Your Late Afternoon NFL Football Open Thread

Of the six games on tap five have playoff implications-even if it’s just a matter of who plays who where. I’m always curious if a team that has no skin in the game (N.O., Denver, S.D. etc.) shows up to play. Trying to win is ingrained in the membrane (Cleveland excepted) but sometimes squads seem to just go through the motions during the last tilt of the year. TO THE GAMES!

NO/Atl– The Falcs need this win so they can get a first round bye and the #2 seed in the NFC. Qb Brees just needs about one quarter or 148 yards-whichever comes first-to get to 5,000 passing yards passing for the fifth time. The Saints D is looking to avoid the very likely prospect of being embarrassed yet again. I don’t care how high it is, take the over.

NYG/Was– Ye olde ‘Dacteds are dancing the Win And Get In Jig while the Giants are locked into the #5 seed no matter the outcome. If they lose I’ll be bang on about their record for the second year in a row in the pre-season predictions. [hesitates for a moment] No… no, I won’t be hoping they lose just so I can brag to invisible buddies. No.

Ari/LA– Pour some out (not too much!) for Aaron Donald and David Johnson-two phenomenally-gifted fellers that aren’t getting very much help from the other side of the ball this year.

Oak/Den– Thanks to an injury to Carr, Professor Frink expletive McGloin will be playing the lead role in “Deer In The Headlights” today vs. the Broncs D. Such a fine year by Oakland wasted. Wasted-reminds me of my youth and my plans for this afternoon.

KC/SD– I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again-the Chiefs are the most boring 11-win team in the all of ever. Anyway, allow me to unpack the “What’s At Stake Bowl”. Okay-[Andy Reid breaks through 4th wall] Steak bowl? A bowl made entirely of steak? What would you put in it aside from mashed potatoes, gravy, cornbread, bacon-wrapped sausages, more steak, a fried egg and a chocolate waterfall? Go on, I’m listening. [wipes saliva from mouth] Uhhh, where was I? Right. A Chiefs win and the likely Raiders loss gets them the 2 seed in the AFC.

Sea/SF– One team is playing for playoff seeding and the other for draft seeding. Can you figure out which one is which? If you’re able to do that, HC Carroll is more than interested in your theories of World Trade Center Building #7.

GO GET ‘EM, RAPSCALLIONS!

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King Hippo

definitely looks like both teams agree with me. Going to SEA not a bad deal as opposed to hosting Los Gigantes.

blaxabbath

“Still have Todd Gurley to build around….”

The Rams are fucked. Maybe they’ll put it together when they move to Oakland. Or Beijing.

blaxabbath

Now that GB is the div champ, does neither team (DET/GB) really do anything in the game tonight?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Winner tonight wins the division, both teams are just in the playoffs with the WAS loss

Shogun Marcus

Beat me to it.

blaxabbath

Oh – I misread this tweet. Well — I wasn’t interested when I read this tweet.

blaxabbath

Thank goodness for the AFC South. Else I think the NFC West could easily make the case for worst division in the NFL.

Doktor Zymm

They played like shit and don’t deserve to go to the playoffs, but that’s gonna make it so much worse when they pay Cousins for 4 more years of this shit. ANGER.

JustStopDude

Browns fans are hoping they can steal him away.

LOOK!!!! LOOK INTO THE MOUTH OF MADNESS AND TREMBLE AT THE MISTAKE BY THE LAKE!!!!

Doktor Zymm

I’m so fucking sad that RG3 ended up there, but I give less of a shit about Kirk. He’s not as fun to watch, and he’s really just overall average.

King Hippo

they can’t pay him if’n you MURDER him

Sharkbait

I think I’m going to make gnocchi for the late game.

laserguru

Always a good idea.

What are you saucing them with?

Doktor Zymm

I’M GONNA GO PEE AND PRETEND I’M FLOODING A CITY WITH MY URINE CAUSE FUCK EVERYTHING

Doktor Zymm

EEWWWW CHILD WITH HORRIBLE FAKE CHILD MOLESTER MOUSTACHE CAUSE MACADOO FUCK EW AWFUL

blaxabbath

Thought Penn St didn’t play until tomorrow.

Though I’m sure their staff’s *real* playing is tonight 😉

King Hippo

You wonder if both teams try to lose tonight. I’d prolly rather play at SEA than host the fucking Giants right now.

blaxabbath

What about SEA, off back to back losses and tonight’s in OT?

Definitely.

rockingdog

no wait everyone gets and INT!!!
Cook INT Cousins INT and Brees INT!!!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Zymm can tell the future!

Doktor Zymm

Hey! Maybe they won’t pay Cousins now! 2 seasons with Cutler or some other maligned veteran QB!

No….just…sad sad sad

rockingdog

Brees INT just after Cousins INT!!!

rockingdog

hahahaha who called Cousins INT?

Doktor Zymm

I DID BECAUSE OF SELF HATE

blaxabbath

Sean Mannion in for the Rams.

Goff looks more comfortable on the sidelines anyways.

King Hippo

Mother always said to just curl up into a ball…

The Maestro

YOU LIKE THAT?????????

King Hippo

even fucking Joe Buck throwing some shade

Doktor Zymm

GODDAMNIT IT CALLED IT BUT FUCK ANYWAY

Sharkbait

Backbreaking INT in a Giants game NOT thrown by Eli?

King Hippo

womp womp

blaxabbath

Fitz sits out the entire half, tied with A Brown for receptions lead, just to come in on the 3 and catch a TD pass.

rockingdog

Cousins what you gonna do?

King Hippo

“Fuck”

-West By God Virginia

Doktor Zymm

Pressure does not make Kirk a diamond, it makes him a preserved coprolite. I am not optimistic. Odds on a pick, good, odds on a three and out, also good. BRB POURING BOOZE.

Doktor Zymm

I don’t know or care what his poo preferences are, I just know he IS poo

ThePirateSloth

I’m not really sure putting the rookie QB in the game only up by 9 with 9:00 left in the game is a recipe for winning the game.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I hate this uber conservative play calling bullshit. Pick up first downs!

King Hippo

like I said, guy who used to be on Donks practice squad!

Doktor Zymm

BASTARD. Save that shit for when you’re playing the Pats.

blaxabbath

Why no all caps?

Doktor Zymm

It’s the quiet, venomous anger.