Your “A Broken Clock Gets It Right Once A Year” Thursday Night Football Open Thread

Well lookee here! We got ourselves a great tilt between two superior teams with a history between them and a division lead in the mix. Everyone says that 2016 started going downhill right after David Bowie was shot to death in that zoo enclosure but if that is what it takes to finally get a quality matchup on a Thursday night I’m good with it. Or maybe that had nothing to do with it. Perhaps this is the NFL Scheduling Squad’s version of Susan Boyle walking on to The Gong Show’s stage. Did I just reference “The Gong Show”? I couldn’t be more embarrised. TO THE GAME!

Oak/KC-This game speaks for itself but I have to type something otherwise I won’t not get the money that isn’t owed to me. The last team to beat the Raiders? You bet it was the Las Vegas Golden Knights, er, the Chiefs. The Raiders have won 6 straight and the Chiefs are 20-4 over their last twenty-four games. As good as the Raiders have played they are vulnerable to the run game. They gifted the Bills with 212 yards on the ground and a 7.1 yards per carry average just last week. We all know how committed KFC HC Reid is to the run/short-passing game and perhaps this will be an effective antidote to the ridiculous awesomeness that is Khalil Mack. Oakland’s offensive line is rated just behind the Cowboys and since week 8 the Chiefs have averaged 3 sacks per game-SOMETHING MUST GIVE!

As always, check out the crazy goings-on at Free Ballin’ Football down below. Has Bill finally come to terms with his heterosexuality? When will Josh finally admit that the bunny slippers belong to him? Where did Tim’s toenail-clippings diorama disappear to? Will someone finally explain to Nick the difference between ‘peanuts’ and ‘penis’? For the answers to these questions and some quality jaw-wagging about NFL-related goings-on check it out.

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JustStopDude

Quality use of a challenge there….

theeWeeBabySeamus

I love you all….like really I do. But you are decidedly less funny across the board tonight.
Or maybe I just hate the world.
Yeah, let’s go with that.
Time to mix opiates and alcohol and test how strong our desire to breathe actually is.

jjfozz

I’m dancing as fast I can, goddamn it!

Maybe, just for once, YOU could put some time into this relationship. There’s nothing left of me.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

I save my funny for HRTN. This week even that seems to be a challenge.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m with you there.

JustStopDude

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Spur

That m & m’s commercial is so old it’s in SD

entropy

I always like to watch the finale of those singing shows in case I won and nobody told me.

jjfozz

Will Smith in, “Fuck It, I’m a Mega Star, Here’s Some Holiday Drivel, White Folks”

King Hippo

Like The Onion said “Will Smith, the one black man everyone at work can agree on”

King Hippo

Andy Reid just wants Seabass to get so cold he goes into the locker room and refuses to come out when it’s eventually FG time.

entropy

Why the fuck did they play the law and order theme?

jjfozz

Sure it’s cold, but Andy Reed’s entire midsection is wrapped in bacon and rib meat, so he’s nice and toasty.

Spur

Reid Oven

Spur

The Weeknd plays for the chiefs?

JustStopDude

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I really hate to +1 this. But I can’t not.

entropy

Nothing better than a cornerback making the “not a catch” motion after a pass he did nothing to defend.

King Hippo

there we go! RUN, you dickheads!!

Gratliff

Flyera score 3 in 90 seconds to take the lead!

Recovery Whiskey

Collinsworth talking about the cold, still has PTSD from the Ice Bowl

JustStopDude

You know the Chiefs and the Raiders being good is just so fucking bizarre. Its like waking up and Prohibition has started up again….

jjfozz

My oldest son just got a glass, filled it with crushed ice, and poured me a Bulleit bourbon.

I AM THE FUCKING BEST DAD IN THE UNIVERSE!

Recovery Whiskey

you … taught your kid to pour bourbon on ice instead of neat? you truly are a monster.

/s

hippofant

And he drops his mouthguard too. Ew.

WCS

DERP

King Hippo

CTRL-C that tonight

Recovery Whiskey

These Oakland jerseys make me thing Blanda is going to come running out to relieve Lamonica and complete TD throws to Warren Wells and Fred Biletnikoff

entropy

It’s a little early in the game to start talking up the punter, Al.

Recovery Whiskey

Where’s Ray Guy when you need him

Spur

Raiders should have got to dress in all black.

King Hippo

COLOURED RUSH ,, no ofence

jjfozz

THIS GAME, I CALL IT THE INDIAN WARS, BECAUSE THERE ARE A LOT OF CHIEFS FIGHTING WITH WHITE MEN

entropy

I would pay really good money to see someone use an actual tomahawk on some asshole performing the tomahawk chop.

jjfozz

It’s cold, but not cold enough to freeze the stupid ass lips of Michael Irvin.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Raycess?
Nah….Imma say no.

