NFL News:
- Well, the Niners decided to go with Colin Kaepernick versus the Bills this Sunday. I guess a white guy can’t catch a break on a Chip Kelly team.
- Clipboard Jesus has been released by the Browns. So much for him being better by Wednesday.
- On the heels of losing the undefeated streak, the Eagles got the news today that Lane Johnson has had his 10-game suspension upheld. See you against Dallas in Week 17, LJ.
- Gary Kubiak has been ruled out for coaching in San Diego this Thursday, proving Boltman does answer prayers, forcing the Chargers to come up with a valiant post-game excuse for this week’s inventive failure.
- Marc Trestman is out in Baltimore, so why not bring in Marty Mornhinweg?
- By the way, FUCK YOU ESPN! There’s only one type of “Marty Ball”, and that’s the kind with a head coach that fails to get to the Super Bowl with three separate teams.
- JERRAL says Romo’s back is fine, and that he’s throwing & getting “into game shape”.
- I’d put my money on November 6th versus Cleveland as the first time we see Tony Romo in the game-day lineup.
- Some lunatics say October 30th versus the Eagles, but that would just guarantee another “Bounty Bowl”.
- I’d put my money on November 6th versus Cleveland as the first time we see Tony Romo in the game-day lineup.
According to PFT, prime-time football got murdered in the ratings again this week. The Sunday night game was down 22% versus last year, but that was due to the angry grandparents and their TV town hall, plus playoff baseball. Numbers were down everywhere but Wisconsin, which showed no negligible change. Worse was that the Monday Night game was down nearly 25% from the previous year, the drop no doubt aided by two 1-3 teams coming up against baseball playoffs. The rating of 6.5 adds up to just over 8.75 million viewers, or the lowest number for Week 5 of the season since ESPN acquired the rights in 2005.
Finally, Greg Hardy has given up on trying to sign with a NFL team and is looking to get into MMA. It won’t likely be the UFC, as Jay Glazer has apparently used whatever influence he has to scorch the earth on that path. Plus, after War Machine, I don’t think any reputable MMA organization wants to take a flier on a woman-beater. I hope he enjoys The Philippines.
Well, the Red Sox are out of the MLB playoffs. THANK GOD! We all know ‘those’ type of insufferable Red Sox fans – the ones whose knowledge goes all the way back to 2004, and think “Pudge” is Ivan Rodriguez. Hopefully, Big Papi’s retirement means most casual fans can return to casually rooting for the Patriots until Dreamboat retires. Hopefully Cubs fans will have a little more discretion, because who can they choose? The Bears? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!11!1!
Thanks to everyone who has contributed game-day experiences. Keep ’em coming. Learning what to enjoy and what to avoid gives life to any review.
I wish there was access to lasers in the stadium beer lines:
“Honey, do I want Bud Light?”
“What’s an ‘IPA’?”
On the topic of killing all one’s enemies and beer lines idiocy, it’s a tad long but worth your time: The Ringer has a long-form piece on the Hank Scorpio Simpsons episode, “You Only Move Twice”.
I, too, would like to be asked to kill someone on the way out. But, just one?
Tonight’s sports:
- International Friendly Soccer: U.S. vs. New Zealand – 8:00 PM | ESPN
- WNBA Finals: Game 2: Los Angeles at Minnesota – 8:00 PM | ESPN2
- MLB Playoff: Cubs @ Giants – 8:30PM | FS1/Sportsnet
Hockey season starts tomorrow. GO CANU—ahh; I can’t even be bothered.
It’s gonna be a long season.
Wait, Kubes is taking a whole week off for a migraine? Uhh, that’s not good (said as a past migraine sufferer and once-upon-a-time paramedic).
That’s it for me. ‘Night all.
CUBS WIN!!!!!
Big deal. Greg Hardy wants to get into MMA.
furp.
So Greg Hardy wants to get into mma… I think we’ve found Cyborg’s next catch-weight fight.
He’s gonna have to lose like crack weight then Cyborg has a chance.
I’m not ruling this out.
I don’t know, I’ll bet she walks around at 170 at least. And she’s fucking brutal.
