Your “And The Cowboys Band(wagon) Played On” Thursday Night Football Open Thread

Wow, It’s freaking December. Remember when we were all so damn giddy way back in September? It seems like almost four months ago now. Time sure does pass interference at the drop of a flag, doesn’t it? There’s only a few more of these babies left this year-I say we embrace them as tightly as we do that large-breasted, slightly tipsy co-worker that wants a hug at the office Christmas party. There’s nothing wrong with that. Now if she happens to be a 20 year-old temp that HR has repeatedly spoken to you about, perhaps not. Look, I’m a big fan of honeydews and cantaloupes and I bring them into work on a regular basis. It’s not my fault that I haul them to her desk and say, “these are the second-biggest melons in this office!” But I undress… TO THE GAME!

Dal/Min-Wanna-be Tampa Bay Bucs avatar Mike Zimmer had surgery on a detached retina and is out for this one. The “NEXT COACH UP!” is Special Teams coordinator Mike “Call Me Michelle And I’ll Gut You” Priefer. If his teams are so special why doesn’t he have a head coaching gig already? The only shot the Vikes have here is to improve on their +20 takeaway number which is third-highest in the league at this point. Stupid November Rookie of the Month DAK! and his stupid 4th best QBR of 108.6 and stupid Ezekiel Elliot and his stupid best 1,199 rushing yards are likely to power past the Vikes fairly easily. Were you aware that them Cowboys have only 4 players on their roster over the age of 30? They’re going to be a competitive team for quite some time. Did I mention that I hate everything? If you were around in the early ’90s you could probably make the argument that Johnny-Come-Lately Cowboy fans have it all over today’s Pats backers. [Charlie Brown-like *sigh*]

As always (except for last week-you don’t see me using ‘family obligations’ as an excuse to not post content, that’s what booze is for) tune in to the extraordinary shenanigans of Josh, Bill, Tim and that other guy whose name I forget and their podcastian greatness. It may very well be just below this here work of art.

Done. GET AT IT!!!

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Spur

Romos the next QB coach. Hes a natural

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I like that Ezekiel Elliot has gone beyond just writing on shoes to bring his message of Ending World Hunger to the forefront of the public consciousness.

Spur
Spur

Fucking Vikings imploded! They Double by the balls

“at the base of my snarglys”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So apparently the National Front is gaining momentum in France; is Germany going to be the only major country left with a sane government?

Shogun Marcus

Merkel is up for reelection and is in a serious fight. Scary times.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s probably making her very tense. Someone should give her a good shoulder rub to help her relax.

King Hippo

remember when Merkel was the symbol of how conservatism (or at least the centre-right) could make a comeback in Europe? Now she’s the last bastion of liberalism left…

King Hippo

Angela Merkel is the left-most leader of any large Western country in the world (certainly any one with a large military capability). Think about that.

And she is under extreme electoral danger, getting the Putin treatment as well.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Has the NFL considered the absolutely terrible uniforms make people turn off the game and lower their ratings?

King Hippo

why is Charles Johnson still in the league?

Spur

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King Hippo

glad I ain’t start Thielen. No punt return points, but the fumble negatives count.

Spur

Adrian Peterson on the sideline threatening the returner with a switch

Unsurprised

That’s why they were cups in the NFL

entropy

Anyone here a fan of HBO’s Carnivale? If so, you really should read Robert Jackson Bennett’s The Troupe. It’s that show but with actual purpose and an ending.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“I was never really a fan of the show’s heroine, but I *am* a fan of heroin.”

– Nick Stahl

entropy

Too soon.

Spur

HOLY SHIT – Dallas turnover!!!!!!!

Fronkenshteen

Zekedown please…

Spur

This is going to be one of those “not enough evidence to overturn” calls

entropy

She seems a lot more…. memorable… now.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Her?

Spur
Senor Weaselo

Daksack. Rolls off the tongue.

Unsurprised

With Romo out, I’m hoping to make Dakashima Disaster a thing

Spur

This is getting ridiculous. Stop with penalties Cowboys.

King Hippo

so…DAL wins 10-9, yeah?

Mr. Ayo

Nah

Unsurprised

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

@Jerry I have been told by an obvious smoker their new policy is first offense caught smoking on campus is expulsion. So they have gone nuclear on smokers.

I am not sure of the accuracy of this, the guy who told me this was in full cowboy gear. 10 gallon hat and all. I bring this up because it was actually awesome and he pulled the look off.

Shogun Marcus

They need hobbies. Like oh…finding funding to make up for the raping and pillaging walker has inflicted. That oughta work.

Unsurprised

That sounds like total bullshit. Check your student handbook. It probably has its own chapter.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

DOINK sure seems to be in a playful mood tonight.

Senor Weaselo

Space Jam 2 with every player EXCEPT LeBron, because fuck you LeBron?

