Your “With Any Luck, We’ll Get Out Of Here Alive” Sunday Night NFL Open Thread

Did your team acquit itself well? How about that play in that Lions game? How embarrassing. I feel sorry for the fans of *fill in the blank*. Maybe next week. Likely not. But that catch? Wow! The best I’ve seen in quite some time. And the Bears? Tell me about it. But enough of this, what about…TO THE GAME!

Indy/Hou-These are two teams with something to prove. As far as the Texans O is concerned they must prove 2 + 2=4. Tough one. Don’t start laughing Colts D-you’ve got String Theory, and no, it can’t involve kittens! Wr Hilton loves the Texans-thanks to a 223 yard game back in ’14 he’s racked up 750+ and 6 TD’s in 8 games against these guys. The other talented wideout in this game-Hopkins-has struggled with new qb Osweiler. Communication breakdowns and forced throws to Houston’s best wr have resulted in 4 of Brock’s 7 intercepts. But opposing qb’s tend to get well against the “Bend And Then Break” D of Indianapolis. [looks into crystal ball] I see tons of dropped passes, mental errors, missed tackles, overthrown throws and maybe something a little bit extra special. Perhaps we’ll be treated to a “running out of the back of the end zone” or a “coach freezes out his own kicker” or maybe even a “team-mates fight on the sideline” thingy. One can dream…

Go on…TYPE!

 

 

 

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
585 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Mr. Ayo

Brock Lobster!

Sill Bimmons

welp

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Watching some old Craig Ferguson and have … come to the conclusion that IMO Moon Bloodgood is an attractive woman with an interesting name.

Romonobyl

No, whatever you do make no effort to get out of bounds.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

WE’RE 7 POINTS AWAY FROM OVERTIME!

Crap…we’re 7 points away from overtime…

Romonobyl

Did this incredibly boring game just get…interesting?

Mr. Ayo

Fools gold

Croooow

A lot more interesting.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That laughable effort by the Colts defense changed my fantasy situation from “sitting on a comfy lead” to “iffy”.

Romonobyl

Got a backed up drain or a pesky insurgent issue?
http://www.snopes.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/truck-1.jpg

King Hippo

I can’t help but notice that American Pie Story failed to show up for her team’s spotlight dance. ALSO lowering DFO’s Glorious Bechtel rating. I must send her a sternly-worded, not-at-all-creepy PDJ, post-haste.

Senor Weaselo

I’m pretty sure we fail the Bechtel Test because we talk about football and the men who play it.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Looks like I’m gonna beat the previously undefeated Zymm.

And in the Battle of the Blondes, the formerly lossless Covalent is falling to I Will Dye.

Around here, it’s all:

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Shogun Marcus

I have todayed enough. Indi-bibimbap-abis seems to have this, which is fine. I’d hate them to lose to an imaginary construct. Tomorrow I’ll put in an extra asscheek writing a half-ass report from the field. Night you fine individuals.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
theeWeeBabySeamus

Skynet self aware….with balls?

Sill Bimmons

You’ve got all three timeouts with 5:00 left in the game, “Texans” fans.

When exactly would you like the team to use them?

JerBear50

That’s like having an extra bottle of Centrum Silver to help fight your stage 4 lung cancer.

JerBear50

That’s like having an extra bottle of Centrum Silver to help fight your stage 4 lung cancer.

JerBear50

Goddammit, why is it doing this again?

Mr. Ayo

Because you touch yourself at night.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Is there anyone on the planet who thinks Osweiler has TWO TD drives in him in 5+ minutes?
Or can I go ahead and start watching porn already FFS??????

Mr. Ayo

Wait, you don’t always have that on in the background?

The Maestro

Aren’t Texans games technically considered torture porn?

Sill Bimmons

FSS porn: Female Female Scissoring?

