Your “Teach A Man To Fish He Eats For A Lifetime, Teach A Man To Jeff Fisher And Everything He Does Will Be Less Than Adequate” Thursday Night Football Open Thread

Could 2016 possibly get any worse? Jeff Fisher was let go? HE HAD A WINNING TEAM AS RECENTLY AS MANY YEARS AGO, FOR CHRIST SAKE! Is this what you do with someone who is obviously lousy at their job? Just let them go? Unbelievable. Sad, even. [shakes head] I hope that he manages to catch on as a talking head with one of the networks out there. Perhaps he and Matt Millen could do a light-hearted podcast dealing with the myriad ways in which one could steer an entire franchise into a farmer’s market week after week. I imagine that the initial reception to the podcast would be fantastic. (“They have so much experience! This’ll be great!”) It would be followed by general doubt about the quality of the job they’re doing by their audience. (“I don’t think these guys are very good at their jobs.”) Their employers would dig in and maintain that, yes, they are good at their jobs. (“Look, it’s early-just give them a chance. The show will get better.”) The podcast will bring in special guests like Mike Williams and Roy Williams but they won’t be the least bit interesting. (“Those guys bring nothing to the show”) Having invested so much money yet so little attention to the show, the employers will finally pull the plug because the media clamor demands that they do so. It’s a done deal, folks. Where was I? Oh yeah… TO THE GAME!

LA/Sea– I feel sorry for Aaron Donald. (Donald Aaron?) He reminds me quite a bit of Megatron or Joe Staley or Marcel Dionne (hockey!) or Ernie Banks or any number of other Hall of Famer’s doing great work on crappy teams. The narrative will tell you that the Rams have a chance under interim coach Fassel but one week does not a new team make. Seattle romps? Seattle romps.

As always, check out Freeballin’ Football’s podcast below. Will Nick’s ugly Christmas sweater featuring Christ on the cross cause a stir? Was Bill able to get admission to The Big Bang Theory convention or will he continue to be banned for his lewd display three years ago? Tim’s new look-too much cleavage or not enough? Will Josh finally come to terms with the fact that “Riders On The Storm” is a silly song because Morrison rhymed , “killer on the road/brain is squirming like a toad”? For the answers to these questions and some quality lip-flapping about things NFL-related, make sure you give ‘er a listen.

 

 

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So the Rams helmets remind me of a guy who’s been frightened so badly that his hair suddenly turns white (like me earlier this week when I noticed my opponent in fantasy was starting Seattle’s defense this week).

Makes sense for Jared Goff to be wearing it.

Unsurprised

I used to find PA funny and could tolerate their juvenile gamer bro shit. But this will always remain my dream:
http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b20/TheSpaniard/Joke%20Images%20etc/Hateyoutodeath.jpg

entropy

Agreed. They used to be very, very funny, but they take themselves incredibly seriously now, sort of like how preachy Scott Fucking Kurtz got with PVP.

...

Nothing makes a writer go to shit like taking one’s self too seriously.

JustStopDude

So…Scanners…but in annoying cartoon form?

Unsurprised

Yeah, which is basically me. A good idea in a shitty form.

JustStopDude

My father just showed up to his prayer meeting. I am sitting in the kitchen on my computer, watching the feed.

He gets a glass out of the cubbard…and turns on the facet. I pop the ear bud out. He drinks the whole glass.

“You okay pop?”

“Yeah. I’m good. I’m real good.”

“Good” I take a big swig of bourbon egg nog

“You are drinking. I don’t agree with that…but its okay”

He walks past me and puts his hand on my shoulder and squeezes. Then he walks upstairs.

This is like the big moment where I get closure in the movie…except tomorrow I have a huge load of drywall showing up and I have at least a half a dozen hours of dry wall work.

I’m thinking about trying to talk my mom into letting me redo their floors throughout the house.

Unsurprised

At least you’re keeping busy.

JustStopDude

Honestly…I have to stay crazy busy in Baltimore. I have no fucking idea what it is…because even as crazy as my family is…being in Baltimore makes me want to fucking use like no tomorrow…and i have been clean since ’99.

Its crazy how much Baltimore has changed, but at the same time, its only a few calls to get a hook up. I think its a 20 minute walk to an old shooting den and my parents neighborhood has really gotten nice in the last five years or so.

God damn it I am a fuck up….

Unsurprised

Gee, no, I’m totally in the dark about what could make you want to use.

Baltimore is like your personal Chernobyl. The only thing you get from visiting is closer to death. That’s why I left Albuquerque and never want to return. Then again, I never got my shit together to help out my mother fix the same kinds of problems that you’re fixing for your parents now on their house and hoarding, so I guess me giving you advice is just bullshit. I don’t know what else to say.

Except “Don’t use.” I’m pretty confident in that advice because at least for all my failings I never got into that shit and if I did I wouldn’t be here now.

Senor Weaselo

Kam deaded.

jjfozz

Oh hey, thanks for the Namzaric commercial, I’ll just go into the next room and chug some bleach.

Curse of Marino

Alexa…..Kill.

