Your “I Can’t Bear To Watch!” [watches] Under-Cooked Saturday Night NFL Special

I’m pretty sure I’m the most brutally repulsive critic of JSD’s family, but I’m going to have to give his sister this one bit of a defense because my head isn’t entirely up my own ass.

If she knew about all of this, and I’m sure she did, then I can just add that the reason I’ve been so mean about them whenever you bring them up is because I’ve been on the other side of in most of these instances when this stuff happened in my family and I am projecting my own self-hatred for doing what they did because I have the benefit of hindsight. All this shit at your parents’ house? That was my mother’s house on and off, plus she was fighting cancer and the bank the whole time. And I could’ve done so much more, but what happened numerous times was that I would literally look at a room in the house, even my own, and want to start and then just get so overwhelmed I hung my head and just gave up. I’m sure they never just accepted it, but there’s only so much you can do hustling to get by, and eventually everybody just gives up. My brother could’ve helped out, but it would require him coming back to see the house after he got his shit together and it’s like my comment below about the New Mexico Bowl — it’s envy and it’s pride and it’s a feeling of failure. I bet that she’s most angry about the fact that you have the money and time and skills and Chop to just get this shit done step by step by step until like you said, it’s going to practically be a new house. He could’ve and would’ve done the same thing, and then I would look at him and just hate him because it meant I was a fuck-up for not being able to do those things. Asking for your help is failure, and failing sucks. I’m horrible at it and it’s made my life infinitely harder because I can’t deal with it and I’m 37 goddamn years old. But many if not most people don’t even learn that lesson when they’re twice my age.

Anyway, you’ve done an awesome thing and right now you live in a cleaner house that has running water and lights and a functioning kitchen. You have both your parents and your sister is coming so you can all spend Christmas together. Jesus Christ. As much as any or all of that shit sucks, I would give up everything good in my life to spend one Christmas with my family (I honestly can’t remember the last time we did. I supposed 2003, but I am certain that was only in proximity because I spent 24 hours including almost all of Dec. 25 itself beating the original Call of Duty when my brother brought it from L.A.).

Like I said, it’s a regular Moosemas Miracle, dude. So all that shit before; the drugs, the hoarding, the anger, the silent treatments, the shit house; all of it—forget it. The only thing you can and should be doing from this moment on is to forget it all. It doesn’t matter. You’re George Bailey or Ebenezer Scrooge or Bill Murray at the end of the movie, and that’s the best part of being Catholic for me is that once I let it go and forgive myself, it’s gone forever. God doesn’t care. No one in my life cares. I won’t yet because I know some of that fire is useful, but most of it isn’t, and I’m trying to cull the worthless shit. I think in your case, the ledger’s in the black. You can close the book and walk away and just focus on building the future relationship you have with your family from this moment onward.