOM BRADY IS BACK!!! If you’re not a fan of vivisection you may want to catch another game. Although te Gronk, wr Edelman and rb Blount are all ouch-infested, it won’t matter much against a bunch of Brownies. Time for a sneaky good game from wr Hogan? You could do worse.

Phi/Det-Te Ertz is finally back from a rib booboo and you should throw him in there if you have him. The Lions rank dead last in defending that position. Rook qb Wentz is throwing at a 65% clip and has yet to turn the ball over. I expect that’ll change today but not because Detroit is sound defensively-it’s just that confident rooks tend to try to do things that they shouldn’t. It’s nice being right every once in a while. I wrote somewhere else that wr Tate would struggle with the wr1 mantle after Megatron goes back to his home planet. Tate has amassed all of 95 yards in a particularly pass-happy O so far this year. Look for him to bounce back as D’s turn their attention to the team’s real threat, Marvin Jones Jr.

Chi/Ind-Two 1-3 teams battle for not-supremacy of anything. The Colts give up an average of 31 points a game while the Bears are struggling to the tune of 16 per. Luck and Co. should easily get into the mid-thirties while Hoyer should be able to put up 3 scores against Indy’s travesty of a D. I’ll go 36-21 for the blue unis here.

Ten/Mia-Another battle of 1-3 ‘teams’. Starting qb’s Tanny and Mariota have both thrown 5 picks each so the one that protects the ball better should come out the winner. The Titans own the #4 rushing O in the league and little else. Their leading wr, Rishard Matthews has a whopping 180 yards on only 12 recepts. That’s only 3 per game-man, that’s bad! On the other side wr Landry continues to be the Fins lone offensive weapon. He’s got 375 yds and 1 TD.

Was/Bal-Cousins could have the time of his life if he throws on cb Wright for the majority of the game. Of the seven TD’s allowed by the Ravens, six have been directed at Wright. Rb West looks to build on his 113 yd, 1 TD performance last week even though fellow rb Dixon will be eased back into the lineup. Someone, anyone, performing well on the Baltimore O would take some heat off OC Trestman.

Hou/Min-This looks to be the fixture of this time slot though how each of the O’s is going to put points on the board is a mystery to me. Minny is now down wr Diggs who is out with groin problems. Perhaps it’s time for wr Patterson to finally show up? The smart money says an emphatic, “NO!”. Houston has the #1 ranked pass D anyway. I’d venture that the D that generates the most turnovers squeaks out the W.

NYJ/Pit-BUMBLEBEE UNIFORMS! Apparently they’re being thrown in a dumpster after this game because orphans in Haiti were quoted as saying, “Nah, you can keep them”. Speaking of not looking good-The Jetskis! Thanks to his recent struggles, qb FitzHarvard is trending towards a 16 TD, 40 Intercept season. One for the record books! Sure-handed wr Enunwa has made the most of his opportunity with Decker being on the sidelines-he’s 10th in the league with a 72% catch rate. Qb Big Ben (who the hell has time to make sure his last name is spelled properly? Not me) shares the league lead with 11 TD’s tossed, 4 of which have gone to wr Brown who shares the league lead in that category. I think the Steelers romp in this one.

Now that’s done. TYPE LIKE YOU’VE NEVER TYPED BEFORE!

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Lothar of the Hill People

How unrealistic. She doesn’t have an offensive lineman build.

http://images.halloweencostumes.com/products/1988/1-1/female-football-player-costume.jpg

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

See ladies, we care about your boners too!

ThursdaySkyGoddess

IGGLESDERP!

King Hippo

womp womp Philly

Doktor Zymm

Jamison > Jameson

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

She looks like Paris Hilton kissed a hornet’s nest.

Gratliff

Oh no no no

litre_cola

Fuck me.

Lothar of the Hill People

Well, fuck.

Spur

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Sill Bimmons

Wow.

CBS cutaway music for Stillers was Flight Of The Bumblebee.

How many people do you think actually got that?

Sill Bimmons

HEEEEAAAAATTTTHHHHHHH is gone, Yinzers.

Let him go.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

See, here’s one we all can love!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p2Rch6WvPJE

litre_cola

So commentists I have been secretly eating weed cookies all day and now it is time to go to Thanks giving dinner. I really don’t want to talk to anybody, but a Thanksgiving dinner spread really appeals to me. Since I am not social should I just get on the Irish Whiskey to level out?

Col. Duke LaCross

Those cookies sent you into the future?

Did the Lions cover the spread?

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I thought you stoned yourself 50 days into the future but I forgot you are a Canuck.

Have fun.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

That Barth missed field goal looms a lot larger right now.

Lothar of the Hill People

Which one?

litre_cola

I have a 270$ parlay with them to win by 3.5….

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Well you’re fucked.

Sill Bimmons

Moon Sammie stays inbounds! SITUATIONAL AWARENESS

Dude has the tools to be incredible if he works at it.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show
ThursdaySkyGoddess

Thanks for making me feel (slightly) old. I think I was about 12 or 13.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

No one warned Holyfield either

Lothar of the Hill People
herodotus450

“Math doesn’t suck” but it will get you blown.
/Keeps telling himself that.

