Your “First Tannehill, Now Brady?” Monday Night Football Open Thread

God damn, there was some quality commenting done on this here blog this past weekend! It was so good that I decided to take today off. Or maybe the quality of the commenting had nothing to do with it. Either way, I was able to catch up on the history of the central bankers of the U.S. , Britain, France and Germany and how their gorsh-darn shenanigans helped to plunge the world into The Great Depression. I read this stuff so that if I were to talk to someone in a social setting during the up-coming holiday festivities I’ll be able to bore the shit out of them and they’ll think twice about engaging me in conversation for years to come. TO THE GAME!

Bal/NE– Master Brady has a fine won/loss record vs. the Ravens but his stat line is wanting. His 10/10 TD/Int is Elisha-esque at best. As always, in order for the Ravens to pull this off they must put together a monster defensive game. They may be able to do that-by most metrics and some Imperial Standards they have the mightiest D in the land. There’s some squawk out there that says rb Dixon is ready to bust out and that would suit all Ravens backers just fine. To no one’s surprise, wr Amendola has got a case of the ouchies and won’t be playing.

Can we possibly top yesterday? I SAY YES! DO IT!

 

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Unsurprised

I’m relishing the reality that I don’t have to give a fuck about politics.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Fuck you if you don’t like it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yfdAGkjHGac

WCS

Porky Prime

Pack the Futriots!

Did I do it right?

WCS

Close enough.

blaxabbath

Just checking in to let you know I’m in the Maui airport security line and some old dick has on a crisp new Seahawks hat.

It goes perfectly with his crisp new Tommy Bahama Aloha Edition shirt.

Porky Prime

You know that old dick has the Margaritaville mixer.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

And a viagra single pack

Porky Prime

And uses an AOL account.

Unsurprised

He is why the fourth type of homicide in The Devil’s Dictionary is “Praiseworthy”

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Actually, play this first. Then Chemical Calisthenics.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvPnM2Q1nwU

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

So my roommate hasn’t seen Die Hard, AND THIS. CANNOT. STAND!

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Porky Prime

There’s a guy at my work who is sort of a ten years younger version of myself, and he says he loves Tarantino, but he hasn’t seen True Romance. I almost fainted.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Does he, NOT like pie after a good movie?!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Matt Hasselbeck, Bob Costas, Trent Dilfer, and Randy Moss in goofy hats on the sidelines are worse than a Patriots-Cowboys Superb Owl.

Brocky

Francium
Uranium
Cobalt
Krypton

Titanium
Helium
Erbium

Platinum
Argon
Tungsten
Radium
Iron
Oxygen
Tin
Sulfur

Unsurprised
BrettFavresColonoscopy

FrUCoKr

TiHeEr

PtArWRaFeOSnS

I don’t get it.

Porky Prime

Lighten up, Francium.

(If you’re a physicist, that may be hilarious. I wouldn’t know.)

Senor Weaselo

FrUCoKr TiHeEr PlArTRaFeOSnS? What the hell does that mean?

Unsurprised
Sharkbait

I never want to hear “Protein, enzymes, and Gruden Grinder” in the same sentence ever again.

Petronel

That-song-can-go-fuck-itself

LemonJello

Welp. As Gregggggggggg masturbates into his notebook, I’m going to call it a night. Later, Taters!

Unsurprised

I have a replacement for him
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theeWeeBabySeamus

Fuck Football.
That is all.

Curse of Marino

Tom Brady is gonna need a cigarette after that blowjob by Jon Gruden.

Petronel

‘Pliable and omniscient.’
Where does he get this stuff…

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oksy, I am happy that someone with a “fire Goodell” sweater managed to make it onto the broadcast.

Petronel

Things that Gronk cannot do:
1) Sing
2) Stay healthy

Curse of Marino

Gronk singing is exactly what I imagine the Hulk singing sounds like…

LemonJello

3) Get rid of any of his STDs

Brocky

can std’s be connected to frequent body inuries?

asking for a ….friend..

the friend is my penis

Unsurprised
Curse of Marino

When the fuck did John Harbuagh turn into Andy Reid?

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[watches Ravens methodically move down the field]

[sees time ticking away]

[nods approvingly]

– Andy Reid

LemonJello

\Plans to methodically move down the buffet line
\Nods to himself while wiping drool off chin

-Andy Reid

Unsurprised

Don’t load up on useless carbs and produce. Go straight for the meats — shellfish, then beef, ham …

FUCK YOU POULTRY IS NOT MEAT

Sharkbait

Assassins Creed is going to suck right?

Curse of Marino

Prolly. Hopefully they let Omar say fuck at least once.

