Today has the makings of a memorable day, doesn’t it? So much going on! [sounds of enthusiastic slurping can be heard in background] NFL meal-ticket and Orange Wonder-supporter, Tahmmy Boy returns under center, baseball playoffs throughout the day and a debate of some sort later on this evening. [slurping sound grows louder] Do you hear that? God, that’s distracting! Where was I? Right, get all your little errands and chores out of the way early folks because there’s plenty… [slurping reaches 140 decibels] I can hardly think. Where is that sound coming from? OH MY GOD! IT’S COMING FROM INSIDE THE TV! Help…me… To…The…Games… [collapses]
NE/Cle-TOM BRADY IS BACK!!! If you’re not a fan of vivisection you may want to catch another game. Although te Gronk, wr Edelman and rb Blount are all ouch-infested, it won’t matter much against a bunch of Brownies. Time for a sneaky good game from wr Hogan? You could do worse.
Phi/Det-Te Ertz is finally back from a rib booboo and you should throw him in there if you have him. The Lions rank dead last in defending that position. Rook qb Wentz is throwing at a 65% clip and has yet to turn the ball over. I expect that’ll change today but not because Detroit is sound defensively-it’s just that confident rooks tend to try to do things that they shouldn’t. It’s nice being right every once in a while. I wrote somewhere else that wr Tate would struggle with the wr1 mantle after Megatron goes back to his home planet. Tate has amassed all of 95 yards in a particularly pass-happy O so far this year. Look for him to bounce back as D’s turn their attention to the team’s real threat, Marvin Jones Jr.
Chi/Ind-Two 1-3 teams battle for not-supremacy of anything. The Colts give up an average of 31 points a game while the Bears are struggling to the tune of 16 per. Luck and Co. should easily get into the mid-thirties while Hoyer should be able to put up 3 scores against Indy’s travesty of a D. I’ll go 36-21 for the blue unis here.
Ten/Mia-Another battle of 1-3 ‘teams’. Starting qb’s Tanny and Mariota have both thrown 5 picks each so the one that protects the ball better should come out the winner. The Titans own the #4 rushing O in the league and little else. Their leading wr, Rishard Matthews has a whopping 180 yards on only 12 recepts. That’s only 3 per game-man, that’s bad! On the other side wr Landry continues to be the Fins lone offensive weapon. He’s got 375 yds and 1 TD.
Was/Bal-Cousins could have the time of his life if he throws on cb Wright for the majority of the game. Of the seven TD’s allowed by the Ravens, six have been directed at Wright. Rb West looks to build on his 113 yd, 1 TD performance last week even though fellow rb Dixon will be eased back into the lineup. Someone, anyone, performing well on the Baltimore O would take some heat off OC Trestman.
Hou/Min-This looks to be the fixture of this time slot though how each of the O’s is going to put points on the board is a mystery to me. Minny is now down wr Diggs who is out with groin problems. Perhaps it’s time for wr Patterson to finally show up? The smart money says an emphatic, “NO!”. Houston has the #1 ranked pass D anyway. I’d venture that the D that generates the most turnovers squeaks out the W.
NYJ/Pit-BUMBLEBEE UNIFORMS! Apparently they’re being thrown in a dumpster after this game because orphans in Haiti were quoted as saying, “Nah, you can keep them”. Speaking of not looking good-The Jetskis! Thanks to his recent struggles, qb FitzHarvard is trending towards a 16 TD, 40 Intercept season. One for the record books! Sure-handed wr Enunwa has made the most of his opportunity with Decker being on the sidelines-he’s 10th in the league with a 72% catch rate. Qb Big Ben (who the hell has time to make sure his last name is spelled properly? Not me) shares the league lead with 11 TD’s tossed, 4 of which have gone to wr Brown who shares the league lead in that category. I think the Steelers romp in this one.
Now that’s done. TYPE LIKE YOU’VE NEVER TYPED BEFORE!
How unrealistic. She doesn’t have an offensive lineman build.
http://images.halloweencostumes.com/products/1988/1-1/female-football-player-costume.jpg
See ladies, we care about your boners too!
IGGLESDERP!
http://i.onionstatic.com/avclub/2976/07/16×9/960.jpg
womp womp Philly
Jamison > Jameson
Depends on which era
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_bQ0SqifjNcg/S9JnO2r1_MI/AAAAAAAATvw/MjgVbf0abr4/s1600/jenna-jameson-lips.jpg
She looks like Paris Hilton kissed a hornet’s nest.
Oh no no no
Fuck me.
Well, fuck.
http://68.media.tumblr.com/23f66493ac1f0822bd27e1276f07e986/tumblr_oepofhBOUv1s02vreo1_250.gif
Wow.
CBS cutaway music for Stillers was Flight Of The Bumblebee.
How many people do you think actually got that?
HEEEEAAAAATTTTHHHHHHH is gone, Yinzers.
Let him go.
See, here’s one we all can love!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p2Rch6WvPJE
So commentists I have been secretly eating weed cookies all day and now it is time to go to Thanks giving dinner. I really don’t want to talk to anybody, but a Thanksgiving dinner spread really appeals to me. Since I am not social should I just get on the Irish Whiskey to level out?
Those cookies sent you into the future?
Did the Lions cover the spread?
I thought you stoned yourself 50 days into the future but I forgot you are a Canuck.
Have fun.
That Barth missed field goal looms a lot larger right now.
Which one?
I have a 270$ parlay with them to win by 3.5….
Well you’re fucked.