Actually, never mind that. I just looked up his stats. I didn’t think he was that big of a guy.
http://www.glitters20.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/Funny-Hockey-1.gif
So Greg Hardy wants to get into mma… I think we’ve found Cyborg’s next catch-weight fight.
/felt left out
//sorry not sorry
http://67.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3w9utwUPn1qb7izno1_400.gif
http://ih0.redbubble.net/image.109537849.5043/flat,550×550,075,f.u4.jpg
So Greg Hardy wants to get into mma… I think we’ve found Cyborg’s next catch-weight fight.
Apologies for the double post. Not sure why it did that.
http://68.media.tumblr.com/9a75b07dbd83eb8fa136c57e0eebbe72/tumblr_ndlvcmiiZd1qf9csoo1_400.gif
So Greg Hardy wants to get into mma… I think we’ve found Cyborg’s next catch-weight fight.
So Greg Hardy wants to get into mma… I think we’ve found Cyborg’s next catch-weight fight.
So Greg Hardy wants to get into mma… I think we’ve found Cyborg’s next catch-weight fight.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/75d5a563723ac9a4c5429c39b195dcdd/tumblr_odktk5AL9z1qgi5lao1_1280.png
Whomever it was who said last night that Katie Nolan had permission to sit on his face….
http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/cwclp.gif
/had forgotten how yummy she is
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-mfttXD3ndSw/TQxr1rfmb6I/AAAAAAAAAdw/29Vmyx3VdI0/s1600/777777.gif
Meanwhile on a non-descript balcony in El Segundo.
Not W, not M, but the symbol for the filter section in an air conditioning unit.
http://68.media.tumblr.com/0503f493c7ec2ee2639294e7406ac1f8/tumblr_oehodnSKHi1u3vseto2_1280.png
Lobster man from Mars.
Holy shit there’s a movie I haven’t thought about in years
https://horrorpedia.com/2013/05/11/lobster-man-from-mars/
I think this is an image from Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea TV show.
http://media.gettyimages.com/photos/the-lobster-man-12168-the-seaview-crew-didnt-trust-the-lobsterlike-picture-id93375516
Which they had some good “creatures” on that show.
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-z7naB37asEk/VIc1a3WXK-I/AAAAAAAANbI/vUDXXPebxR4/s1600/Lobster_Man_Missile_Room.png
http://iv1.lisimg.com/image/6580705/640full-voyage-to-the-bottom-of-the-sea-screenshot.jpg
ALL YOU NEED IS BUTTER!
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-NzQN187PD2U/UeMp3MEW_ZI/AAAAAAAAK50/ov6v8_ilfAE/s1600/VL+Lobster+Man+Title.jpg.png
I want to mention how tough the Giants were. That was a great series.
You boys fought valiantly.
But actually I want to address the media and your lack of narratives.
“Oh here come the Giants. Can’t be stopped in elimination games!”
Stop with the bullshit narratives and call the games organically. You missed out on an incredible news story because you were so focused on your bullshit narratives.
This was a great game, a great series. Hard fought. Massive respect to Bruce Bochy and the Giants but the media has to step in with their pre-issued, fast food, crap narrative that totally detracts from the game itself.
Now bring on the Dodgers so I can can see an NLCS game you fucking hosers!
WOOO!!!!
“Stop with the bullshit narratives and call the games organically. ”
You are kidding, right? This approach IS sports “reporting” now… shit it is “reporting” now.
http://67.media.tumblr.com/f0839508313447ca2d5816b02af67f91/tumblr_noxks2Hzdk1qaqx8xo1_500.gif
That was a nice car that monster just turned over. It would be worth a few today if he had kept his emotions in check and not flipped it like a toy.
But you don’t understand… it’s an even year.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/d81902da1c5e100aabaf301555b13519/tumblr_odzy260Vf01tdhimpo1_500.gif
NOT ANYMORE!
Actually I was just trying to autosum in excel.
WOOO!
AUTOSUM!!!
http://68.media.tumblr.com/6e2d886e57b85f2f84b70899f78295a3/tumblr_n4ryymJNAb1qedb29o1_r2_400.gif
Is that a sign that you are being held hostage?
