Your Late Afternoon NFL Open Thread

I don’t think that anything can top the magnificence of the Giants/Rams tilt but the league insists otherwise. And I once trusted the NFL implicitly just like I trusted my mother when she told me as an 8 year old that my dad was the scum of the earth. Irony Alert! Once I got to know him, my dad turned out to be a regular guy with faults. Once I got to know the NFL, I discovered that it was incompetence and evil competing for “incarnate” status. Mom, you got my dad and the NFL confused. Do better next time, huh? TO THE GAMES!

TB/SF-Rb’s Hyde and Muscle Hamster are out of this one so that means that Carleton, Rogers, Thurston, Menses, Davis and Draughn will have to step up for their respective teams. Perhaps a few of these names aren’t on any roster but you don’t care because there is not the remotest possibility that you’ll be watching this tilt.

SD/Atl-Them Chargers haven’t had a two game win streak since 2014. Congrats to all those folks that picked up te Henry and his 3 consecutive TD’s. He looks like a good one, doesn’t he? There’s a lot to like about the Falcons O-wr Jones and rb’s Freeman and Coleman are so talented that they have masked qb Ryan’s weaknesses to this point. Of course Door Matt will fold in the playoffs once he runs into a first rate D but it’s a great ride for the time being. Say a prayer for poor old Tiffany Rivers-despite no news confirming it, my gut feeling is that she’s preggers again. Asked to comment, Heraclitus said, “Goddamn, that’s more Rivers than even I envisioned!”

NE/Pit-This is the game I want to see. What? Big Ben is out? Landry Jones is in? Why can’t we NFL fans have nice things? Is it because the league commish continues to touch himself while watching the Push-Up Championships on ESPN Infinity? Will the Steelers feed rb Bell until he drops from exhaustion? Can anyone on the Steelers D cover te’s Gronk and Bennett? (Where have you gone, Carnell Lake?-apologies to Simon and Garfunkel) These are the salient questions that determine the victor of this game/constitute the entirety of this intro.

I’m done-GO GET ‘EM, LADIES AND GENTLEMAN!!!

 

 

 

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King Hippo

SAVED by an inch!!!

Shogun Marcus

Hoo boy…this could really hurt.

Col. Duke LaCross

Kick Six potential?

King Hippo

they’d be offside

King Hippo

Give us a LaserfaceCAM…

Wakezilla

Steelers with the ball, 2 possession game, 5:33 left. Why the shit are they punting?

King Hippo

SEE!!??

King Hippo

Landry is also too stupid to dump it off to Le’Veon when a dumpoff is all that’s there.

Shogun Marcus

Oh lawd we gonna ovahtime.

King Hippo

MAYBE. This IS San Diego…

Redshirt

Are you a god?

King Hippo

maybe??

Sill Bimmons

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King Hippo

Gates DERP AGAIN!!!!

King Hippo

we’ve seen this movie before, Phil…

ThursdaySkyGoddess

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King Hippo

There’s needs to be a camera on King Laserface at ALL TIMES. And what a dumb fuck decision to kick in Yinzburgh…

King Hippo

So…Landry Jones is pretty much Alex Smith with a paedo stache??

Bortleback

The black falcons go false start, false start, interception. At home.

King Hippo

Yinzer LYFE!!!

ThursdaySkyGoddess

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Shogun Marcus

This just makes the impending doom all the more crushing. I approve for cuz why not.

King Hippo

wait, Chip’s dumb ass KICKED A FIELD GOAL??

Sill Bimmons
PopeofChiliTown

Maybe it’s just me, but that picture looked like the Millennium Falcon when i first saw it.

King Hippo

does SD even field a defense?

Bortleback

Yes, but the only person trying is the rookie DE they tried their best to stiff out of money that they’ll only have to pay him if they get rid of him

Lord Joe Don Looney

Number 22, Pittsburgh – your jock is still on the field.

ThePirateSloth

So sometime Fri or Sat, some woodpecker got the idea that my chimney needed some holes in it and has proceeded to attack the very top corner. I’ve been running outside every so often to make noise to chase it away. I’m convinced some neighbors now view me like this:
http://i1.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/019/304/old.jpg

PopeofChiliTown

firecrackers in the hearth

trollsoharduniversity

THESE GUYS TYRELL WILLIAMS AND MELVIN GORDON, I CALL THEM THE EIFEL TOWER BECAUSE THEY ARE DOUBLE TEAMING THE SHIT OUT OF ME

King Hippo

My Insanity foe has Jaquizz AND Davante Adams.

King Hippo

Song time!

Ty-rell Will-iams on my bench!

