Your “Ain’t No Battle Like An NFC South Battle” Thursday Night Football Open Thread

Man, it’s already Week 9? Where did the time go? [looks at several empty bottles of scotch on the mantle] Oh, right. TO THE GAME!

Atl/TB-The Bucs D was on the field for a leg muscle-sapping 94 plays last week against a high-powered Raiders team-now they get the Falcons and their 30+ points per game O. This might not turn out well. But at least they can depend on the running game? Hah! The starting guy-no matter who he is-is a fourth stringer. I’m hoping it’s Antone Smith, the guy I picked up in my deep fantasy league when I was forced to drop Mr. Jamaal Charles. The “Glass Half Full Report” tells me that the fella has 4.3 forty speed and if qb Winston is forced to check down because the entire Falcons secondary is hanging around with wr Evans, then maybe something good might happen. The other secondary, especially cb Grimes, is hoping that wr Julio is limping and won’t take them down to the schoolyard. Look for a few longer shots from qb Ryan though. Pro Football Focus rates him as the best deep passer in the league and of his 721 yards on passes over 20 yards Julio has 39% of them. Hey Matty, as you learned last week, wr Sanu just might be open.

There it is. Oh, one other thing. Be sure to check out Free Ballin’ Football’s latest podcast here. Did Bill’s rash finally clear up? Did Nick really hit on his girlfriend’s mother at the Halloween party? Has Josh’s anti anti-deodorant protest alienated even more co-workers? Will Tim’s step-uncle finally sit him down for “the birds and the bees” talk? For the answer to these questions and some salient jibber-jabber about NFL football give ‘er a listen with the old ear holes.

LET’S DO THIS!

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King Hippo

I found the remote before they talked about the goddamned Cubs, and I was really proud of myself. Now, as to why I didn’t have it muted all along??

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Unsurprised

If I didn’t read you guys bitch about the announcers I wouldn’t even know they exist.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Genital Issimo

Frodo lives!!

Genital Issimo

Why do tighty whiteys have all the stitching up front for valve release when I just pull down the waist band to pee? The stitching always ends up pinching the junk at other times, like when I’m about to approach the bench, or stand up to address jury. Hard to scoop it outta there discreetly.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Genital Issimo

I like how she scoops it outta there

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I own about 15 pairs of one type of Jockey boxer brief and I absolutely refuse to wear anything else.

Brick Meathook

Wear them on your head. You’ll win every case.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Unsurprised

Why are you a grown man wearing tighty whiteys?

Genital Issimo

Good point!

JustStopDude
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

It’s like Kim Kardashian giving birth.

JustStopDude

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Ahhhh the Preakness…where white suburbanites act in such a fashion that if any city resident did the same, they would be calling for the Air National Guard to do bombing runs up and down Gay Street.

Genital Issimo

That wasn’t the KY Derby?

Brick Meathook

FROM THE GRASSY KNOLL!

Shogun Marcus

Oh also: Fuck CJ Spiller just because.

King Hippo

He’s on the Jest now. He can’t hurt anyone anymore.

Unsurprised

Only because Jets fans aren’t people.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

MEH, I THOUGHT HIS ASS WAS A BIT LOOSE., ESPECIALLY NOW THAT MY ICON IS REGULAR SIZED.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

RAYMOND JAMES STADIUM I CALL IT TOMMY LEE’S SEX TAPE BECAUSE IT HAS FAKE TITS ALL AROUND IT AND A BOAT FILLED WITH GIGANTIC DICKS

King Hippo

JustStopDude
Brick Meathook

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King Hippo

Hey Dez and Megatron…THAT was a catch. TOTES

JustStopDude

Who is going to have the ugliest TNF uniforms?

http://assets.sbnation.com/assets/1627285/carol_city_high.png

Chiefs have my vote…

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Nice to see they left out the center square in honor of Paul Lynde.

King Hippo

Moose is in a particularly romantic mood tonight. Lookit the happy honeymooners!!

Sharkbait

I refuse to believe those are real.

King Hippo

certainly worthy of a union grievance even as a joke

King Hippo

WHA??????

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

“Thursday Night Football: 20 years ago, Michael Irvin would have been spit-roasting a hooker with Charles Haley now”

Unsurprised

Would have?

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

“Thursday Night Football: It’s 10 PM, do you know your children’s Adderall is?”

Unsurprised

Sold it to a law student for booze money

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
JustStopDude

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JustStopDude
King Hippo

R-T-D, Super Raider Genius!

