Your Late Afternoon NFL Football Open Thread

Of the six games on tap five have playoff implications-even if it’s just a matter of who plays who where. I’m always curious if a team that has no skin in the game (N.O., Denver, S.D. etc.) shows up to play. Trying to win is ingrained in the membrane (Cleveland excepted) but sometimes squads seem to just go through the motions during the last tilt of the year. TO THE GAMES!

NO/Atl– The Falcs need this win so they can get a first round bye and the #2 seed in the NFC. Qb Brees just needs about one quarter or 148 yards-whichever comes first-to get to 5,000 passing yards passing for the fifth time. The Saints D is looking to avoid the very likely prospect of being embarrassed yet again. I don’t care how high it is, take the over.

NYG/Was– Ye olde ‘Dacteds are dancing the Win And Get In Jig while the Giants are locked into the #5 seed no matter the outcome. If they lose I’ll be bang on about their record for the second year in a row in the pre-season predictions. [hesitates for a moment] No… no, I won’t be hoping they lose just so I can brag to invisible buddies. No.

Ari/LA– Pour some out (not too much!) for Aaron Donald and David Johnson-two phenomenally-gifted fellers that aren’t getting very much help from the other side of the ball this year.

Oak/Den– Thanks to an injury to Carr, Professor Frink expletive McGloin will be playing the lead role in “Deer In The Headlights” today vs. the Broncs D. Such a fine year by Oakland wasted. Wasted-reminds me of my youth and my plans for this afternoon.

KC/SD– I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again-the Chiefs are the most boring 11-win team in the all of ever. Anyway, allow me to unpack the “What’s At Stake Bowl”. Okay-[Andy Reid breaks through 4th wall] Steak bowl? A bowl made entirely of steak? What would you put in it aside from mashed potatoes, gravy, cornbread, bacon-wrapped sausages, more steak, a fried egg and a chocolate waterfall? Go on, I’m listening. [wipes saliva from mouth] Uhhh, where was I? Right. A Chiefs win and the likely Raiders loss gets them the 2 seed in the AFC.

Sea/SF– One team is playing for playoff seeding and the other for draft seeding. Can you figure out which one is which? If you’re able to do that, HC Carroll is more than interested in your theories of World Trade Center Building #7.

GO GET ‘EM, RAPSCALLIONS!

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King Hippo

hey, that guy that used to be on the Donks practice squad WOO!!!

rockingdog

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King Hippo

ya better wiiiiiiiippppe somebaaaaaddddaaaayyy!!!!

Doktor Zymm

The really annoying thing, I like Victor Cruz

blaxabbath

That way players dive onto each other when there is a fumble, I’m surprised more injuries don’t happen this way.

King Hippo

Is OBJ still on this team??

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Come on, Eli, I want my neighbors to be unhappy.

Doktor Zymm

THE LORD’S PLAN FOR YOU : ACCURATE FUCKING THROWS. DISAPPOINTMENT IS THE THIRD CIRCLE OF HELL.

King Hippo

Gates DROPPED IT

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

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Doktor Zymm

HEY COUSINS, THE LORD WANTS YOU TO PASS BETTER

blaxabbath

So if The Mick is a show, does that mean It’s Always Sunny is done?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I think they are signed on for a couple more years

blaxabbath

“Bazinga!”

– Kaitlin Olson in the 9th season of her successful show on a major network

Doktor Zymm

SACK BY CHUBBY AND HAPPY HOORAY.

See? I’m sorta happy now! And haha Eli. And who doesn’t love big men celebrating? The only better thing would be a fat guy TD.

blaxabbath

Up 30-6 in the last meaningless game of the year with one year left for the guy and his RB already going down today — yeah, let’s leave Palmer in.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

If the Giant’s somehow let the ‘s win I am rooting for the Packers and Lions just each taking a knee for 3 downs and punting on every possession including OT

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

redacted’s* I used carrots and it read it as html

Dunstan

The Gingerhammer would disband both teams for disrespectin’ da Shield, and award playoff berths to Washington and, ah fuck it, the L.A. Rams.

Brick Meathook

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Horatio Cornblower

Austen Matthews might have a future at this hockey thing.

Cecil Rhodes

Jane Austen Matthews?

JustStopDude

If you take a toddler to an NFL game…you are a terrible parent.

Its right up there with letting your teenager get a tattoo.

Horatio Cornblower

My son wants one and I told him I’d pay for it but only if I had final approval.

It’s managed to delay things nicely.

Doktor Zymm

TIE TIE TIE SHIT TIE
I apologize. I am drunk and this game has…..IMPLICATIONS.

