Wow, It’s freaking December. Remember when we were all so damn giddy way back in September? It seems like almost four months ago now. Time sure does pass interference at the drop of a flag, doesn’t it? There’s only a few more of these babies left this year-I say we embrace them as tightly as we do that large-breasted, slightly tipsy co-worker that wants a hug at the office Christmas party. There’s nothing wrong with that. Now if she happens to be a 20 year-old temp that HR has repeatedly spoken to you about, perhaps not. Look, I’m a big fan of honeydews and cantaloupes and I bring them into work on a regular basis. It’s not my fault that I haul them to her desk and say, “these are the second-biggest melons in this office!” But I undress… TO THE GAME!
Dal/Min-Wanna-be Tampa Bay Bucs avatar Mike Zimmer had surgery on a detached retina and is out for this one. The “NEXT COACH UP!” is Special Teams coordinator Mike “Call Me Michelle And I’ll Gut You” Priefer. If his teams are so special why doesn’t he have a head coaching gig already? The only shot the Vikes have here is to improve on their +20 takeaway number which is third-highest in the league at this point. Stupid November Rookie of the Month DAK! and his stupid 4th best QBR of 108.6 and stupid Ezekiel Elliot and his stupid best 1,199 rushing yards are likely to power past the Vikes fairly easily. Were you aware that them Cowboys have only 4 players on their roster over the age of 30? They’re going to be a competitive team for quite some time. Did I mention that I hate everything? If you were around in the early ’90s you could probably make the argument that Johnny-Come-Lately Cowboy fans have it all over today’s Pats backers. [Charlie Brown-like *sigh*]
As always (except for last week-you don’t see me using ‘family obligations’ as an excuse to not post content, that’s what booze is for) tune in to the extraordinary shenanigans of Josh, Bill, Tim and that other guy whose name I forget and their podcastian greatness. It may very well be just below this here work of art.
Done. GET AT IT!!!
I hope Sill is lurking. It would be a shame for him to miss that one.
Then again, his might have just gone ‘splodey, so maybe better if he’s not.
*head
fuck off laptop
/can’t type no matter what, blames laptop
Cowboys – Patriots Super Bowl? No problem. I’m buying a gun with a sniper scope, and a motorcycle, and driving around all day and night shooting out other people’s television sets.
If anyone wants to join, we can get a motorcycle with a sidecar – that would be killer.
I’m actually hoping for a Sum of All Fears scenario where President Trump is in the stands and we wipe out three problems at once.
is this actually a TECHNICALLY SOUND footballing contest being played on a Thursday?
/half-serious, slept thru first 9 mins b/c old
Very nearly a Dakopter there.
So starting Dak tonight was a mistake.
you still get to make the DAK DAK DAK DAK! chant, so can that EVAR be a mistake??
http://thumbnails115.imagebam.com/50873/1d0288508721635.jpg
Tony Romo to the Browns. Bank on it.
Browns or Jets, that’s the question.
BROWNS. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, THE BROWNS.
I don’t get that vw commercial. The bird grabbed a fish to eat and the people looked disgusted
IT’s because they’re vegans. And idiots.
Good to see the Vikings have come back from their extended five week bye.
To answer JJ Fozz’s questions about why the Nordic folks evolved high cheekbones may I encourage you to check out History’s “Vikings” which, while basically a well-filmed cartoon, ably answers that question.
http://www.dispatch.com/content/graphics/2016/02/24/1004937287-oh-col-vik2.jpg?__scale=w:660,h:400,t:1,c:ffffff,q:80,r:1
Katheryn Winnick or GTFO
No, no, look UP stupid
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b97zJxKEqAk
I don’t understand their reactions in that eagle catching a fish commercial. If I saw an eagle swoop out of the sky and pull a fish out of the water I’d start cheering, not looking vaguely disquieted.
I got buzzed by a hawk a few months ago and that was fucking awesome.
No shit.
Once I was in the yard watching our cat getting ready to pounce on a mouse. The cat gets in her crouch starts wiggling her butt and WHAM!!!
Some sort of hawk came diving out of the sky and fucking nailed that rodent.
