Your “Paging Tom Coughlin’s Red Face. Please Pick Up The White Courtesy Telegraph” NFC Wild Card Game Open Thread

“Anyone can ‘lick the table’-that’s for amateurs. A real pro knows that the good bits are directly beneath the table sitting there on the floor.”

-Andy Reid, misinterpreting Aaron Rodgers’ prediction

NYG/GB– 6 in a row vs. 9 of 11. Fourth in scoring vs. second in points allowed. The Pack has scored 30+ in their last 4 and the Giants have allowed 10 or less in 3 of their last four. The Giants have more interceptions than TD’s allowed. Rodgers sports a 15/0 TD/INT ratio since the winning streak began. THIS MIGHT BE A GOOD GAME. Game-wise the big fear for the Giants is if Rodgers is able to find lanes to run/elongate plays so that a wr can get open. The Giants do have two lockdown guys at cb (Jenkins, Rogers-Cromartie) and an All Pro at safety in Collins. That combined with a dl that can clog up running lanes and ends that can get to the qb has this Giants fan engaging in a modicum of hope that the victory can be pulled out. With Rodgers and the Giants D so evenly matched I guess it comes down to which is more capable-the Pack’s D or the Giants Eli Manning-led O? Shut up! The run game has improved greatly since rb Perkins has started. Over the last 3 games he’s averaged 4.8 ypc. So there. [deliberately ignores Manning’s 9TD/6INT stat line in the last 6 games] Green Bay’s secondary is a mess and OBJ can break one at any time, you know. Plus the punter Brad Wing/gunner Dwayne Harris combo has played lights-out the last few games!

…Dammit-I’m still not convinced the Giants can take this. Let’s watch this scrotum-tightening bastard game, shall we?

GO-GO GADGET COMMENTERS!!!

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Brick Meathook

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

What the fuck is everyone watching since Tom Hiddleston is droning on about being a douche nozzle?

herodotus450

Random shit on youtube now that Free hockey game is over.

the Alpha and the Amoeba

Watching a let’s play of Shovel Knight. Thinking about watching an episode of the grand tour later

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I don’t know what most of those words mean together

King Hippo

I once sent this to the most important person whose path ever crossed mine. It didn’t land. To my great disappoint (and foreshadowing).

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I know this song. I have no idea why

King Hippo

It GOOD!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

My house currently has as enough dust to severely taint/discolor/poison a drink in less than an hour of being left along. We have no idea why we are sick all the time here. (Leave water out overnight it is gray by morning)

rockingdog
herodotus450

Was almost rooting for the Oilers until I remembered they have Lucic on the tema.

King Hippo

BUT THEY JUST PLAYED YESTERDAY SURELY BROCK LOBSTER IS TIRED

Brick Meathook

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King Hippo

I like her

BrettFavresColonoscopy
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Shit, ladyfriend just figured out Golden Globes are on. There goes the night.

JerBear50

“There goes the ladyfriend” also seems like a reasonable choice.

herodotus450

Get more invested in the outcome than her; become irate when your “favorite” [actor/singer/whatever the fucke the golden globes are about] loses. Propose to her if htey win.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

No

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You could do that no matter who wins; “WWE WAS SNUBBED, SNUUUUUUUBBED I TELLS YA!!!!”

King Hippo

poor bastard. You missing out on being alone and staring off into the void like us lucky swingin’ bachelors!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Curse of Marino
...

I just read a Chicago Tribune article about a plan to offer substantial bus service in the Chicago suburbs. Them, of course, I see it has about two dozen comments. Naturally, I take the bait.

I was not disappointed when I saw the top comment was a thinly-veiled way of saying “I don’t want black people with access to my town.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Don’t forget the Mexican’ts!

This fucking country.

...

It was phrased as “shuttling around people with EBT cards” even though the proposed plan was much more oriented around moving people to and from places of work, often along major highways to and from the city where the extra capacity is badly needed.

Of course, as conservative suburbanite are wont to do, he also bitched about subsidizing an operation “in the red” without considering whether the roads he cruises around on in the suburbs pay for themselves (without state or federal money) either.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Did they at least wait until the next article to bitch about traffic?

...

