Your Late Sunday Afternoon NFL Games Open Thread

Atl/Den-I like this matchup-the #1 O in a ton of categories versus a fantastic D. I’ve no doubt that rb Freeman will find little to no running room so it’ll be up to qb Ryan to find Julio. I’m sure he’ll give him more than a few jump balls to get after. He seems to win 90% of those battles. Despite his extraordinary ability, the odds of him having back-to-back games with 300 yds receiving appears slim. The only other option would seem to be giving the rock to rb Coleman in space. I’ll come clean-I know little about qb Lynch as this is only the second time he’ll be seeing real-game action. For that reason I figure that rb Anderson will have to carry the load O-wise.

Cin/Dal-Rook rb Elliott has come good on his speculated talent so far-he’s got the 2nd most carries and yards and is tied for most runs over 20 yds. (4) This should be a nice test for him because the Bengals give up a mere 57 yds on the ground average-wise and have yet to surrender a rush TD. Kinda impressive. Something’s gotta give here ’cause Dallas has the most rushing TD’s so far. On the surface this seems like a game that might be played between the 20 yard lines.

Buf/LA-In a nutshell, the worst overall O meets the 28th ranked. You’d think that a team with a back like Gurley could at least run the ball effectively but you’d be Mistaken Von Wrongperson. They’re getting a measley 76 yards per game on the ground. Look for the NFL’s leading tackler, Bills lb Zach Brown to have himself a game. The only reason he’s starting is because highly-touted rook lb Ragland blew out his knee. This would seemingly put the game in the hands of not-even-average qb Keenum which sounds like a losing proposition but the Rammers are 3-1 so what the hell do I know?

SD/Oak-If the scoreboards were still manually operated I’m sure the scorekeeper in this game would blow a rotator cuff or two. The Chargers short history (they’ve blown 3 leads in the last 5 minutes this year) and long history (they’ve lost 9 straight division games) have conspired to convince yours truly that they’ll be buckling under to an up-and-coming Raiders squad. On the bright side, Bolts fans get their very first looky-loo at de Joey Bosa. Players we won’t see? There’s plenty of them including 3/4’s of San Diego’s starting secondary. Ouch. Look for qb Carr to light it up and wr Cooper to get his very first score of the season.

Are you up to speed? LET’S DO THIS!

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Romonobyl

Ok, let’s approach this anatomically.
Can you actually “grab” someone by the kitty? I mean, wouldn’t that be like picking up a bowling ball with just your thumb?

Unsurprised

You’re supposed to grab them by the pussy and asshole like a six pack.

But, yes, you can also grab a woman by the pussy.

John Difool

This is a question for the experts:

“Paging Dr. Roethlisburger…..Paging Dr. Dr. Roethlisburger…”

Claymaker

In my work fantasy league this week I’m playing the last-lace guy who always forgets to set lineups and make waiver claims.

Marcus Mariota, Sammie Coates, and Theo Riddick later I’m down by over 100. I hate football.

LemonJello

THIS BENGALS D I CALL THE MAGINOT LINE BECAUSE THEY’RE IMMOBILE, INEFFECTIVE AND IN THE WRONG PLACE.

blackroseMD1

Found this summary of the first quarter of the Bolts-Raiders game…

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Lothar of the Hill People

Silver lining: think of the assholes whose political careers will be over after this election.

Christie, Guiliani, Gingrich (finally!), Carson, McCrory, etc.

fleshwound_NPG

non-silver lining: single-party systems typically don’t end too well

Bortleback

Observation: It’s possible to have more than two parties

Unsurprised

Pffft. You wish.

...

The first three were already basically done, which is why they latched on to Trump in the first place.

Spur

Ouch. Dak got planted

John Difool

I haven’t seen a Dalton take a dive into the turf like that since Patrick Swayze’s funeral.

Unsurprised

Jesus Christ

Spur

I can’t believe my eyes. The Dallas defense is actually getting pressure on a QB???

