Could 2016 possibly get any worse? Jeff Fisher was let go? HE HAD A WINNING TEAM AS RECENTLY AS MANY YEARS AGO, FOR CHRIST SAKE! Is this what you do with someone who is obviously lousy at their job? Just let them go? Unbelievable. Sad, even. [shakes head] I hope that he manages to catch on as a talking head with one of the networks out there. Perhaps he and Matt Millen could do a light-hearted podcast dealing with the myriad ways in which one could steer an entire franchise into a farmer’s market week after week. I imagine that the initial reception to the podcast would be fantastic. (“They have so much experience! This’ll be great!”) It would be followed by general doubt about the quality of the job they’re doing by their audience. (“I don’t think these guys are very good at their jobs.”) Their employers would dig in and maintain that, yes, they are good at their jobs. (“Look, it’s early-just give them a chance. The show will get better.”) The podcast will bring in special guests like Mike Williams and Roy Williams but they won’t be the least bit interesting. (“Those guys bring nothing to the show”) Having invested so much money yet so little attention to the show, the employers will finally pull the plug because the media clamor demands that they do so. It’s a done deal, folks. Where was I? Oh yeah… TO THE GAME!
LA/Sea– I feel sorry for Aaron Donald. (Donald Aaron?) He reminds me quite a bit of Megatron or Joe Staley or Marcel Dionne (hockey!) or Ernie Banks or any number of other Hall of Famer’s doing great work on crappy teams. The narrative will tell you that the Rams have a chance under interim coach Fassel but one week does not a new team make. Seattle romps? Seattle romps.
As always, check out Freeballin’ Football’s podcast below. Will Nick’s ugly Christmas sweater featuring Christ on the cross cause a stir? Was Bill able to get admission to The Big Bang Theory convention or will he continue to be banned for his lewd display three years ago? Tim’s new look-too much cleavage or not enough? Will Josh finally come to terms with the fact that “Riders On The Storm” is a silly song because Morrison rhymed , “killer on the road/brain is squirming like a toad”? For the answers to these questions and some quality lip-flapping about things NFL-related, make sure you give ‘er a listen.
Apropos of something down thread-
MY WIFE HAS VERY LARGE BREASTS BUT YOU DON’T KNOW HER!
Keep telling yourself that.
Mine is 5 months pregnant, they are very large right now.
Okay fozz, just because they aren’t Double JJ doesn’t mean they aren’t big.
/fucking cynics, man
I know that seems gross but they didn’t have plastic Target bags back then ,, ppl forget that
And that is the true story of Christmas, Jimmy.
It’s like there is some conspiracy against Seattle and the spotting of the ball.
So could we all just agree that Dylann Roof should slowly be skinned alive and sprayed with rubbing alcohol?
Sure. Although I’m cool with that happening to a LOT of people, so my agreement may not count for much.
Lemon flavored salted rubbing alcohol?
It bugs the shit out of me that the survivors and the family of the victims are being ignored.
They have asked the state numerous times not to seek the death penalty.
Except other survivors/family members DO want the death penalty. They interviewed two of them on ABC news tonight.
Can’t he just be put in Gen Pop and be done with?
Full pardon coming in just over a month.
Lovie challenges how soon you can use these challenges.
“There’s only 10 inches of eggnog in that pool.”
Let’s just call it over and done for America. We dont need Trump.
Theme for the second quarter.
https://youtu.be/nhe1SuBGkiA
The shit i took this evening could have been put in the Smithsonian
http://www.lowbrowsing.com/uploads/1/5/6/9/15698402/2508732_orig.jpg
Is there a score yet? I’m watching an Xmas movie starring Lacey Chabert because wife.
Tits?
I’m sure his wife has tits, Unsurprised. It’s just a little rude to ask about them.
Not necessarily. 2016 is a weird, weird, bad weird year
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CRnHgtyW1s
Is that the one with Jane Seymour as the queen? I’ve seen it, too. Friggin’ in-laws, man.
Does everyone get those creepy Mike’s Carwash murder elf commercials, or is that just a midwest specific thing?
Not up here, we get Seattle tv.
