Could 2016 possibly get any worse? Jeff Fisher was let go? HE HAD A WINNING TEAM AS RECENTLY AS MANY YEARS AGO, FOR CHRIST SAKE! Is this what you do with someone who is obviously lousy at their job? Just let them go? Unbelievable. Sad, even. [shakes head] I hope that he manages to catch on as a talking head with one of the networks out there. Perhaps he and Matt Millen could do a light-hearted podcast dealing with the myriad ways in which one could steer an entire franchise into a farmer’s market week after week. I imagine that the initial reception to the podcast would be fantastic. (“They have so much experience! This’ll be great!”) It would be followed by general doubt about the quality of the job they’re doing by their audience. (“I don’t think these guys are very good at their jobs.”) Their employers would dig in and maintain that, yes, they are good at their jobs. (“Look, it’s early-just give them a chance. The show will get better.”) The podcast will bring in special guests like Mike Williams and Roy Williams but they won’t be the least bit interesting. (“Those guys bring nothing to the show”) Having invested so much money yet so little attention to the show, the employers will finally pull the plug because the media clamor demands that they do so. It’s a done deal, folks. Where was I? Oh yeah… TO THE GAME!
LA/Sea– I feel sorry for Aaron Donald. (Donald Aaron?) He reminds me quite a bit of Megatron or Joe Staley or Marcel Dionne (hockey!) or Ernie Banks or any number of other Hall of Famer’s doing great work on crappy teams. The narrative will tell you that the Rams have a chance under interim coach Fassel but one week does not a new team make. Seattle romps? Seattle romps.
As always, check out Freeballin’ Football’s podcast below. Will Nick’s ugly Christmas sweater featuring Christ on the cross cause a stir? Was Bill able to get admission to The Big Bang Theory convention or will he continue to be banned for his lewd display three years ago? Tim’s new look-too much cleavage or not enough? Will Josh finally come to terms with the fact that “Riders On The Storm” is a silly song because Morrison rhymed , “killer on the road/brain is squirming like a toad”? For the answers to these questions and some quality lip-flapping about things NFL-related, make sure you give ‘er a listen.
So the Rams helmets remind me of a guy who’s been frightened so badly that his hair suddenly turns white (like me earlier this week when I noticed my opponent in fantasy was starting Seattle’s defense this week).
Makes sense for Jared Goff to be wearing it.
https://youtube.com/watch?v=GaUqpnHvua8
http://a5.files.xovain.com/image/upload/c_fit,cs_srgb,dpr_1.0,q_80,w_620/MTE1ODA0OTU3NTY4NDM1NzI1.jpg
I used to find PA funny and could tolerate their juvenile gamer bro shit. But this will always remain my dream:
http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b20/TheSpaniard/Joke%20Images%20etc/Hateyoutodeath.jpg
Agreed. They used to be very, very funny, but they take themselves incredibly seriously now, sort of like how preachy Scott Fucking Kurtz got with PVP.
Nothing makes a writer go to shit like taking one’s self too seriously.
So…Scanners…but in annoying cartoon form?
Yeah, which is basically me. A good idea in a shitty form.
My father just showed up to his prayer meeting. I am sitting in the kitchen on my computer, watching the feed.
He gets a glass out of the cubbard…and turns on the facet. I pop the ear bud out. He drinks the whole glass.
“You okay pop?”
“Yeah. I’m good. I’m real good.”
“Good” I take a big swig of bourbon egg nog
“You are drinking. I don’t agree with that…but its okay”
He walks past me and puts his hand on my shoulder and squeezes. Then he walks upstairs.
This is like the big moment where I get closure in the movie…except tomorrow I have a huge load of drywall showing up and I have at least a half a dozen hours of dry wall work.
I’m thinking about trying to talk my mom into letting me redo their floors throughout the house.
At least you’re keeping busy.
Honestly…I have to stay crazy busy in Baltimore. I have no fucking idea what it is…because even as crazy as my family is…being in Baltimore makes me want to fucking use like no tomorrow…and i have been clean since ’99.
Its crazy how much Baltimore has changed, but at the same time, its only a few calls to get a hook up. I think its a 20 minute walk to an old shooting den and my parents neighborhood has really gotten nice in the last five years or so.
God damn it I am a fuck up….
Gee, no, I’m totally in the dark about what could make you want to use.
Baltimore is like your personal Chernobyl. The only thing you get from visiting is closer to death. That’s why I left Albuquerque and never want to return. Then again, I never got my shit together to help out my mother fix the same kinds of problems that you’re fixing for your parents now on their house and hoarding, so I guess me giving you advice is just bullshit. I don’t know what else to say.