Curse of Marino

“Man those are some tacky fucking uniforms” – The Ghost of Craig Sager.

ALXMAC

’bout time someone brought it up; Rest In Plaid, Craig.

Curse of Marino

DINOSAUR AND MERMAID TALK! DRINK EVERYONE! THAT’S THE ONLY DRINKING GAME TONIGHT

ALXMAC
entropy

I’ll see your Aimee Mann and raise you a Terra Naomi:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rlWH9uICH-Q

ALXMAC

Bellissima!!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You know what was worse than driving all the way across Hollywood in the rain? Listening to this turd of a game on the radio while driving across Hollywood in the rain.

entropy

Wait til you see it!

...

A TRUE POOPFEST!

Unsurprised

My friend and his wife just besmirched National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation as being terrible and a waste of two hours and now I have to drive 90 minutes to their home and murder them.

jjfozz

Shoot me your coordinates, I’ll hop on a plane and we can murder them together. I’ll ship my chainsaw separately

entropy

Your friends are soulless inhuman monsters who deserve to burn in hell.

Unsurprised

This is why I’ve spent my life trying not to have friends.

Brick Meathook

ALL HAIL LOS ANGELES RAIN!!!!!!

jjfozz

This just in, JJ Fozz machine guns the entire cast of This is Life and finds peace.

entropy

Well, NBC did say the show was our new national obsession….

Shogun Marcus

I hear it told crowd favorite Milana Vayntrub is in that show. Spare her for teh common good.

Unsurprised

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ALXMAC

DON’T LOOK NOW, but the RAM IT’s are hangin’ tough with the British Transport Police (brought to you by Subway – “Right Before Your Eyes”).
http://www.west-midlands.police.uk/csimages/images/Safer%20Travel%20at%20bus%20stop.jpg

theeWeeBabySeamus

‘Sup fuckers? How is it only 10pm?

Beastmode Ate My Baby

It’s only 7 in real time.

litre_cola

8 pm here so basically 1 btl of red down and eyeing up the 2nd thinking, I work both jobs tomorrow, but just 1 more won’t kill me.

Unsurprised

It’s only 7 here and I already want to go to bed.

Senor Weaselo

My time’s all sorts of fucked after passing out from maybe hypothermia?

Lothar of the Hill People

We teach our guys to lead with the shoulder… right into the kneecap of the opposing player.

The NFL: Keeping it safe™

Lothar of the Hill People

Whenever I see a number 41 limping off the field, I have a little flashback

Beastmode Ate My Baby

That Rams coach looks familiar…

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Unsurprised

So the unreal abomination of evil machinations?
http://i.onionstatic.com/avclub/5113/96/16×9/960.jpg

King Hippo

So, I guess Dungy and this creepy fuck interiming Ram It!! share the same Skeletor Deadbeat Dad, eh?

JustStopDude

GM is trying to claim its 7 years old…not 108…to get out of billions in liability for dangerous ignition switches.

When I was in college, a lot of the kids I worked with ended up working with the big 3 and some of the Japanese car companies. All of them seem to indicated that GM is just…fucking insane. The big thing they have been doing is going all in on SUV’s…because big cars have never bit the US automakers in the ass before…but what they are doing is purchasing Chinese made SUV’s and rebadging them as US cars. Because if the Chinese are know for anything…its safe cars.

http://b-i.forbesimg.com/tanyamohn/files/2014/01/ForbesIIHSMinicar.jpg

As an engineer…GM…General Electric…BP…some of these engineering companies…dear god they just need to fucking die already.

King Hippo

and they ain’t even MURRIKAN they KENYAN since they Dad is none other than BARACK HUSSEIN NOBUMMER!!!111

Unsurprised

Who could’ve ever seen that forced bankruptcy process would come back to bite people in the ass?

...

So all those Chevy commercials are just lying to me?!

Beerguyrob

Why is Sarah Palin there? Is there a gun show, or is she promoting that stupid bill allowing concealed weapons at publicly funded stadiums?

Also, fuck her.

Unsurprised

Not even with Fozz’s dick

jjfozz

I would nail Sarah Palin, but i would do it wearing a condom I got from Planned Parenthood

Col. Duke LaCross

Related, sort of:
Lisa Ann: not a completely terrible fantasy football analyst.

Unsurprised

Good to have a useful skill to fall back on.

Beerguyrob

I wouldn’t wear a condom, because she got experience raising retards.

...

Wait… this game. Damn it. I had something for it…

/thinks

TURDSDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL!

King Hippo

FUCK YOU, RICHARD SHERMAN!!!

/someone may be starting a certain D/ST in teh semis

JustStopDude

This east coast cold snap fucking sucks. I went outside…I can’t smoke…mid 30’s, I cannot bring myself to tell my parents I smoke…so I am just walking around until the cold sends me back in…

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When the fuck did Maryland move north of the arctic circle?

litre_cola

Minus 22 up here brother.

King Hippo

will even yinz admit it’s cold when it gets into the sub 20s??

WCS

It’s four here in North Yinzburgh. Wind chill is -15, which is over the “Does it really matter what the number is? IT COLD” line.