Fronkenshteen

Meadowlark Lemon is always looking for work.

Senor Weaselo

Someone get me Scalabrine!

Spur

PG – Curry
SG – Harden
PG – Kawhi – GO SPURS GO
PF – Davis
C – Jordan

Spur

That was the most exciting play all night.

Unsurprised

How nice of you to put a scarf around your gf.

Gratliff

http://sonsofpenn.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/claudeloveyou-1.gif

Flyera putting together a string of games demonstrating basic competence!

Unsurprised

“Showoffs”
— Cleveland Browns

Fronkenshteen

THIS VIKINGS OFFENSE, I CALL THEM A COKED UP LAWN CREW, BECAUSE THEY DO TWENTY YARDS IN TEN MINUTES.

Shogun Marcus

Holy flashback!

Unsurprised

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Col. Duke LaCross

New banner quote!

Unsurprised

I was watching Boyhood earlier and I couldn’t stop staring at Patricia Arquette’s chest during the beginning part of the movie because just wow.

Spur

The Vikings’ stadium looks like a Sandcrawler.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

It was just a local news break report so I am not sure what smoking bans they are adding. I already have to walk completely off campus onto a highway roundabout to smoke now. I fucking hate everyone. The highway roundabout is not a joke.

Shogun Marcus

Where at?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I am just taking some classes at the tech college (FVTC), I re-enrolled next semester so I can apply for internships again (they require concurrent enrollment for most entry level positions)

Shogun Marcus

They got that hardcore? Ffs. That hasn’t happened at uwgb, but I imagine it’s coming. Obnoxious vapers however, who should be flayed, are allowed to exist.

Unsurprised

You don’t have designated smoking shelters? That sucks. They have those at the colleges here, and I live in a hippie utopia

Horatio Cornblower

Is Dak trying to get Dez killed? Is there some heated but quiet rivalry between the Three-Letter Name Guys that we don’t know about? WHAT ISN’T BIG ALPHABET TELLING US!?

Spur

Sam’s playing hurt. I respect him for it, but shit’s dangerous.

Unsurprised

At least it’s not smallpox

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I half expected Bradford to get hurt on that slide.

theeWeeBabySeamus

John Elway has gotten much less subtle, I see.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Eli Manning has released a statement that he has never in his career gotten hurt on a slide, except that one time when Susie Jenkins put some doggie-doo right under the landing spot and he twisted his ankle trying not to land in it.

King Hippo

Holy shit, what Cris just said about that Cordarelle play was exactly what I was thinking. Time to get that lobatomy…

Spur

Bradford always looks like he just put his contact lenses in

JustStopDude

I think his problem is his left eye in on the right side of his face and vice-versa.

Shogun Marcus

Fabry and Preacher. *mwah*

Horatio Cornblower

Bobby’s next…

Unsurprised

What’s the mean of AIDS + Old Age

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

They are banning smoking in even more places here in Wisconsin. I will continue to smoke and kill myself out of spite because fuck you if 70 feet from doorways doesn’t “protect your ‘rights'” enough

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I made myself angry. I am going to smoke a cig

...

When I was in college, a girl I really, really liked wrote a letter to the university paper endorsing a smoking ban. I was just pissed off enough that she didn’t like me back that I wrote a letter rebutting her that also got published.

JustStopDude

Every commercial comes in perfect. Near high def through my internet. As soon as the teams line up to hike the ball, I am magically transported to Siberia and it’s like I am attempting to use a fucking ham radio to watch the game.

Unsurprised

AMERICA!

Brick Meathook

I’m a veteran, and you don’t need to thank me. Way back when, I worked in a submarine engineroom shoveling Uranium into the reactor. I did six patrols and spent a combined 300 days under water.

If you’d like to thank me, I’ll accept it graciously because I know you mean well, and I appreciate that.

But if you’d really like to thank a veteran:

KISS MY ASS

/a message from veterans of the world, dot com

JustStopDude

I usually take the time to tell folks how I served with a pedophile.

Unsurprised

I just bite my tongue so I don’t talk shit on military service

Old School Zero

Joey Harrington opened a tavern in Portland. We can only hope he didn’t put Matt Millen behind the bar, since we all know he wouldn’t have a successful draft.

Unsurprised

He did? We should go and taunt him.

Unsurprised

The female version of Equus?

Spur

Vikings backup QB is warming up
http://i.imgur.com/keaLs.gif

Horatio Cornblower

Honestly it looks like a brown rat leaped out of the water and attacked her face.

Unsurprised

I wonder how many in the Alt-Right think that’s what a black man’s money shot looks like. I bet at least half.

Spur

Derek Carr wears too much eyeliner like a common whore.

Horatio Cornblower

I prefer my whores uncommon.

Six toes per foot or GTFO

JerBear50

The “Hemingway cat” of the hooker world?