Those unis look like some UFL shit
THIS GAME, I CALL IT FLASHBACKS TO CRAMMING FOR EXAMS, BECAUSE ALL I SEE ARE HIGHLIGHTERS RUNNING AROUND IN FRONT OF MY EYES
Well done sir.
+1 Caffeine Fueled All Night Study Session.
Oh, Jesus Christ was crucified in Emerald City? I’ll let those liars in Jerusalem know.
Tell them Jimmy Graham plays basketball, a lot of people forget that.
Golgotha is just down the street from that house that dropped on the witch.
I’ve spent quite a bit of time in Jerusalem. I like the city. But there ain’t no fucking way Jesus was crucified where they say he was. Never mind that he likely wasn’t crucified at all.
But it was still those filthy jews that did it right?
You can just tell by the look on Wilson’s face that he hates playing the Rams.
Just took the first of many dairy caused violent shits.
Its a good feeling to know this is possible right now without having to use a bucket.
This might be the bourbon talking…I’m a good son.
After rerwiring their house, yeah you are. Fuck, you could play a game for the next 2 weeks and see how much of their hoarded stuff you can clear out.
Straight up…Pork Chop was worth the pay just for the amount of shit he sweet talked my parents into putting out into the front.
He had his boys waiting at the end of the street. As soon as we would walk back in, they would move like half of it. So then Chop could take my parents outside and be like “Well…we really only move a little bit. Maybe we should add a little more. I do need to get to that crawl space Mr. D”
UN-FUCKING-REAL. I have spent years trying to get my dad to throw out a single fucking thing…and Chop got like half the shit gone. The house is like manageable.
The smoothest fucking operator.
Yikes, those unis hurt my eyes. i might need to watch this on SD.
Gentlemen!
LTNS. Oh hey, the Rams are playing Seat–
Oh dear Jebus.
If you want to bust on the commercials, be advised:
Between NBC and the NFL Network, they play different commercials (a few big ones are common, but not all).
This reminds me of the Summer Olympics this year, where DFOers in the east would be commenting on events that DFOers in the west would comment on 3 hours later, due to the tape delay.
This is the last rational komment I shall make tonight. I promise.
Phew! You had me worried.
Don’t get yourself suspended!
Even a blind gay man would think these uniforms are loud.
Folks!
I made it, am on vacation for two weeks. I gonna drink. Just not too much tonight, I need to drive to Vegas in the morning.
Aaron Rodgers think these uniforms are just fabulous, he has been pushing for sequins for years.
I’m out. I can’t do this….
Not commenting…I mean trying to burn my fucking retinas with these goddamn uniforms. I think for the first time ever, I am just going to follow nfl.com instead of watching the game.
Its too fucking painful.
JSD: My mother was a hoarder. My brother and I were enablers. We victimized my grandmother when we made it her problem after moving in to her house because we were kicked out of our last apartment.
What I’m saying is that you need to kill your family, burn down the house, and move far far away like I did.
You killed your family?
http://www.hotflick.net/flicks/2000_Me__Myself___Irene/000MMI_Michael_Bowman_007.jpg
Let’s go with “yes”
I’m kidding. I just don’t have any family.
I didn’t honestly think you killed your family.
When you’ve had a vasectomy…the wife being a few days late becomes a much more complex drama.
http://thumbnails115.imagebam.com/51650/bcb7fe516490321.jpg
Maybe she’s carrying Jebus.
Cromartie did it!
She’ll be home from her business trip soon, and hopefully by then you’ll have cleaned the dead hookers out of the house.
Entertainment to me-wise in the internet world, I like where this is going…
The conclusion was anti-climactic. I held my tongue despite drunk….and she ended up starting about 10 days late.
You are way smarter than me…
That was very RAMish.
We’ve spent a lot of time mentioning the horrific lime green uniforms, but not that odd green paint on already-green grass… is it for camouflauge reasons?
I didn’t … Goddamn Roger Goodell Is A National Disgrace, 25% of men are red-green colorblind, motherfucker.
“I feel that the change in the “Flag” color graphic could have been another… any other… color.”
–Chip Kelly.
PI due to bright uniform…
Employee of mine who I bet a fiver on 2 games a weekend during the season to break up the monotony of our dreary work lives asked today if I would take the points and LA, I looked up from my desk and yelled “RAM IT”. For 3 hours before he went out on his route he was confused and would ask me if that was a yes, and I would yell “RAM IT” every single time. Not sure if he thinks I took them or not.