Except “Don’t use.” I’m pretty confident in that advice because at least for all my failings I never got into that shit and if I did I wouldn’t be here now.
Kam deaded.
Oh hey, thanks for the Namzaric commercial, I’ll just go into the next room and chug some bleach.
Alexa…..Kill.
“Man those are some tacky fucking uniforms” – The Ghost of Craig Sager.
’bout time someone brought it up; Rest In Plaid, Craig.
DINOSAUR AND MERMAID TALK! DRINK EVERYONE! THAT’S THE ONLY DRINKING GAME TONIGHT
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TQF5CXV9cos
I’ll see your Aimee Mann and raise you a Terra Naomi:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rlWH9uICH-Q
Bellissima!!
You know what was worse than driving all the way across Hollywood in the rain? Listening to this turd of a game on the radio while driving across Hollywood in the rain.
Wait til you see it!
A TRUE POOPFEST!
My friend and his wife just besmirched National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation as being terrible and a waste of two hours and now I have to drive 90 minutes to their home and murder them.
Shoot me your coordinates, I’ll hop on a plane and we can murder them together. I’ll ship my chainsaw separately
Your friends are soulless inhuman monsters who deserve to burn in hell.
This is why I’ve spent my life trying not to have friends.
ALL HAIL LOS ANGELES RAIN!!!!!!
This just in, JJ Fozz machine guns the entire cast of This is Life and finds peace.
Well, NBC did say the show was our new national obsession….
I hear it told crowd favorite Milana Vayntrub is in that show. Spare her for teh common good.
DON’T LOOK NOW, but the RAM IT’s are hangin’ tough with the British Transport Police (brought to you by Subway – “Right Before Your Eyes”).
http://www.west-midlands.police.uk/csimages/images/Safer%20Travel%20at%20bus%20stop.jpg
‘Sup fuckers? How is it only 10pm?
It’s only 7 in real time.
8 pm here so basically 1 btl of red down and eyeing up the 2nd thinking, I work both jobs tomorrow, but just 1 more won’t kill me.
It’s only 7 here and I already want to go to bed.
My time’s all sorts of fucked after passing out from maybe hypothermia?
We teach our guys to lead with the shoulder… right into the kneecap of the opposing player.
The NFL: Keeping it safe™
Whenever I see a number 41 limping off the field, I have a little flashback
That Rams coach looks familiar…
So the unreal abomination of evil machinations?
http://i.onionstatic.com/avclub/5113/96/16×9/960.jpg
So, I guess Dungy and this creepy fuck interiming Ram It!! share the same Skeletor Deadbeat Dad, eh?
GM is trying to claim its 7 years old…not 108…to get out of billions in liability for dangerous ignition switches.
When I was in college, a lot of the kids I worked with ended up working with the big 3 and some of the Japanese car companies. All of them seem to indicated that GM is just…fucking insane. The big thing they have been doing is going all in on SUV’s…because big cars have never bit the US automakers in the ass before…but what they are doing is purchasing Chinese made SUV’s and rebadging them as US cars. Because if the Chinese are know for anything…its safe cars.
http://b-i.forbesimg.com/tanyamohn/files/2014/01/ForbesIIHSMinicar.jpg
As an engineer…GM…General Electric…BP…some of these engineering companies…dear god they just need to fucking die already.
and they ain’t even MURRIKAN they KENYAN since they Dad is none other than BARACK HUSSEIN NOBUMMER!!!111
Who could’ve ever seen that forced bankruptcy process would come back to bite people in the ass?
So all those Chevy commercials are just lying to me?!
Why is Sarah Palin there? Is there a gun show, or is she promoting that stupid bill allowing concealed weapons at publicly funded stadiums?
Also, fuck her.
Not even with Fozz’s dick
I would nail Sarah Palin, but i would do it wearing a condom I got from Planned Parenthood
Related, sort of:
Lisa Ann: not a completely terrible fantasy football analyst.
Good to have a useful skill to fall back on.
I wouldn’t wear a condom, because she got experience raising retards.
Wait… this game. Damn it. I had something for it…
/thinks
TURDSDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL!
FUCK YOU, RICHARD SHERMAN!!!
/someone may be starting a certain D/ST in teh semis
This east coast cold snap fucking sucks. I went outside…I can’t smoke…mid 30’s, I cannot bring myself to tell my parents I smoke…so I am just walking around until the cold sends me back in…
When the fuck did Maryland move north of the arctic circle?
