Your Early Afternoon/Late Morning NFL Games Open Thread

KC/Ind-The last time these folks met (January 2014) KC was up 28 points before qb Luck was channelled by the memory of Frank Reich (history!) and pulled out a ridiculous 45-44 playoff victory. KC needs this one to keep pace with Oakland and Denver. Indy could lose this one and still be in the mix of things in the mire that is the AFC South.

Oak/TB-The Raiders stayed in Florida after last week’s win over the Jags. They’re trying to acquire an identity as a team that wins on the road and are doing quite well in that regard. Congrats to those of you that picked up rb Rodgers just before he racked up his first two career 100 yard games. All it takes to be successful in this league is to not be liked in both Atlanta and Chicago. Wr Evans is a beast but he has to rely on a gang of not-Who’s Who to take the pressure off. Good luck, guys like Shepard, Shorts, Humphries and Martino-it’s not as though you’ll get by on talent. [I’m well aware that I am an old white guy laying on a couch]

Sea/NO-Many a te Graham owner wishes oh-so-dearly that this one turns into a shoot-out. Here’s a line you don’t see often-Seattle is 1-1-1 on the road. No, that isn’t a fan sign missing the “D”. I’m guessing this is another game where the road team does anything they want on the ground/through the air and Bree does his best to cauterize the gaping wound.

Det/Hou-Texans fans (wha?) are hoping that rb Miller can go today otherwise they’re gonna get The (Alfred) Blue (‘s). Lions qb Chunky von Suetpants has put on his big boy apron and will most likely get a big-ass contract at the end of this year. His 15/4 TD/INT stat speaks volumes as to how well he’s playing-and that’s with no run game to speak of. Who would have guessed that feeding the ball to Megatron 15+ times per week might limit your game? Yes, I’m sure all you Lions fans out there [sound of a soundless vacuum] will tell me of the myriad reasons why he’s upped his game. [waits] Okay, perhaps qb Osweiler could learn a thing or two from Chunky by not targeting wr Hopkins so much. As things are, Hopkins ends each day with the following prayer-“Dear Lord, help me to grow 8 inches overnight so that I might have a chance to catch all the balls that sail over my head. Amen”.

NYJ/Cle-If you’re currently incarcerated in a CIA “black site” in the northern part of Yemen, this is the game you’ll be seeing as a non-stop loop of Carly Rae Jepsen’s greatest hit plays. I advocated for something from the Insane Clown Posse’s early work but was out-voted. Sorry for your luck.

NE/Buf-Will the Billys bounce back or do they show their Cindy Lauper-approved True Colors? (timely reference, huh?) They’ll have to do it without rb McCoy so that makes the next man up someone called Mike Gillillesseealyho. Hmm, sounds Somoan or something. The stupid Pats will likely roll over Buffalo using some tactic that they’ll be punished for two years from now.

Ari/Car-THIS IS ONE HELL OF A GAME!…last year. Now it’s a battle to see which team can fall the furthest from pre-season expectations. Carolina is in the lead but I wouldn’t count out a coach that can’t figure out how to get his best player (rb Johnson) 25+ touches per game.

Alright…LET THOSE FINGERS FLY!!!

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
194 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
King Hippo

WOMP WOMP

Gratliff

A special game indeed.
comment image

Redshirt

please fumble Capt Kirk

King Hippo

THIS LONDON GAME, I CALL IT RON PAUL GIF, BECAUSE IT’S HAPPENING!!!!

The Maestro

When you have a starting left tackle in the NFL that hasn’t started a game there since the seventh grade… and you’re still wondering why people have been complaining about the horrendous quality of games this season…

Fucking hell. Roger Goodell is a national disgrace.

/international this week, actually

King Hippo

TAKE A KNEE!!!

Gratliff

Impressive double mid-air spear in London!

Shogun Marcus

Garçon serving deep.

Gratliff

Is it hard to kick a field goal while crying?

Smithchez

This is quite the shitshow, Bengals/Skins

Doktor Zymm

Has Eli done fractions at school yet? He might have trouble understanding the NFC East standings after this week

King Hippo

u suck Andy

Gratliff

OH MY GOD

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Gingre fumbre!

