My old crew of buddies prided ourselves on creating our own little vernacular. If I had said, “‘Tri-Medley’?-is that even a freakin’ word?” My buddies would immediately respond in unison, “It is now.” And then we would add it to our nomenclature. Damn, I miss those fellas. TO THE TRI-MEDLEY OF GAMES!!!!
Mia/LA-Jared “No, I’m Not That Guy-I Hate Subway!” Goff makes his pro debut just days before fans/media associated with the team were going to lynch HC Fisher. Say your goodbye’s to Case Keenum’s starting career-he was everything everyone thought he would be. The Fins have reeled off 4 straight and they still have the Niners, Jets and Cards left to play. The bad news is that the Ravens, the Bills on the road and the Pats are looming in the gloaming. If Miami grabs a wildcard spot they will have earned it. By the by, qb Tanneyhill hasn’t thrown the ball into the hands of the opposition in 4 games. If he makes it to 5 he’s got the record for his team.
NE/SF-The Gronk and wr Hogan are out. Te Bennett and wr Edeleman are licking their wounds and aren’t at full strength. Bill Murray’s line from that movie that I can’t remember seems apropos-“IT JUST DOESN’T MATTER!” Pats romp and Brady gets at least 4 scores because he knows I need it desperately.
Phi-Sea-Oh looky! A game that might be eyeball-worthy! If the Seahawks close this one out, look for them to go on a major roll because they’ve got easily winnable games from here on out. All four of the Eagles losses have been on the road-expect that number to swell to five after the clock hits 0:00. Some team has to fall behind in the “Oprah wears a micro-bikini”-tight NFC East and I’m betting it’s HC Pederson’s crew.
There… GET AT IT BROTHERS AND SISTERS!!!
I want a 49er win simply to spite the new england faithful that have wished so much ill will on kaepernick
Also fuck the P*triots and all.
I’m torn, I want to root for the Patriots but I don’t want to support a person who lumps all police into the same pile of racist police.
Suggestions?
LOSS! PATRIOTS LOSS!
I supported the Patriots! What have I done.
(proceeds to projectile vomit)
Eagles shit the bed and I switch to Survivor Series to watch Kane (Yes, that Kane) win, because 2016.
Somebody should prolly tell Miami that TannyFanny, for all his meme-ability, is really not a good, nor even functionally adequate professional quartered back.
But, he’s a Pro Bowl-level shit talker to the practice squad guys.
“When I mean front-runners, I mean people have only started following them since they started being good.”
You mean like “moderate” republicans?
We prefer the phrase Open Minded Republicans. We believe in conservatism, but not to the Fascist extremes of the Tea Partiers and Trumpicans. We also believe that Liberals aren’t evil.
I should amend my comment–it definitely wasn’t aimed at actual voters, but at the more moderate elected republicans who have suddenly jumped on board the bandwagon and are trying to curry favor now that Trump won, much like bandwagon fans.
But I do have faith in open minded republicans like you describe. It’s going to be an interesting time for intra-party dialogue.
To avoid confusion:
(ahem)
I would rather run around singing “Hail the Victors”, twirling a Terrible Towel wearing St. Louis Cardinal red before I support Trump.
Respect is earned. I respect the office. I don’t respect the person. His actions can change my opinion, but so far it looks like I won’t be changing it.
Yeah, there are gonna be those who bow and scrape, and there will be brave souls who stand up and keep fighting for what I call the “Coalition for the Enlightenment.”
And I ain’t kicking out/shitting on anyone who wants in on the battle. We need every good-hearted soldier we can get.
See, Gisele, you can throw the ball AND catch the ball!
IT’S LIKE PEEING IN A YACHT
I once did a trick in Seattle, Ricky Watters was not happy when he saw I had a penis!
TRICKERATION!
And it actually worked!
That throw was hot enough to melt steel beams!
SEAHAWKS TRICKERY
BALDWINDOWN?
Way to almost tomahawk chop the ref, Edelman.
I just booked flights back home for xmas/chanukah and after a series of texts with my mother about family drama am already regretting the decision/thinking about canceling the tickets.
You left off Kwanzaa….racist.
Those aren’t the same day this year.
Hanukkah is like the playoffs for Jews: lots of bad calls, micromanagement, and anger directed at black people.
HEY, that anger is at ALL non-Jews
I just bought a glass closet from Tom Cruise. The Xenu logos are a smidge odd but it was a great deal, he offered me it in return for oral se…. wait, who are you people in the black suits?
I’m shocked he was willing to leave the inside of that thing.
