Your “Cowboys/Redacteds ‘Showdown’ Just Doesn’t Have The Same Ring To It” Thanksgiving NFL Football Open Thread

Have I ever told you the story of how I discovered Thanksgiving football? I have? Shut up. Who asked you, anyway? Me? I don’t know that guy. Okay-I was a young puppy that went by the name of chocolatemilknaut and I was sick as sick can be. Mommynaut propped me up on the couch in front of the tube and I dreaded watching the usual diet of game shows and soap operas that constituted day-time TV as I drifted in and out of sleep. Lo and behold! What to my wondrous eyes did appear? Football. Football most dear. It may have been Lawrence Taylor (I called him LTnaut) dismantling the Lions, I’m not sure. But a football fan was born that day, my friends. TO THE GAME!

Was/Dal-The ‘Dacteds need this game really bad. This is an assessment of the level of their alkalinity or acidity-a litmus test if you will. Can the D deal with DAK! and rb Zeke? Will The Beeze out-catch The Dez yet again? When will Old Man Witten kick everyone off his lawn? Why does cb Norman play so rough? Who is qb Cousins, really? How will wr Jackson embarrass himself this week? Will rb Kelley pile up another 100-yarder? For the answer to these and many other unasked questions, watch the freaking game! A Giants backer would have reasons to cheer for both a Cowboys or Redacteds win but myself is just looking forward to a good game. After all, it’s up to the G-Men to win and damn the other team’s results.

I’m done-SPEAK TO ME! (AND OTHERS!)

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Romonobyl

The mannequin challenge needs to die in a grain silo explosion.

Mother Puncher

I disagree, but I’m also 12 years old.

JustStopDude

Old people kill memes….

Horatio Cornblower

For purely selfish reasons I sure wouldn’t mind a few more hand-offs to Fat Rob.

entropy

Just called the three year old a little shit, and she stopped running, turned to me, and said, “No, YOU’RE a little shit.”

...

Excellent. Teach them young.

Horatio Cornblower

You can’t let that go. If you don’t knock her the fuck out right now she’ll stick you in a shitty nursing home the second she gets a chance.

entropy

I am pretty sure this kid is my mother reincarnated. She scares the shit outta me.

Senor Weaselo

So she’s your favorite?

entropy

Naturally.

Spur

The lack of flags in the secondary has actually been really refreshing.

Spur

Hey! If you’re going to Erin Andrews, show her godammnit!

Romonobyl

I’ll take a peek…

entropy

My sister bought the smaller bottle of Jameson, which, all things considered was probably smart….. but it is dangerously low at this time.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Food is being served. I’ve prepared for this like Andy Reid before each meal, so I think I’ll be able to have at least fifths.

Doktor Zymm

I’m gonna eat so many leftovers tomorrow!

entropy

“Tomorrow” = “in four hours.”

Doktor Zymm

Nah, that’s when I’m eating the rest of the pie.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

“It’ll go bad otherwise… Or something… Shut up! Don’t judge me.”

litre_cola

Phrasing Zymm?

Romonobyl

I think Southwest has gotten their money’s worth outta that tiresome Journey commercial.

JustStopDude

Straight up….any assholes showing g up at my place caroling or whatever the fuck it’s called singing at my front door, you are getting the garden hose.

Senor Weaselo

For those you need whatever hose they have on the Dakota Access protesters. The carollers actually deserve it.

ThePirateSloth

I’m 38 and I am about to carve my very first turkey. Why it took me this long, I’m not sure. I’ve cooked quite a few Turkey Days, but always at someone else’s house, so it was their job to carve, not mine.

Wish me luck!
/chugs Rainier

JustStopDude

Make sure you hold the knife by the handle and NOT the blade…

entropy

Also: non-serrated blade.

litre_cola

Pinkie out on the rainier!

entropy

Six year old nephew is currently trying to climb an ottoman and is treating it like Everest.

Horatio Cornblower

it won’t be so funny when he dies of exposure when the weather changes.

entropy

He set up a base camp halfway up.

Horatio Cornblower

THAT’S GOOD PLANNING!

Horatio Cornblower

Me: /squirting whipped cream directly from can to mouth

Wife: “I saw that!”

Me: “I on’t are”

entropy

Thanksgiving whip its are the best whip its

Horatio Cornblower

Oh god I am so stuffed.

What’s that dear? You can’t finish that piece of apple pie and are going to throw it away?

Hand it over.

...

