Your Third Round Of NFL Football Open Thread

Two games? The stupid NFL lucks out sked-wise because they both should be interestifying. Still, two games? TO THE TWO GAMES!

SD/Den-Despite fantastic play from qb Rivers the Chargers look like the children’s book,  “The Little Engine That Couldn’t Quite Get Up The Hill Even Though He Received Lots Of Encouragement From People That Weren’t Aware Of The Train’s Inherent Limitations”. It’s a bitter-sweet allegory concerning you and your parent’s expectations of you. Perhaps rook de Bosa continues on his tear and gets the D going in the right direction (my money is on “NO”-he’s going to burn out at some point). Moving on. Broncs rb rook Booker gets his first big taste of a below-average NFL D. He’ll be spelled by backup Kapri Bibbs. Don’t ever forget about this guy. I can’t. Just saying his name reminds me of Capri Sun, baby bibs and nipples being forced into my mouth. Good Times. He might be my new favourite player.

GB/Atl-Oh Christ! I just came across the fact Falcons HC Quinn brought in some Special Forces guys to talk about “accountability and how it relates to everyone on the team”. This is the coward that didn’t have balls to go for it on 4th down in OT that resulted in a loss to the Chargers last week. WEAK! AS HELL! I should give some credit where it is due-political commentators and Hakeem Olajuwon have praised his pivot game. Packers-wise, Cobb has been ruled out and the Packers look to be almost done in a division where Minny is running away and the Lions are cautiously circling around competency, wondering if it will bite back.

There! TYPE WHAT YOU NEED TO TYPE!

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Old School Zero

fuck shit damn hell

King Hippo

In a grand suckoff, who would win, Semen or Melvin??

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Pretty sure Detroit’s incompetence was confirmed today.

Old School Zero

If the Cubs lose tonight, at least Chicago has the Bears vs. Minnesota on MNF… uh.. wait. Maybe they should just declare a state of emergency now and get ahead of things a bit.

the Alpha and the Amoeba

ya know, those sloppy, juggled catches are so much more entertaining than the professional, clean catches

blackroseMD1

Semen should have 4 or 5 INTs today. Chargers apparently got their Halloween Butterfingers early.

Old School Zero

I want the Chargers to win this one just to win it, but also to say that Oakland took the top of the AFC West from the Broncos.

King Hippo

only a matter of time. Semen might as well be shaving points.

the Alpha and the Amoeba

hate to admit that I’m out of the loop, but who is “semen”?

King Hippo

Donks QB Trevor Siemian

BrettFavresColonoscopy

What Donald Trump calls the infamous dress.

King Hippo

Hand. It. Off.

King Hippo

hand it off to Booker twice

King Hippo

a small piece of advice for the next time Donks are inside the 10…run the fucking thing

Old School Zero
litre_cola

Yes. Give us a day by day update.

King Hippo

CHRIST, TREVOR.

Old School Zero

semen ded

King Hippo

I WANT NACHO BACK

King Hippo

JEEBUS, TREVOR

Bortleback

Joey Bosa is like a cheat code in madden

blackroseMD1

I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to punch 76,000 people in the face before, but that incomplete chant in Denver is just the worst.

Old School Zero

Seriously. One of the douchiest non-racist chants in sports.

King Hippo

I agree and it’s my side

King Hippo

man, it’s serious enough Philip isn’t making a Laserface

King Hippo

oh shit, WADE??

Old School Zero

Oh shit, Wade Phillips. I hope he’s okay.

blackroseMD1

That’s scary. Hope it’s nothing serious.

blackroseMD1

That pick six by Roby may be the end of the game for the Bolts. Offense looks terrible today.

Old School Zero

Gah, just walked back in to see a floatception. HORSEFEATHERS!

King Hippo

thank BLEERGH for Bradley Roby!!!