Scared the SHIT out of the cat.
Awesome.
HAHAHA CAT! I’LL BET YOU DON’T THINK YOU’RE AN APEX PREDATOR ANYMORE.
Almost exactly what I said to her: “Not so hot off the top of the food chain is it?”
Walker Cursed Himself by wearing walter payton’s number.
And by playing for the Vikings.
Oh Jerral.
Vikings should just axe their offense and never take the defense off the field
So basically the strategy the evil college used in The Waterboy?
Meanwhile, in LA:
http://www.si.com/extra-mustard/2016/11/30/jeff-fisher-rams-danny-woodhead-patriots-chargers
“Jeff Fisher is listed as Doubtful for Sunday’s game as he is currently in the NFL’s concussion protocol. The Rams have named Trent Green as interim head coach.”
“Let’s take a shot downfield”
“ok, have McKinnon throw it”
What about AT&T girl?
There’s a non-zero chance I’d kill a man to see her topless.
http://i1227.photobucket.com/albums/ee427/ltlabner/Gifs/Whosrunningaway_zpsdaee7fa2.gif
Maybe I should add “once ran into the AT&T girl getting out of an elevator” to my site bio.
“Bad news honey, you got transferred, but you’re still a millionaire, still coddled, and you have a fucking job that most of the population would kill for.”
Seriously, fuck that story in the ass. Who gives a shit? You’re a PRO QB. Fuck off and die.
As we draw closer to the play-offs I think I have to concede that the Patriots have better ball-control than the Cowboys, but that’s primarily because Gronkowski is out for back surgery.
Just do more kegels
Gonna be one of those nights I guess.
“DOWN IN THE DEEPEST KINGDOMS OF THE SEA, THERE LIVES A TYPE OF CREATURE WITH NO BRAIN AND NO EYES AND NO MOUTH. IT DOES NOTHING BUT LIVE AND PUT FORTH PETALS OF PERFECT CRIMSON WHERE THERE ARE NONE TO SEE IT. IT IS NOTHING BUT A TINY YES IN THE NIGHT.”
Fucking HELL Terry Pratchett could write.
I just read Mort and Guards! Guards! Liked the second a little better, but enjoyed them both quite a bit.
He gets a LOT better at combining the awful puns and slapstick fantasy with some really sharp observations on the world in general as the series goes on; I feel by Lord and Ladies he’s really hitting his stride.
The secret society in Guards Guards reminded me a LOT of Trump voters. Like, a LOT.
When footballing in Minnesota, one must play Prince and/or The Time at commercial breaks. Glad to see some things haven’t changed.
Fumble for the fumble gods?
Do we have a deity who specializes in fumbles?
Give it time…
Mark Sanchez
I like your thinking, but he must be called his true name. Nacho.
Oh, right
FUUM’BAH LOR, lord of lost things. A forgotten god whose temples are shunned, for to worship him is to embrace futility.
FUUM’BAH LOR demands his share of the offerings.
Well that wasn’t very Lucky….
AT&T girl > Toyota girl
Yup. Because of tits.
Exhibit A
http://urbanleak.com/wp-content/uploads/Screen-Shot-2016-02-06-at-1.45.08-PM.png
“A” my ass. Exhibit double E at least.
“nothing bad ever happens on xmas eve?”
How about the colossal brawl that erupted when I was 3 at my grandfather’s house that ended with a fight on the porch? And believe me, everyone there was fucking annihilated drunk.
Also, as always, anyone involved with “This is Us” needs to be run through an industrial bread slicer.
See, if they throw in a Christmas Eve brawl episode it might not be such a bad show.
Hell, they can get the Palins star in it. Middle America will love it!
I saw Sarah Palin might be Sec. of the VA and I laughed and laughed and LAUGHED
i’m just looking for people trying to defend that
Don’t care
“Government doesn’t work because we fuck it up!”
– The Republican Party
That’d be funnier if it weren’t true.
could be worse…
That’s because ‘This Is Us’ isn’t filmed in Baltimore* ya dummy.
*As far as I know; I haven’t watched a minute of it.
