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Wumbo Wednesday With Weaselo, Also Doubling as Your Jets At the Bye Post

Senor Weaselo

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Four plays. That’s how long it took for the reminder that we can’t have nice things. Aaron Rodgers? Ha, that’s nice. Say hello to the MetLife Turf Monster. It’s presumably an Achilles, though for some reason Rodgers says he’ll be okay and will come back at the end of the season. I have no idea how, considering I don’t think things heal like that. Regardless…

All the hullabaloo of getting a legendary Hall of Fame quarterback, and where does that lead? Right back to BYU Cougar and cougar hunter Zach Wilson.

Well, the good news is he’s stopped the bleeding enough that I didn’t make a Speakeasy Story. And also I didn’t have time to think of one. The Jets have played a lot of the tougher teams in their schedule: the Bills, the Chefs, the Iggles. Granted, all at home. Somehow it’s added up to 3-3, and I think even preseason Jets fans would take that at the bye.

The defense has been solid and hawkish. That Eagles victory? No Sauce Gardner, no DJ Reed. The top two corners were out and they pulled it off, so the secondary has legitimate depth. The rush generates heat and gets fumbles (see the scoop and score against the Donks). The running game (namely Breece Hall) has done its job.

So, how is this team 3-3? Well, it comes down to Zach Wilson taking some time to move into the role to “not actively fucking up.” Against the Cowboys and P*ts, there was fucking up. But since then, there has been less fucking up, and as I said, not actively fucking up. And that’s basically all that’s needed for being halfway decent. Zach Wilson, according to ESPN’s “Total QBR” metric, sits 29th among their qualified QBs. Out of 32. So that’s not exactly phenomenal, but it’s not the worst, so we’ll take it! More importantly, he put in decent to actually slightly better performances compared to Patrick Mahomes and Jalen Hurts in those games, a power of the Jets defense.

So this team is gonna win dirty games. After all, they can’t score in the red zone, they average under 160 yards in the air, and score under 19 points per game. But, they come out of the bye with some momentum and the important to win games coming up. The next 3 games are @NYG (so a neutral-site game), vs. LAC, and @ LV. You have to win 2 of the 3 before the bulk of the divisional schedule comes up, as it’s @ BUF and vs. MIA afterwards. If you win 2 of 3, get to 5-4, then my previous prediction of leaving it all on the line for the game in New England Week 18 is still out there, and that’s even if worst-case you go 0-3 in the divisional games leading up to that. 9-7 is out there!

Updated prediction: Yeah, 9-8, 10-7, miss the playoffs, can’t have anything nice.

Are there any sports on? Yes!

Chico Escuela’s lifeblood
The World Series, now for states rather than cities! (No Step on Snek vs. Walker, Texas Rangers) (Game 1 on Friday)

Basketball, where we won’t care about it again until Christmas:
Manhattan Madness: Itchy runs afoul of an Irishman vs. Itchy vs. Teddy Roosevelt (BOS vs. NYK, 7:00, ESPN)
Luka Hype vs. Wemby Hype (DAL vs. SA, 9:30, ESPN)

Wednesday Night JV Football
Glory Road vs. Fightin’ Presidents (of Texas) (UTEP vs. Sam Houston, 8:00, ESPN2)

Iceball
Great, Ovie’s scoring again vs. Puddy and Pals (WSH vs. NJD, 7:30, TNT)

The Finest Mexican Footy (Liga MX)
Monterrey vs. Tijuana (9:00, FS2)
FC Juarez vs. Atl. de San Luis (11:00, FS1)

At some point, I’ll go over BattleBots: Champions and the current Marble League. I have to watch them first.

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Gumbygirl

He’s 18

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Gumbygirl

He’s younger than 18

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2Pack

Did you ask him why the singer’s name is Alice?

1
Gumbygirl

I don’t think my pics are turning out. Alice was amazing. Waiting for Rob Zombie. I can’t hear, but I’m having a good time!