/British spelling

BrettFavresColonoscopy

We go live now to London:

DERP

The Maestro

THAT WAS A FACKIN’ GRITTY TOUCHDOWN FROM DANNY AMENDOLER

/but seriously end zone coverage was pretty shit there from the Bills

King Hippo

I would love it if Marv just ran the clock out.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

The English are so confused about icing the kicker; they don’t even put ice in their drinks.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I just want to run to the store for cigs. Why won’t this game end?

Gratliff

How long has it been since we’ve had two ties in a season, let alone on back to back weeks?

King Hippo

1997, per Scott MUTHAFUCKIN HANSEN!!!!

The Maestro

I can’t believe icing the kicker fucking worked. Holy shit.

ThePirateSloth

haha fuck you Drew Brees!

Gratliff

The Washington Regressions. The only offensive thing is watching them play.

Doktor Zymm

Has a London game ended in a tie before?

ThursdaySkyGoddess

No, this is the first to even go to OT.

Shogun Marcus

BWHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ThursdaySkyGoddess

OMFG! MOAR TIEYSSSSSSSS

Gratliff

Only 7 more hours until watchable football!

King Hippo

WOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lothar of the Hill People

Holy crap. Icing the kicker finally worked.

King Hippo

c’mon, Hopkins. FEEL your inner Canyonero/Hauschka

ThePirateSloth

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

King Hippo

NOTE TO SELF: Stop playing matchups and benching the SEA defense, even though they’ve been dicking you over all season.

/thanks for shedding 8 points during garbage time, Titans

Shogun Marcus

Damnit if you loved me this ends all tied up.

M. Hutchence

Lothar of the Hill People

Fingers crossed

King Hippo

The people who took the Jest in Survivor today, hee hee

Bortleback

Week of the backup!

King Hippo

SO MUCH DED

Gratliff

That’s a broken shoulder

Smithchez

Lllllllllet’s get ready to PETTY!!!!

laserguru

No! I don’t want to wake up.

I was making serious progress with this smoking hot stewardess in that dream.
Guess I’ll watch the recording of the London game.
What could go wrong?

Shogun Marcus

I’d be upset about this OT, but it is keeping me from seeing the Lions wander around Houston. Odd programming choice fox, there is football today!

King Hippo

tiny hands DED

The Maestro

Gentlemen. Ladies. Primates of other varieties. Nice to see to here you here today.

King Hippo

changed my starting QB from waiver wire Catler to waiver wire McCown. Feel SMRT!

laserguru

I grabbed McCown too and am absurdly proud of it.
My other option was a DOA Geno Smith.

King Hippo

Winning with a deep waiver wire QB is what it must feel like to fuck Miss Sweden.

Lothar of the Hill People

The “not actors” in this Chevy Cruze commercial are indeed actors. No amateurs could act impressed at a hatchback on a Chevy Cruze.

Lothar of the Hill People

Andy Dalton just gave up what I call a “Mr. Belvedere” on that 3rd and 8 play: he had a HUGE sack.

King Hippo

YAY Josh McCown!!! YOU get the TD, please!!!!

Gratliff

Sad Fox music at 12:59. A good indicator.

Lothar of the Hill People

The good news for anyone paralyzed in NFL action in London: you don’t have to worry about medical bills bankrupting you!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Always a relief not to see the Bears up there, but then I remember they’re set to be embarrassed on national tv tomorrow night. 🙁

Lothar of the Hill People

I have a lot of bad memories of the Bears shitting the bed on national TV on Halloween night. 1994 ruined Halloween for me for years.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Was that against GB? I think I was at that game.

Lothar of the Hill People

Yep. Throwback jerseys, the night they retired Sayers’ and Butkus’ numbers. Farve went off and pantsed the Bears.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I vaguely remember Lewis Tillman having a game.

Lothar of the Hill People

There is an NFL game this morning in London…

“Mmm, that’s good!”

It’s between Washington and Cincinnati.”

“Ooh, that’s bad.”

A.J. Green is having a good game.

“Mmm, that’s good!”

The game is going into overtime

“Oooh, that’s bad.”

Eli Manning got sprinkles on his fro-yo

“Mmmm, that’s good!”

The sprinkles have potassium benzoate in them

*Confused look*

That’s bad

Senor Weaselo

Can I go now?

1 2 3