STOP. PRODUCING.SHITTY.MUSICALS. NBC.
I completely forgot about this game but let’s just turn this on and see what Color Rush does to two of the classic NFL unifOHDEARGODMAKEITSTOPMAKEITSNOWMAKEITSTO
Now THAT’S a rush of color!
I have started watching the horrible commercials in a new way. Products I will never buy again even if I like them. Apple is on the list because of the Frankenstein’s Monster commercial.
HAIL BLEERGH
So…..
I kinda hope a commercial plays jingle bell rock…
for reasons
So the next time that Apple commercial comes on, see if you can spot a single person in it who isn’t white.
THAT MIKE ZIMMER, I CALL HIM DAREDEVIL BECAUSE HE’S BLIND BUT CAN SOMEHOW SEE
Wait, “M-O-M” stands for Mom?!? Now that’s quality sideline reporting!
I’m afraid to watch This Is Us because I don’t want to end sealed in sap like a prehistoric mosquito.
“Forbath”
– Eli Manning, explaining to reporters why there is a rubber ducky in his locker
Honeycrisp apples are the best.
You misspelled Gala
Nope. At least, these honeycrisps are the best I’ve had in a while.
Also, honeycrisps can get HUGE
Shit, now I’m hungry for apples.
Stuck at work so I’m doing this over the phone. I’m recording the game for later, this would be a great opportunity for you all to dick with me by bullshitting about the score. But you wouldn’t do that, would you?
0-3 Vikes
69-69. It’s nice.
Elliott blew out his knee.
Nah, just fucking with you.
He got suspended 4 games for domestic violence.
“They celebrate field goals around here, it’s a big deal”
FUCK IT I’M GOING DEEP
*Ball sails 4 yards in the air*
What the hell is an Adam Thielen and why is he stealing Stefon Diggs’ catches?
Isn’t it wonderful that the NFL deigns to allow players to put some words on their cleats for one week?
So I was thinking yesterday, Nordic people have high cheekbones. So what was the evolutionary need for high cheekbones? I mean, besides to look smoking hot centuries later, after personal hygiene was discovered.
To give Hitler’s tiny penis an erection?
The only way Minny should be able to stay in this game is if Dak keeps trying to beat them through the air. And that’s exactly what he’s gonna do!
If I was the dad in this commercial, I’d be like, “Hell no, I’m not driving you anywhere. That’s why I bought you a bike.”
Except since we’re a RAIDERS family I wouldn’t have so much “bought” the bike as “found it unattended outside someone’s house”.
I understand your thinking, but damn if I’m going to let my kid stand up a date.
Oh, he’s GOING, I’m just not taking him.
Whoever wrote that commercial about snow stopping people from doing things, has clearly never lived in the midwest
Now I can’t get this out of my brain.
It makes me smile knowing that Charlie’s opening statements would probably be the Law and Order theme.
I ate almost an entire pizza for lunch. I’m finishing it now. And yet I did have a nap in between.
Life is great, y’all
I had a gourmet cheeseburger for breakfast. Normally I avoid eating breakfast.
Vacation…woooo!!!!
Stomach still hasn’t recovered from eating that early tho….which is why I usually avoid eating breakfast.
Details, sir. What was on it?
Kaiser roll….cheddar, onions, lettuce, dijon mustard.
Tho I did receive some shit from someone for not putting mayo on it.
Jeebus…
What the fuck kind of animal puts mayo on a burger
THANK YOU!!!!!
I approve.
http://s2.quickmeme.com/img/14/149d585f50c9644163c09528e0845dad76686efa8d1c28d0558b3be1b14de68a.jpg
God, I miss those days.
Yeah me too….I haven’t done that since.
Shit I did that just a month or two ago on last trip to Baltimore.
Look away…I’m hideous.
Stomach surgery this summer. Can only fit six oz. of food in there at a time.
Did you know that you’re my hero?
Yes
I can honestly say I can’t remember ever going to an Outback.
My grandparents love it, and the wings are surprisingly good.
I’ve always liked their burgers
Zeke got his ball back in that pile but no way the Zebras overturn that. Viking ball.
…the Law and Order music? What?