7
SonOfSpam

NINETEEN SIXTY

FIIIIIIIIIIVE

also I hope Santana joins him for Smooth

3
WCS

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And Sinbad shows up.

3
Gumbygirl

He did 1965. It was awesome!

1
Doktor Zymm

Dicky Longwood was a pivotal figure in English rugby, but I’m just gonna giggle and say he sounds like a hell of a man

6
SonOfSpam

dude’s name is also his pickup line

6
WCS

Richard “Dick” Fitswell

4
Brick Meathook

Hugh G. Rection

4
Dunstan

I’m watching the Bob Newhart Show, and every time the credits run I giggle at the fact that Jerry is played by an actor named Peter Bonerz

5
herodotus450

Which B-52s delivered more damaging ordnance to the world, the planes or the band?
/this is what they call a joke, I actually love them

3
Sharkbait

Fly the friendly skies of Vietnam

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WCS

Nixon sent Dad’er WCS on several flights!

2
Sharkbait

My grandfather did some trips on behalf of SAC

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herodotus450

The branches represent peace. The hand represents the crushing of peace by Fire-Lightning.

6
SonOfSpam

Mira Sorvino on Celebrity Jeopardy – her charity is about human trafficking, and for the record, they are against it. Good stance.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Ah, another Barcelona alum!

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Dunstan

Was thinking about the Whit Stillman films just last week. Chris Eigeman’s characters are so good.

2
ballsofsteelandfury

That’s peak 90s. Man, I remember those. I think my favourite is still Barcelona.

2
ballsofsteelandfury

I miss movies where the action is in the dialogue.

2
jjfozz

Okay, so I email both my sisters about getting rid of my mother’s car, because it’s only a matter of time that something bad happens.

I volunteered to find a car service and book a ride with her, so she could see that it’s okay. (She actually said, “If they pick me up, then they can come back and rob the house.”)

Their responses had NOTHING TO DO WITH THE SUBJECT MATTER OF THE EMAIL.

So I decided to be nice. And wrote, “Thanks for sharing that information, but what do you think about what I wrote in the original email?”

Nothing.

So, crossing one more task off my list. Let them fucking deal with it.

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Doktor Zymm

Send notification. Wait 24 hours (48 if you extra nice). Do whatever the hell you wanted. Or just don’t. But no matter what, save those goddamn emails so you can point to them later (assume you are already doing this so endorsing you)

3
jjfozz

Trust me, I am. Throughout this entire goddamn process I’ve been ignored or completely shut down. So, fuck it. I’ve got way too many other important things in my life, and I have enough stress, not going to manufacture it.

My older sister is living in another world and my little sister is trying to be the hero.

So, let them figure it out.

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Doktor Zymm

Yeah, fuck em’ and keep the evidence

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Haven’t we had enough Dahmer jokes this week?

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

A mass shooting in Maine is a tragedy, but in Wisconsin it’s the amount of people on Ozempic

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Doktor Zymm

Don’t be silly, do you know how many cheese curds it costs to get a month’s worth of Ozempic??

3
Gumbygirl

Early for the show. 4th row. It’s going to be loud.

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SonOfSpam

Awesome! I hope Alice in Chains plays Rooster!!!

3
WCS

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Doktor Zymm

Baby got Bach!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2hIQ5EasYrA

1
Mr. Ayo

Balls’ Famous Organ Music folder contains vastly different sounds.

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SonOfSpam

so weird that the black keys are smaller

1
Horatio Cornblower

22 dead, 50-60 wounded in Lewiston, ME.

But we got our 2nd Amendment, and we’ll never give it up.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That’s pretty much it, isn’t it? Living in the United States, for as long as it remains such, includes a small but very real and completely unavoidable chance of being slaughtered in a mass shooting incident.

0
Horatio Cornblower

One of the venues was a fucking bowling alley. Really hope the cops do the right thing and don’t take this guy in alive, but also take their sweet time about it.

0
Mr. Ayo

If he’s gotten to those numbers, don’t think they’re capable of much.