Moon Sammie stays inbounds! SITUATIONAL AWARENESS
Dude has the tools to be incredible if he works at it.
I remember this video coming out when I was 6.
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-pmxwlciiVZc/Tai0ROYLp3I/AAAAAAAABbU/Z2dEH6LCyI8/s400/320×240.jpg
Thanks for making me feel (slightly) old. I think I was about 12 or 13.
No one warned Holyfield either
Apparently math is for bad girls.
http://media.salon.com/2010/09/danica_mckellar_are_her_math_books_bad_for_girls.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v74/Nickasinsaltlick/powerglove.jpg
“Math doesn’t suck” but it will get you blown.
/Keeps telling himself that.
That’s a great stat. Longest Bears touchdown drive in seven years!
Always a classy gift.
Unless it’s home-made
http://pad2.whstatic.com/images/thumb/6/6a/Wear-the-Sexy-Librarian-Look-Step-10.jpg/aid1994182-728px-Wear-the-Sexy-Librarian-Look-Step-10.jpg
If she asks for it, it’s classy.
Zoidberg has been making fine jewelry for years, apparently!
http://www.theonion.com/article/pallbearers-move-bill-walshs-coffin-down-church-ai-5775
Why DOES America love Kevin James so much?
we would like to think being fat and having no other redeeming qualities would bring us material rewards and affection
He keeps Jerry Stiller in work?
Tyler Perry would like a word.
Almost time for Eagles fans to shift gears from “Cautiously optimistic” to “completely insufferable”
Scientists call this phenomenon The WIPening.
That is fantastic. However the ones that I know that something will always go wrong.
In DFO2 Tanneyhill is a minus. I am not that big of an idiot but to try and figure out any advantage in that pool is ridiculous.
Can we compromise? Here’s something for the ladies and gentlemen:
that video was like, the bisexual’s Mardi Gras
Lots of beads were thrown to that video.
I wouldn’t necessarily advocate puttin’ THOSE beads around one’s neck ,, no ofence
One more drive to burn some clock ought to do it.
Jordan Howard is a revelation, huh?
Not after his first carry in preseason. Everyone could tell right away he was good.
Everyone except Fox, that is. Seemed like it took him extra convincing.
I was VERY happy to get him off waivers in my 12-team, 20-man roster league. He is saving me, along with David Johnson and the return of Le’Veon.
http://68.media.tumblr.com/2515b31ba6ea047edf19d8d781fadbfd/tumblr_o974ou5eKl1qdtcexo1_500.gif
I’m off to get pizza and beer
Don’t forget the coffee!
/wrong joke’d
You certainly have Stafford’s attention.
Man, SO CLOSE to a safety
http://www.jeffandwill.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/tumblr_lk02smE4ox1qdaw5vo1_400.jpg
Even when the Jets do a good (fumble) a bad happens (Richardson hurt). And Sisyphus’s rock falls back down.
Big Ben likes his women how I like my coffee, grounded into submission and drunk in the morning.
Oh look, Buddy’s got another banner. And the sun came up in the East this morning!
Oh goody another injury
Dok deserves a castle for keeping all of her boy toys.
http://images-cdn.9gag.com/photo/a8YMeDV_700b.jpg
Yeah, but that one’s already, I mean I have never seen that place, looks nice.
Trick or treat; semll my feet!
Give me something good to eat!
http://wac.450f.edgecastcdn.net/80450F/kikn.com/files/2012/10/Sexy-Tootsie-Costume-4010-6-350×630.jpg
Harf! Fat guy turnover! No choco taco for the Ben.
EAGLEA TAKE THE LEAD
Do you feel good about it? I am very uneasy.
Better than I did when they were down 21-7
Very true.
Wait, I’m watching football. I should be eating pizza.
http://www.amyvansant.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/sexy-pizza-costume.jpg
Costume inspired by Steve Grogan.
HARFDERP
CBS finally cutting us loose from Vikes-Texans.
ah, Insanity. Receiving TDs by Cameron Meredith AND Cordarelle Patterson.
http://www.mrlimited.net/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/e14b2829a480e8fc650da8350543c486.jpg
Pervert!
/stares at picture enviously
Did you go into my private stash again?
Thanks for the beefcake! It gets a little in here!
GIVE US MERCY CBS
/CBS switches to a rerun of “Murder She Wrote.”
/CBS switches to a rerun of “Big Bang Theory.”
Something is rotten in the State of Ohio…
Answer: the state of Ohio
I told my wife that my only chance to beat her at FF this weekend was if the Oakland jet crashed into the Denver stadium.
I’m getting beat by a woman so bad these last two weeks, I should rename myself Trump.
My decision to drop Martellus Bennet earlier this season…
Why oh why did I hitch my fantasy wagon to ANY Texan. Should have PAINTED my wagon instead.
O!klahoma, where the wind…
Are we not doing musicals this week?
Gonna use an oil-based paint, ’cause that wood is pine!
Oooooh-Oooooh, PonderOHHHHHsa pine!
There’s a whole genre on the internet of attractive men reading on trains…kinda creepy, since I doubt they got permission for any of the photos
eh…men ain’t care (truly)
Rule 34 says of course there is.
So THAT’S why I can never finish my book in peace!
Girls are perverts.
Totes bro.
If they were raised right…
Gotta say love the tangents this place goes on.
I’ll sine on to that!
ILL COSINE HAR
Oh osh-cosh b’gosh!
I thought Joe Buck said he was done with hair plugs, but his beard says otherwise.
I believe women call it a weave