Holy Cats, Are City…Mortal? and Other Lesser Footy Matters

IT WASN’T SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE THIS, PEP! 1 point out of a possible 6? Drawing at home to fucking Everton (no ofence)?

But alas, here we are. Still in first, but only by a slender goal over Arsenal, with Spurs 1 point back in third. Almost seems like a real race, huh?

I would still note that City had like 80% possession last week, and only conceded the one clear chance that Romelu Lukaku converted (though that was part of the defensive/irritant plan) to send the Blues up 1-nil. And yeah, Everton keeper Maarten Stekelenburg (try spelling that crunk) was out of his mind, saving TWO pens, and that wasn’t even his best work of the day.

In short…it’s possible to get points off ANYBODY if you have a really good plan and a lot breaks your way, and Everton look to at least contend for a European place this season. But City fought like hell for 90 minutes, and never rolled over. This is still a remarkably good side, and my favourite to hoist the trophy in May, by a comfortable margin.

But it’s fun to pretend to have a race, at least.

Speaking of Spurs, they draw Saturday early duty (7:30, NBCSN) with a visit to cheeky Bournemouth. WAKE UP, yeah right!! The Cherries popped Hull 6-1 last weekend, so momentum is on their side! Arsenal/Boro headlines the 10:00 window (NBCSN), though I will watch Everton grind through a trip to Burnley on Extra Time. I am also having some new appliances delivered to my old house, and my window is unhappily 11:30-3:30. So…I may miss the end and be grumpier than usual. There is MOAR shite on Extra Time at 10, and the proper Shite against Brom at 12:30 on NBC. Watch JV NFL and quit encouraging the Klopp ball-fondling. It’s gross.

NBCSN has a high-quality Sunday Funday doubleheader, with City hosting resurgent, 8th place Saints at 8:30. Both teams should bring their A game for this one, and There Will Be Goals. Good viewing. The 11:00 window has Manure rolling into Stamford Bridge, with a Top 5 position almost surely belonging to the winner. Chelski assuaged some of my skepticism last week, as did Manure by holding the Shite to a scoreless draw. So…this is also a very interesting ficture, albeit between two unspeakably evil sides.

HEY!! Guess who’s here to shit all over the noon ABC window again?

NC State at Louisville (Noon, ABC)

For most of this, I will be likely watching the Sears dudes install a dishwasher and microwave that I will NEVAR FUCKING USE, whilst listening to a transistor radio that I bought for the hurricane. This, imaginary friends and frenemies, is my fucking life in a nutshell. The wolven sort will no doubt still insist on field goal attempts, and I will say very unpleasant words. Lamar! will try to get his Heisman/NFL/2020 Invisible Primary campaigns back on track.

Wisconsin at Iowa (Noon, ESPN)

So many fat white ppl. So little forward passing.

Colorado at Stanford (3:00, Pac 12)

I’ve noticed a trend in that the secondary/tertiary Pac 12 fixtures can get quite entertaining at times. Bookmark this little fucker in case The Big One below gets all shitshow-y.

Texas A&M at Alabama (3:30, CBS)

Team Bonfire Cult at Roll Damn Tide. These weirdos probably have some amazing parking lot staredowns on the way in, given the cult mentalities and the copious amounts of grain alcohol involved. I actually like Kevin Sumlin a lot, and think his team is very, very good. I do NOT rule out an upset here, or a game that is so close that the Aggies stay in playoff contention if they run the table afterwards. BUT…the game is in Tuscalossa, and one that Saban and his charges will take seriously, so one can’t rule out 35-0 in the 2nd quarter neither.

Arkansas at Auburn (6:00, ESPN)

ESPN has timed its programming to kick in early in case of Tuscaloosa shitshow. Can you tell? This is usually the time Pig Sooey decides to start fucking everyone else’s season up. Your turn in the barrel, Aubie.

Ole Miss at LSU (9:00, ESPN)

I’m not really sure what these teams are left playing for, but they don’t like one another and it’s late night in Death Valley. Sign me up.