Curse of Marino

How many fucks just got through live tv because of Steve Smith?

Curse of Marino

Were the Ravens expecting the ghost of Ed Reed to save them?

Unsurprised

NEVER MORE

Sharkbait

He’s too busy making cardboard signs and hanging out by I-95

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[looks up from can of beans]

– Ed Reed

LemonJello

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theeWeeBabySeamus
theeWeeBabySeamus

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Curse of Marino

GRITDOWN

Unsurprised

DOWN!

So that’s what I was doing wrong. This table’s gonna be a beaut now that I know this

Petronel

WOOOOOO

Sharkbait

I want another beer but getting up at 5am is making me reconsider.

Unsurprised

No, you shouldn’t get up at 5AM

LemonJello

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Curse of Marino

Wow, Mr Clean got really excited about that sack

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Fun fact: Mr. Clean was Ryan Leaf’s nickname for eighteen of the most boring days of his life.

Curse of Marino

That got a belly laugh out of me. Well done sir.

Unsurprised
Petronel

LEETSACQUE

Brocky

Evening all random story time:

okay, i know the this idea has really been overplayed, but god damn if its not hilarious. There’s a little armchair in my room close to my bed, and the shih tzu uses it as a jump pad to get on the bed (cuz he’s so little)
anyways, I walk into my room, put my stuff down, slightly nudge the chair as I walk by… a few hours later, decide to sit on my bed so I can prop my feet up…. and suddenly the shih tzu starts barking.

Poor little guy is so utterly distressed at the chair being slightly moved that he doesn’t know what to do. i know its mean to laugh but god damn.

reminds me of this bright customer:

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Unsurprised

“These walls are funny. First you hate ’em, then you get used to ’em. Enough time passes, you get so you depend on them. That’s institutionalized.”

Curse of Marino

Dogs can be adorably dumb

Brocky

Also, the joke is that the chair being slightly out of place has wrecked all confidence in his ability to jump up to it. there is virtually no difference, he just doesn’t think he can do it.

Curse of Marino

Oh wow, that ball was 6 yards away from the line of scrimmage. Really letting Flacco loose here!!!!

Unsurprised

WILD MAN! A GODDAMN WILD MAN!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bnmo8X2kwpk

Sharkbait

Edelman going full on Welker tonight

LemonJello

He forgets who he is and where he’s playing and if he gets too close to a microwave oven, he’ll piss his pants?

Unsurprised

But he can rock a polyester leisure suit like nobody’s business

Curse of Marino

Terell Suggs’ gums look like foreskin for teeth

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Curse of Marino

3rd and 14? Time for a screen

Unsurprised

Did Buddy run out of amyl poppers?

LemonJello

Between what I read from last night and tonight, he may just be spent.

Unsurprised

The candle that burns twice as bright burns half as long, and Buddy has burned so very very bright.

Unsurprised

I could’ve made a better flaming joke out of that if I saw it before the moment I clicked “post”

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Col. Duke LaCross

So, I just found out the guy I’m playing in my money league playoffs this week fucking offed himself this morning. Left a couple little kids. Pretty fucked up.

Mr. Ayo

Wow, how far behind was he?

Col. Duke LaCross

Pretty far behind, but this just feels empty.

ballsofsteelandfury

This is why i love this site.

Unsurprised

I prefer the dick jokes

Col. Duke LaCross

You and me both pal.

Sharkbait

Safety 2: Electric Boogaloo?

Shogun Marcus

Safety 2: Their First Assignment

WCS

2 Safety 2 Furious

Shogun Marcus

The Land Before Safety 2: The Great Valley Adventure

Petronel

Rat Birds Missed Safety 2: Runs Past the Patriots

WCS

Safety 2: Safety Harder

Unsurprised

I love you all.

Claymaker

IMPORTANT GOSSIP GIRL UPDATE:

The father of a couple main characters was in a band in the 90’s called LINCOLN HAWK

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Unsurprised
Petronel

Crowd cheers the Pats’ most strategic special teams play of the half.

Unsurprised

A Kneel down?

Unsurprised

Sweet Jesus. This is the gift that keeps giving.

Rams special teams coordinator John Fassel admits that's he's surprised that the front office came to him to be the interim coach.— Lindsey Thiry (@LindseyThiry) December 13, 2016

LemonJello

“Fuck. I don’t want to be in charge of this shit show.”

-John Fassel

Unsurprised

“Fuck. I don’t want to be charged for this shit show.”
— City of Inglewood

Shogun Marcus

You can’t fire me because I quit. Throw me in the fire and I won’t throw a fit.

Sharkbait

This jewelry ad is for stalkers right?

Unsurprised

They all are