I’m in Playa, I can be there quick if you need me.
I don’t own any firearms but I can put my hand in my jacket pocket and fake it pretty good.
Let me know if you need me.
http://67.media.tumblr.com/0e54c797a1e2868e69d012aa163c2cca/tumblr_oesj6t6oo51rqrt0mo4_400.gif
I’m running low on beers.
I’m sending up a flair right now.
Help me Brick Meathook! You’re my only chance!
http://66.media.tumblr.com/a66c3cabc9fff32d6e6bb9b473c9c3af/tumblr_oem8qrEjhz1qdezf9o1_400.gif
http://i.imgur.com/bNqMGBC.gif
http://67.media.tumblr.com/85d4bfe4b2b3cdf7defc50e16827baea/tumblr_nxw2dsOKWG1qzh56ro4_1280.jpg
http://rs40.pbsrc.com/albums/e237/imrandy85/cubs/w.gif
http://66.media.tumblr.com/f04177ebcaae181012f5147c02da64ad/tumblr_nxw2dsOKWG1qzh56ro7_1280.jpg
WOOOO!!!!!
http://rs40.pbsrc.com/albums/e237/imrandy85/cubs/w.gif~c200
8!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=87H6m2v4zNs
http://66.media.tumblr.com/aa2815326b6e4a40c7b744fb485232b5/tumblr_nss86hp2lv1s9nttjo1_400.gif
Northern Exposure? Twin Peaks??
http://66.media.tumblr.com/e4df2459fbeb7f39945e60f54a8cf487/tumblr_o55cgfc9H51t2oncxo1_500.gif
http://67.media.tumblr.com/2d11d75fc016d92282ed6a0398bc1090/tumblr_ocyngmz1Oj1v1imkwo1_1280.jpg
Do you think there has ever been a presidential candidate that will get more “none of the above” votes than Gary Johnson?
More “fuck you all” votes.
I don’t think he’ll get to Perot numbers.
I just hope he fucking dies
That’s great insight, Pete. Now feel free to shove that stupid bow tie directly up your ass.
Seriously Fox. ARod and Pete Rose at the same desk? Really??
http://66.media.tumblr.com/f2ea28415d377f4cbe7e55bbc1d9789f/tumblr_o5shvqzuM31u3q9cdo1_500.gif
“Hey Alex, can you sign these 4,000 baseballs?”
“Hey can you unload these 4,000 balls?”
-Vivid producer
Even for a network that spotlights Joe Buck every week, that’s an awful lot of smug at one time.
He he he
http://66.media.tumblr.com/2c7c8ebd3a8e9df0e9bdb5715aef0bbc/tumblr_ng1499WXab1tr6ni8o1_500.gif
Hi, this is my baseball hat:
5 pitchers to throw 24 pitches. You had your best fucking reliever on the mound to start the ninth with a 3-run lead. Then you bring in a dude in Javier Lopez who walks as many as he strikes out and has worse numbers against lefties than the righty he replaced.
Son, you overmanage. you get what you deserve.
The incredible part is this is exactly the mistake Joe made the night before. He tried to get cute with matchups and ended up going to his closer too late when runners were on and then everything went to shit.
I can somewhat defend that because I like the idea of using your best reliever in the highest leverage situation.
Though if he started the inning with Chapman, that would have been cool.
Precisely!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5BykilS816E
Motherfucker deserved to get got!
We speak winning in this country! Whose man are you? You see this election? I’m going to teach you to win with this fucking election!
We
speak winningwin in this country!I thought we spoke American.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji2UoU0rUX0
That cunt is making me vote libertarian.
Oh my, I need to lay off the poppers!
Sorry ladies.
I doubt too many women are going to object to you calling Trump a cunt.
That word is like the atom bomb for me: feels necessary when used, then deep regret for a while afterward haha
I feel that way about a great deal of the women I’ve been with.
I still refuse to get excited.
Like I still think the cubs are going to screw up the divisional series.
Like arietta is gonna have a freak accident with the ice machine or something
Oddly, I can see Arrieta trying to bench press an ice machine for shit and giggles.