Petronel

Deriving mild amusement from the snarky music in the commercial bumpers (since the only way I would genuinely enjoy this game is blind and with a meteor on the way).

King Hippo

John Schneider? One of the Duke boys owns/runs the SeaTruthers??

entropy

When I lived in San Antonio, I was given free tickets to their local minor league hockey team’s game against Phoenix, and Duke Boy Schnieder was there. He was called out by the announcer and made to sit in the penalty box for an entire period.

He was so happy to be recognized until he had to spend a lot of time with the players.

jjfozz

THIS LAST EPISODE OF THE WALKING DEAD, I CALL IT THE BLUES BROTHERS, BECAUSE THEY’RE GETTING THE BAND BACK TOGETHER

King Hippo

I bet they kill that crazy black feller’s tiger and make my daughter cry, but also make crazy black feller unload a can of whoopass

jjfozz

Killing a tiger would be bad, but Mr Whacky Dreadlocks kicking the shit out of the saviors would give me a boner

Brick Meathook

I SHALL DRINK THAT BRAND OF BEER AND WEAR THAT BRAND OF COLOGNE

litre_cola

Drug Free Canada ads are the best. Basically your kids are going to steal everything from you, including ALL YOUR DRUGS. I say make them get their own.

jjfozz

THIS RAMS TEAM, I CALL THEM ANXIOUS CHESS FANS, BECAUSE THEY’RE LOST WITHOUT THEIR FISHER

...

So I like the title, but really, how can we not use the term “poopfest.”

King Hippo

Najeh Davenport isn’t involved??

Spur

Goff’s favorite receiver: The Ground

evilbeaver8

The ground has the fewest drops of any Rams receiver.

King Hippo

I’m wondering when Al and Cris will get around to the “well, John Elway didn’t have an all-pro year as a rookie either.”

Yeah, but he wasn’t live puppy abortions either.

WCS

Guys, I’m beginning to think the Rams might not be very good.

jjfozz

I think its cool that the NFL lets high school JV teams use their colors and uniforms when they play on Thursday nights

entropy

They take that Play60 shit seriously.

King Hippo

hey, if you’re gonna be unabated, be REAL unabated

evilbeaver8

Jamal Anderson refuses to be unabated.

Spur
Spur

Christ, can Jimmy Fallon do anything original?

evilbeaver8

Why start now?

JustStopDude

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Lothar of the Hill People

Hmm… I’m guessing Beirut. I don’t see any palm trees, though, so I’d be more inclined to guess Tehran, but that’s Arabic and not Farsi on the billboard.

Brick Meathook

THAT’S GOOD HUSTLE

evilbeaver8

7 points seems a reasonably insurmountable lead right now.

Senor Weaselo

PUNTER DERP

jjfozz

You know what’s irritating as fuck that was dumb as fuck about two minutes after it was a thing?

Ugly Christmas sweaters.

Go suck the business end of a shotgun if you think this shit is remotely interesting or entertaining.

Christ, how much fucking whiter can you fucking get?

litre_cola

Is the answer Shawn Bradley?

evilbeaver8

Got roped into one so I safety pinned a “Baby’s First Christmas” stocking to a plain blue sweater. The devoted ugly sweater party enthusiasts didn’t seem to get it.

King Hippo

again, sooooooo many reasons not to participate in human society. Especially WHITE society, which is, of course, all I really know…

litre_cola

So is next years DFO meetup a Rams game in LA? We know we can get tickets.

entropy

Yeah, but none of us can afford the parking fees.

JustStopDude

Cleveland.

We can get into the owners box and get this guy to show up…

I know the poor bastard has season tickets to the Factory…

JustStopDude

Damn it…I tried to embed a funny Mike Polk Jr video….

DAMN YOU TECHNOLOGY!!!!

ThursdaySkyGoddess

JJFozz inspired me to look this up; I’m behind any of these suggestions.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qDO6HV6xTmI

King Hippo

catapault! RIGHT INTO THE GODDAMNED WALL!!!

a-fucking-men, if we are murdering people for revenge and/or sport, there is no reason to be antiseptic about it. At least let’s recoup some of the costs incurred by our ridiculous criminal justice system.

evilbeaver8

Cool that NBC’s graphics department are such big Henry Rollins fans I guess.

JustStopDude

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JustStopDude

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Spur

Is that deer ok?

entropy

Yes. The cougar was taking him home, he’d had a LOT to drink.

jjfozz

The priest – imam amazon commercial may be sappy marketing, but i makes me feel a little good

entropy

I admit a little part of me was hoping the imam got a vest, and the priest a box of candies.

JustStopDude

That is a painful celebration to watch…

Just cause….you know…the seizure inducing uniforms…

Senor Weaselo

Even the end zone is fluorescent. And it’s just off the normal grass color enough to be terrible.

Spur

Being a Rams fan must suck.

Beerguyrob

“Welcum to Rams Gameday, sponsored by Brazzers.”

litre_cola

That would make it way better.

Brick Meathook

We are Angelinos! Plenty more distractions than this vagabond team!