Sill Bimmons

ffs smh

Mr. Ayo

It’s late. We knew what you meant sport. Keep your head up and get back out there.

herodotus450

mff ffs mtf a2m bbw dp

Croooow

Seriously: Have the Texans ever won a nighttime game?

theeWeeBabySeamus

/nails 3 x 8 = 24
//treats self to a shot
///remembers beer to liquor, never sicker
////decides fuck dat shit, takes shot anyway

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

herodotus450

You dont KNOW me!

Senor Weaselo

Don’t throw away your shot, Seamus.
/Ayo I’m just like my country, I’m young, scrappy, and hungry…
//Just let me keep rambling, I’ll snap out of it

Sill Bimmons

Would anyone here over 40 even consider buying an American car?

I look back on all the death traps they tried to kill me in and I’ll be fucked before they’ll ever get a penny of my money.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m pretty much hooked on Japanese pickup trucks.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Sorry, that came out all wrong. What I meant to say is that I pick up Japanese hookers at truck stops.

Sill Bimmons
King Hippo

yeah, I’m still against back to the days they tried to get by with selling cheap shit based on MURRIKA!! Globalized marketplace now, deal with it.

/only shitty thing about my Japanese minivan is the fucking American “run flat” tires I have to buy because I was to dumb to replace the axles 100K miles ago

JerBear50

I got a Subaru Legacy a few years ago and I fucking love it.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

/hugs his Challenger R/T

Sill Bimmons

Yeah, but that’s not a “car car.”

Muscle cars are supposed to try to kill you.

JerBear50

First car I had was a 69 Bradley GT. Then I found out the body was made of an awful fiberglass that basically dissolved on impact. Also, by the time I had restored it and turned 16, I was too tall to sit in it without removing the gull wings.

Sill Bimmons

Pretty sure Verne Troyer would have trouble fitting into a Bradley.

http://cdn.revivaler.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/Bradley-GT-barrett-jackson.com_.jpg

JerBear50

Yeah, but it looked cool as shit to 14 year old me. 16 year old, 6’3” me on the other hand…

Beastmode Ate My Baby

It looks pretty damn cool to 5’9″ me.

JerBear50

It still looked cool to me too, but a doorless, windowless car in Hammond, IN was not really practical. Also no heat because it was a rear engine Superbeetle engine.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

We had an MGA when I was a kid. Driving it, you could watch the road go by beneath you, since the wooden floorboards had burned away due to heat from the exhaust.

Sill Bimmons

That was every car in the 70s.

Romonobyl

And guess how much of that “American” car/truck was built in Canada/Mexico/Japan?

Sill Bimmons

Not talking about who builds it, talking about who signs their checks.

And they’re all in Grosse Pointe.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

True. My Challenger had parts assembled in Mexico.

But it’s OK! NAFTA! TTP! HRC! DOA! FML!

herodotus450

Fuck you chevy, no one outside of a car commercial or bmw jerk off circle will ever describe a car’s “lines”.

JerBear50

Doctor cut hurty out of Ben leg harf harf harf.

King Hippo

The Ben get TWO Choco Tacos after??

LemonJello

They told him he could have a Choco Taco if he was a big boy and didn’t cry.

AND get to ride in Boss Todd’s bitchin’ Camaro WITH the T-tops off.

Beastmode Ate My Baby
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

She’s one of those CW network vampires that is impervious to pretty much everything.

herodotus450

I suppose that quarterbacking is actually pretty complicated, and even runningbacks need to learn protection schemes, but is there any hidden complexity to nose tackle? Just get in the way of the offensive linemen, and go where they don’t want you to go?

Sill Bimmons
Mr. Ayo

Aaron Rodgers is big fan of the Pirate Q

herodotus450

Well there goes another career possibility.
Plus there’s the Albert
comment image&w=1484&op=resize&opt=1&filter=antialias

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
herodotus450

Glasses: why do they suck so hard?

King Hippo

spend MOAR money on them!!!

/am basically blind without mines, so I don’t go cheap. Makes a lot of difference.

herodotus450

comment image

...