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Horatio Cornblower

In general local police are pretty useless for anything move involved than hassling teens.

6
jjfozz

Or they could have sniper take out both of his knees, that’s incredibly painful

1
Doktor Zymm

If I learned anything from the X-Files, it’s that a bullet to the stomach is the slowest and most painful way to die

1
SonOfSpam

It’s a white guy. They’ll get him a lobster roll and beer on the way to jail.

1
Doktor Zymm

The probability of being killed in a terror or other mass incident is more independent of where you are than if you go with shootings exclusively. If you focus on mode of death, which we seem to do in the US for some reason, then yes, you are more likely to be shot here than in other first world democracies. Less likely to be killed in a bombing incident, so that’s good! There have been mass stabbings, poisonings, bombings, etc all over the world. I’m leaving out street crime here, we do have a lot more of that than most places, but it generally doesn’t come up in these discussions (even though it probably should).

Mass shootings are culture and fashion more than anything else in the US, as long as we promote the idea that swathes of society are not worth as much as other swathes, and as long as we give attention to rampages and rampagers, we will have maladjusted people who aspire to kill as many people as they can.

For the record, I’m not against gun control, but at best it’s harm reduction. Harm reduction is great if you can’t do more, but I think we can do more. We need cultural change and we need it for more reasons than preventing bullies shooting up places.

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Doktor Zymm

Ok, admit that politically we probably can’t do more, but politically we can’t do gun control either, so as long as they’re both equally infeasible, why not go for the more complete option? Hey, since it’s less tried, maybe no one will even notice!

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Sharkbait

Waiting for The Onion to update the article in 3…2…1…

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Doktor Zymm

Wanna bet Putin can’t recite even ONE Pushkin poem? What a whore’s toothbrush.

1
ThePirateSloth

During those mid-late 90s, younger me was big into collecting bootleg cds, the more rare the better. I think by 2000 I had something like 40 or so Pearl Jam cds and vinyls, 20 or so Nirvana including a rare blueish Incestide vinyl, the NIN Halos and a few vinyls, and a small number of other rare bootlegs. What used to be my most valued item was this 5 disc Pearl Jam box set called Hallucinogenic Recipe. A collector once told me that supposedly only 750 of them had been printed, but since everything has become digital, the value of the original box set isn’t very high anymore. https://www.discogs.com/release/4829924-Pearl-Jam-Hallucinogenic-Recipe

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Doktor Zymm

I had a X-Ray Spex vinyl which wasn’t anything special, but apparently became worth quite a bit, and of course I have no idea where it is, think my parents might have donated it to Goodwill

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Horatio Cornblower

Parents can never be trusted for just this reason.

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Doktor Zymm

I may have said that everything in such and such spot is okay to get rid of. I HAD ripped it to MP3 by that point and didn’t think it was worth shit until almost exactly 3 days after I thought it was good to get rid of

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TheRevanchist

Favorite NIN album and why is it Broken?

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ThePirateSloth

I really like The Fragile. It was a college era album for me, I’m pretty sure I used one of the songs from it for a music video final project for a video class I took. It felt like a grown up, serious version of NIN.

Kinda the way I feel about Pearl Jam and Chili Peppers. While their early, young albums are fucking fantastic and I was absolutely obsessed with them at each of their times, I feel like their older music/albums are so much better. They’ve moved on and grown and refined their music, as I have moved and and grown and refined. I dunno if I can’t explain it well enough to make much sense.

1
Doktor Zymm

Serious concern: I don’t think I’m wearing the correct bathrobe (and I really should be calling it a dressing gown) for sitting in the dark listening to mentally unstable composers (all of them really) and having unsavory thoughts (mayhaps also unsavory plans)

I think I need something quilted.

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[is having thoughts of savory things] – Coach Reid

3
Sharkbait

I was gonna say, weren’t all the good ones somewhat unstable?