ThePirateSloth

/bikebikebikebikebike

King Hippo

Antonio Brown, not quite ded. MAYBE!

Don T

All I got this week is the Suicide Pick and an OK amount of sedation–which I prefer to perspective. Ugh.

King Hippo

my suicide pick was the P*ts

/casts stinkeye in Balls’ direction

ThursdaySkyGoddess
Sill Bimmons

fuck this season with a rusty hedge clipper

King Hippo

the P*ts are gonna win the Superb Owl, with nobody coming within single digits of ’em

laserguru

I’m at my swanky hotel in downtown San Diego and I am officially a Starwood Preferred Guest!

What a country!

Shogun Marcus

Lofty! Does the concierge service offer fresh nutmeg?

laserguru

There is a Starbucks in the lobby.
I’m sure I can find an Allagash somewhere.

Bortleback

Does that entitle you to drive in a cycle lane?

Sill Bimmons

Shame you don’t have the Acela out there…

trollsoharduniversity

I’m Starwood Gold because I’m lofty AF

King Hippo

I have had so much caffeine I’d imagine I might die, except that I would NEVAR get that lucky/off so easy.

ThursdaySkyGoddess
King Hippo

except oxy, right? Let’s not get carried away…

ThursdaySkyGoddess

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

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JustStopDude

Fuck…I just got a cryptic email from work…about my college diploma being approved.

This means someone, without talking to me or my boss, is putting in paperwork to get me a visa to most likely the Middle East.

I FUCKING HATE IT WHEN THE MANAGERS DO THIS SHIT!

I will put money down that the asshole pulling this shit has not bother to check my schedule (I give at least two weeks of training a month) so I will be expected to cancel shit on my customers to help out some business unit that isn’t mine, that is fucking up.

JustStopDude

At least I got Dreamy Brady still…

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King Hippo

well, the Fightin’ Tomsulas will always have that first quarter…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That is…… large.

King Hippo

Gates DERP. EVEN GATES IS AGAINST THEE, PHIL!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Why do you want the Bolts to win?

King Hippo

I feel bad FOAR King Laserface (State guy) and our Bolt faithful.

King Hippo

fuck you, Hunter I needed that!!!

King Hippo

amazingly, King Laserface has the Bolts hanging in just close enough for another agonizing loss

evilbeaver8

Its quite appropo that such a devout Catholic landed in football purgatory.

King Hippo

he probably thinks it’s because of that impure thought he had once in middle school. Or the one time he banged Tiffany and didn’t knock her up.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Update: we are now approaching the one hour mark in the car rental line.

herodotus450

Tony Gonzalez’s eyebrows look like they are about to annex the Sudetenland

fleshwound_NPG

I’ve only watched this SD/ATL game and the only thing I can remember about it is a long pass to Julio Jones.

evilbeaver8

Landry Jones and his moustache star in: “The Awakening of Peter: A Young Man’s Journey from Grenada to Palm Springs”

BrettFavresColonoscopy

It is official: I am now crop dusting this rental car line

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Re: our Canuck friend’s airport question, I also loathe Dulles. It’s not near anything (and no train there yet and they still have the ridiculous taxi racket), the terminals are ridiculously far apart, the people mover runs over 1-3 airport workers a year (srsly), they’ve never once properly handled my baggage (giggity), customs there is a shitshow akin to Ellis Island circa 1939, and they have the gall to serve snails at an airport restaurant. Even the TSA pre check section is annoyingly away from the access points from the terminal trains/people movers. In conclusion, Dulles can eat a bag of dicks.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Have not been there for a while (pre 2001), but I seem to remember it being that way back then.

http://67.media.tumblr.com/01af5d06e5ac821eac1258b16f1afa4d/tumblr_of4ihlUVrc1qdj321o9_1280.png

ThePirateSloth

Whooo there is now an unofficial DFOfficial Spur of the Moment Portland Meet Up happening tonight! Maybe. A quasi-legit 33% chance. Unsurprised, OSZ, and myself have the chance to meet to watch the Seahawks game, if they can make it to my dive bar. If any of the Kommentariat is in Portland, you’re welcome to crash it.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

We would, but we’re too comfy on the couch to get up and drive 3 1/2 hours.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m getting ragey and twitchy in the rental car line.

evilbeaver8

Is that James Lipton?

King Hippo

This is one of those shitheap kind of days, to complete a shitheap kind of weekend, that I’d like to go to bed at like 6:30 and just pass the fuck out.

But the late game is good, and fairly important.

Plus…MANDATORY 14-HOUR WATCH/LISTEN WINDOW for all Commentists in good standing.

litre_cola

United better have that direct tv thing to Canadian from here or I am liable to air rage.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly