I’d like to take this time to share with you some of my acquired non-football related wisdom. Are you ready? Here goes. I have moved many, many times over the years. It’s only been in the last dozen or so that I’ve been able to hire fellas to do it for me. That said, “the cheaper the moving company, the more likely said movers will have significant hygiene issues”. You’re welcome. Now… TO THE GAME!
Dal/NYG– Dallas has reached 11 straight wins due to the good fortune of qb Romo doing what he does most consistently-getting injured. Okay, maybe they lucked out in the draft. Okay, maybe they bothered to spend some money on their offensive line. Okay, maybe they’ve benefited from a weaker sked. Okay, maybe owner Jerry Jones has ceded some footballing decisions to folks that are far more qualified. Okay, for absolutely sure I’m a-feared of these damn Cowboys going forward. Honestly, Elisha has to pull a Super Bowl-winning performance out of his ass if the Giants are going to win. His play this year has been…Elisha-like to date, so I’m thinking Dallas is going to romp.
I hope that they don’t romp BUT I HOPE THAT YOU ROMP COMMENT-WISE! DO IT!
Christmas is a difficult time for me. I love egg nog and booze mixed together. I realize a lot of people hate egg nog…but for whatever reason, I think its fucking awesome.
But I am lactose intolerant. I can ignore cheeses, ice cream, milk, etc…but for the life of me, I cannot help myself when I see nog and i have to get shitfaced at least once on nog and booze…
and then I am stuck on a toilet, miserable, for hours….because I am a fucking idiot.
Might I recommend a plan and Depends next time?
I have heard/seen so many versions of the RUSSIA-CIA story that I have decided to ignore, and learn how to make my own ammunition using the microwave.
If it allows several members of the incoming administration to get tried, convicted, and executed for treason, I’m all for it.
SPOILER ALERT
It will not
There Will Be Punts
measure that shit
The winner of the voice is . . . all of us motherfuckers who hate seeing the goddamn teasers for this bowl of dripping shit.
Spoiler alert: The poop is runny!
needs more fiber
Good Christmas medley
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MrPnwLjZbHs
Good Christmas songs
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1wS-k66MKgs
Oh boy, wifey got me a Yeti mug and GUESS HOW FUCKING MUCH COLD BOURBON IT HOLDS!
A
FUCK
TON
I have a Cthulu mug kinda like that!
I’ve been on a Norm MacDonald Live binge.
“One of the more popular documentaries on Netflix is ‘Jiro Dreams of Sushi’; one of the least popular: ‘Jiro Nightmares of Anal Rape’.”
Norm is a goddamn global treasure
Sack on Eli..Yum
Just in case you were curious, Amazon’s adaptation of The Man in the High Castle begins streaming next week at just the perfect time for everyone to make Trump comparisons.
Is this different from the shitty series that I gave up on in season 1, episode 2?
No idea, but the book is arguably bleaker. At least it implies we don’t live in the real world, though.
As I understand it, the book was an examination of the experience of living under occupation but making it easier to empathize with the war’s losers by being them vs. the series which is just … stupid
I guess. It’s a Phillip K. Dick book so that’s too mundane of an explanation for what it’s about.
YOU’RE the high castle!!
ANything worthwhile happen in the late games? The bar wasn’t getting TV signal, so I just chatted to my actuary friend and drank super expensive limited edition Bourbon County Goose Island Stout
I don’t know which I am more mad about reading that: the friend or the stout.
She’s basically me if I had gone the actuarial route. We gets along. Even though she’s an Eagles fan.
There’s two of you? Fuuuuuuck
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R1Nd6LU4ImQ
Was it about $10 for a little glass? I’ve already gone through two bottles which were about $13-$14.
I also am in possession of both the coffee and special proprietor’s edition.
$12 for a tulip
Sounds about right. At 14%, it’ll fuck up your shit quickly.
I watched just one game and might have gotten really drunk. My review of the afternoon games is the Packer game was boring as fuck. You missed nothing.
The moral of this commercial : JJ Watt is as much of a dick as we all thought he was
RUN THE FUCKING BALL
Vodka tastes GREAT! +1 FUCK UPROXX for taking away my Games of Thrones good times!
Uproxx still has good times?
Huh
Havent gone back since our split.
I used to consume vodka like a Russian oil worker but let’s not kid ourselves with this “tastes great” shit.
“taste great” = little to, no hangover
Oh, then I agree.
I can’t see shit
We got ourselves another Fog Bowl, folks!!
Needs more smoke
Or just more poisonous stuff
I cannot believe this NFL season is one long dripping diarrhea of “which team do I hate less?” Go Titans, I think?
Are you kidding. This is the apotheosis of Roger Goodell is a National Disgrace’s entire tenure as commissioner.
Just stubbed my big toe on the table leg…….Spur is angry!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NpMoNRUQakQ&feature=youtu.be&t=25s
Dak and Zeke, warm up music
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2pCv7k_Hzvg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mmZ1YI5vmD8
Not as good as this one.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QRmnbo18IR0
YOU’RE NOT AS GOOD AS THIS ONE!!!!!!
Are Al and Cris sitting in front of a nuclear holocaust?
I wish
New Jersey? Yes.
Let’s do this
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCPutYaGFlE
To think that the Fast and Furious movies used to be about car racing.
Now they’re Epic-level PCs. That’s what you get when the main star is a fucking D&D nerd
I thought of them more as gay porn for really closested guys that would never be gay because cars.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DRoaStCg7m4
i believe it was described as a slopping wet labia
ive been drinking…..sorry.
http://static.fjcdn.com/pictures/5+o+clock+free+crack+giveaway_0c4032_3434551.jpg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0C3zgYW_FAM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IICPLHDOz70
Always relevant when it comes to those movies.
Fast and are you serious?
Why do Fast and the Furious movies keep getting made?
Someone PLEASE fill me in on this shit?
They do will overseas. Car culture and racially ambiguous stars are $
Live footage inside the homes of half of DFO:
http://116.imagebam.com/download/Pt9jSmD_oJWt-8Sn0Q9BXw/51315/513143723/1015180.gif
Just opened a bottle of wine out of rotation as I hate both of these teams equally and my fantasy day was bullshit.
Too Fast, Too Furious, an Ezekiel Elliot Story
http://thumbnails115.imagebam.com/51650/bcb7fe516490321.jpg
Careful Zeke, Eli doesn’t like when he doesnt get Sugar Smacks in the morning
http://i.giphy.com/l3vRfNKgv3LkGIoM0.gif
http://thumbnails115.imagebam.com/50873/1d0288508721635.jpg
http://thumbnails116.imagebam.com/50498/19d7d7504970895.jpg
I still don’t understand why these aren’t part of the Cowboys game template since I post them EVERY FUCKING WEEK
Seeing Russell Wilson fail spectacularly was pretty nice even if it meant the Packers winning.
Seahawks got their shit pushed in. Rodgers hurt his ankle from thrusting so hard.
http://thumbnails116.imagebam.com/51358/797583513573147.jpg
Hi Cowboy haters!
Quit making idiots in my state love them and I won’t be a hater… oh they are playing the Giants tonight. Hi and Go Cowboys!
FUCK YOU
Sorry, I thought you meant something else.
Carry on.
Reporting for duty sir.
I’m out for a bit. Will probably check in later.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0BYGM7UR–I
Super drunk. Going full nerd with this one
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8vCKFeO3nNs
Well, the slow motion plane crash that is the Philadelphia Eagles continues unabated.
However, tomorrow is my first ever paid snow day and NINE IN A ROW BITCHES.
There are no good guys.
Holy shit this sounds 10x better on my new speakers and I already loved this song
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-OVHnWyDmdw
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view3/1226375/jim-lahey-i-am-the-liquor-o.gif
I AM THE LIQUOR
Rex Ryan doesnt know he’s been fired? Oh please tell me this is Charlie Strong part deux
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mcXYz0gtJeM
Unrelated, but Crimetown is a fantastic podcast.
https://gimletmedia.com/crimetown/
Oh, God. Why did I eat that?
heh “tunt”
I’m disappointed that they couldn’t make a better font face where a capital T looks like a C.
FIRST!!!!!!
What is this, AV Club?
/I knew first before it was a thing
//like negative first
Allow me to introduce you to Usenet.