Washington State at Arizona State (10:00, Pac 12)

Late night tweaker/insomniac games don’t get much SEXIER THAN THIS!! Danger, Coach Leach, a trap game awaits…

asu12

wazzu

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Brick Meathook

One Hit Wonder

laserguru

I love that movie.

/Dennis Weaver Fan Appreciation Club.

Brick Meathook

A Cubs v Indians series could theoretically go to 21 games until one of those teams doesn’t lose.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
WCS

Pederast State over the Urban Meyers, 24-21. Wow.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Sill Bimmons

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Croooow

Alec Baldwin’s Trump impersonation is still too accurate.

Brocky

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Brocky

Lol I just switched over to nbc, they’re still showing cubs postgame

Brick Meathook

Jeebus, Cubs v Indians in WS.

Which team will be honored at The White House by President Trump?

Forget Canada, I’m moving to the fuckin’ moon. If anyone knows where I can get a Lunar Module cheap I’d appreciate it.

Bloody Lethal

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Senor Weaselo

Probably Space X, but who knows if you’ll stick the landing.

Bloody Lethal
BrettFavresColonoscopy

You know what sucks 97% of the time? Maid of honor speeches.

Senor Weaselo

Is the maid of honor hot? Because then it’s a little better, probably.

Bloody Lethal

The sucking you mean?

Senor Weaselo

…Yes.

JustStopDude

Urban Meyer just straight up went insane.

laserguru

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I am pretty much out of tears.

FUCK YES CUBBIES!

JustStopDude

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Bloody Lethal
JustStopDude

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WCS

Oklahoma and Texas Tech is a video game in real life

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Spanky Datass

A five hour video game …

Fronkenshteen

Go easy, Leonard.

Bloody Lethal

It doesn’t get much better…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U7lOYCO2Xn8

Fronkenshteen

Having to get out of bed at 9:30 on a Sunday morning to find Kenny Britt to be a fantasy disappointment is making me feel like a Rutgers co-ed.

/rubs nipples

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
WCS

Crown Royal on the rocks is just splendid.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
BrettFavresColonoscopy

WOOOOOOOO

JustStopDude

So I got a bunch of customers flying in for training for the next 8 days. I have now done over 30 days of training straight, with different drive products and audiences. I’ve been trying to put together the training documents tonight while drinking and I have just started reviewing the drive drawings. The drives (two of them) power two fans…5,000 HP a piece.

Shit…must be mining. So now I got to review mining safety standards and shit.

But as I start doing it, I see the customer company name. I don’t recognize it at all. Now I am really confused and I google it. Its an entertainment company.

What the fuck?!?

I finally figure out that its two indoor fans to run an indoor skydiving machine. Apparently this is a thing now.

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Bloody Lethal
Bloody Lethal
Bloody Lethal

OK TIME TO GO TO BED TO WATCH MY TEAM AT 9AM! THATS COOL!

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Brocky

Let me ge this right….

We’ve seen the Arizona Cardinals and the new Orleans saints play in the super bowl….

But cubs winning their 3rd title?

Thats impossible!

Horatio Cornblower

If the Cubs win Theo Epstein will get a huge part of the credit, if not most of it.

If the Indians win, Terry Francona will get a huge part of the credit, if not most of it.

Suck it Boston.

Sill Bimmons
Horatio Cornblower

Guy sure does draw a crowd doesn’t he?

Senor Weaselo

Also, suck it Dave Roberts.

Fronkenshteen

More like Ken RosenSMALL, AMIRITE?

/ is crushed by 16 ton weight

Horatio Cornblower

Anthony Rizzo just told a national TV audience that he’d going to fuck a baseball tonight.

Brocky

THAT’S GOOD HUSTLE

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Fronkenshteen

Put Theo Epstien in the HOF now?

Signed, Epstein’s Mother

theeWeeBabySeamus

Nice. And I’m sad that I’m old enough to get that.
*sigh*

ArmedandHammered

I loved that show.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Aroldis Chapman’s girlfriend breathes a sigh of relief, unbolts the door.

Horatio Cornblower

So, Cubs-Indians in the World Series? Fucking great.

