I’d like to take this time to share with you some of my acquired non-football related wisdom. Are you ready? Here goes. I have moved many, many times over the years. It’s only been in the last dozen or so that I’ve been able to hire fellas to do it for me. That said, “the cheaper the moving company, the more likely said movers will have significant hygiene issues”. You’re welcome. Now… TO THE GAME!
Dal/NYG– Dallas has reached 11 straight wins due to the good fortune of qb Romo doing what he does most consistently-getting injured. Okay, maybe they lucked out in the draft. Okay, maybe they bothered to spend some money on their offensive line. Okay, maybe they’ve benefited from a weaker sked. Okay, maybe owner Jerry Jones has ceded some footballing decisions to folks that are far more qualified. Okay, for absolutely sure I’m a-feared of these damn Cowboys going forward. Honestly, Elisha has to pull a Super Bowl-winning performance out of his ass if the Giants are going to win. His play this year has been…Elisha-like to date, so I’m thinking Dallas is going to romp.
I hope that they don’t romp BUT I HOPE THAT YOU ROMP COMMENT-WISE! DO IT!
Oh Eli.
I have long thought that transhumanism is childish and stupid, but now I want to upload myself so I can just hang out with you all because all of the other people in my life make me want to kill them.
Say hi to Ted Williams’ brain stem for me.
I want people to freeze my brain, just so people have to look at my stupid frozen brain all the time
A.A. Ron’s house is sending a message about its owner.
Giants giving me a glimmer of hope. Damn them.
Illegal block in the back >> Illegal cock in the back
Sure, from your perspective.
I make that joke too!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eap3zVX4xV8
Tom Cruise keeps telling himself that so he can sleep.
Get to the Chopper!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FPdI0l4fpSk
http://68.media.tumblr.com/91474b5d1c90482009172072b770edb1/tumblr_odpf62j36B1r4dip7o1_1280.jpg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FbF77XyXaZs
They just dont make them like this anymore
http://i.imgur.com/VpiUwCD.gif
How does one “block their tail off?” How does blocking affect one’s tail?
Well it killed Harambe, dammit.
Goddammit.
http://stories.barkpost.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/dog-tail-hitting-another-dog.gif
D’awwww
http://media.gettyimages.com/illustrations/euoplocephalus-hitting-a-tyrannosaurus-with-its-tail-club-illustration-id71394112?s=170667a
http://24.media.tumblr.com/469875051a66b2a5753d5df340dc1b4c/tumblr_mz7xwow0Iz1st90nio1_400.gif
Another game: How Many Of These Kids Voted For Trump?
Say what you will about the opiate epidemic in the US but in some cases it is doing the Lord’s work.
I wish people weren’t trying to solve the opioid problem. The last thing we need is for more people to remain alive.
Thing is, the kid with the Rocky Sucks sign isn’t even wrong.
I’m gonna go with…all of the above.
The 17% who can read at a 6th grade level.
The Wall is basically Plinko.
I call it Super Plinko!
Is Plinko still a thing? I remember sitting through boring ass Price Is Right as a small child just for the hopes of seeing it.
It’s my second-favorite game after Cliff Hangers.
I liked the one with the Nordic guy who went up the mountain.
Then Sonny Bono made that game a reality.
That’s Cliff Hangers.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DDC_PBDsiSI
I’ve reached the point in the evening where one more beer seems like it would be a good idea and then I pour the beer and then I look at the bottle and realize it’s 9.4 ABV and think “well fuck it, I can’t put it back IN the bottle” and you just know that in 20 minutes or so I’m going to think “one more beer won’t hurt” and then I’m going to be late for work tomorrow and I work at home.
http://68.media.tumblr.com/bd7855ff0303d0f8533d9f50d946dec3/tumblr_odpfsnsYqK1r4dip7o1_500.jpg
I know how you feel. I meant to pour like a shot of bourbon into my glass, but my mind wandered and I damn near filled the thing up. Oh well
And you’re certainly not gonna let it evaporate…
I love you
A couple more of these and we’ll make that happen.
http://68.media.tumblr.com/e8357213687e91e670c13f8b28cba3cb/tumblr_nhgpdgbFas1r4dip7o1_500.gif
Lebron James is an EP on a gameshow?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7i2VukH9e50
I wonder if the tickets to Skins@Bears have fallen below $20….
Seems likely.
I’m sure the current ticketholder will pay you more than $20 to take their ticket.
Stubhub still has the lowest at just under $30.
Let’s play “Who Sold It Worse?”
Can we get one motherfucker in the White House that knows how to take a Stunner?
THANK YOU FOR POINTING THIS OUT.
Fucker won’t do anything to make anyone look better than he does.
Bob Knight once said, “If rape is inevitable, just sit back and enjoy it.”
Bob Knight also said, “If all your cum rags are out of commission, then jack it in the park and mutter terroristic threats.”
Bob Knight’s gonna have a circle of hell reserved all for himself.
I really wish one of his players had done psychotic on him and broken a chair over his skull.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JFjPnqC27bY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l849CulLhGQ&list=PLlYKDqBVDxX2fN3gB_hSuRx4BJzgBj0Q6&index=82
Remember when Mariah Carey wasn’t batshit crazy?