Spur

Those gloves sure look big on Alex Smith.

Spur

Hi Ottoman wherever you are.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hi yourself….
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litre_cola

Don’t you mean congressman Ottoman? That is why we haven’t heard from him since “the move”

ThePirateSloth

https://twitter.com/CityofHillsboro/status/806915622663634944/photo/1

The outdoor ice skating rink was closed today due to… ice.

entropy

Due to illness, the part of entropy will be played by entropy.

WCS

King Hippo

URGENT Litre_Cola update – my foe put Crabs in for Snead. I advise based on “all last minute subs always fuck Hippo over” to put him in and reap the rewards.

litre_cola

Done. I see the psychology!!

Spur

Folks

King Hippo

wait, some of yous are unhappy just SOME of the time?? PRICKS.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Fuck you, very much.

Brocky

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entropy

Being unhappy requires some kind of investment in the world around you… I’m happy all the fucking time.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Fuck you, very much…also

WCS

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litre_cola

You just couldn’t do that in a Chiefs outfit. Just had to be an Iggles moo moo

Curse of Marino
Gratliff

The Raiders call this uniform ensemble “Trump’s America”

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m generally unhappy today.
Sorry, I didn’t mean to get all crazy and out of hand…please forgive me.

litre_cola

What’s up fella? THC usually makes my day better.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’ve got an ounce on order, but haven’t rec’d delivery just yet.
Hopefully tomorrow.

litre_cola

Curiosity, what does that run you in Ballmore?

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m in NC at this point.
Mid grade ounce…about a c-note.

litre_cola

That is really good. So about 130 Canadia money. Still more expensive here BUT IT COME FROM THE NEXT PROVINCE OVER!!!!

litre_cola

Should be way cheaper than it is. Still the same prices here basically for the last 20 years. At least we aren’t in OZ.

theeWeeBabySeamus

The way I smoke, there’s no reason to go high grade. I waste it, sadly.
But skunkweed sucks so, yeah….mid grade is my sweet spot.

...

It happens to the best of us. I’ve had a few days recently where I’m just… well… unhappy.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yeah….been wanting to reach out an ask since arriving back home, but didn’t want to pry.
You doing OK?

...

Yeah, I’m fine. I’ve been fortunate that the annoyances with family are few and far between now compared to say ten years ago. Doesn’t meant they don’t pop up though.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Understood.

Curse of Marino

R.I.P John Glenn.

WCS

Why is Mike and Mike?

Croooow

Seeing Jimmy Fallon and his lame-ass “Dad Joke” style makes me miss Carson more.

...

It still stuns me that Jimmy Fallon hosts the Tonight Show.

herodotus450

In a stunning development, Leon Draisaitl has moved to the top of the Sports Name Charts. He even has his own song!

herodotus450

It’s called the Draisaitl song. For some reason very popular around Channukah

litre_cola

Commentists. It is cold here. Cold like most of you wouldn’t believe. All day however I have been wondering if I should bench Crabtree for Mike Wallace. This has plagued me. However I now feel no pain in the outdoors as I am permanently numb. I still do not know what to do.

herodotus450

You must not feel cold. Cold is the mind killer. Cold is the little death that brings total destruction. Etc.

litre_cola

Cold is just a mood.

King Hippo

Trust. The. Coin. Heads, Crabs. Tails, Gonor…I mean, Wallace.

King Hippo

More substantively, my pay site ranks Crabs at 13, Wallace at 33.

But my playoff foe, who is STARTING CARR, is benching Crabs for Snead and Sterling Shepard.

FUCK IF I KNOW.

JustStopDude

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King Hippo

I offer the video to my team’s namesake song. May the silver and black prevail tonight with minimal Derek Carr (opponent) and Seabass (my bench) points!

JustStopDude

John Glenn died at 95. Per Trump’s Head of NASA nominee, Alex Jones, he was murdered by Obama for threatening to come forward and admit that the moon landing was faked.

herodotus450

They can take it to my house anytime.
http://www.edmontonjournal.com/cms/binary/8130442.jpg

JustStopDude

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WCS

THIS JUST IN:

Beets continue to be utterly disgusting “Doug” is a goddamned liar.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Just call me Rikki-Tikki-Deadly, because right now I have irrational faith in the Raiders to win big no matter what.

JustStopDude

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WCS

Joke’s on you! I’ll just take the gift card to WalMart, where they’ll give me 90% of it’s value in cash, and spend that on dru—–

Er, I mean, carry on…

herodotus450

Jokes on YOU, because I’ll use that gift card at any number of porn sites that give 70% of its value towards a subscription of any leng—
Er, charity. I’ll give it to charity.

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