Car culture is definitely one of the aspects of American culture I like the least. Even in the city, it’s hard as hell to wretch people’s hands off their steering wheels. My favorite comment from one of those folks was about how he hated the increased restrictions and road diets because it kept him from operating efficiently. Hon, nothing’s efficient about rolling around a city in a car that sits idle 95% of the time and runs at one-quarter or less capacity for the other 5%.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
...

And oh! Their anti-bike rants are great too.

Hell hath no fury like a suburban driver who can’t drive as fast and recklessly as he desires.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

My traffic comment above applies to this too.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I played Counter strike and my clan leader lived in Chicago in the main Mexican neighborhood, they had priced out 80% of the Mexicans at the point we lost contact with gentrification and I am sure there are like 3 left now. The gays really liked the condos they were putting up. I loved that place when it existed, I was told to be scared as a white guy but I loved everyone there

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I regret the use of “the” with gay people, it sounds bad no matter how it is said.

...

He was probably in Logan Square. You can’t toss a churro without hitting a new high-end development there.

The Mexican and Latino neighborhoods are gentrifying much more than any other since I guess white people feel much less uncomfortable living among them. Uptown is an exception somewhat, although that neighborhood is fairly diverse and not majority black. It’s also gentrified a bit slower since there’s still a decent amount of gun violence in the area.

King Hippo

WE DESERVE the Chinese thermonuclear middle finger that is coming our way, and right soon.

King Hippo

I’m not a raycess but THOSE PEOPLE STEAL!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Plutocrats? Well of course they do.

herodotus450

The senators seem like an expansion franchise due to their competence level, but theyve been around since hte 1920s or something?

JerBear50

1920? Try 1789. To be fair, the House is just as incompetent.

herodotus450

Moar like 4000BC, going back to ancien greece
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pi7gwX7rjOw#t=2m9s

Gratliff

Refs and BJs collude to beat Philly.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Low blow

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

He already mentioned the Blow Jobs, no need to repeat

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Romonobyl

Hachi: A Dog’s Tale is on the CW. If you don’t cry at the end of this movie then you’re an auto-bot.

the Alpha and the Amoeba

or a decepticon

herodotus450

When Hachi gets a little bit of “it” inside him, he’s definetely a robot. And I’ve seen many of his films

Brick Meathook

That’s not even subliminal…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The 70s-80s were a great time…..

Gratliff

FLYERA WITH THE LAST MINUTE GOAL

King Hippo

sentient life outside of watching FOOTBAW really is fucking shit, isn’t it??

/one kinda forgets

JerBear50

Without fantasy research to do, my work night has gotten so much longer.

herodotus450

Someone call Planned Parenthood because this Condon is leaking.

JerBear50

Better make that call quick before they’re de-funded completely.

herodotus450

Luckily walmart will never go out of business, so should be able to get a wire hangar at least.

JerBear50

Or a banana peel for the top of the staircase.

herodotus450

9 month pass to Six Flags

JerBear50

Maybe a date with Greg Hardy.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

HEEEEEEEEEEEEEYOOOOOOOOOOO!

Brocky

@The Alpha And The Amoeba

It just hit me, but is your name taken from DBZA?

the Alpha and the Amoeba

Well spotted!!!

the Alpha and the Amoeba

I slightly changed it to reflect my career in the biological sciences

Gratliff

I should clean the downstairs bathroom. It’ll take 20 minutes. I first had that though 3 weeks ago.

Brick Meathook

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JerBear50

Oh, that tricky Mr Hilter.

Shogun Marcus

Instant Vegas…
Atlanta -4.5 Seattle 51 -$220 +$185
New England -16.5 Houston 45. -$1600 +$1000
Kansas City -1.5 Pittsburgh 46 -$125 +$105
Dallas -4 Green Bay 51.5 -205 +175

JerBear50

A 16 point spread and two O/U’s north of 50 points? Now that’s some quality playoff football.

Brocky

Hmm interesting.

I have no idea what those words mean, but still, interesting

...

The Pats are going to make Brock Lobster into some kind of chowder and the game will be three hours of him screaming as he’s dropped into a pot.

