Your “First Tannehill, Now Brady?” Monday Night Football Open Thread

God damn, there was some quality commenting done on this here blog this past weekend! It was so good that I decided to take today off. Or maybe the quality of the commenting had nothing to do with it. Either way, I was able to catch up on the history of the central bankers of the U.S. , Britain, France and Germany and how their gorsh-darn shenanigans helped to plunge the world into The Great Depression. I read this stuff so that if I were to talk to someone in a social setting during the up-coming holiday festivities I’ll be able to bore the shit out of them and they’ll think twice about engaging me in conversation for years to come. TO THE GAME!

Bal/NE– Master Brady has a fine won/loss record vs. the Ravens but his stat line is wanting. His 10/10 TD/Int is Elisha-esque at best. As always, in order for the Ravens to pull this off they must put together a monster defensive game. They may be able to do that-by most metrics and some Imperial Standards they have the mightiest D in the land. There’s some squawk out there that says rb Dixon is ready to bust out and that would suit all Ravens backers just fine. To no one’s surprise, wr Amendola has got a case of the ouchies and won’t be playing.

Can we possibly top yesterday? I SAY YES! DO IT!

 

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LemonJello

Flacco can almost taste that non-fat wintergreen ice milk now.

Curse of Marino

HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHHHAHAHA

Curse of Marino

I love how all game it was “Well this isn’t the Ravens we are used to seeing.”

And now this has happened it’s, “Well the Ravens are a team that believes they can come into Foxborough and win.”

Just pick one and shut up.

Unsurprised

Consistency? Competence? An NFL announcer craves not these things.

Curse of Marino

“We’ve replaced the Patriots Special Teamers with the Arizona Cardinals Special Teamers. Lets see if anyone notices.”

Mr. Ayo

Pats going to Jets?

Sharkbait

Oh jesus fuck.

Petronel

OH FOR THE LOVE OF GAWD

WCS

MAWHKEE MAWHK IS GONNA FACK UP THOSE FACKIN TERRORIST FACKHAHS NO ONE DENIES THIS

Sharkbait

Having been in Boston for the Marathon bombing and the week that followed, I have absolutely no desire to see that movie.

Shogun Marcus

I did neither of those things, and I will never see it.

Curse of Marino

Tom Brady looks like someone killed his puppy

Unsurprised

Could I?

Petronel

Putting the “special” back in special teams again.

Sharkbait

So Jones already has a pink slip in his locker.

Curse of Marino

I know I’m late to the party on this but I have to get it out of my system:

Whoa, Dwight Eisenhower is still alive??
No, wait, that’s just Chris Berman on a pill binge

Alternately:

Chris Berman looks like a 1940’s Prohibiton Officer
Chris Berman looks like fat Inspector Gadget
Chris Berman looks like fat Indiana Jones.
Chris Berman looks like fat Rex Banner.
Chris Berman looks like fat Vince Lombardi/

Unsurprised

Go Go Gadget Jowels

Unsurprised

Family entertainment: White lady gets punched in the face for using the n-word

http://www.worldstarhiphop.com/videos/video.php?v=wshhC28905oO6XmGUNgy

Unsurprised

They’re all inbred together, aren’t they?

Curse of Marino

Normally when someone break your fucking eye socket, its time to shut the fuck up.

Curse of Marino

Hey isnt that the same situation that happened to the Dolphins yesterday but the refs decided to say “meh, fuck it”?

Petronel

Love that stupid shit when it actually works.

Unsurprised

If it’s stupid but it works, it’s not stupid.

Unless the Browns do it. Then it’s always stupid.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Folks, don’t think you can email nude pictures of a pastor’s wife from his own cell phone and get away with it:

http://www.autonews.com/article/20161212/RETAIL07/312129943/stolen-photo-triggers-lawsuit-against-dealer

Unsurprised

Challenge accepted

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Why am I still watching this game?

LemonJello

To avoid interacting with family?

Sharkbait

Because drinking with internet friends?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

You lazy fucks won’t do my laundry for me, though.

Unsurprised

Masochism?

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

Oh shit, did I fix it?

LemonJello

It appears so…the extra-darkest timeline has been delayed, it seems.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

“I still believe microfiche is the best medium for viewing pornogrphy.”

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Sharkbait

Berman sucks so hard the site tried to kill itself.

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

Nope that was me. Still trying to fix this comment issue.

Sharkbait

Can I still blame Berman?

