Of the six games on tap five have playoff implications-even if it’s just a matter of who plays who where. I’m always curious if a team that has no skin in the game (N.O., Denver, S.D. etc.) shows up to play. Trying to win is ingrained in the membrane (Cleveland excepted) but sometimes squads seem to just go through the motions during the last tilt of the year. TO THE GAMES!
NO/Atl– The Falcs need this win so they can get a first round bye and the #2 seed in the NFC. Qb Brees just needs about one quarter or 148 yards-whichever comes first-to get to 5,000 passing yards passing for the fifth time. The Saints D is looking to avoid the very likely prospect of being embarrassed yet again. I don’t care how high it is, take the over.
NYG/Was– Ye olde ‘Dacteds are dancing the Win And Get In Jig while the Giants are locked into the #5 seed no matter the outcome. If they lose I’ll be bang on about their record for the second year in a row in the pre-season predictions. [hesitates for a moment] No… no, I won’t be hoping they lose just so I can brag to invisible buddies. No.
Ari/LA– Pour some out (not too much!) for Aaron Donald and David Johnson-two phenomenally-gifted fellers that aren’t getting very much help from the other side of the ball this year.
Oak/Den– Thanks to an injury to Carr, Professor Frink expletive McGloin will be playing the lead role in “Deer In The Headlights” today vs. the Broncs D. Such a fine year by Oakland wasted. Wasted-reminds me of my youth and my plans for this afternoon.
KC/SD– I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again-the Chiefs are the most boring 11-win team in the all of ever. Anyway, allow me to unpack the “What’s At Stake Bowl”. Okay-[Andy Reid breaks through 4th wall] Steak bowl? A bowl made entirely of steak? What would you put in it aside from mashed potatoes, gravy, cornbread, bacon-wrapped sausages, more steak, a fried egg and a chocolate waterfall? Go on, I’m listening. [wipes saliva from mouth] Uhhh, where was I? Right. A Chiefs win and the likely Raiders loss gets them the 2 seed in the AFC.
Sea/SF– One team is playing for playoff seeding and the other for draft seeding. Can you figure out which one is which? If you’re able to do that, HC Carroll is more than interested in your theories of World Trade Center Building #7.
GO GET ‘EM, RAPSCALLIONS!
More ads for Hidden Figures, please. Jesus.
is that related to, like, optical illusions?
I watched My Sex Robot this morning. I blame you people.
Yeah, I said “you people.” No microaggression intended.
You have your own sex robot? No shame in watching that in the morning.
If I had a sex robot I’d probably keep a pretty close eye on it too.
Cardinals/Rams seem like the correct opening act for people who will be at the Rose Bowl game tomorrow.
Live look in at the Q for chargers vs chiefs. lots of Red….
This looks like a pretty accurate representation of the US populous on election day. (Spoiler: most people just stay home)
All of the Chargers fan dressed as empty seats.
Howdy, folks. I’ve missed you all. Hope it’s been a good week. Happy New Year.
Just turned on the ARI/TRAVELIN’ game to come back from a commercial break and some little boy ate his own booger.
Hey, did that look almost interes-
Oh. M. Night Shama-lama-ding-dong.
No. Thank you anyway, but just….no.
I’m gonna give it a shot because of McAvoy, but I’m not going in with high hopes.
Calling it now the girl he takes hostage is one of his 23 personalities.
I may or may not be right about that, (I have no information, just too much experience with his stupid twist endings), but I am definitely right when I say I will not be paying any money to find out.
Watching the [*Redacted] s-Giants game on a internet stream even though I could watch the local channel.
Its a German feed and the play by play makes more sense than the typical Fox idiots. Also the commercials are hilarious.
http://cdn.quotesgram.com/small/68/78/1444226232-waterboy_zpsa9829927.jpg
I took a nap, what’d I miss?
/looks as early final scores
//goes back to sleep
God, the Saints’ defense is weaker than my bank account.
Jared Goff tackles about as well as Buster Bluth. Post loose seal incident.
Banner
Why is the crowd so quiet in Washington? Hehehehehehehe
I’m waiting for this to follow the first episode of The Mick:
http://alexanderlozada.com/iasip/?IlN3ZWV0IERlZSBHZXRzIENhbmNlbGxlZCI=
Six weeks.
Take the under.
CBS sucks at doing TV shows, but damn can they troll…
“opportunities for advancement”
Weakness: Everything
Antonio Gates. He’s really fucking good.