3
TheRevanchist

Try making one out of Qulited Northern. It has double doodie when you use the bathroom.

1
Brick Meathook

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Doktor Zymm

Ah, the woody part of an asparagus along with two slices of soylent pink, the ideal accompaniment to miso soup

1
ballsofsteelandfury

Miso Horny?

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

I can just picture the offensive Halloween costume.

1
TheRevanchist

Have an auditor at the plant this week. We got to talking. He says he’s playing a game from 2011. I say “Skyrim? That’s the game I am playing right now.”

3
Sharkbait

Skyrim is eternal

2
Doktor Zymm

This is true. It holds up.

2
Doktor Zymm

I’ve always enjoyed classical music, but as I’ve become a more mature cartoonish villain I’ve realized it’s really the best genre for anyone over 35 who has more than a passing interest in weather machines, and with global warming nowadays that’s basically everyone. Current mood: DIES IRAE

TOO SHORT, wtf were you thinking Verdi?? (Note: I’ve stopped using the interrobang)

4
Dunstan

Found a board game for you!

Weather Machine | Board Game | BoardGameGeek

1
Doktor Zymm

I mean, it’s a bit different goal-wise. I’m nawt AGAINST mitigating extreme weather, but certainly it won’t be free and the ability to CAUSE extreme weather is always going to be a great bargaining tool. Really, the intelligent combination of preventing and causing weather while properly compensated is the ideal use of such a machine.

1
Dunstan

Interrobang would be a great band name.

4
Doktor Zymm

Actually amazed it hasn’t been used already

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Their specialty can be sexy spy music!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YKyoGBVPrPE

1
Doktor Zymm

Oh I forgot about Caro!

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Way back in another life…

https://popdose.com/live-music-caro-emerald-el-rey-theatre-los-angeles-12213/

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Doktor Zymm

Oh, I bought that entire album back in the day, totally forgot about it and it’s so good

1
Doktor Zymm

Especially good since in an odd sort of way I might be the other woman now, which is funny as hell

2
ThePirateSloth

Angsty moody brooding Teenager Pirate (not slothful yet) would be impressed with Adult Pirate for still knowing all the words to the early NIN albums.

4
Doktor Zymm

Oh is he into (what I assume) is called retro now? Make a playlist!

0
ThePirateSloth

I started with Pretty Hate Machine and am just going thru all the Halos (https://www.nin.wiki/Halo_numbers). I know younger me had collected pretty much all the Halo numbered discs by 2001-ish, I swear I had transferred them all to digital at some point, somewhere along the way Google Music fucked up my organized library and I have never gone back to fix it, so I am not sure what is all here.

2
ThePirateSloth

Oh, just occurred to me that you might’ve thought I HAVE a teenage Pirate. I do not. I am never having kids. I was referring to my inner younger self.

3
Doktor Zymm

I blame all the other people on here with kids (I try to humor them despite being very confused by most people of all ages but especially those under nah just kidding it’s everyone)

3
Brick Meathook

The other night in Hollywood I got to hear a very old man explain a Beastie Boys song to a bewildered twenty-something.

3
ThePirateSloth

Oh I’m never gonna forget the words to Beastie Boys.

2
Doktor Zymm

It’s true, porno used to be in things called “mags” or “magazines” which actually had nothing to do with ammunition but were like tiny versions of PornHub with more ads and on paper so your Mom could take them away.

3
herodotus450

“I wanna fuck you like an… something”

2
TheRevanchist

Gerbil.

0
Doktor Zymm

WARNING HOT TAKE: Dvorak’s Symphony #9, Movement 4 would be way more famous if he gave it a catchy name

3
scotchnaut

Sick Beats Boogaloo the Fourth was staring at him, smh…

1
WCS

“Lick My Love Pump”

4
ArmedandHammered

Turn it up to 11!

1
Gumbygirl

Freebird.

2
ArmedandHammered

Always.

1
ArmedandHammered

Music to Strangle Kittens By, or am I thinking of Paganini?