Also: Fuck Pete Rose. He’s all of Donald Trump’s dishonestly and snake oil salesman bullshit in a tiny troll body.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Today I watched the second half of that dud of a Raiders game in my local dive bar. There were literally three people there including me, and one of them was the bartender.

King Hippo

That sounds like a GREAT place. A for reals dive, not a hipster-colonized “dive”

theeWeeBabySeamus

Our kinda place indeed.
Fuck people.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh yeah, it’s a for real dive. Until they opened up their own kitchen they used to leave 20-packs of Del Taco tacos near the door so the alcoholics would eat SOMETHING during the day.

I like it (and we had a good time there during the DFO crawl) but that was too desolate even for me.

King Hippo

it’s also nice to feel comparatively good about one’s alcoholism level ,, ppl forget that

JerBear50

The only non-craft centered bar that I like going to is a hidden dive bar on the river. It’s been there long enough that it’s immune from code restrictions. It’s an absolute shithole and it’s full of serious rednecks, but it’s the most perfect spot. People literally fish while they’re at the bar.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I think I have to go Last Week Tonight instead of the rest of this game

King Hippo

I’m only still watching because the alternative is making it Monday faster. My brain can’t process anything smrter than this shit right now. MIGRAINES WOO!!!

...

Well fuck me.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Beastmode Ate My Baby

Everything’s better with Dick.

Senor Weaselo

Dirt RAMIT wins 1-0.

King Hippo

HUZZAH FOAR the new Mister October, Clayton Kershaw!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
theeWeeBabySeamus

Welp, I just at least a little trouble with 6 x 9 = 54…so at least we’re headed in the right direction now. Bourble being approached is better than no bourble whatsoever.

King Hippo

we need to work some imaginary numbers into the mix, what with the Texans on and everything…

Brocky

and now, for the latest installment in our series chronicling the interactions of God, our lord and savior, and his ongoing effort to cause Brocky as much personal agony as possible through his fantasy manifestations:

God: So who’s brocky got in this game?

Jesus: Well, he’s starting luck in one league, he’s way down with no chance of coming back. But in another he’s got Hilton and vinitari, against the houston D. He’s only down by 4, so if Indy kicks the easy FG on fourth down here, he’ll likely win.

God: I see, make the colts go for it on fourth down even though they have a 13 point lead, and make sure luck stands there like a dumbass and gets sacked. no points for brocky

play happens

God: good. 6 point deficient now. get over that asshole!

Jesus: I knew I should have stayed with mom this weekend…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Brocky

and now I’m still losing by 1 because of the fucking sack

LemonJello

Hypnotic.

Sill Bimmons

The opposite:

comment image

ALXMAC

The gif that keeps on cuming.

Sill Bimmons
King Hippo

A barn raiser IS an architect of sorts!

Shogun Marcus

I thought he was an import/export guy?

Sill Bimmons

He’s both.

He can be whoever the script needs him to be!

theeWeeBabySeamus

I need to drink faster, but you people are distracting me.
(You People?)

Mr. Ayo

You Rack Disciprine

Shogun Marcus

I don’t know what I am, but I’m sure I’ll find a way to take offense.

Brocky

comment image

Sill Bimmons
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Brocky

republicans on facebook: why isn’t any of the LAMESTREAM MEDIA reporting on the DOESTIC TERRORISM in North Carolina??!??

Maybe because last time something happened in North Caroina all you could say was that the confederate flag wasn’t racist?

Beastmode Ate My Baby

NC should just be happy the US hasn’t dropped a nuclear bomb on them.

Again.

LemonJello

I thought that was South Carolina?

Beastmode Ate My Baby
LemonJello

I was thinking of this one, but it was off the coast of Georgia:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1958_Tybee_Island_mid-air_collision

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Reading these just makes me so happy the Cold War is once again under way!

King Hippo

NOBODY would miss Goldsboro. Tis a wasteland.