We’re just the moving people, don’t worry.
The Cubs hat I ordered right after they won the World Series is finally slated to arrive tomorrow.
I’d almost forgotten about baseball again.
Did you get the official World Series hat?
One of them–just the standard blue with the red C on front, but the Champions patch on the side.
I got the official one which i definitely not one size fits most (it fits my 7 1/2 or 7 5/8 head very well). I read a ton of reviews saying the Cubs logo on it was crooked because it was produced in a rush.
I considered the one you got but liked the gray and gold one much more.
I saw someone walking downtown (Portland) with the gray and gold one (with the trophy on the front) and wondered how he got it so fast. Might have been a visitor.
I, too, have a ginormous 7-5/8 head and went for the fitted cap this time. Hopefully it works out, because most ball caps give me headaches anymore.
Fitted is always the way to go.
Guh
My bartender works at Leatherman Multi-tools. It’s awesome when she explains what she does to someone who asks what she does outside of tending bar
A good friend of mine that has an encyclopedic knowledge of all things knives would love to work there, or at Benchmade (or really any of the other local knife companies). If she ever says they need someone who knows all things blade related, just let me know.
That would be especially humorous at a gay bar.
Fuck my life. Survivor series time
ARM PUNT
http://orig09.deviantart.net/50e3/f/2013/275/c/3/pokemon_gif_heracross_suck_rape_lol_by_dummyheart-d6oxaiz.gif
GRAB THEM BY THE BULB. Nah, doesn’t ring off the tongue as well.
https://twitter.com/ESPNStatsInfo/status/800477117704245248
hehehe
Truly the blurst of times.
Note to self. Don’t drink too much straight gin, I care and want to yell online, way more about the night game.
Aww, she cares about us, isn’t that swee—
/Gets punched in the eye through the screen
You basically called programmers bitch nerds, you better stay up for the late game. I want to take the side of rooting for the Packers out of spite now
Spite hate? Hmm…well I have little choice.
http://new4.fjcdn.com/comments/Oooh%2Byou%2Bre%2Breaching%2Bwith%2Bthat%2Bone%2B_48d848399ffba2ae66c6146282be3578.jpg
Gay gin on the other hand makes you want redecorate your room 5 times in a night.
This Ram It!/Fins game is amazing, in its own warped way.
I know that a major DERP is coming, I just don’t know whether it will involve the Rams giving Miami some points, or the Dolphins coughing up an insurmountable two-score lead. I’m riveted.
15 yard penalty because you can’t stay out of the white on the sideline – that’s so niners
I think Chip Kelly just got flagged for shouting “White Power!”
No, that’s legal now. The NFL keeps up with the times.
Well, with New England in town, you can understand why he’d think that would be acceptable.
I haven’t seen this many San Francisco sacks on a Brady since Greg visited the Castro in that one deleted episode.
Don’t be silly. Peter was clearly the gay Brady.
Well, aside from Mike.
I’m not saying he was gay, just that he asked for some teabags in the wrong cafe.
Earl Grey teabagging can take on a lot of meanings.
“Earl Gray” would be Roethlisberger’s title if he were inbred royalty.
Yeah, Mr. B likely packed more fudge than a Keebler Elf.
The only food at this fancy taproom is either oysters or cake. The cake is $15.
Oyster up my friend.
I read that as “coke” and thought it was a steal.
So I got a fifty gallon rain barrel (thanks to LADWP rebate, it will only end up costing like $10) and it only took about an hour’s worth of moderate rain before it was completely full and started to overflow.
http://www.cincinnati.com/story/sports/nfl/bengals/2016/11/20/j-green-out-carted-off-hamstring-injury/94168190/
Well fuck.
So I have an affinity for the odd-color Mountain Dews because I hate myself. I know that a Mountain Dew Code Red and vodka is a Commie Bastard, but I’ve always liked Mountain Dew Voltage because it’s blue drink. But Voltage and vodka was pretty bad so I’ve been wondering what works, maybe gin. And then I checked the Googles.
http://www.thedrunkenmoogle.com/post/7829564863/squirtle-wartortle-blastoise-pokemon-shot-and
I immediately sent the link to Hermana Weaselo and she approves. WE GON DRANK when she gets back for Thanksgiving.
Sometimes I go to Taco Bell so I have an excuse to get Baja Blast.
This comment has everything!
Alcohol!
Mountain Dew!
A website with a final fantasy name!
Pokemon!
I hate a lot of birds, but I like hunting/fishing type birds. Basically, if it’s a bird I wouldn’t want to fight, we cool.