LemonJello

Yes,

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

Please. Be my guest.

Unsurprised

Halftime entertainment: Emily Ratajkowski http://www.imagebam.com/gallery/9a61pqcn7luhrjr2jsk6vqvbez882o1b

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Yikes, Michelle Beadle looks like Kellyanne Conway’s Lifetime portrayal there.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Here’s your halftime entertainment:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JGROTGFhemA

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

“I see these new computers now have programs called apps. I need to know are they starters for the main program entree? Sam from Yonkers, you’re on the air.”

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Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

Chris Berman looks like he ate Indiana Jones right now.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

“When you think about it, shouldn’t Maine have a burgeoning reggae scene? Bill from Terre Haute, you’re on the air.”

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

A) I am crop dusting the hell out of this bar.
2) What happened to the Revolution IPA? Is it balanced? I NEED TO KNOW
&) I’m not drunk enough for this game.

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

Oh thank God, it’s time for Berman and Hasselbeck.

Said nobody.

LemonJello

“I want nothing to do with those two assholes.”

-The Grim Reaper

Unsurprised

“Two assholes? Challenge accepted!” — Buddy Cole

Horatio Cornblower

That referee’s dead and sodomized body was found three months later in a swamp.

Sharkbait

Evening folks.

I spent the entire first half relocating all of my pots, pans, and dishes from my kitchen because the construction company my landlord hired to re-do the back porch declined to put up some sort of plastic barrier between their work zone and my house, and EVERYTHING is covered in drywall and other construction dust. Now the cleaning company has to come in and clean my entire kitchen and the vast majority of other rooms in my house.

At least the game is going well.

Wheres my beer?

Horatio Cornblower

There’s a tasty and balanced IPA back on the first page that you’ll soon be learning far more about than you’d care to.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Nothing would be more That’s So Raven than allowing a New England TD here.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

SHOULDA RUN THE FAKE KNEEL STATUE OF LIBERTY

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

How many Jeff Fishers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Seven or nine depending on the day.

Horatio Cornblower

Dartmouth and its robot targets lost to Columbia 9-7 this year.

Mr. Ayo

Woot! Go Lions!

Unsurprised

You usually only hear that in Vancouver

Mr. Ayo

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Unsurprised

Whoa! Whoa! Calm down there, Jim.

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

THE FUTURE

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Dean Pees was the movie of choice at the Second Mile Charity.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I love when teams want to try a hard count on fourth and short but don’t line up until there are like 5 seconds on the play clock. It’s the “my girlfriend is from Canada, you wouldn’t know her” move of the NFL.

litre_cola

You sure you aren’t talking about MY girlfriend from Nebraska?

Col. Duke LaCross

Has the “try to draw them offsides on 4th down play” ever worked against anybody except the Bears?

Unsurprised

The Browns

LemonJello

The Jaguras.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Jerry Sandusky had a charity called The Second Mile, because if you escaped and made it that far you know you were good.

litre_cola

What is happening?

Senor Weaselo

Update: We’ve secured a sixer of Brooklyn Insulated Dark. I told my cellist friend (not her, actually her ex) to save me one. It is still cold.

Horatio Cornblower

I look forward to reading this again and again.

Senor Weaselo

Glad I can assist!

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

The Ravens radio announcer is Gerry Sandusky.

I don’t know which Sandusky is having a worse night tonight.

Unsurprised

The one not eating food that’s been pissed and shat i—

Well, fuck. That could be either.

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

Hodor wants to help us invest our money, guys.

Unsurprised

Golden door stops?

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

Also, still trying to figure this redirect to page one bullshit. Fucking WP update.

...

/sips delicious balanced IPA

litre_cola

Hi there, just checking in to the Anger factory, how angry are we all? Has Mike Wallace gotten me 13 pts yet?

Unsurprised

No one is dead yet, so I’d call it a slow simmer.

Petronel

NOW there’s somebody near Brady…Oh FFS

The Maestro

FUCK

Kungjitsu

When did “Tom Brady’s in incredible shape” become a thing? He’s in the worst shape of anyone on the field who isn’t an official.

herodotus450

Hogan!!!!!!!
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King Hippo

Joe Flacco thought it was more important that we all get a good night’s sleep than have a competive footballing. PRIORITIES

LemonJello

While that is thoughtful, he’s sure to miss his post-victory bowl (small) of non-fat wintergreen ice milk.

LemonJello
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