…So did you?
I really don’t know. I intended to but the confusion on his face was worth prolonging.
Jesus Fuck Dude
I gotta admit…the Rams helmets are kind of badass tonight.
They really need to go to either the 60’s or 80’s looks full-time. Put the St. Louis era completely in the rear view.
Song for tonight’s game
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xJh47LybCkU
My sister is on the way on Sunday or some shit. I am sitting just in the corner of my parents row home, with head phones on, dicking around on my phone like I am a goddamn moody teenager…(I’m in my fucking 30’s for Christ’s sake!)
My father is at church (I swear to god the dude goes to a Church to pray like 3 times a day since he has retired…and I know he isn’t drinking because I got bored and followed him the other day…and that is all he fucking does!)
My mother, who is hard of hearing, is screaming into her cell phone because she doesn’t know how the speaker phone function works. She is talking to my sister about the eventful day today. I get curious and pull out an ear bud.
Apparently she thinks that Pork Chop just gave them a water heater, toilet, and new plumbing for free, and completely out of the blue. She then proceeds to tell my sister how I was just making holes in the walls all day long and never patched them. (I can’t get the drywall until fucking tomorrow I have told my parents this multiple times!)
Before I did this, almost none of the wall sockets or lights worked. The breaker box was from the 1950’s. Any homeowners here want to chime in on what they think it costs to completely rewire a home in a single day?
My sister replies “Well you know JSD…he is always making messes. When he put in my drive way, he tracked in mud all over my porch. He better not leave until he fixes those holes”
For reference, when my sister bought a house in Tenn, I drove out there and replaced the existing driveway.
So I walked to the corner, got a bottle of premixed egg nog and bourbon, and I am going to shit faced. I am then going to fucking PUNISH the new toilet with my lactose intolerant ass!
Dude. WHAT THE EVER LOVING FUCK.
My therapist and my shrink both say I need to let go of the guilt I have for the hell I put my family though during my heroin years. I mean it was bad. From the age of 14 to 18, I stole anything that moved. I aged my parents by a LOT.
I then went into the military without telling them because I knew they would not like that. I literally disappeared and they had no idea what happened until they got a letter from me that said I was in basic training and I would be back in 6 years.
But year…me and the entire family needs serious therapy with a team of specialists.
Dude if I could ship you some weed brownies and get them there quickly I would. Jesus.
Homeowner pit: If the home is the right age (aluminium wiring) you can just wait for it to burn down, thus saving a ton of money on tearing the old wiring out.
I finally decided to turn on the stream for this game. JESUS FUCK. You guys may have been understating just how awful those fucking uniforms are… thank god it’s an SD stream. My eyes would melt out of my head in an HD stream.
It was just a little less than 48 hours where I transitioned from “Holy shit, I don’t feel too good” to praying for death over this fucking nightmare, to finally being able to eat and retain something.
I even managed to clean my bathroom which looked like a multiple victim shotgun crime scene.
I may be ready for drinks soon!
This commercial is cancer.
http://images3.static-bluray.com/reviews/9148_3.jpg
I feel that movie is incredibly underrated.
I didn’t even know they made a Flintstones sequel
Viva Rock Vegas, man. I don’t know if I can even talk to you any more.
Well you know what they say: it’s easy to lose Entropy, but it takes a lot of work to gather it all back together again.
I feel like you’re making a fat joke in there somewhere.
One of my favorites.
So I called my mom to let her know the game was on. She turned it on while we were on the phone and she couldn’t stop laughing. She called them the Seattle Pixies.
“Hung over as fuck, helping out with year-end inventory, counting frozen food products in a 5,000 square foot freezer.”
-Me, tomorrow
How could he miss that? It’s as if he was blinded by something…
Mrs. Cola. “The fuck are those jerseys, are you fucking kidding me?”
Is the message for that ad, “give your dog Pedigree, or you hate the troops, and support animal cruelty”?
I don’t have a dog
Didn’t see the ad, but that just reminded me of the Walmart “Greenlight a Vet” campaign from a few years ago. My brother-in-law, who is/was an active duty higher ranking Army officer, received an internal memo that basically said “don’t participate, because it could make you a target for terrorism”.
