Your “Paging Tom Coughlin’s Red Face. Please Pick Up The White Courtesy Telegraph” NFC Wild Card Game Open Thread

“Anyone can ‘lick the table’-that’s for amateurs. A real pro knows that the good bits are directly beneath the table sitting there on the floor.”

-Andy Reid, misinterpreting Aaron Rodgers’ prediction

NYG/GB– 6 in a row vs. 9 of 11. Fourth in scoring vs. second in points allowed. The Pack has scored 30+ in their last 4 and the Giants have allowed 10 or less in 3 of their last four. The Giants have more interceptions than TD’s allowed. Rodgers sports a 15/0 TD/INT ratio since the winning streak began. THIS MIGHT BE A GOOD GAME. Game-wise the big fear for the Giants is if Rodgers is able to find lanes to run/elongate plays so that a wr can get open. The Giants do have two lockdown guys at cb (Jenkins, Rogers-Cromartie) and an All Pro at safety in Collins. That combined with a dl that can clog up running lanes and ends that can get to the qb has this Giants fan engaging in a modicum of hope that the victory can be pulled out. With Rodgers and the Giants D so evenly matched I guess it comes down to which is more capable-the Pack’s D or the Giants Eli Manning-led O? Shut up! The run game has improved greatly since rb Perkins has started. Over the last 3 games he’s averaged 4.8 ypc. So there. [deliberately ignores Manning’s 9TD/6INT stat line in the last 6 games] Green Bay’s secondary is a mess and OBJ can break one at any time, you know. Plus the punter Brad Wing/gunner Dwayne Harris combo has played lights-out the last few games!

…Dammit-I’m still not convinced the Giants can take this. Let’s watch this scrotum-tightening bastard game, shall we?

GO-GO GADGET COMMENTERS!!!

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Brick Meathook

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Brocky

Tiki “unreliable hands, quits jobs halfway through” barber?

Something something ditching pregnant wife.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

“Tiki Barber, running a barber shop?”

Actually, not that surprising at all.

Brick Meathook

At least it’s not Michael Irvin.

fleshwound_NPG

Commercial is unrealistic, Tiki would’ve fumbled that trimmer

Romonobyl

Dammit I wanted to get on here earlier, but husbandly duty calls. Finally finished my meatloaf with tomato-cumin glaze along side garlic mashed taters and green beenz. Even better than it sounds. I’m initially glad GB will win this one because NY always finds a way to beat ‘muricas team, but now these guys scare me ’cause they’re really hot right now.
Pops in law is here, which usually means Fox News. I pulled my “my damned house” card and football it is. I’ll take Michelle Tafoya over Meghan Kelly any day.

Horatio Cornblower

/giggles for 20 minutes at “cumin”

Romonobyl

Well it is a glaze. OK, comino powder than…perverts.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Husbandly duties? So did she finish?

Romonobyl

Do they ever?

herodotus450

ppl forget that you have to wait at least an hour in between cumin glazes

Romonobyl

That is one aspect of aging I’ve had a hard time dealing with. I used to be a gatling gun, now I’m more like a musket as far as reloading goes.

Mother Puncher
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

They showed up immediately after you called the fire department

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Smithchez

Gimme that Manningface

Mother Puncher

I don’t know why the mobile site is so fucked up, but your avatar gets larger every time you post.

herodotus450

This is why you never hire a coach from another organization. They’re always spies! Destroying you from the inside! The only good coach is one grown from a vat using the combined dna of Lombardi, Wooden, and a Shula of your choice.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Why isn’t Beckham crying? His agent hasn’t told him to be upset yet?

the Alpha and the Amoeba

He knows that win or lose, the kicking net will always be there for him. https://imgflip.com/gif/1b90ev

Horatio Cornblower

“To set Beckham aside for a moment, because if we beat this horse any further PETA’s gonna have our asses…”

Brick Meathook

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the Alpha and the Amoeba

Fun fact of the day, the KUUUUUUUHN chant evolved from the KOOOOOONCE chant, which celebrated George Koonce, a packers linebacker from the 90s.

Shogun Marcus

Yes, because no one ever thought it was odd a stadium full of white people yelling KOON…ce was weird enough. So we went and got a white guy.

Curse of Marino

*Collin Cowherd stews in his own hatred while preparing tomorrow morning’s hot taeks*

JerBear50

In the last 3 weeks, the Packers secondary gave up at least 350 yards and 2 TD’s to Stafford, Bradford, and Barkley. How the fuck did Eli and ODB not light them up?

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

BECAUSE OF THE GOD DAMN BOAT! WEREN’T YOU LISTENING TO THE NARRATIVE?!?!

the Alpha and the Amoeba

The coldest game they played this season was still above freezing. It’s 11 degrees right now, without the windchill.

Also the Giant’s offense has been really hit or miss for as long as I can remember

...

Shit, McAdoo will not be happy after this game. I expect him to clean out the Maras bank accounts, burn down the stadium, and vanish to a Mexican resort where he can bitch about the margaritas all day.

The Maestro

RIPKUUUUUUUUHNSKI

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

“Now he’s riding Aaron Rodgers.”