I looked, and there before me was a pale horse! Its rider was named Death, and Hades was following close behind him. They were given power over a fourth of the earth to kill by sword, famine and plague, and by the wild beasts of the earth.

Senor Weaselo

Well this breaks my “86-year pennant curse means 2031.”

Someone check on Dok, or is she in a (relatively) safer place?

theeWeeBabySeamus

I was thinking about that earlier.
Hopefully she’s in blissful slumber. Or was at least until the bottles flew thru her window.

Sill Bimmons

Wow.

Cubs vs [Baseball Redacteds B].

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Fronkenshteen

Well I’ll be damned

Horatio Cornblower

You won’t be alone. I’m pretty sure that sound outside the house was the breaking of the 7th seal.

Fronkenshteen

Shit!
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Horatio Cornblower

As long as he’s not wearing his smoking vest and charcoal pants you should be fine.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Congrats Cubs for not fucking it up yet.
There’s still time tho.
😉

Spanky Datass

I can hear sounds coming out of Brady Quinn’s purdy mouth but they just don’t make any sense … maybe it’s the rum.

Horatio Cornblower

Did the Dodgers really just foul one off 2 seats behind the Bartman area?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Did i just see Bartman scrambling to get the fuck outta there?

Fronkenshteen

That’s right. This gets that guy off the hook. That’s good.

Senor Weaselo

Well, I was singing this on the way out of rehearsal. Admittedly I think the subconscious was showing off since ex-almost-Senorita Weaselo’s new guy was there.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z0GFRcFm-aY

Senor Weaselo

I mean the opposite…

Fronkenshteen

the Guinness I’m drinking has this on the cancomment image
That’s all I got.

Horatio Cornblower

That’s all you need.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Chapman coming out for the 9th it appears. Let’s watch and see if he chokes (his girlfriend).

Horatio Cornblower

That’s not fair, he never tried to choke her or even hit her.

He just fired a gun in her general direction.

8 times.

Senor Weaselo

SHE HAD IT COMIN’
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qrrz54UtkCc

/No she didn’t, it just set up the Cell Block Tango joke perfectly
//And doubly so because it’s Chicago

Horatio Cornblower

So is this play-off loss enough for Kershaw to turn on Jesus?

“Eli Eli lama sabachthani?”

Sill Bimmons

“It is finished!”

Fronkenshteen

…and a donut with no hole is a Danish. Fah-noo-nah-nah-nah-nah….

Senor Weaselo

Obviously the one true baseball is Jobu.

Senor Weaselo

That should read baseball god

JustStopDude

Wow…the last time this many people were silent in Happy Valley…kids were getting groomed to be raped over a 10 year period.

Sill Bimmons

10, 30, who’s counting?

Horatio Cornblower

Not Penn State alumni, that’s for damn sure.

theeWeeBabySeamus

It’s all coming up Cubbies.
/mixed emotions

Fronkenshteen

2 cities whose NFL seasons are already done and have enormous championship droughts. It’ll be a great series. I like the Indians. They’re loose, rested, playing with house money, have home field, and carry WAY less baggage. Might be worth popping in the bookmaker’s for.

WCS

SMU is about to knock off Houston. Someone call Ron Meyer and the NCAA.

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons
Horatio Cornblower

I don’t care how this works out for the Cubs but taking your starting pitcher out in the 8th with a 5-0 lead and at 88 pitches is just goddamn dumb.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Or not.

Horatio Cornblower

No it is. And I think I know what I’m talking about, because one time I managed a bunch of 13 year olds to the State tournament, and that’s pretty much the same thing.

theeWeeBabySeamus

In principle I do agree with you, fwiw. But one never knows if he suddenly tightened up or had an elbow issue. To Maddon’s credit, he ain’t gonna pull a Showalter in either case.

Horatio Cornblower

If another guy gets on or he’s thrown 10 more pitches I can see it but the guy’s throwing a two hitter and getting plenty of ground balls.

Glad it worked out.

Bloody Lethal

I need runs.

Horatio Cornblower

Try prunes.