Come on and get that man the record today, Bolts.
yeah, fuck Tony Gonzalez
http://www.xclusivetouch.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/new-girl-gif-sad-sigh-compliment-insecure.gif
McAdoo high-fiving Mini McAdoo gotta require McAdoo to get on the local pedo list*
* if he already wasn’t there
It’s hailing at my house. Tiny hail, but the sun is shining too. It’s pouring as well.
GLOBAL WARMING IS A MYTH
It’s not a myth, it’s just NOT HAPPENING FAST ENOUGH.
Excuse me while I go light some hairspray on fire.
Zymm gets it.
She always can
Was that tiny hail? I would’ve sworn it was big snow.
1st day of 2017 and the best offensive player in the league is ded. See, told ya it could get worser
ATL coming off the bye. They should be good for a 3-score loss.
I’ve been to NA meetings that had more energy and positive vibes than this Browns post game conference.
http://thumbnails117.imagebam.com/52006/a5549b520055627.jpg
Giants getting points is bad. But only field goal is good. If I was a coach, I would probably almost never kick. Kicking is for spineless assholes. Pffft.
http://thumbnails117.imagebam.com/52112/f9f3ac521116148.jpg
Your philosophy mirrors how I played Madden when I was younger. ALL TEH FAKES!
Maybe converting D-linemen, tight ends, and the local paper boy to offensive linemen isn’t such a great idea…?
but how else will you prove you are the smartest kid on the block/know the Jews did 9-11??
goddamnit, Donks. Where was this “giving a shit” when it could have helped someone other than the goddamned Chefs and P*ts??
Looking good there, Seahawks.
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_Se19XAPwVi8/R3AzAlFYsNI/AAAAAAAAB34/EQH4w6ISqAE/s400/bah.JPG
http://www.personal-development-is-fun.com/images/quotes-on-anger-angry-simpson.jpg
“PUTTING ON PANTS THIS MORNING TOO QUICKLY, SCROTAL BRUISE”
http://adequateman.deadspin.com/what-horrible-things-did-we-do-to-our-penises-last-year-1790335656
This is why DFO lobbies so hard against pants.
Alright Chargers, what kind of “You’re leaving me for a soulless, rich old man” breakup sex are we having? Will it be passonate, everything we always talked about doing, or are you just gonna dead fish and phone it in?
$10 on dead fish
Lookit that sold out crowd in Santa Clara!
And the Browns start the new year on the right foot….
Why is it NFL announcers have started referring to points a team scores consecutively as “unanswered points” even if the other team eventually scores additional points?
whereforth art all our Boltmen! today?
The AFC North should be relegated…just toss all four teams into the Big East until they stop being bad…
1-14-1 would be a very special Factory season record for the Brown-Notes.
The announcer just referred to Landry Jones as “Jarvis Landry”.
YAY I get to spend my lazy afternoon listening to the soothing sounds of Brady Quinn.
I can’t wait until the end of this kids “Romeo and Juliet” production
The Cleveland tanking is very subtle….but effective.
2nd and goal on the 2. Managed to complete a pass for a -14 yard loss.
YOU CAN’T TEACH THAT SHIT SON!!!!
This would be pretty remarkable. 9 minute FG drive to start OT. But I bet Tomlin takes a knee when they get the ball back…
Got my vittles on the griddles.
Love this meal I’m making.
Cocktease
Why is Terry Bradshaw?
Why?
Terry Bradshaw is because two Louisiana opposum cousins fell in love and had sex that union produced a son.
First time I’ve seen a pedostache on a child.
Holy shit Cleveland.
City of Cleveland’s new tourism motto
“Pagano uses one of those timeouts (with dramatic emphasis) to STOP THE CLOCK”
-Solomon Wilcotts, providing incredible insight into the mysterious and little understood timeout.
The networks are really bringing their A game today
Oh, come the fuck on!
I get the county libraries are closed, but even the Multnomah Whiskey Library is closed today for the holiday!
That’s unfortunate.
What’s shakin’, chickenheads?
Hey! Happy new year, man! Great to see you!
Howdy.
Aren’t you one of the Portland DFOers?
Greetings Mr. BBR!
Been awhile.
Happy New Year to you and the family.
look at those young viking fans
Poor little bastards don’t know what they’re getting into
Lol that wasn’t supposed to be a reply
Looking good, bro