Your “Paging Tom Coughlin’s Red Face. Please Pick Up The White Courtesy Telegraph” NFC Wild Card Game Open Thread

“Anyone can ‘lick the table’-that’s for amateurs. A real pro knows that the good bits are directly beneath the table sitting there on the floor.”

-Andy Reid, misinterpreting Aaron Rodgers’ prediction

NYG/GB– 6 in a row vs. 9 of 11. Fourth in scoring vs. second in points allowed. The Pack has scored 30+ in their last 4 and the Giants have allowed 10 or less in 3 of their last four. The Giants have more interceptions than TD’s allowed. Rodgers sports a 15/0 TD/INT ratio since the winning streak began. THIS MIGHT BE A GOOD GAME. Game-wise the big fear for the Giants is if Rodgers is able to find lanes to run/elongate plays so that a wr can get open. The Giants do have two lockdown guys at cb (Jenkins, Rogers-Cromartie) and an All Pro at safety in Collins. That combined with a dl that can clog up running lanes and ends that can get to the qb has this Giants fan engaging in a modicum of hope that the victory can be pulled out. With Rodgers and the Giants D so evenly matched I guess it comes down to which is more capable-the Pack’s D or the Giants Eli Manning-led O? Shut up! The run game has improved greatly since rb Perkins has started. Over the last 3 games he’s averaged 4.8 ypc. So there. [deliberately ignores Manning’s 9TD/6INT stat line in the last 6 games] Green Bay’s secondary is a mess and OBJ can break one at any time, you know. Plus the punter Brad Wing/gunner Dwayne Harris combo has played lights-out the last few games!

…Dammit-I’m still not convinced the Giants can take this. Let’s watch this scrotum-tightening bastard game, shall we?

GO-GO GADGET COMMENTERS!!!

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the Alpha and the Amoeba

So i’m a packer’s fan and I’m obviously biased, but wasn’t that hit on Jordy Nelson spearing?

Horatio Cornblower

I think spearing is confined to shots in the back. Of course I think this only because it’s the only reason I can think of that that hit wasn’t a spear.

fleshwound_NPG

If Jordy’s out this will be yet another shitshow

Spur

That ball floated so long, Rivers was impressed.

Horatio Cornblower

Looks like all of the organs on left side of Nelson’s body just got moved to the right side.

Brick Meathook

comment image

Unsurprised

Meth is a hell of a drug

ballsofsteelandfury

Jesus, it’s like they just left brunch at a bistro in West Hollywood.

Unsurprised

And sucked off every CBG on the way to the stadium

Brocky

That’s commitment to the joke right there.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

RAM TRUCKS: We really expected the Vikings to be good this year.

fleshwound_NPG

The Vikes are gonna send a 1st again, this time to get a Ram

Horatio Cornblower

It’s actually for the show ‘Vikings’ on the History channel, which is a guilty pleasure of mine. And also apparently a guilty pleasure of enough potential pick-up drivers to justify running that fucking commercial five goddamn times every show.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Papa Commander really loves it. I’ll get to it, eventually.

Spur

Eli packed his Thundercats blanket for this trip.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

He still refuses to tell his mom what happened to make the hole where Cheetara’s mouth used to be

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I think I am gonna have to pick up the pace on the drinking if I am going to finish watching this game

litre_cola

Hi knees, keep the bottle tucked in and close to the body.

litre_cola

30 minutes to Edibles lift off. Never know the dosage, that’s the fun part. For now, wine, followed by more wine.

Unsurprised

LOL

Ryan Scott ‏@RyanScottWrites 2m2 minutes ago
Dear @packers, #NYGvsGB
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UYKKQn3WXh0

Spur

Rodgers yelling at his team already?

Beastmode Ate My Baby

“Get it right, you bitches!”

http://i54.tinypic.com/2mhxumx.gif

Shogun Marcus

“Can we get a glucometer?” #scannersquawk #NYGvsGB #Thingsyoudontusuallyhearatsportingevents

Old School Zero

And it’s not in Indy?!

Unsurprised

I’ve gotten to feeling sadistic towards someone I know who’s retaking the bar exam because she works for an insurance defense firm. So fuck her, I hope she never passes. The world is a better place with one less of those motherfuckers.

Spur

Yo.

Gratliff

This game been worth watching or should I stick with Psychonauts and Shovel Knight speed runs?

King Hippo

is actual FOOTBAW!!

ballsofsteelandfury

Depends. Do you like low scoring high kicking games?

the Alpha and the Amoeba

Have you ever watched the Shovel Knight co-op series by the Game Grumps? It’s fucking hilarious!

Shogun Marcus

Amen!