JerBear50

Even that couldn’t make his contract seem reasonable.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

They could sell him at “market” price and break even

Shogun Marcus

First column is the favorite and by how many. The 51’s and 40’s are the combined points for the game or Over/Under. Dunno how moneyline works.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Just 16.5? Someone’s optimistic.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

HUUUUUMMMMMMMMMMM….

herodotus450

Oh Dion Phanuef made an uninspired defensive play? I can’t believe it.

Beerguyrob

Did it haphazardly go into his own net? The ol’ Sloppy Second?

herodotus450

Nothing that exciting, he just let some guy shoot through him (and the goalie) without doing much about it.

Romonobyl

The Mrs and her dad are discussing DNR documentation “just in case”. I am so out of that conversation.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

My mom is very persistent in bringing up that we need to pull the plug if she sprains her ankle too bad. The first part is a joke, this second one is true, she brings it up to me 25 times a year.

Brick Meathook

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JustStopDude

I just got a text from a friend “U watching the Golden Globes 2?”

I texted back

“I think we should not talk to each other every again”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Do they mean big tit porn?

the Alpha and the Amoeba

Is that the sequel?

Brick Meathook

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herodotus450

My Draisaitl has a first name, it’s L-E-O-N

...

I think I’ll stare into space and wait to die for the next few hours.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Lil Wayne is a Packers fan? Didn’t see that coming.

the Alpha and the Amoeba

He did a parody of “Black and Yellow” called “Green and Yellow” a few years ago.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

So I guess I will watch Sherlock now. Last week was disappointing but it is still a great show. Plus I am drunk, what else am I gonna do, 15 hours of Civ V and no sleep? … No, Sherlock.

Dunstan

You haven’t made the switch to Civ VI yet?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

My shit computer can’t run it

Bortleback

Ben McAdoo talking to Eli right now: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QiZNSzWIaLo

King Hippo

the only tiny bit of enjoyment I can cull from that is appreciation for Rodgers. He really is fucking good. Maybe the wine talking, but I am prepared to accept he might be better than Elway was.

Romonobyl

Glad I’m not the only one doing the wine thing tonight. I killed most of a bottle of good Merlot whilst preparing dinner.

Romonobyl

And yes, Rodgahs is scary-good right now.

Shogun Marcus

Whew. Glad that’s done. I’m sure the police scanner will slow down now.
…right?

King Hippo

can anyone recall a full weekend (4 games) of playoff FOOTBAW that were THAT shitty??

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I bet it is a record for average point differential.

Senor Weaselo

And this was arguably the BEST game!

Romonobyl

Packers/Cowboys…let the rivalry begin.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Again?

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Someone alert Chris Hansen- McAdoo’s offseason just started

ThursdaySkyGoddess
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I don’t know; he seems more like a VHS taping of the whoring session he’s saved up for the entire season….. in his van.

JerBear50

Mac and Marc hitting the town. Clearly going to start their night at Subway.

Spur

The fact that this is going to be blamed for the lose is delightful
http://dailysnark.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/Giants-boat-party.jpg

Sharkbait

Nevermind the defense decided to not show up for the second half, BUT NARRATIVE!

Brick Meathook

It’s ALWAYS the boat

Mr. Ayo
Curse of Marino

How can ANYONE think Odell is gay?

/s

Sharkbait

Bar update: brother in law and father in law are switching allegiance to Green bay. Wife now to New England. All three angrily cursing Ben Macadoo to the end.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Go ahead and shout “HUURR DURR ALL CEORCHES IS SCHUPID!”

Horatio Cornblower

Eli Manning wasn’t on a boat in Miami so I’m confused as to why he threw that ball into double-coverage right there.

I hope Buck and Aikman can tell me.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I assume because he played with a boat in the bath last night.

JerBear50

Am I the only thinking he had his water wings on in the tub?

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Of course not.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

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Unsurprised

Oops

fleshwound_NPG

Of course, MANNINGCEPTION

herodotus450

Down by 25 with a minute left, give up you fucks

Shogun Marcus

911 call…woman gave birth in bathtub. Baby heard ok in background. They’re going to leave for hospital shortly.

herodotus450

I didn’t even know they had bathtubs at Lambeau field.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Norm Macdonald would love this site right now.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

So would Mike Pence.

Brick Meathook

Mike Pence might like it a little too much