Unsurprised

Dallas has a defense?

Spur

Oh shit, the Bengals realized they can just run up the middle all day.

Unsurprised

Bacon tater tots? Oh you twisted my arm.

Romonobyl

Gluten free and non-GMO I’m sure.

Spur

So grateful the Iggles got rid of Shady.

Sharkbait

Apparently on Facebook Trump is calling the debate rigged already. I’m almost sad I’ll be at a Giants bar and will miss it.

Bortleback

They’ve rigged it by making him so much of an idiot that he has no chance of winning. So unfair.

Doktor Zymm

His microphone is broken ALREADY? Where was he grabbing it?

Lothar of the Hill People

You think he was unprepared for the last debate? For this one, he’s had to contend with his taxes being leaked, Pence upstaging him, and then the pussy-grabbing. I’d bet my cat that he has spent less than 5 minutes on debate prep since the faux town-hall they held for him last weekend–which he bailed on after a half hour.

He’s not going to answer a single question. He’s just going to go into saliva-frothing attack mode. Full-on scorpion stinging the turtle, or however that fable goes.

Spur

And he’ll still end up with 42% of all votes cast.

...

I really hope one person in the crowd uses their question to subtly antagonize him. Seeing him lay into some random citizen over some perceived slight would be the coup de grâce to any semblance that he can win.

Sharkbait

This would be fantastic.

...

I want someone to unfurl one of these at the debate tonight.

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Unsurprised

Is it just that the Rams really suck, or did the Ryan Bros. get so fucked up in L.A. that the Bills are better off with them being out of mind?

Lothar of the Hill People

The Ryan brothers are re-enacting “Dude, Where’s My Car?” after a late night at Whisky a Go-Go.

Spur

Tank is getting pressure that’s a great sign.

Spur

please…please….do NOT get Green involved.

Redshirt

Don’t listen to Spur!

The Maestro

I went diving way into the back of my folks’ beer fridge and found one of these – which I haven’t seen in ages but am currently rather enjoying…

http://a57.foxnews.com/global.fncstatic.com/static/managed/img/0/0/erwer435435fdgdgf.jpg

Romonobyl

Got stoopid on a bunch of those during a Caribbean cruise. Not too bad Actually.
YAY BEER!!!

Unsurprised

Goddamn, Shady! Wow!

Unsurprised

I didn’t even notice the Cowboys game wasn’t on. Oh well. Fuck both teams.

Romonobyl

I have the sudden urge to watch Aliens from Mars.

JustStopDude

I feel safe in saying the Ravens are the worst 3-2 team I have ever seen…

Lothar of the Hill People

Wait, Romo hasn’t ever rushed for 3 TDs in a whole season? Wow. Mind blown.

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Oh wait, he usually gets broken after the 2nd TD.

King Hippo

And so ends the Ram It! pretend run at competence.

Unsurprised

Fuck the Rams!

Doktor Zymm

Okay, I’m switching games, this is just a large cat snuff film.

Unsurprised

Wait. Which game are you watching? We only have Bills-Rams, Falcons-Broncos, Raiders-Chargers.

...

THESE COWBOYS I CALL THEM DONALD TRUMP JUNIOR BECAUSE THEY’RE UNFAIRLY SLAUGHTERING BIG CATS.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

See I feel safer with Hillary as president because all you need to do is hide the nuclear codes upstairs.

Redshirt

Just put them in a email. She’s good at losing those.

Lothar of the Hill People

Keep them in Bill’s pants. She never looks there.

Unsurprised

SACKEENUM

BrettFavresColonoscopy

DAKDOWN

Spur

great playcall

fleshwound_NPG

bailout frag

Spur

Hey the WNBA finals are on

Sharkbait

Do they have good fundamentals?

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Lothar of the Hill People

You guys have seen “It’s a Wonderful Life,” right? You know the scene where Mr. Potter tries to hire George Bailey and they shake hands, and Jimmy Stewart does this disgusted look and wipes his hand off on his jacket?