Yes, because there’s a scourge of Jihadist terrorism sweeping CONUS
So… what’s with that theme song?
I think that was the acapella group that all the Oprah moms are raving about.
I read last nights thread, that was some good hustle. Is JsD in jail yet? If he lives in any ones town save him. Like now.
I don’t feel like death anymore so let’s fucking do this, shall we?
Tonight’s the only night that you can wear sunglasses and not be a twat.
How the fuck is everyone doing tonight?!?!
I woke up this morning to discover that my parents did not have running water in their home. The few hours before I fell asleep to the chimes of 6 coo-coo clocks, I did not notice this.
Thus began my incredibly expensive and time consuming day of getting a hold of my childhood friend “Porkchop” who is the best electrical/plumber on the east side of Baltimore and fuck you if you say otherwise (he is literally the only outside person ever who has seen the inside of my parents home prior to this).
I called him up, laid out the situation. He tells me that he is fully booked. I tell him its my parents (ergo…hoarding…serious mental health issue…if it doesn’t get fixed my parents are using shit buckets until I come back here…kind of situation). Porkchop tells me he don’t take checks from me (in his defense, the first ever job I had and got fired from is when he gave me a part time job moving parts and I stole and hocked have a van full of material for smack). I tell him all cash, all up front.
“How bad is the walk D?” (He is referring to how bad is the clutter to get to the heater and the rest of the piping)
“Straight up Porkchop…the basement is clean. I mean its unreal. The upstairs are bad, but the basement is empty”
“You know that don’t necessarily mean good things right?”
I’m trying to find the bad in the clean basement, and I keep coming back to horror movies.
For a hoarder to clean up an area like that…something REALLY bad has happened.
As soon as we got the water heater in and we started to fill it…it rained from EVERYWHERE.
You got to understand…with hoarding…its a serious mental health thing. My parents cannot help themselves and there is a lot of crazy shame involve.d Its like someone having a broken leg but they are too embarrassed to visit a doctor.
I’m outside waiting for Chop and my mother is freaking out that someone is coming into the house and will see the mess. My old man shows up from church and my mom starts yell. Chop pulls up…
“HEY MR AND MRS D!!!! How are you doing?”
“Johnathan Smith? How nice is it to see you” My old man comes up and shakes his hand as he gets out of his truck. My mother bear hugs him.
“JSD says you guys need some Christmas cheer”
“Well come inside…how is your mother…” as my dad pulls me aside and gives me death stares.
After about 30 minutes of my mother feeding Chop donuts, talking about how I am a terrible son, we finally get down into the basement. Chop makes his way to the heater…then to the terminal box…turns to me “JSD…I’m sorry….I’m gonna be bleeding you. You sure you got the money?”
“Make it rain bro. I can do the electrical. I got tools in my car. I just need the materials”
He has his boys drop off the heater in front of the house. There is zero way my parents could handle even Chop’s people seeing the insides.
We got the heater in within an hour. I got the electrical done for pretty much the whole house by the end of the day. Chop had to re-pipe the kitchen and the bathroom basically. I don’t know how, but he convinced my father to let him take a massive amount of stuff outside so his guys could haul it to the dump. My parents have holes in their dry wall throughout the house where I pulled wires…but its up to code now. I’m not afraid of them burning to death. I think Chop and I inhaled enough asbestos and lead paint to kill an elephant.
Dude straight up gave my parents a new toilet…though don’t worry…I had to go to two different ATM’s to get sufficient cash.
Chop even convinced my parents to go out to diner with us so we hit up Bertha’s in Fells Point.
11 more days…
I didn’t realize you were Baltimore and I live on the Westside of my town so…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3kQLgWw9aRw
P*ts reportedly claim Floyd, because… fuck it, what’s a DUI compared to murderspionage.
After becoming a Patriot he’ll learn the error of his ways.
Getting caught
Oh my god, those green uniforms…
Holy fuck. MY EYES.
“Oh my god, those green uniforms.”
-I’ll take, “What do Jets fans yell in their sleep” for 300, Alex?
Matt Millen will constantly bring in a new sound engineer each season, because the problem with the show is obviously the sound and not the content.