I still grieve the O’s letting him get away.
smgdh.
From what I’ve read, he never would have succeeded there due to the O’s pitching philosophy (no cutters ever) and the he only became good when the Cubs told him to do what he wanted to do.
Oh definitely. He was in a dead end situation in B’more. Getting dealt was the best thing that ever happened to him. But you could see what he could be even when he was being held back.
Better than fighting the gatorade machine and his catcher.
Well Ken, I just want to help the team.
Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose.
And sometimes….it rains.
Thanks Nuke. Back to you in the booth, shitmonkeys.
So, go…Dodgers?
Still hopeful for Nats/Indians.
Once my rage at the idea of a non-Cubs World Series subsided, I concluded this would in fact be a fun World Series to watch.
I’m just screwing around. Now that O’s fucked up and Boston got swept out, my only other real concern is that the city of Toronto burns….errr I mean that the Jays don’t make it. Anything else I’m good with.
GO CUBS GO
http://www.fangraphs.com/livewins.aspx?date=2016-10-11&team=Giants&dh=0&season=2016
Cubs only had a 1-in-50 chance of winning that game.
They’ve managed to beat 29-1 odds every goddamn year for a century so I guess they were due.
The 2014 NFC Champion Green Bay Packers laugh at your statistics.
http://s2.quickmeme.com/img/0d/0d7454f9d3fd46e7a4ee50160232b6df559f63f79b36521907e163dd5387a266.jpg
Even with the first two batters on, Giants win probability was 86%
So congratulations to whoever wins on Thursday for winning the National League pennant.
You… son of a…
Rule of 86 isn’t there yet, sorry. Numbers don’t lie.
Woooooo! Night pigfuckers.
I LOVE SEEING BAY AREA PAIN
haha madbum fuck you
Two narratives dead by the Small Bears’ little paws!
That’s why you all need to root for them. We are the destroyer of narratives!
108 years and a billy goat say different…but OK, whatever.
😉
THE GREATEST OF NARRATIVES IS YET TO BE SLAIN
Well, that just happened.
Ok to have that line on my tombstone?
I am rocking back and forth like a traumatized child.
His name is Leo Mazzone
A name I hoped to never hear again.
Bay Area suicide hotline just activated additional lines.
103, holy balls
So what you’re saying is “Aroldis Chapman throws fast”?
Wicked fast!
Which made me think of this.
https://what-if.xkcd.com/44/
But he doesn’t throw this fast.
https://what-if.xkcd.com/1/
If you’re running a K&N filter you’d better use premium detergent gasoline because they let a lot more particulates into the combustion chambers.
HOW WILL THE CUBS CUB THIS?
Shhhhhhh, don’t think negative thinks
Alright you woman manhandling piece of shit finish this off and I won’t hate you so much.
Nevermind this “baseball” game; I remembered my login to wordpress!!
http://oi56.tinypic.com/2f0anv8.jpg
THAT’S GOOD HUSTLE
We still got the bottom of the ninth folks
Did that motherfucker just call it a “temporary lead?”
Come on, Chapman, don’t fuck this up
CHAOS
Can you believe this motherfucking shit?
ITS MUTHAFUCKIN RIDICULOUS GUS
OH MY
GODDAMN!!@!
Mixed emotions mode…engaged.
Hopefully Jon Miller is crying right now.
/knows none of you know who he is probably
Fuck that old Ben Franklin without glasses looking motherfucker
I knew I liked you for more than cat fucking.
HOLY TITMONKEY!
Five. FIVE pitchers in the inning. Will there be more?
BRING IN SAMARDZIJA I WANT A MASSACRE.
PESSIMISM INTENSIFIES!
Emma Roberts blue herself.
http://thumbnails116.imagebam.com/50907/a98eea509062841.jpg
I’d smurf her smurf for a full smurfing 30 seconds
It’s time to kill. GO FOR THE FUCKING KILL.
Shit dude, you sound like me in everyday life.
/worried for you
WELL THIS JUST GOT INTERESTING
Woooooo
Never before have I been so adamant about refusing to get my hopes up