King Hippo

I mean, we would DEFINITELY dump all our fallout there ,, smh

Shogun Marcus

Or their war on bathrooms.

King Hippo

Al Haig is on the Humps OL? Well, at least we know who’s in charge here!!

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Everyone on here over 45 laughed.

Then they got depressed & drank.

...

I hate Marlins Man.

herodotus450
...

The only good thing about staring at that rich old shit is that PFTCommenter has been trolling him all night in the row behind him.

Senor Weaselo

Is PFTC at the game?

...

Yes. Wearing an orange shirt that says “Humbell.”

It’s fucking awesome.

Senor Weaselo

It gets better according to the Tweetybox, where #MarlinsWoman is trending.

ALXMAC

I don’t hate him; I’m just jealous. If I had that kinda moneys I’d likely be doing the same thing.

...

Being a massive attention whore who tries to claim he’s really humble because he sometimes gives seats to random people who have to sit with him?

No, if I were rich I’d probably go to a lot of games too, but I wouldn’t be as conspicuous as possible so ESPN actually does a package on me and pretend I’m actually modest.

JerBear50

They should force him to sit next to Ronnie Woowoo. And maybe next to Yellon.

...

A good idea because then a single grenade could solve three problems at once.

ALXMAC

I agree with your principles, but you nor I are rich. It appears to go with the territory.

King Hippo

well, all his moneys won’t make Jose Fernandez alive again, will it? SO THERE!

Romonobyl

So if an extra point is missed and there is no one there who cares, does Gregggg still close his notebook?

Sill Bimmons

If there’s a gawd he’s burning it to keep his unemployed ass warm.

Brocky

Hey ty hilton, you know how you have a TD in 3 STRAIGHT FUCKING GAMES

Think we can work on that maybe? it’d be appreciated. like seriously.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
theeWeeBabySeamus

Trashy redhead depression music.
Yay? Yay.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L9Wnh0V4HMM

ALXMAC

Why yes, I had this tab open already:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X1lzgxYTJPk

King Hippo

I WILL NAWT SKINNY SHAME YOU, FIONA!!!!

/dem shoulders

theeWeeBabySeamus

LMAO…I didn’t even think of that.

ALXMAC

Well it was like (1996?) and she was like (19) at the time. Don’t remember that being much of public/social thing back then (other than Karen Carpenter, r.i.p.).

King Hippo

I’m glad she was 19, at least because I sure self-abused to her a lot.

theeWeeBabySeamus

comment image

Mr. Ayo

Pit maneuver?

Shogun Marcus

Dats no pit, dats a bahhstan!

Mr. Ayo

NO ONE DENIES THIS

Senor Weaselo

Macabre question: So the new thing is cars with sensors to brake before you hit things. So what if you’re trying to crash your car? Will it stop just before the tree?

Romonobyl

Probably couldn’t stop someone from driving off a cliff should the situation warrant.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Or what about a pit maneuver?

JerBear50

That would be a resounding “no” from Rob Bironas.

Sill Bimmons

Short answer: “No” with an “if.”

Long answer: “Yes” with a “but.”

The Maestro

Figures that a team that doesn’t really exist missed an extra point on a touchdown that probably didn’t actually happen, either.

The Maestro

A “touch… down”? What is this you speak of, Houstonians?

Mr. Ayo
Sill Bimmons

The Toyota Corolla: The Most Unindividual Car In History

ALXMAC

Mr. Fords Taurus would like a word.

Shogun Marcus

‘Member ford escorts?

ALXMAC

Actually that’s what I meant to say. It was my Drivers Ed car.

ALXMAC

*edit – it was so generic, I forgot what it was called.

Romonobyl

woooo touchdown yaaayyyy…

Romonobyl

No Cris, an alien invasion wouldn’t make this game interesting.

Senor Weaselo

Unless it just took Cris and left everyone else. Actually, no, that wouldn’t make it interesting, just better.

JerBear50