0
Doktor Zymm

I like kittens, but if I WERE to strangle them I think I would want multiple options

1
Senor Weaselo

Wandering in VERY late to say, you mean like “Theme from Jaws”?

/Oh, we’re aware John Williams borrows liberally from places, but he’s also the pride of Floral Park, and in terms of musicians born right on the border, it’s him, the group Das Racist, and… I am still not on that list.
//You do have all of Hollis though, but I’m talking even more east.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Apparently someone is Trying That in a Small Town.

https://abcnews.go.com/US/active-shooter-situation-lewiston-maine-police/story?id=104316902

0
Doktor Zymm

Eh, it’s Maine, that’s basically Canada. Let them deal with it

1
herodotus450

But I was thoughting and praying so hard last time!

1
Sharkbait

Sharkbait 2.0 is in a phase where standing bounces seem to be the only thing to soothe him. My quads are begging me to reconsider this option since they’re sore from a 35 save effort in ball hockey earlier.

2
Doktor Zymm

driving around in a car doesn’t work?

3
Sharkbait

That actually does, very good point. Anyone need anything while I’m out?

4
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

No, but let me know if you see Internet Dad while you’re there – he’s still not back with those cigarettes.

4
Doktor Zymm

Ach! Great minds etc

1
Dunstan

Running low on gin.

2
Doktor Zymm

Get internet dad some cigarettes, I assume it’s difficult for him to find them

2
BrettFavresColonoscopy

/humblebrag about being a stone wall

1
Sharkbait

Still lost 2-1. 2 goals against in ball hockey is usually an instant win.

0
ArmedandHammered

I’ve found strapping them into a paint shaker very soothing.

1
ArmedandHammered

Oh, you meant to soothe the child, my bad.

2
Doktor Zymm

Are there still scrappy reporters you can leak stuff to and create political scandals? Asking for a friend

4
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

John Solomon isn’t exactly “scrappy”, but he’ll print pretty much anything you want.

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Yes if you really are serious.

1
Doktor Zymm

Clearly not, but good to know for the day that I am!

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Best case scenario, Rodgers rushes back, throws three INTs in one game, gets reinjured, bleeds out on the field.

5
Doktor Zymm

Apparently he’s been spotted tossing the ball around, but don’t think that really requires much in the way of mobility. I can see that boosting his confidence in his own health enough that he overrules medical opinion to come back in, but I suspect he gets reinjured waaay before he throws the requisite 3 passes to have 3 interceptions

0
ArmedandHammered

From what I’ve seen from some QBs this year, mobility does not seem to be a requirement for the position.

0
Doktor Zymm

But like…being able to take a few steps without collapsing in pain?

0
ArmedandHammered

Get a better O line.

0
scotchnaut

Only person at the funeral? You guessed it-Joe Rogan.

0
ballsofsteelandfury

I haven’t been watching Marble League because the fucking Balls of Chaos couldn’t even qualify!!

2
scotchnaut

What if we kissed while watching 2-6 UTEP play 0-7 Sam Houston?

1
TheRevanchist

I might throw up, but I am pretty sure this is directed at the more Tex-ass oriented crowd.

0
Doktor Zymm

Ugh, just when I finished up doing job application stuff and went to go have fun reading some more of my history of rugby book I got an optical migrane. Optical migrane meaning I get the migrane halo, but no actual headache. It lasts about 30 -60 minutes and starts in the middle of my field of vision with a tight spot that expands outward into a larger and larger ring until it disappears. Not painful, but really annoying for reading ( apologize for any typos here cuz can’t really see what I’m typing) so I’m gonna go back to rewatching the UK House of Cards instead

1
Dunstan

You might well say that; I couldn’t possibly comment.

1
Doktor Zymm

*hums Ride of the Valkyries*

0
WCS

When you’re at a club show, and Andy Taylor from Duran Duran strums Stairway with ROBERT FUCKING PLANT.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CJuwEaPspII&ab_channel=BarbarellaPictures

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