Col. Duke LaCross

That’s a great stat. Longest Bears touchdown drive in seven years!

Lothar of the Hill People
The Maestro

If she asks for it, it’s classy.

Doktor Zymm

Zoidberg has been making fine jewelry for years, apparently!

ThursdaySkyGoddess

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Sill Bimmons

Why DOES America love Kevin James so much?

King Hippo

we would like to think being fat and having no other redeeming qualities would bring us material rewards and affection

herodotus450

He keeps Jerry Stiller in work?

litre_cola

Tyler Perry would like a word.

Gratliff

Almost time for Eagles fans to shift gears from “Cautiously optimistic” to “completely insufferable”

Sill Bimmons

Scientists call this phenomenon The WIPening.

litre_cola

That is fantastic. However the ones that I know that something will always go wrong.

litre_cola

In DFO2 Tanneyhill is a minus. I am not that big of an idiot but to try and figure out any advantage in that pool is ridiculous.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Can we compromise? Here’s something for the ladies and gentlemen:

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King Hippo

that video was like, the bisexual’s Mardi Gras

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Lots of beads were thrown to that video.

King Hippo

I wouldn’t necessarily advocate puttin’ THOSE beads around one’s neck ,, no ofence

Sill Bimmons

One more drive to burn some clock ought to do it.

King Hippo

Jordan Howard is a revelation, huh?

Lothar of the Hill People

Not after his first carry in preseason. Everyone could tell right away he was good.

Everyone except Fox, that is. Seemed like it took him extra convincing.

King Hippo

I was VERY happy to get him off waivers in my 12-team, 20-man roster league. He is saving me, along with David Johnson and the return of Le’Veon.

Unsurprised

I’m off to get pizza and beer

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Don’t forget the coffee!

/wrong joke’d

Horatio Cornblower

You certainly have Stafford’s attention.

Doktor Zymm

Man, SO CLOSE to a safety

Senor Weaselo

Even when the Jets do a good (fumble) a bad happens (Richardson hurt). And Sisyphus’s rock falls back down.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Big Ben likes his women how I like my coffee, grounded into submission and drunk in the morning.

Horatio Cornblower

Oh look, Buddy’s got another banner. And the sun came up in the East this morning!

Oh goody another injury

Unsurprised

Dok deserves a castle for keeping all of her boy toys.

http://images-cdn.9gag.com/photo/a8YMeDV_700b.jpg

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Yeah, but that one’s already, I mean I have never seen that place, looks nice.

Lothar of the Hill People
LemonJello

Harf! Fat guy turnover! No choco taco for the Ben.

Gratliff

EAGLEA TAKE THE LEAD

litre_cola

Do you feel good about it? I am very uneasy.

Gratliff

Better than I did when they were down 21-7

litre_cola

Very true.

Lothar of the Hill People

Wait, I’m watching football. I should be eating pizza.

http://www.amyvansant.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/sexy-pizza-costume.jpg

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Costume inspired by Steve Grogan.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

HARFDERP

Sill Bimmons

CBS finally cutting us loose from Vikes-Texans.

King Hippo

ah, Insanity. Receiving TDs by Cameron Meredith AND Cordarelle Patterson.

...

Pervert!

/stares at picture enviously

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Did you go into my private stash again?

I Will Dye Blonde

Thanks for the beefcake! It gets a little in here!

Sill Bimmons

GIVE US MERCY CBS

Beastmode Ate My Baby

/CBS switches to a rerun of “Murder She Wrote.”

Spur

/CBS switches to a rerun of “Big Bang Theory.”

herodotus450

Something is rotten in the State of Ohio…

LemonJello

Answer: the state of Ohio

Beastmode Ate My Baby

I told my wife that my only chance to beat her at FF this weekend was if the Oakland jet crashed into the Denver stadium.

I’m getting beat by a woman so bad these last two weeks, I should rename myself Trump.

Horatio Cornblower

My decision to drop Martellus Bennet earlier this season…

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herodotus450

Why oh why did I hitch my fantasy wagon to ANY Texan. Should have PAINTED my wagon instead.
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Horatio Cornblower

O!klahoma, where the wind…

Are we not doing musicals this week?

Doktor Zymm

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Lothar of the Hill People

Gonna use an oil-based paint, ’cause that wood is pine!

Oooooh-Oooooh, PonderOHHHHHsa pine!

Doktor Zymm

There’s a whole genre on the internet of attractive men reading on trains…kinda creepy, since I doubt they got permission for any of the photos

King Hippo

eh…men ain’t care (truly)

Senor Weaselo

Rule 34 says of course there is.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

So THAT’S why I can never finish my book in peace!

...

Girls are perverts.

Sill Bimmons

Totes bro.

litre_cola

Gotta say love the tangents this place goes on.

Doktor Zymm

I’ll sine on to that!

Sill Bimmons

ILL COSINE HAR

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Oh osh-cosh b’gosh!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I thought Joe Buck said he was done with hair plugs, but his beard says otherwise.

Unsurprised

I believe women call it a weave