Whatever, tits are cool.
I was not expecting this shitshow.
Really?
I have a crush on Doktor Zymm.
Sorry, that video wasn’t supposed to be released but things happen.
http://68.media.tumblr.com/1186bd6d0d5260fdff50bda1b9ccd21b/tumblr_ne7qhl4mNq1r4dip7o1_1280.png
Wait WHAT DID YOU SEE?
I would be concerned about my possible future political career, but Trump.
Dallas Defense right now
Hm. Needs more coke.
Hollywood Henderson would like a wor….. line.
RIP, Ravishing One.
I forget who joked about Vince McMahon heading Veteran’s Affairs, but it was both a dark and fitting joke.
I feel bad for laughing at this, but like the results of this election, it’s far too late to worry about this now.
Yeah…um…can I crash on your couch for the next 4-8 years?
WCS
https://www.doorfliesopen.com/index.php/2016/12/11/your-lets-further-muddy-the-playoff-waters-this-week-shall-we-nfl-football-early-slate-open-thread/comment-page-1/#comment-286921
So good. He deserves credit for that.
So I guess Bailey’s range is 54 yards tonight.
IF THIS ENDZONE WERE A MOTTE AND BAILEY FORTIFICATION THAN BAILEY JUST HIT THE BAILEY
SHA’N’K’HOR IS PLEASED WITH YOUR SACRIFICIAL CROSSBAR
DOINK!
That’s what I was wondering, what happens when it’s off the crossbar or short?
POINK
Damn.
Hail Shankor!
Now that we’re a football dominant society, has the baseball “bases” metaphor for various levels of fooling around in high school been replaced by “getting into field goal range”?
Except extra points no longer mean date rape.
“Two-point conversion” definitely means you did anal, though.
Throw one up to Dez, fuck it.
Nate Newton liked his pot, he also liked his crock pot of apple crisp equally.
I’m rooting for a tie cause fuck everyone
Carradine’s last words?
GODDAMN IT, BUDDY
I approve of this message.
I like where your head’s at
Kent Graham once autographed a napkin for me that said, “If you look in my stall one more time, I will fucking kill you”. I then blew Philippi Sparks because why the Hell not.
Is ‘The Last Man on Earth’ still on? I have never seen a show deteriorate as fast as that one. It went from really good to fucking unwatchable in about 4 weeks.
Yes. The title is such a lie. Now fish are coming back.
Great urgency there Giants.
http://68.media.tumblr.com/ca48038c6f01d2c587e4a70794324e5f/tumblr_nlxektaYbs1r4dip7o1_400.jpg
Is it bad that I thought I would purchase that, for one second at least?
Only for a second? Yes.
At all? Fuck no. Who wouldn’t buy this?
Milking clock << Milking cock
Zymm, you lovely wench.
Well the don’t have A.A.Ron on the field so you can’t have everything
It’s not as giggly in my head when I make that joke.
I am suffering from a distinct lack of reference so I will defer.
Context is irrelevant
For whatever reason, the You Like That? HUH? button is twice as long as normal on this comment which has to be some meta-dick joke for which I my feeble mind can barely process.
Ice Giants beat the Ice Generals 5-0, so at least there’s that.
Did he just audible “Oregon” ?
Romeo, Romeo, Okwara art thou?
http://68.media.tumblr.com/0d9dd9cb79162976f61af9e4281852ef/tumblr_of07yneAH51r4dip7o2_540.jpg
Tom Coughlin was a badass.
I really need to read the novel now
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Man_in_the_High_Castle
It’s worth it if only for the typical Dick ending that has you questioning what’s actually real.
Can someone explain to me why Vin Diesel has what seems like 30 movies coming out at once?
Is there a huge demand for Vin Diesel that I don’t know about?
He makes Dolph Lundgren look like Laurence Olivier…
He makes up for his mediocrity with volume
He was awesome as Riddick
….
I’ll show myself out
Dark Fury was the best one by far.
The foreign markets love dumb shit
My theory is that Vin doesn’t know he’s making different movies. The studios just bring him in, throw a bunch of different costumes on him and have him do some crazy stunts. Then he leaves and they write some dialogue around the stunts, have some other actors read it and then divide it up into as many movies as they can get away with.
If Al Michaels once believed in miracles, this game is going to make him read de Botton and Camus at halftime.
Somebody drive Buddy home before he kills us all.
I for one embrace the cold darkness of a death and a meaningless existence
Somewhere, someone has figured out how to be happy
http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m45auxO9fr1qiwqjeo4_250.gif
Ben McAdoo looks like the guy who fills your tank up in rural NJ and takes 10 minutes to come back because he’s fingering a high schooler behind a dumpster.
Pace yourself. There’s still another half
In Jersey they call that checking your oil level.
Jesus Christ. I can’t stop laughing.
So you’re saying Brock Turner has a future coaching the Giants?
“One thing they have in New York is great snacks”
The fuck are you talking about Cris?
Cock