Thanks to My Side of the Mountain I’ve always liked peregrine falcons. They are what I would call badass.
At the first Trump/Pence crowd,
Ain’t no gravy gonna hold my BP down
You may need this:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Insanity_defense#Temporary_insanity
I just saw a guy walking around my neighborhood in an NFL hat. Not an NFL licensed hat for a specific team, but a blue hat with the NFL shield on it. What the fuck is wrong with someone that they would feel the need to prominently display a symbol for a terrible institution on their head? Are there people with IOC hats instead of US (or other country) Olympic hats? Are people it there with FIFA hats? My faith in humanity is (again) shaken.
That implies that, for however brief a time, you had somehow regained your faith in humanity, which makes me concerned for your sanity.
Gotta be a white supremacist thing.
I once saw a guy at an NHL game wearing a Hockey Night In Canada jersey. (Yes, apparently you can buy such a thing.) Roughly the equivalent of wearing a “Monday Night Football” jersey to an NFL game.
And yes, the guy was a massive asshole.
Happy Shanksgivings Day, everyone!
Sounds like every Sunday at McAfee Coliseum.
“So Coach Ryan, how do you feel about the win today?”
“Honestly Tracey, I have had a case of the runny shits since I had Skyline Chili on Friday and I thought that was an omen for us to run the ball today. Next week against the Jaguars, if I have a kidney stone, Tyrod is throwing it 65 times.”
All that spaghetti, chili and cheese wouldn’t give you the runs. Quite the opposite actually.
(Speaking from experience)
speaking of rey mysterio:
one of my favorite sports images all time is rey with the big gold belt, the caption?
“the only thing from san diego to ever win a championship.”
don’t you feel enriched for knowing this?
Wait, is it RAINING in Los Angeles?? Good goddamn.
Has panic ensued?
Head coach says head coach things to much shorter sideline reporter.
She always has her nose in his business!
So I took a class in coding last year, and anyone who is good at that is worth their weight in gold.
Unless Gilbert Brown decides to do so because that is a lot of gold.
He’s too busy running an arena league team. Or was.
I took a coding class in college. It’s the only professor I ever wanted to punch in the face. Asshole wouldn’t answer simple straightforward questions.
I have a programming background, but I make my bones doing PowerShell scripting for automating IT functions. It’s all the sexy logic I love, without the stress of expectations or production.
coding is the nerd equivalent of learning a language. It’s hard and it’s worth rewarding, but there are lots of people who do it and it’s ultimately a production job. I can code, but I never do, because I make algorithms and that’s worth more. Learn how shit works. That’s always the best thing.
“Learn how shit works.”
I mean I can be a bit of a dum-dum at times but even I know how that one goes.
I know Processing! That’s usefu… nope.
What do you use processing for? It’s always struck me as an answer to a question that nobody asked.
Kam is awesome,, but he can’t quite do the splits. #thingsivelearnedtoday
Wentzception!
So how does one acquire “Box-Ethanol”, a liquor store ore industrial supply warehouse?
Back in Connecticut we used to be able to get grain alcohol that was 190 proof.
Connecticut is the most overlooked of all the shitty states.
I have an uncle who may or may not make his own.
Dear Big Bang Theory actors. You are completely useless drains on society, and while I never hope that anyone would die in a fire, I would only be a little bit sad if it happened to you.
BAZINGA!
Longest 15 minutes in recorded history.
You would only have 5 mai thais instead of your usual 7 out of the utmost respect.
So , are the Rams going to finish above 500?
500 yards passing on the season? Highly unlikely.
No, stupid, he means total attendance over 500,000.
Even more unlikely.
Some teams would kill for that number.
Scott Hansen really likes missed extra points. Perhaps he is Shankgod.
Or just the Shankpope.
totally comfy robes, but no cups, smgdh
Call the desk!
Philly: The only place where “YOU’RE A BUM!” is an insult.
I bet the guys who do the Livecast for ESPN have “drop by Agholor” programmed as a hotkey.
Eaglea Twitter is currently melting down
How is WIP?
I heard about that on the free ballin football podcast
So, I’m going with just short pulls of straight gin. This can’t go wrong, right?
Well, do you have a coffee maker? Or you could dip a tea bag in there. hee hee
wow…how did they know?
This needs to be on a poster.
This seems flawed. I go whiskey and hate others and myself much more than that
I believe tequila needs to way further up the self hate axis.
No possible way…
Oh fuck you, agholor
Ol Mr Petey just does NOT know you can run in the red zone. And when he do, he forgets he don’t have Beefmoe no mo.