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

They could show an ISIS beheading video instead of the second half and get better ratings

King Hippo

How many fantasy points in Insanity League??

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

72 virgins

Unsurprised

*Krieger “only so erect” gif*

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

YOU LIKE THAT MOOSE? HUH?!?!?!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bsB7UQ8BlE0

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

But seriously, think I figured out that avatar thing.

You’re next, Sharkbait.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
jjfozz
jjfozz

Michael Irvin dressed in teh dark tonight. Also, he’s a fucking asshole.

King Hippo

He never even once offered to share any blow, either.

Shogun Marcus

TNF:
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Sharkbait

Kinda glad I dont get NFL network at work and therefore dont have to watch this “game”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Brick Meathook

NBC paid money for the rights to this shit?

Plus, in Los Angeles anyway, this game most certainly is not being broadcast on KNBC, which is not an affiliate but is owned and operated by NBC.

SO MANY UNANSWERED QUESTIONS HERE. WHEELS WITHIN WHEELS.

Shogun Marcus

TNF: Mistakes Were Made.

Unsurprised

That is perfect, because everything about the NFL is committed to rejecting any responsibility or admission of anything.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Trying to follow this comment thread is like trying to teach Anderson Cooper how to lead a gangbang!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Sorry, I can’t fix the size.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Honey, you’ve posted enough jacking material, you could have a 7”x7” of Goatse and I’d be okay with it!

King Hippo

That there Westworld show got me thinkin’ – if I had money, and the technology was there, what kind of alternative universe caper would I want to go on with a sexbot?

I came up with living my own version of “Drugstore Cowboy” back when security was a far simpler endeavor. Yinz?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well, it would be a HippoBot (TM).

Unsurprised

Westworld seems like a really dumb idea, but sexbots!

Brick Meathook

Was that a parody?????

King Hippo

He’s MIKE JAMES, bitch!!!!

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

You know, if I wanted my fix of sexual assault on Thursday night TV, I used to have to watch Cosby Show reruns.

King Hippo

oh shit, I just took 3 Benadryl

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Al Michaels: From “Do you believe in Miracles?” to “Do you believe this shit?”

Brick Meathook

I’ve been watching this game for 30 minutes and just noticed that Collingsworth & Michaels are the announcers. WTF?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Stolen prescription drugs?

Unsurprised

Yes, please.

King Hippo

easy for them to just fade into background noise, unlike Pheeel and Jeeeem

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

NBC bought the rights for half the Thursday night season

litre_cola

Peter Gabriel and speed? Get outta here.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

“Thursday Night Football: It was this or Girls Gone Wild ads”

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

“Thursday Night Football: We’d tell you more about Josh Brown, but we’ll dangle something shiny in your face instead!”

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Matt Ryan can only ejaculate while listening to “Me and Julio Down by the Schoolyard”.

King Hippo

what a coincidence, Marc Trestman can only ejaculate…

litre_cola

So better skrip klubs, Tampa, Atlanta or Houston?

King Hippo

Do you prefer crabs, ass, or cocaine?

Unsurprised

Yes

litre_cola

Cocaine on ass.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Provo, UT

litre_cola

Always appreciated a good inbred ankle

Unsurprised

Ah, a meth man

Unsurprised

God, this is sad if not spam.

http://provo.backpage.com/Strippers/

litre_cola

Did I click? Yes

I enjoyed that they are hiring strippers on Guam.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
King Hippo

He was at CNN bitching about BillyBob, he can just repeat same crap re HillyBob.

King Hippo

commercial just tried to convince me HODOR plays chess. And speaks whole sentences.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

“Thursday Night Football: Now Uncle Bill can complain about ‘the blacks’ three nights a week!”

Unsurprised

5 in the South (except when they play HS football on Tuesday or Wednesdays, then it’s ALL WEEK! YEEHAWWWW!)

King Hippo

HAIL BLEERGH, SEER OF ALL FORMATIONS!!!

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

“Thursday Night Football: Daddy Drinks Because He Loves You”

The Maestro

“I think Kyle Shanahan’s near the top of the list for guys who’ll get an interview for a head coaching position at the end of this season.”

“Yeah but you know, the season didn’t end so well for the Falcons last year…”

/Matt Ryan immediately gets sacked and fumbles the ball away
//SCHADENFREUDE

King Hippo

well FUCK YOU Matty Ice, that -40 will make sure I lose to DonT in Insanity now

litre_cola

I lost to Don T by less than a point. Fml

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

“Thursday Night Football: Your Marriage Was Already Shitty, Don’t Blame Us”