I wish the Lions and Chargers had played today because these guys, who are from Detroit, could have done a halftime show:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wbIXlf22qnM

Senor Weaselo

We’ve been at our grandparents’ house and I am happy to say they have football on. But it’s Europa League football. In Spanish.

litre_cola

GOLAZO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Spur

Aaron Rodgers adopting all these kids only adds fuel to those rumors.

litre_cola

Dez Bryant saying things about family. Hmmmmmmmm.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Jeff Ireland has some questions about that.

Romonobyl

Operation Tryptophan…ENGAGE!!!

WCS

Let me know when that audible torture is over. We switched over to the local news, so as FOX doesn’t get ratings for that liquid shit.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I’m currently most thankful for the mute button.

...

Seeing my dad stare at the TV trying to figure out what this shit is has been my favorite part of the holiday.

Doktor Zymm

Johnny Cash just died again

entropy

He’s clawing his way from the grave to murder that Eric church fuck

Senor Weaselo

Sooner or later Johnny’s gonna cut him down.

Spur

His “country twang” sounds fake

JustStopDude

Fucking Nickelodeon theme songs have more risque lyrics….

Mother Puncher
Redshirt

I have no clue who this guy is.

Doktor Zymm

Is this what passes for music in Texas? Despite having likable players now, this halftime show is reigniting my Cowboys hate. SHUTTUP DOUCHE BRO COUNTRY GUY! DIE IN A FIRE!

Spur

That beard isn’t fooling anyone dude.

Mother Puncher

I’ve never heard Eric Church’s music, but I do know the disturbing sounds my middle age white female coworkers make when they hear his name.

litre_cola

I thought the same thing. Is this the fuckwit they get all wet over?

Bortleback

This music is terrible – it was better back when I thought they were making Barry Church sing at halftime

JustStopDude

White people have ruined country music.

Seriously….Hank Williams III does thrash metal now because of you fucking honkies have no goddamned taste…

entropy

Baby sister knows who this is…… ten year old niece shouted, “this sucks!” and left the room.

Spur

The Cheerleaders cannot shake and move to this musical crap.

WCS

OH GOD MUTE MUTE MUTE MUTE CHANGE THE CHANNEL WHAT THE FUCK

Spur

I saw Pitbull in that music montage.

Shogun Marcus

This pleases you I’m sure.

WCS

What is an Eric Church? Is this going to be BRO COUNTRY?

Redshirt

McDonalds changed Big Mac Sauce?! Is nothing sacred?!

Spur
Senor Weaselo

Would this be a “THANKS OBAMA” moment?

litre_cola

Isn’t it just 1000 island dressing?

Redshirt

Close. I read the ingredients when I worked there. It’s ketchup, mustard mayo onions and pickles

Spur

Halftime should just be closeups of the Dallas Cheerleaders dancing

Redshirt

Undressed. We’ve been good today. We need this.

JustStopDude

comment image

Spur

Halftime Question: What’s Joe Bucks favorite sex position?

litre_cola

Isn’t that the broad who burned down Andre Rison’s house?

litre_cola

Screen skipped on me, my apologies for nonsensical comment.

Shogun Marcus

Left eye Lopez? She dead.

...

Whatever allows him to pull his own hair.

Romonobyl

I bet Troy has a clue.

Redshirt

Catcher

Senor Weaselo

It seems we have reached the “cursing out cousins of cousins” portion of the evening but I still can’t speak Romanian.

entropy

So this Stars show is about the unholy fusion of the Supremes and Destiny’s Child, right?

Spur

Wait, that wasn’t a Toyota commercial?

JustStopDude

I’m trying to figure out why Beyonce is being played by a white girl…

Mother Puncher

I’m thankful for the Muslim couple up the road that kept their store open today.

Spur

BOOM

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

According to the NFL’s idiotic definition of What Is A Catch, that TD shouldn’t have counted, right?

/Happy Thanksgiving, everybody.

ThePirateSloth

Have we reached “tired of Jennifer Lawrence” yet? I have, even though: yes, she is a great actress. I don’t wanna reach “tired of Chris Pratt” though, he’s all good.

litre_cola

Commentists, I just got back from the radiologists, the will be LeTaviusishaw Cola!

Shogun Marcus

HAIL LeTaviusishaw!

BRING BACK JIM!

Romonobyl

Now THAT was a catch.

ThePirateSloth

Jeebus, that was a great catch

JustStopDude

Holy fuck that TD catch….

If it was Dez….it’s not a catch.