Doug Schneider ‏@PGDougSchneider
Have a few extra bucks today? Buy a coffee or hot chocolate for a cop or a firefighter at Lambeau. Or maybe a Valium #NYGvsGB

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Cops in Green Bay like their coffee like they like their suspects: black.

Horatio Cornblower

This belongs on the banner, stat!

Cecil Rhodes

And here I thought the Packers were good..

Shogun Marcus

So YOU’RE THE ONE!

Old School Zero

Green Bay receivers running routes from The Witness puzzles.

Shogun Marcus

Playing that now along with Talos Principle.

Old School Zero

Oo, nice. That one’s next on my puzzle game list.

Horatio Cornblower

Rodgers hasn’t had this many men on his back since that one time in the Castor District.

Old School Zero

I mean, it’s a great typo, because I can totally see The Castor Oil district being a thing.

Cecil Rhodes

Castor is French for beaver — Rodgers would never allow himself to be seen near a beaver.

Horatio Cornblower

Both of these replies are fantastic pick-ups on my inability to type or proof-read before repeating poorly sourced rumors about the sexuality of the guy who was/is dating Olivia Munn.

fleshwound_NPG

Troy Aikman criticizing the Giants on the boat on their off day, when Michael Irvin was doing lines of fucking coke probably mid-practice

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I can forgive him for that. There is no way Aikman remembers any of his time playing football.

Unsurprised

Off Aikmans tumesce—

/kills self

Shogun Marcus

Ejection section 106, William dob 1997. Party responsible for William given warning (code for your tix about to go buh-bye).”

Horatio Cornblower

GODDAMMIT WILLIAM!!!

Brick Meathook

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Unsurprised

https://twitter.com/xmasape/status/818208830735708160
I like the simp who replied acting like only a fucking monster would dare turn away Lombardi.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

They only show the overhead view of Green Bay for like 2 seconds because any longer you realize there are no buildings higher than 2 stories anywhere in the skyline.

Shogun Marcus

“Section 108, Row 45. Male, projectile vomiting over rows.”

ballsofsteelandfury

I love these updates.

King Hippo

full stadium experience!!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Let us know when you find packman jon

Horatio Cornblower

It really is adding a certain something isn’t it?

Brocky

Did someone say awkward teou aikman pics?

comment image

Unsurprised

A tumblr called Jack Off Time? Aw, I’m not made of stone.

Yet

ballsofsteelandfury

Does the Tumblr mosaic viewer still work?

Unsurprised

I don’t know or care

Unsurprised

It’s all fakes and comics. Stupid nerd.

ThePirateSloth

Fuck that drug – that is too many god damn side effects THAT COULD LEAD TO DEATH

fleshwound_NPG

Even if it was kinda a bad PI call, why do DBs never, and I mean NEVER, turn the fuck around and get the ball? Keeping your back to the QB is begging for all the PI calls, even the bullshit ones.

Horatio Cornblower

Yeah I didn’t think the pass was catchable but that argument kinda goes out the window when the DB just runs right the fuck over the receiver without so much as a backward glance.

Brick Meathook

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ThePirateSloth

MAKE IT STOP

King Hippo

DRC. His ass hurt.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

No, it was his thigh.

Shogun Marcus

“Extremely intoxicated male, vomiting all over bathroom. Dragging out through (???) gate.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

JPP gives that play two nubs up

ballsofsteelandfury

I said it on the previous page, but it bears repeating: I’ve really missed the Troy is gay jokes.

King Hippo

Bullshit call. Jordy had given up on his route and was just fucking standing there.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

On some level I respect Christians for their view on abortion. I mean their whole religion is based on a couple really sticking with their story after Joseph chicken out on using the coat hanger.

Brocky

As yes the supposedly below average offensive line of green bay we keep hearing about.

Green bay excuse makers, I tell you what

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I made hot chocolate and am sitting in the comfort of my own home. Someone call Wilford Brimley.

Horatio Cornblower

I just bought one from Starbucks. Say what you will about them, and me, but they make a hell of a peppermint hot chocolate.

ballsofsteelandfury

Aaron Rodgers had more time to throw there than I did inside the V the last time i had sex.

Unsurprised

Brrrrr

h
ttp://65.media.tumblr.com/8f781ae95ecee24dce667316f7fc2637/tumblr_o6h7puVe0O1vqy6ijo1_1280.jpg

King Hippo

Troy talking about Aaron licking his chops??

Brocky

Chop is a code name for a state farm agent

BrettFavresColonoscopy

THAT’S what thigh pads are for

Shogun Marcus

“Mary, dob 1991, drunk, ejecting.”

Brocky

I know we’ve seen a lot of careers get ruined by injury, but when you ignore career ending injuries, Cruz when downhill so fast.

Still not as bad as Dante Culpepper