That’s what everyone should do with Trump from now on. Shake his hand, then wipe your hand off with a disgusted look, like he just jerked off in your hand.

King Hippo

Let’s not let Julio run free like that again, ok?

Unsurprised

This African Amber totally reminds me of African food (Ethiopian). It’s really good.

Sharkbait

Ethiopian food is fucking delicious.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Q: There IS a live-blog for the debate tonight, correct? Because I have no other friends, and want to share the warmth of the Trump-fire with someone.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ooooh, I should probably stop drinking now so I can drink during that.

The Maestro

We’ll be multi-tasking on here, as we always are.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I’m not watching the Packers game, so I’m in

Doktor Zymm

The Big Bang Theory is still on? *Shudder*

Sharkbait

Somehow I think Kevin Can Wait is still worse.

Unsurprised

And the not-autistic autistic guy is the highest paid actor on TV at $1 million per episode

I Will Dye Blonde

I find any comedy with a laugh track revolting.

Romonobyl

Greetings from the world’s most recent temporary Lions fan.
The enemy of my enemy…

Spur

Did Phil just call him dyke?

Lothar of the Hill People

Hunh. Apparently Denver’s long snapper is also a high school science teacher. I have no joke… other than wondering if he’s been practicing bending over and throwing his balls backward.

King Hippo

Coulda used that Sanders TD. And that Insanity QuarterPax score!!

Redshirt
Spur

Is Zeke Canadian? Cuz he having Thanksgiving in October.

Doktor Zymm

What’s with the “eating cereal” hand gesture?

herodotus450

Means something like “keep feeding me.” Started with Denard Robinson, I think, which makes it extra humourous when Zeke does it.

Spur

“Feed” him the ball.

Romonobyl

What folks will do to get on the Wheaties box.

King Hippo

Lynch is making good decisions.

Spur

Hopefully burfict isn’t hurt.

Spur

Elliott should pay the fine and rock the crop top

Doktor Zymm

I bet Ezekiel Elliott was really good at Red Rover as a kid

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

“Red Rover, Red Rover… oh fuck this.”

Sharkbait

“You have to wait and pick the right hole.”

Phrasing Pheeeeel?

Lothar of the Hill People

“Every woman has a right to defend herself with a gun if she chooses.”

Except for all those bitches Trump wants to grab by the pussy, amirite?

Beastmode Ate My Baby

HRC should be packing tonight. Hide a .22 in the pantsuit, just in case Trump gets handsy.

King Hippo

Been wondering all weekend. Should she go all gangsta and refuse to shake the fuckwit’s hand?

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Definitely. Who the hell knows where those little hands have been?

Sharkbait

Nah, she should shake it, and then when she answers the first question lead with “I’m glad that’s all Trump grabbed”

Doktor Zymm

This would be the greatest moment in American politics

Bortleback

I think she’d win the election by default if she did that – no polling or counting, none of your baffling electoral college system, just hand her the nuclear codes on the spot

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

“The only handjobs I give are to Bill.”

John Difool

It’s Hillary, she’ll probably shake Trump’s hand with her mouth now.

Unsurprised

There’s your attack ad unless you are Hillary’s campaign staffers because they are brain dead.

...

They’ll just let the SuperPACs make those ads.

King Hippo

This El Chavo shit is dangerously yummy. And goes down light.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

My digestive tract has issued a ruling on the earlier Coney Dog. It is not favorable.

Unsurprised

Tell your guts to shut up or you’re ordering Indian and chasing it with spicy Thai in the most evil bang bang possible.

Bortleback

Bang bang will be the noise he hears as it hits his sphincter and then underwear, in quick succession

Brick Meathook

And then cracks the porcelain

Brocky

I feel like that’s a conclusion one could come to without needing to take the bar exam.

File an appeal with some medicine .

GET THIS GUY SOME PEPTO BISMOL!!!

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