Minus 22 up here brother.
will even yinz admit it’s cold when it gets into the sub 20s??
It’s four here in North Yinzburgh. Wind chill is -15, which is over the “Does it really matter what the number is? IT COLD” line.
Deriving mild amusement from the snarky music in the commercial bumpers (since the only way I would genuinely enjoy this game is blind and with a meteor on the way).
John Schneider? One of the Duke boys owns/runs the SeaTruthers??
When I lived in San Antonio, I was given free tickets to their local minor league hockey team’s game against Phoenix, and Duke Boy Schnieder was there. He was called out by the announcer and made to sit in the penalty box for an entire period.
He was so happy to be recognized until he had to spend a lot of time with the players.
THIS LAST EPISODE OF THE WALKING DEAD, I CALL IT THE BLUES BROTHERS, BECAUSE THEY’RE GETTING THE BAND BACK TOGETHER
I bet they kill that crazy black feller’s tiger and make my daughter cry, but also make crazy black feller unload a can of whoopass
Killing a tiger would be bad, but Mr Whacky Dreadlocks kicking the shit out of the saviors would give me a boner
I SHALL DRINK THAT BRAND OF BEER AND WEAR THAT BRAND OF COLOGNE
Drug Free Canada ads are the best. Basically your kids are going to steal everything from you, including ALL YOUR DRUGS. I say make them get their own.
THIS RAMS TEAM, I CALL THEM ANXIOUS CHESS FANS, BECAUSE THEY’RE LOST WITHOUT THEIR FISHER
So I like the title, but really, how can we not use the term “poopfest.”
Najeh Davenport isn’t involved??
Goff’s favorite receiver: The Ground
The ground has the fewest drops of any Rams receiver.
I’m wondering when Al and Cris will get around to the “well, John Elway didn’t have an all-pro year as a rookie either.”
Yeah, but he wasn’t live puppy abortions either.
Guys, I’m beginning to think the Rams might not be very good.
I think its cool that the NFL lets high school JV teams use their colors and uniforms when they play on Thursday nights
They take that Play60 shit seriously.
hey, if you’re gonna be unabated, be REAL unabated
Jamal Anderson refuses to be unabated.
http://i.imgur.com/dO93lmN.gif
Christ, can Jimmy Fallon do anything original?
Why start now?
Hmm… I’m guessing Beirut. I don’t see any palm trees, though, so I’d be more inclined to guess Tehran, but that’s Arabic and not Farsi on the billboard.
THAT’S GOOD HUSTLE
7 points seems a reasonably insurmountable lead right now.
PUNTER DERP
You know what’s irritating as fuck that was dumb as fuck about two minutes after it was a thing?
Ugly Christmas sweaters.
Go suck the business end of a shotgun if you think this shit is remotely interesting or entertaining.
Christ, how much fucking whiter can you fucking get?
Is the answer Shawn Bradley?
Got roped into one so I safety pinned a “Baby’s First Christmas” stocking to a plain blue sweater. The devoted ugly sweater party enthusiasts didn’t seem to get it.
again, sooooooo many reasons not to participate in human society. Especially WHITE society, which is, of course, all I really know…
So is next years DFO meetup a Rams game in LA? We know we can get tickets.
Yeah, but none of us can afford the parking fees.
Cleveland.
We can get into the owners box and get this guy to show up…
I know the poor bastard has season tickets to the Factory…
Damn it…I tried to embed a funny Mike Polk Jr video….
DAMN YOU TECHNOLOGY!!!!
JJFozz inspired me to look this up; I’m behind any of these suggestions.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qDO6HV6xTmI
catapault! RIGHT INTO THE GODDAMNED WALL!!!
a-fucking-men, if we are murdering people for revenge and/or sport, there is no reason to be antiseptic about it. At least let’s recoup some of the costs incurred by our ridiculous criminal justice system.
Cool that NBC’s graphics department are such big Henry Rollins fans I guess.
Is that deer ok?
Yes. The cougar was taking him home, he’d had a LOT to drink.
The priest – imam amazon commercial may be sappy marketing, but i makes me feel a little good
I admit a little part of me was hoping the imam got a vest, and the priest a box of candies.
That is a painful celebration to watch…
Just cause….you know…the seizure inducing uniforms…
Even the end zone is fluorescent. And it’s just off the normal grass color enough to be terrible.
Being a Rams fan must suck.
“Welcum to Rams Gameday, sponsored by Brazzers.”
That would make it way better.
We are Angelinos! Plenty more distractions than this vagabond team!