ThePirateSloth

Please don’t spontaneously implode Dok. Go to your happy place for a moment.

http://img.pandawhale.com/153964-happy-gilmore-happy-place-gif-iyaT.gif

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Doktor Zymm

I LIKE BAGUETTES AND YOU BEST CALL THAT SHIT LATE HIT ON GARCON IF YOU AREN’T GOING TO CALL LATE HITS ON FAT ROB. THEY ARE BOTH AWESOME AND DON’T HIT MY BOYS ILLEGITIMATELY DAMMIT.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Drew Kaser is not leaving the stadium alive after wiffing on a tackle that led to a 95 yard punt return.

http://i3.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/019/812/82748776.jpg

Doktor Zymm

I just noticed….his teeth, they are perforated!

King Hippo

you had ONE JOB, Gigantes

Dunstan

The NFL should take a page out of the NHL’s book, and have overtime be 7 on 7

Fear my hot takes!

Cecil Rhodes

KC looks like the only team that could potentially beat the Patriots in the AFC. Too bad they probably won’t…

blaxabbath

My god these Fox announcers suck (Barber and that other idiot). They’ve just explained that, as shitty as the team is, the NFL is better with a team in LA than without. And then they said that the crowd loved them and was passionate just as the crowd began to boo the shit out of them.

Way to stay on script, you fucking drones.

Horatio Cornblower

“Also Mariah Carey is America’s most beloved musical artist!”

Doktor Zymm

HOW THE FUCK IS SCHERFF PRONOUNCED SHERRIFF? YOU ARE INVENTING VOWELS WHERE THEY DO NOT EXIST!

rockingdog

god damn i love Red Zone!
http://yaboy.xyz/redzone/

Doktor Zymm

EVEN OUR ROOKIES THAT NO ONE HAS HEARD OF CAN CATCH SHIT. THEY HAVE TO CAUSE COUSINS.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Anyone do a wellness check on RTD?

blaxabbath

He dead.

Doktor Zymm

I like Jamison, and not just because he’s a misspelt Irish whiskey

Spanky Datass

Holy shit Ice Football!

rockingdog

Connor Cook is cookin up Touchdowns with one to Cooper! Raiders!

Horatio Cornblower

I hope Cook is the next Tom Brady, because that means the Patriots will lose to the Raiders on a controversial call and it will be glorious.

Horatio Cornblower

Holy shit the Ice Lions just scored with .02 left to tie.

Horatio Cornblower

I stand corrected. .013 left.

The Maestro

And just like against the Bruins in 2013, #ItWasFourOne

Horatio Cornblower

Wasn’t that a Game 6 or 7 though?

Whatever, it was an epic collapse.

The Maestro

A game 7, yeah, but I’ll laugh forever and ever about it all the same.

Horatio Cornblower

Oh absolutely.

blaxabbath

Carson Palmer has been sacked a fuckton this season. Only the Rams have pulled off getting their sacking player hurt while dropping Palmer.

King Hippo

So Gigantes will be big Fuck Lions of Destiny fans tonight.

ThePirateSloth

The Seahawks failed so badly there that it made my attempt at Homer Simpson facepalm fail as well.

Brick Meathook

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Horatio Cornblower

The hockey game has gotten very close.

Dunstan

LolLeafs

blaxabbath

Holy shit the Rams suck.

King Hippo

Gonna be saying that about Baby Buster and palz for years to come, I would wager.

Sharkbait

Water is wet

King Hippo

oh just at least keep the Redacteds out of the playoffs at least. The NFC side can be watchable if the AFC is gonna be pure dumpster fire.

The Maestro

I had a McDouble today. You’re not missing much. The fact I eat it once every three weeks or so is my secret shame.

Spanky Datass

Except for the occasional coffee and a hashbrown I haven’t had McD’s since 1997, and that joint was in Japan.

blaxabbath

I’m gonna be laughing and slamming a Sausage McMuffin w/o egg when we’re both being eviscerated in Trump’s nuclear war.

blackroseMD1

So there’s now an actual TV show about hunting human beings?

That really feels like a show that should have premiered last year.

rockingdog
Doktor Zymm

COUSINS IS YET AGAIN BAILED OUT BY THE TALENT OF HIS RECEIVERS. IF VERNON DAVIS IS MAKING YOU LOOK GOOD YOU SHOULD BE FULL OF SHAME.

Shogun Marcus

That Dodge commercial confuses me. It talks about Alaska and Russia while teh cars go running like some propaganda production. Then we cue teh music…AC/DC…from Australia. Huh? Italians just give no fucks.

blaxabbath

AC/DC is a global brand. They rule.

http://s2.dmcdn.net/Aoytl/x240-IVM.jpg

Shogun Marcus

I don’t question their rule, which is absolute. I do question their being used in a ridiculous fashion.

ThePirateSloth

but MURICA and DRIVE FAST and FUCK THEM RUSKIES