Joe, you really need to make this more difficult for us.

fleshwound_NPG

one final GRITDOWN putting a fitting end to this shitty weekend

the Alpha and the Amoeba

Wait, Montgomery isn’t dead?

Unsurprised

I have no particular allegiance to the Packers and now I want to beat McCarthy to death with a double dildo for that quote.

indieguy

that fine young man in the image below seems to have the tools you need

the Alpha and the Amoeba

I’m not his biggest fan, but the Packers have had a lot of success over the past decade. Whether that is because of or in spite of him is less clear tho.

Spur

Green Bay locker room after the game
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ThursdaySkyGoddess

If Kansas City shocks the world and wins it all, will Otto Man come out of hiding?

Horatio Cornblower

I will gladly sacrifice a Dallas Superb Owl win for that.

litre_cola

If Witness Protection will allow it.

Brick Meathook

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indieguy

i’m wondering how any of those are useable

Horatio Cornblower

How determined are you?

Curse of Marino

Ben McAdoo looks more like a dad that’d be coaching his child’s rec league baseball team than an NFL coach.

Curse of Marino

So who comes out of the closet first? Beckham or A.A Ron?

The Maestro

They’ll make the engagement announcement together, I think.

Sharkbait

Did Ben mcadoo just assault Aaron Rodgers?

Gratliff

Packers fans tend to be pretentious cocksuckers, but the team itself makes for a fine protagonist to protect us against Dallas, Pittsburgh, and New England Super Bowl wins.

...

They’re easily the lesser of all of those evils. Hell, you can at least drink heavily with them for fun.

Shogun Marcus

I’m merely tentious.

Brocky

But I hate the Packers more than those 3 teams.

COMBINED!1!1!1!1!1!

Spur

YES! YES! Continue to put Rodgers in harm’s way.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

How is that not illegal man downfield? 78 was 14 yards ahead of the line.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ineligible. Whatever.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Check his papers while ur at it.

...

My perfect weekend of teams I like least winning is just about to be fulfilled.

In case you’re curious, that means next week New England, Dallas, Pittsburgh, and Seattle will win.

Place your bets now, then begin drinking because you know where this is headed.

fleshwound_NPG

I’ll take insufferable fanbases for $200 Alex

Spur

McAdoo is warming up his panel van for the ride home.

...

Trestman is already behind the wheel.

Curse of Marino

When the fuck is the last time Clay Matthews bathed?

JerBear50

If Matthews wasn’t of NFL lineage, is there any doubt he’d live in a trailer in Mississippi somewhere?

the Alpha and the Amoeba

Some say that his hair is the source of his strength, and that he only washes it with the tears of opposing fans. All we know is that he’s a damn good linebacker

Brick Meathook

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LemonJello

Uncanny!

indieguy

shoulders also carry women on boats GLORY BOY!!!!111!!

fleshwound_NPG

Connor Cook gave us the closest game. Connor fucking Cook gave us the closest fucking game.

The Maestro

It was only close because Osweiler is literally a dumpster fire filled with rancid horse semen.

fleshwound_NPG

His team scored the most points of all the losing teams

the Alpha and the Amoeba

This is why I shake my head every time I hear people talk about how Clay Matthews is overrated.

*Sorry about how strongly my homer instincts are showing tonight*

Horatio Cornblower

You’re a Packers fan!?

litre_cola

Thought when Pacman Jon quit showing up we got rid of them folk.

the Alpha and the Amoeba

We are legion

the Alpha and the Amoeba

Oh stoppit, you

herodotus450

In my NFL, instead of replays the call on the field would just go to whichever team most emphatically signals for possession in their direction.

herodotus450

And would fan vote by text be used to break a tie? OF FUCKING COURSE IT WOULD!

Smithchez

Now THAT is what this game needed. A little bit of that sweet, savory derp.

King Hippo

No Sunday night game no more, to possibly redeem a shitty weekend.

Curse of Marino

So my guess is that Matt Moore was able to get back in that game thanks to Recovery Water™

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

My guess is they said “Fuck it, we got no one else” and just let him go back in and don’t care if he got brain damage

Cecil Rhodes

Alex Guerrero likes your comment.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I’d really enjoy listening to Joe Buck getting mauled by a bear, for 2 reasons:

1. I imagine he would scream exactly as monotone and bored sounding as he does calling every sports game.
2. Joe Buck would be mauled by a bear.

ThursdaySkyGoddess
Unsurprised

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Unsurprised

A. Rodg volunteers as tribute

...

Unless it were a Chicago Bears in which case…

/sighs

Sharkbait

Joe buck appetizer do before a Pete Campbell entree?

Spur
Unsurprised

I’m pretty sure the Giants are intentionally fucking up these guys because Why not?

Spur

Dear Coach McCarthy,

Please have Aaron Rodgers run the ball. Thanks.

Horatio Cornblower

I like the Cowboys chances if McCarthy keeps calling naked bootlegs for Rodgers.

There’s no way one of the Giants doesn’t torque his neck like a stuck pipe.

Dunstan

“You had me at ‘Cowboys’ and ‘naked'” — Aaron

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

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Dunstan

Is it just me, or does Young Ned Stark look a little like Neal Patrick Harris?

Brick Meathook

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Sharkbait

Where was this Cobb all year???