Shogun Marcus

Geronimo Allison.
Who is someone on ZERO fantasy teams?

litre_cola

Mrs Cola and I are expecting a child. Geronimo was a great name I said. I was denied.

King Hippo

UGH this day (aside from the glorious TIE)

King Hippo

PLEAZ empty hand…

litre_cola

redzone is best when its three games. 2 games has gaps

King Hippo

close. I would say 4 is perfect. 2 and 2, 20 minute gap between start times. 4:05 and 4:25.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I am trying to decide between falling asleep during the afternoon games I don’t care about or falling asleep during the baseball game like I have the last 2 times I tried to watch. I am leaning towards the former, I can just ignore the baseball and watch Westworld

King Hippo

I’d recommend Westworld but the London game means 14-hour window is MANDATORY

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I thought we had a pass to skip a game if it is NFC East

King Hippo

soooooo, my favourite team is gonna lose at home to King Laserface, I’ll be out of Survivor Pool, and my money league team loses its 3rd straight to be almost surely out of playoffs at 4-4.

oh, and my kid was upstairs watching videos in my room earlier, and ate a goddamned CUPCAKE in my bed. But she swears she made no crumbs (without a plate, because she’s a fucking magician I guess).

and my PeyPey neck hurts.

Maybe God would like to shit in my mouth while he’s at it.

LemonJello

Daughter (player of el futbol) was asked at dinner where the 2nd set of keys to her car are currently located.

Current status: Unknown.

“They’re somewhere in my room, I think.” is NOT an acceptable answer when they should be on a hook next to the keys for the rest of the LemonJello fleet. I explained this. There were tears. None of them were mine.

tl;dr Kids are the goddamn worst.

fleshwound_NPG

Our only hope in the AFC to down the Greatriots is…Oakland.

Peak 2016 has been reached.

The Maestro

In the Insanity League, Derek Carr gave me 87.8 points. Holy shitballs.

King Hippo

Got 30ish each from JJ Nelson and Rob Kelley, who I snatched off waivers Wednesday morning and starter before their more prominent roles announced!

litre_cola

I am questionable for this. I burned the fuck out of three of my fingers making brunch for friends. (was I stoned? yes. half bottle of wine deep? yes.) typing fingers damaged. Maybe more weed and booze would help.

King Hippo

when in doubt, ALWAYS double down

King Hippo

ur leaving out pills, no balance ,, smh

King Hippo

WHO??

The Maestro

24 penalties, and Oakland somehow fucking pulls out the win. Today is not real life.

King Hippo

JDR IS A NO FUN ASSHOLE AND THE DONKS ARE REALLY PISSING ME THE FUCK OFF

Shogun Marcus

He has blatantly defied the preordained narrative despite ALL of Bleergh’s warnings. He will be dealt with.

WhyEaglesWhy

BREAKING: The Raiders narrowly defeat their penalty count in overtime, 30-24.

LemonJello

BLEERGH watch over me as I begin my trek back to NoVA. Thankfully (?) I have satellite radio to follow one of the late games.

Welp, at least there’s beer waiting on me at my destination.

King Hippo

satellite radio is actually pretty fun way to follow, especially when just two games in the window

WhyEaglesWhy

Riverboat Del Rio!

Shogun Marcus

Jordydown for those who need to know.

Shogun Marcus

Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease tie.

LemonJello

Worse studio team; Fox or CBS?

Shogun Marcus

Yup.

King Hippo

yes

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show
WhyEaglesWhy

My girlfriend, who knows nothing about the NFL or its personalities, just saw Rob Ryan on the Bills’ sideline and said’ “Why is the Big Lebowski coaching a football team?”

Gratliff

Oh, Seabass.

Romonobyl

So Dok, what are your impressions of my fair state thus far (IAH notwithstanding)?

Unsurprised

Fuck you for that banner pic

theeWeeBabySeamus

Shit, I ran outta wood (giggity) sooner than expected. smgdh.

Romonobyl

Measure twice…you know the rest.

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